May my mother have a good journey

On the 18th day of the second season of Wujie Academy IP Camp, there are 1,306 words, and a total of 26,368 words. (Punched in on the first day of October 1)

Time flies so fast. In the blink of an eye, my mother has passed away for 35 days.

What people often call "May 7th" is a very important day in sacrifices. It is said that on this day, people who have passed away will go home to see their dead and then reincarnate.

So sad, my mother is getting farther and farther away from us after all, and it seems that even the last remaining breath will be taken away with her.

According to the custom in our hometown, on this day, in addition to burning paper as a memorial, some of the clothes used by the deceased must also be burned. , as a final farewell.

When I was sorting out my mother’s belongings, I found a lot of brand new clothes, some of which still had tags on them and had never been worn before. We bought these for my mother on birthdays and New Year holidays. Despite repeated attempts to dissuade her, my mother was reluctant to wear it.

She always said that she didn’t travel far, so there was no need to dress too well. She just had one or two new clothes to wear for an important occasion. Many of the clothes she often wore were badly worn, and some even had traces of mending, which made people sad to see them.

My mother is always like this. She is very frugal in her food and clothing expenses, and is reluctant to eat or wear. But after saving for a while, I always send some old and new clothes back to my hometown.

In fact, the living conditions of my family are quite good now. Many families have higher incomes than those of us who work outside, and they don’t need these clothes at all.

However, this has been a habit that my mother has developed for more than thirty years, and she cannot change it no matter what.

When I left my hometown decades ago, the situation of each family was indeed not very good. In the years when there is little food and clothing, everything is rare. Therefore, sending old and new clothes back to each family has become something that my mother must do every year.

At that time, my family members were so grateful when they received the package that they thanked them repeatedly every time they wrote letters or made phone calls. This also made my mother pay special attention to this matter, and eventually developed a It seems as a habit that if I don’t send something, I will feel uneasy. However, the clothes sent back are getting newer and better.

Sometimes, I also wonder whether my mother sends clothes to help people in her hometown, or to keep abreast of all kinds of information about her relatives in her hometown. In fact, the latter reason should be more likely.

My mother knows clearly who has just had a grandson, whose son has married, whose wife has passed away, or even who is sick and hospitalized. She always talks about everything and everything, as if she has been living with her family. She also uses this to judge which clothes should be sent to whom so that they can actually wear them.

Now, before so many new clothes can be sent out, my mother is no longer here.

The items were sorted and sorted, some were burned, and some were sent back according to mother's instructions. Don’t worry about whether you should send these clothes or not, because after all, this is the last time. After this, there will be no more.

The temperature suddenly dropped and the weather became extremely cold. On such a gloomy day, my heart felt extremely cold. No matter how strong the burning flame is, it cannot bring a trace of warmth to people.

Ashes were flying in the wind, like snow falling all over the sky. My mind wandered, and in a daze, I seemed to see my mother right in front of me, but I couldn't catch it. Eventually, the smoke drifted farther and farther away, until she disappeared forever.

The fate of this life is completely ended, and there is no longer any involvement.

Tears fell like rain, and my mood was beyond words.

I used to think that the days are still long and the time is still early, and we will be together for a long time. Don’t be in a hurry, and everything will come in time. However, the so-called long-term is only our wishful thinking after all, and it cannot withstand the trials and tribulations of time. In a blink of an eye, heaven and man are separated forever, and they will never see each other again.

The pain of having a child that you want to raise but your mother is not there can only be understood by those who have experienced it personally, how deep the pain is and how much the heart aches. However, it was too late, and all I could do was regret.

Thinking about the noisy days in the past, it was all real companionship. Now, this person has passed away and is alone.

Suddenly I remembered Zhang Jiajia's passage in "Paradise Tour": Loneliness comes from those important people in life. Their shadows are rooted in the old days, and their smiles don't know where they have gone.

I am also very lonely now.

My heart has nowhere to rest.

(2021.10.16)