Summary of lazy funny quotations

1, don't say that you are lazier than me, and you are too lazy to compare with me. Stop! I don't even bother to think about this irresponsible temporary idea.

2, brothers like brothers, wives like clothes! I haven't washed clothes for years. Who told me I was loyal and affectionate?

4. Am I lazy? Am I easy? Me? I don't even bother to blink when I see a beautiful woman!

5, smelly socks have their own, clothes wife wash! Don't show me how happy you are. It is not that I am too lazy to marry a wife, but that I am waiting for my wife to marry me.

6, lazy people pee more! Lazy people argue! Boss, if you are tired of scolding, drink a glass of water before scolding yourself. Remember to take a breath and pay me.

7. I seldom talk. No one will doubt me if I don't talk, because I have never brushed my teeth!

8. Don't talk to me about taking a bath! I am a national first-class washable type!

9. I like black! Black is more attractive, and the most important thing is that it has super hiding ability and is not afraid of dirt!

1 1. I am a man of noble character. I don't even bother to pick up the money when I see it on the ground. I'm just waiting for someone to put RMB in my pocket! You know, beggars are also a noble profession!

12, the real warrior dares to face up to the beautiful girl and dare to face the bleak singles.

13, how are you now? If you have a bad life, I will feel at ease.

14, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs!

15, does bleeding hurt?

16, there is no way out but to take the bus.

17, when you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

18, seeing beautiful women in the street, a little higher is appreciation; Any lower is a hooligan.

19, don't pretend to be a ghost, don't pretend to be a god, don't pretend to be tight, don't pretend to be pure.

20, at the beginning of life, nature is good, you pay, I eat.

2 1, mom said: even if you are jealous, pretend to play soy sauce, and don't let others look down on you.

22. You stubbornly turned Audrey Hepburn into a street girl.

23. If the teacher didn't say you can't litter, I would throw you out.

24. People who hang up QQ all day these days have nothing to do but go to work, that is, people who are not loved after work.

Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died.

26. Rich girl: Have you ever seen a famous brand? My bag says LV! Me: I have studied pinyin and seen donkeys, right?

27, Nima, I've been waiting for your news for a long time, and the result is a haha, you think I'm telling a joke. Super great personality funny quotations-for a lazy person, it is very tiring to walk through every step of life-for a lazy person, it is very tiring to walk through every step of life.

28. I wear a gas mask every day for fear of being smoked to death by you. How brave must your mother be to get you out?

29. Love is as poor as money in a bank card, but loneliness and desire are as silent as loans.

30, buddy, see your IQ?

3 1, tell me, do you want to die or not?

32. When did Yue Ming ask Sky about wine and said, Go away, I'm too busy to watch the weather forecast myself.

I gave you my cell phone number. Why don't you understand my mind? Charge me dozens of dollars for anything.

34. Looking through novels every day, the toilet is like a hole.

35, driving is not difficult, I am afraid that there will be new people! Cheating in the exam, Qi Xin works together. Plagiarism is the main thing, cheating is the disadvantage. It was copied with Mongolian protection. Who dares to report violence after class?

36. Chicks born after 90 can legally get married this year, and my sister's pears are bigger! ! ! ! ! !

37. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales.

38. When you fall asleep, you fall asleep with ideals and saliva.

39. It is not naivety that stops growing, but self-maturity.

40. Do you remember Little Bin Laden by Daming Lake?

4 1. I went to the city to take part in the pigeon racing yesterday, but I went alone.

42. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are still alive, and he should have died!

43. When I said I couldn't afford to be hurt, it was the day when your house caught fire.

44. Carve loneliness on the bottle, drink it into the bladder and pee it out, so that loneliness can be spilled everywhere!

45. The bed is so busy that everyone has to stop.

46. Today, my mother asked me why I smoked. I said I like to eat soot!

47. I also want to buy an ipad. College students know how to donate sperm, while high school students only sell meat. It's terrible to have no education!

48. Who will trade in your life? Fuck!

49. Don't ask me why I don't promise you. Baidu is absolutely satisfied.

50. If you can't be amazing, it's ugly!

Summary of funny quotations in class

1: When I was at school, I was fixed in the first row seat because I was naughty. Once in geometry class, my deskmate was sleeping. The teacher quietly knocked on the blackboard for 20 minutes, all kinds of figures and explanations, and then I was ready to start talking. I whispered in my deskmate's ear that the teacher asked you to clean the blackboard, and my buddy stood up dizzy and rushed to the podium. It was a sword-like wipe. The teacher tried to stop it, but in a hurry, it became gorgeous.

2. The swimming teacher asked: All swimmers should go into the water today. A student complained, but I haven't learned to swim yet. The teacher glanced at him and said simply, anyone who doesn't enter the water will be called away on the sign-in book! The student replied piteously: I crossed out the household registration book when I got into the water. . .

3. Learn to organize a physical examination, check the stool, and send a toilet box to the students in advance. A classmate asked: Teacher, I am constipated. What if I can't pull it out? The teacher said: take a stick to get it. Another teacher is even more unique, saying: you prepare the toilet box, take it when you have it, then put it in the refrigerator and take it with you on the day of physical examination. .

4. once in a criminal law class, the teacher said: today we will talk about the principal offender, which can be cooked in a rice cooker or an iron pan. . . All right, stop it. What is the principal offender? The culprit is to put rice in the pot and then add some water. . . Hahaha ~ Then he went up the wall, leaving us in a mess. . .

5. A student's qq status: There is too much homework, so you can play cards with your homework. A pair of Chinese papers! Don't! I want it! Four English papers exploded! Sorry, keep walking. Three historical papers and one political paper. Or not. A pair of math papers have been submitted.

6. On the eve of graduation, a student with poor homework. She said to her English teacher, thank you, teacher. I'm extremely grateful to you. Although I graduated, you will always be my teacher. Please don't hesitate if you want me to do something. The teacher said, ok, please do one thing for me. You can't tell anyone that I taught you English.

7. In high school, the math teacher was awesome. He brought a deck of cards into the classroom for the first time and sent one to everyone to remind them of their cards. From then on, he took the deck of cards in class every day, shuffling cards on the podium while attending class! ! ! From time to time, I also threw out two cards, simply saying that J box 4 of clubs came up to do the problem. ......

8. Once the teacher was talking about the family genetic map, the teacher asked: If his daughter is sick, what is the probability that she will marry a normal man and have children? Qiqi replied: it may be zero! The teacher asked why! He: Don't forget that there is a disease in the world called infertility! Teacher: Get out! ! !

9: Today, I suddenly thought of going to primary school for self-study, where I had almost a class silently, ready to eat it all at once after class. As a result, our class teacher came in and directly arrested and swallowed the melon seeds I hid under the textbook. Yes, I did. I watched you peel it for a long time outside the window, just waiting for you to peel it a little more!

10: once the Chinese teacher left a half-opened composition entitled "I admire my mother the most". When commenting on the results, the teacher said helplessly, I know you think I admire my mother's diligence and hardship most, and I also want to innovate, but in any case, I can't write "I admire my mother's son most"!

1 1: During lunch break, a petite beauty in the class is cleaning the blackboard. Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe. The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection! Without saying anything, I went up to her and said kindly, let me help you. She was very moved and said, thank you. Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.

12: I was half asleep in English class. The teacher asked me: Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables? Oh, how should I know? I guess, um, fruit ... what is the teacher's voice eight degrees higher? Thanks to my cleverness, have it both ways is a vegetable, a vegetable! The teacher finally couldn't bear it: I asked you to translate this sentence!

13: The Chinese teacher told Li Qingzhao in class that it was lonely and sad to say this sentence. Who else can write such a good reduplication now? I smiled: read silently, learn to sleep, wake up and do a lot. It is the hardest to fall asleep when reviewing before the exam. Three cups and two bowls of coffee, how can you beat it and roll all over the sky? It's sad to fail the exam, but it's also frustrating.

14: When I was a sophomore, I went to the school branch to do some comprehensive practice, all of which were on campus. One day, the school leaders lectured on discipline: once there are boys in the girls' dormitory, the school will deal with them seriously. Someone asked below: What about the girl? The leader said brightly: Girls, if you find girls entering the boys' dormitory, you will be at your own risk.

15: When I was in primary school, I buried myself in playing with a freshly picked gourd. The teacher hit hard and said, So-and-so, stand up and tell me what you just said. As a result, I didn't know which tendon I was pulling, so I lifted the gourd directly and said to the teacher, I'll call your name, do you dare to promise? Then my parents came to school and took me away.

16: My daughter is a sophomore and has a big personality. She escaped from the experimental class this afternoon and asked her roommate to hand in the note for her. There are less than 20 people in a laboratory. The teacher read the note and said, Oh, that's the fat girl. No wonder I feel a few people are missing.

17: A sister paper is having an English class in New Oriental. One day, the English teacher asked the students: What do you want to do after graduating from college? Sister paper was so excited when she heard this, knowing that her answer was definitely different, she blurted out: I want to be a chef. After that, a brother sitting next to her sighed, patted her on the shoulder and said lightly, Sister, you have the wrong New Oriental.

18: The male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and everyone else stood still, so he didn't move.

19: One day, it was raining heavily outside. The teacher came into the classroom with a full face of rain. He doesn't know what he is looking for on the table. After searching for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row: where is my face that wiped the paper?

20: Line A is half of Line B, so what is Line B? (The whole class is quiet, waiting for a high opinion, after a long time) Line B is two halves of Line A, (halo)

2 1: In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

22: a classmate is making trouble below, and our teacher says, stand on the blackboard for me! ! This is very difficult.

23: My junior high school teacher likes to get into the topic. My base radius is CM, and my height is CM, so some people below me say that the whole class is laughing.

24. The junior middle school English teacher is bald. One day in class, he asked a classmate: What day is it today? My head is bald? ) The classmate thought for a moment and answered: Yes.

A boy asked, Teacher, there is no pencil for drawing. Do you want to borrow one or use a pen? Teacher (elderly woman) A: Go ahead and relieve yourself.

26. High school algebra teacher: Don't make any noise when you speak.

27. A chemistry teacher and provost in high school made mistakes on purpose, and then asked a classmate to find out the mistakes. After the students' difficult answers, the teacher said approvingly and seriously: Very well, you saw the teacher's failure. Everyone was stunned. After class, the teacher just went out and the whole class burst into laughter.

28: One day, when our senior high school math teacher told us about the periodic table of functions, he excitedly walked off the platform when he talked about the word period and said to the whole class, you don't know the period yet. It is true that pigs are smarter than you. Then he pointed to a girl in the first row and said, do you know what a cycle is? You explain to them. The whole class fainted.

When we were in junior high school, it was stipulated that we should wear school uniforms when raising the national flag. As a result, there are always some people who don't wear school uniforms or just wear pants or clothes. Then every time before the flag was raised, the headmaster took a megaphone and said, some students don't wear clothes, some students don't wear pants, and some simply don't wear clothes or pants.

30: The Chinese teacher taught the text of Chibi, talking about Cao Bing trampling on each other in Huarong Road, and said with emotion: The flow of people is terrible.

3 1: One day, I happened to see a green leaf on our math teacher's teeth (the teacher estimated it was a jiaozi who ate leek stuffing at noon). After a while, I found that the leaf had disappeared and appeared on the neck of a girl in our class after class.

32: The female Chinese teacher in junior high school has just graduated from Normal University, and everything is fine, except that she likes to take her classmates to the blackboard and write down the noun explanation in a surprise way. The method is that teachers dictate a word and students write and explain it silently. I remember once, I drew a boy who didn't want to hear it. The teacher repeated this sentence over and over again. The boy stayed in front of the blackboard for a few minutes and suddenly wrote: Bitch: dirty, not a good thing. The whole class burst into laughter and the female teacher was so angry that she couldn't say a word.

Summary of classic funny quotations

1: I'm not your little raccoon. It's fun without you.

Waiting for your concern until I close my heart.

It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as love.

4: The world is so beautiful, but you are so grumpy. Not good, not good.

God said there should be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

6: What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

7. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

8: Other people's money and wealth are things other than me.

9: How far is forever? Get out, boy!

10: a first-class man has a home outside his home; There are flowers outside the second-class men's house; Third-class men find a home in flowers; Fourth-class family members go home from work; The wife of a fifth-class man is not at home; A sixth-class man has no wife and no home.

1 1: No one is born afraid of death, and no one is born afraid of death, so no one should pretend to be tm.

12: Everything is going up, but people are getting cheaper.

13: I face the cruelty of the world with the joy of pulling eggs.

14: Men are Pentium at the age of twenty, Microsoft at the age of thirty, Panasonic at the age of forty, and Lenovo at the age of fifty.

15: I think "sorry" is more terrible than "uneasy".

16: They said the internet was fake, and I laughed as if the reality was true.

17: Someone actually wears blue eye shadow, which is an insult to my dark circles!

18: Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art!

19: god saw that you were thirsty and created water;

20: What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? They have big curly hair and small curly hair.

2 1: Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into pieces or pieces. I thought about it and said, have a piece! Can't eat all the pieces!

22: I am not a superman, because I wear pants outside my underwear.

Protect yourself, love others, please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

24: How can you be so calm when you secretly love me?

25. China has the largest legal profiteering association, Deyun Society.

26: The day after tomorrow, how many tomorrows! Since there are so many, we might as well postpone it again.

27: Men are most afraid of empty guns. Save more bullets for the enemy.

28: You are the sun in the sky, and I am the mountain on the earth; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a local dog chasing behind.

All men in the world are liars. Beautiful or not, women will be cheated. The difference is that the lucky woman found a big liar and cheated her all her life. The unfortunate woman found a little liar and cheated her.

Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

3 1: the soft wind caresses the willow branches, and the bees gather flowers diligently. If you want to write a farewell poem, wait until no frogs croak.

32: Never mention it, not because of forgetting, but because of remembering.

There are not many ladies in the world, but many pretenders.

34: When will there be a bright moon? Look up by yourself.

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

36: Your age has been written on your reproductive organs.

Take off my clothes, I am an animal. Put on my clothes, I am the devil wears Prada!

38: Lost happiness is your chrysanthemum, and it is often thought to be particularly brilliant only when you have diarrhea.

There is no doubt that I am the poor man in your dream.

40: My advantage is that I have no shortcomings. My shortcoming is of course that I have no advantages ~

4 1: It feels special. I have watched the Journey to the West edition for many years. I always thought, one more episode, at least one episode. As a result, I want to watch it today, only one episode. When I was a child, I always felt that I couldn't finish reading. Do you think Journey to the West is very long?

42: Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

I don't tidy my room. I am a beauty in a messy room. It's all in the Woods

44: Why go when there is no way out? Just take the bus

You are the wind, I am the sand, you are toothpaste, I am a brush, you are Hami, I am a melon, you don't love me, I commit suicide.

46: Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

Life is really interesting, because life is always playing with me.

48: Life is like a super girl, and those who persist in the end are pure men.

49: Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

50: I tried to turn the salted fish upside down during the exam. Shit, I didn't expect it to stick.

5 1: If this is not love, then I'd rather sell cabbage.

52: Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

I'm sorry to ask you to speak Mandarin, but I can't understand Cantonese.

54: The most useless thing in the world is to get the pay slip in time, look angry and wipe your ass too carefully.

55: A good horse doesn't eat grass, so a good horse always goes hungry.

56: Some people treat you as garbage when you are polite to him.

57: Who are you making that face with? . I owe you an overdue loan or something.

58: I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing!

59: There must be a road in front of the driveway. I can't stop it.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

6 1: long points, long points; Drinking will drive you crazy. You will drink every glass of wine.

62: What is cruelty? For a man, I will break his three legs; For a male dog, I will break his five legs.

If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!

64: Family affairs, state affairs and world affairs, no money to eat is a big deal!

I only trust two people in the world, one is me and the other is not you.

66: The customer is a fart, just let it go.

If my friends can sell them for $5 each, I can make a small fortune.

68: my waist flashed, and it was not youth that caused trouble, but stress.

69: How to pay taxes reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably!

Summary of Song Xiaobao's Classic Funny Quotations

1. Haiyan! You can grow up!

2. Looking at the big sister scared, a tingle! 3. Smelly shameless! 4. Do I owe you money? 5. Life is like making a phone call. Either you hang up first, or I hang up first. 6. Oh, I'll go. 7. (To Er Ya) We are good sisters! 8. Wife! Fill it up! 9. Put on your glasses, as if you have a diploma! 10. (Holding the tree and calling Dad) Dad! Dad! I haven't seen you for such a long time, and you are cracked (Wen Si Sheng)! 1 1. What would I like to eat if I could swipe my card? 12. (tell the big one) You can see the pulse clearly: infertility ~ infertility 13. Those three lines poke our nostrils with 14. Last year I believed in the constellation, and this year I believe in the five elements. Just say yes! 15. (Speaking of yourself) You are born beautiful, like a beggar. 16. You just don't grow up. 17. Come and kiss! 18. I do! 19. Alas! Defective mouth and fangs fall off, turn your hooves and polish your palms! 20. What's the name of the fool? Mom, call me baby! 2 1. Believe it or not, I will kill you. 22. All your skills will not succeed. 23. I think, is this the end of my life? How about going back? Can we go back? 24. Don't pretend to be a beggar, I'll pretend to be a third grandson! 25. Is the red rabbit a horse? I thought it was a rabbit! 26. Oh, I went to see you fade. 27. Where is it small? Apart from small, where is small? Where are the shoes small? 28. My hunger is a bit special. 29. No pain, yes! 30. It's heartless to say so! 3 1. Don't make so much noise! 32. Chicken feet! 33. Roll the calf system! 34. You gave me money, and your money is inlaid with gold. 35. Did I send it? 36. In the vast sea! Blue sky, convolution, dark clouds! Between the dark clouds and the sea, there is a petrel, which comes to fix us up, let us meet here and have a romantic relationship. Do you think it's funny? 37. Stop. ! ! 38. I am destined, you are destined, big brother, you gave birth to me! 39. Oh, mom scared me to death! 40. What about Haiyan? You can have snacks, right? 4 1. It makes me anxious and spits milk! 42. Heaven is complete, the ground is Fiona Fang, and the eyes are foreskin! 43.what are you doing? 44. Is it me? 45. I am not a little old man, I am a little hanging spring! 46. Almost hung me on the wall as a mural. . 47. See you fade ~ (three times) 48. Director! Find me one! 49. Why did you give me the whole cover?