Ji Xianlin's essays are all about her love.

There are several acres of Qingtang in front of the Lotus Rhyme Building in Qingtang. I remember that when I first moved here more than 30 years ago, there seemed to be lotus flowers in the pond, and there were still some broken shadows of green leaves and safflower in my memory. Later, things changed, and the years passed, but the pond became "half an acre of square pond opened, the sky was high and the clouds were light", and the lotus flowers were never seen again.

I keep a lot of old ideas in my mind. Every time I look at an empty pond, I always feel as if something is missing. This is not in line with my aesthetic concept. There should be something green in the pond, even reeds are better than nothing.

The best and most ideal is of course the lotus. In China's old poems, there are simply too many descriptions of lotus flowers. Zhou Dunyi's On Ailian is probably unique. His famous phrase "everyone knows that the fragrance disappears and the jade dies." It can almost be said that there is no one in China who doesn't love lotus flowers. But the pond in front of our building is the only one lacking lotus flowers. Every time I see or think about it, I always feel that I am a heart disease.

Someone came from Hubei and brought some lotus seeds from Honghu Lake. The shell is black and hard. It is said that if buried in mud, it can be preserved for thousands of years. So, I used a hammer to crack a crack in the lotus seed, so that the shower head would break out of its shell and never be buried in the mud. These are subjective wishes, and it is extremely unknown whether the lotus buds can come out. Anyway, I finally tried my best to put five or six broken lotus seeds into the pond. This is my destiny.

In this way, I have one more job every day: go to the pond several times more. I always hope that one day, suddenly, "Xiao He shows sharp corners" and green lotus leaves grow out of the water. However, contrary to expectations, in the first year of throwing, nothing appeared on the water until the autumn leaves fell. After a lonely winter day, the next year, the pond was full of spring water, green willows and weeping willows, and there was a beautiful scene. However, there is still no lotus leaf on the water I expected. At this time, I was completely disheartened, thinking about those hard-shell lotus seeds brought by Hubei, probably because of unexplained reasons, there is no hope of planting lotus seeds anymore. My eyes can't suck lotus leaves out of the mud.

However, in the third year, a miracle suddenly happened. One day, I suddenly found that there were several round green leaves where I threw lotus seeds, although the color was very attractive; But it is thin and pitifully lying on the water, like the leaves of water hyacinth. Only five or six leaves grew at first. I always feel a little too little, and I always hope to grow a few more pieces. So, I look forward to the stars and the moon, and go to the pond every day. There are farmers outside the school to catch aquatic plants. I always ask them to be merciful and not to break the leaves. But after a long summer, sad autumn came to the world again, leaving only five or six lonely leaves floating in the pond. For me, this is another hopeful but still depressing year.

The real miracle appeared in the fourth year. After the severe winter, the pond overflowed with springs. When the lotus grows leaves, a large green leaf suddenly grows in the place where there were five or six leaves last year. However, it seems that the lotus has not stopped its activities under the severe winter ice, because leaves have also grown in the middle of the pond far from the original base of five or six leaves. The speed and range of blade expansion are amazing. Within a few days, a large part of the pond has been covered with green leaves. Moreover, the leaves that used to lie flat on the water like water lilies gathered strength from somewhere, and some actually jumped out of the water and grew into slender lotus leaves. It turned out that I had been suspicious for a long time, fearing that water lilies were growing in the pool, not real lotus flowers. In this way, the doubt in my heart was swept away: the descendants of Honghu lotus really grew in the pond. I was ecstatic, and these years have finally not been in vain.

Everything in the world is born, and animals and plants, including people, are always endowed with an extremely amazing survival force and an extremely amazing communication force, which is too great to resist. As long as you are willing to take the trouble to observe, you will certainly admit it. What is in front of me now is the lotus in the pond in front of my building. As several brave blades jumped out of the water, many blades followed. Overnight, dozens of branches appeared, and they spread quickly. In less than ten days, lotus leaves have covered half the pond. From where I planted my seeds, I spread to the east, west, north and south. I can't know how the lotus moves in the mud in deep water. Anyway, judging from the lotus leaves above the water, it takes at least half a foot to form this situation.

Planting lotus leaves is definitely not enough. Lotus flowers come one after another. According to experts who know lotus flowers, the lotus flowers in the pond in front of my house are different from those in other ponds in Yanyuan. The color of lotus flowers in other places is light red; And my lotus here is not only red, but also has many petals. Each flower can produce sixteen compound petals, which certainly looks different. These dazzling red lotus flowers, hanging high above the lotus leaves, pose in the wind as if dazzling everything. When I was young, I read an old poem: "After all, in mid-June, the scenery of the West Lake was different from that at four o'clock. The next day, the lotus leaf is infinitely blue, and the lotus color is different. " I love the beauty of his poems and deeply regret that I can't go to Hangzhou West Lake to enjoy them in person. Now the pond in front of my house is the scenery of the West Lake. It was I who moved the West Lake from Hangzhou to Yanyuan. Isn't it great and satisfying? Mr. Zhou Yiliang just moved to Longrun Garden a few years ago and was named "Jihe". I find it interesting and grateful. Shall I pass the lotus?

The year before and last year, when the lotus flowers were in full bloom in Xiayuetan, I walked around the pond at least several times every day, sitting on a stone and quietly sucking the fragrance of lotus flowers and lotus leaves. "Cicada is quiet in the forest, and Tonggong Mountain is more secluded." I really feel quiet around. I sat there silently, and what I saw on the water was lotus green manure and red manure. The reflection is reflected in the water. When the wind blows, a lotus petal falls into the water and falls from above, while the reflection in the water falls from bottom to top, and finally touches the water surface. The two become one and float there like a boat. I once read two sentences in a poem: "The pond flowers fall in shadow, and the sand birds fly with the sound." The author deeply regrets that the second sentence is no good. No wonder, how many people can understand the realm of "a pool of flowers falling into a shadow"?

In the evening, my family often sits on the stones by the pond to enjoy the cool. One night, the moon in the sky was bright and bright, and a piece of silver light was sprinkled on the lotus. I suddenly heard a voice. Mao Mao, my little white Persian cat, jumped into the water. He probably thought there was a white jade plate in the water and wanted to jump on it and catch it. As soon as it entered the water, it probably felt something was wrong. It quickly returned to the shore and smashed the reflection of the moon. It took a long time to recover its original shape.

This summer, the weather is extremely sultry, but the lotus flowers are in full bloom. Green covers the sky, red flowers reflect the sun, and a pond that is not too small is so full that even the water surface can hardly be seen. A neighbor who loves lotus flowers counts the number of lotus flowers cheerfully every day. Tell me today that there are four or five hundred flowers; Tell me tomorrow that there are six or seven hundred flowers. However, although I know he is meticulous, I don't believe he can really count the exact number of flowers. There are many corners under the lotus leaves and in the crevices. I don't know how many children are hidden, which is hard to see on the shore. It is roughly estimated that there will be nearly 1000 flowers this year. This is really a magnificent view.

These days, the weather has suddenly turned cold. It seems that it suddenly turns from summer to autumn. Although the lotus leaf in the pond is still green, it seems that the day of becoming a residual lotus will not be too far away. In another month or two, even the residual load will disappear without a trace when the water freezes. At that time, the lotus will probably hibernate under the ice and dream of spring. Their dreams will surely come true. "Winter has come, can spring be far behind?"

I wish my "Jihe" all the best.

1997

Listen to the rain.

It began to rain early in the morning. Rain is not a rare thing, but it is spring rain. As the saying goes, "Spring rain is as expensive as oil." In the rare drought, its preciousness can be imagined.

"Moistening things quietly", the spring rain is very small, as small as "nothing". However, I sat on the balcony and was divided into a small house with a big piece of iron on the top. The eaves dripping from upstairs hit the iron sheet and made a sound, so it was not "silent". According to common sense, I sat there, obsessed with the same kind of extinct language. I should have needed a quiet environment, a quiet mood to settle down and enter the role to interpret this gobbledygook. This sound of rain banging on the tin plate should be extremely annoying, so it is necessary to hurry and then.

However, the opposite is true. I sat there quietly and heard the sound of raindrops overhead. At this time, the sound is better than silence, and I feel boundless joy in my heart, as if I had drunk the fairy dew and took a sip, and I felt very high. This voice is sometimes slow and urgent, sometimes high and sometimes low, sometimes loud and sometimes heavy, sometimes like a golden voice, sometimes like a yellow bell, sometimes like pouring large and small pearls into a plate of jade, sometimes like playing the pipa, sometimes like flying from the blue, sometimes like a hundred birds contending, sometimes like a rabbit falling, I can't help it, I am elated and elated. The dead language seems to be alive, and I seem to be full of youthful vitality. I have rarely had such a spiritual realm in my life, let alone being humane to others.

In China, listening to the rain is an elegant thing. Although I don't think I am a complete layman, it's hard to say whether I can become an elegant person. I'm probably an animal between elegance and vulgarity. There are many works about listening to the rain in China's ancient poems. By the way, it seems rare in foreign poetry. My friend Zhang Yong recalled his cousin's poem: "Spring pool dreams often add a kind word. Every time I smell the rain at night, I think of sleeping together." It's quite poetic Even Sister Lin in A Dream of Red Mansions likes Li Yishan's phrase "Stay dry and listen to the rain". The most famous poem listening to the rain is, of course, Song Jiangjie's Young Beauty, which is not long, so I will copy it:

Teenagers listen to the rain in the song building,

The red candle is weak.

In the prime of life, listening to the rain on the boat,

Zhang Guoyun is low,

Broken geese are called westerly winds.

Now listen to the rain monk,

The temple is full of stars.

Sorrow and joy are always ruthless,

One step ago,

Drip till dawn.

Jie Jiang's mood when listening to the rain is quite complicated. He summed up his life by listening to the rain, from youth, prime of life to old age, and reached the realm of "total ruthlessness in joys and sorrows". However, there are considerable differences between ancient and modern concepts of the elderly. He is a "star on the temple" and his hair is a little white. The oldest seems to be only about fifty years old. From today's perspective, he is just between middle age and old age. Compared with myself, I am nine years old, and my temples are no longer "stars", but "Tongshan" on them. I am more qualified than him to reach the realm of "emotions are always ruthless". I have been able to "make waves, not happy or afraid".

But why am I in a high mood when I listen to the rain today? There is not much elegance in it. I am a complete "layman" here. I think mainly of wheat, which is the green wheat seedling on the vast Yuan Ye. I was born in the country. Although I left at the age of six, I can't talk about doing farm work, but I have picked up wheat, beans, mowed grass and cut sorghum leaves. I have farmer's blood in my veins. Until today, I have deep feelings for farmers and rural areas all my life. Farmers' greatest hope is to get more food. Drought threatens the growth of crops. Even though I have lived in the city for a long time, whenever it rains, I will look at Yun Ni and claim that I am as anxious as a farmer. Spring in the north, nine droughts in ten years. There seems to be another drought this year. I listen to the weather forecast every day and always observe the clouds in the sky. Worry, nothing can be done. What I saw in my dream was the rain in Mao Mao.

My dream came true this morning. I sat on this balcony, which is only a few feet long and a few feet wide. When I heard the rain overhead, I couldn't help but be fascinated and relaxed. In Kokodaka's rugged wheat field, every leaf seems to open its mouth and suck sweet raindrops, like dew falling from the sky, which was a little yellow and withered, but now it turns green. It used to be green, but now it's greener. The universe adds a warmth and peace out of thin air.

My heart is back, back to the Yanyuan, back to the hill next to my building, back to the lotus pond in front of the door. My favorite February orchid is in bloom. They desperately struggled out of the soil, withstood the drought, and reluctantly opened red and white flowers, which were as bright as ever, giving people a feeling of loneliness. In the lotus pond, hibernating lotus just woke up, ready to impact the water. Of course, there is no shortage of water. But Mao Mao raindrops draw small circles on the water, which will lead to death. This was originally appreciated by poets in human beings, but Xiao Lotus was also happy to see it, and she was full of energy, and she was sure to drill out of the water soon.

My heart is closer to the next floor, and I received it from this balcony and my room. My head is jingling as before, and I'm in a good mood. But I'm always worried that it will suddenly stop. I prayed silently that the rain would ring for a long time and never stop.

1995 April