Why do people misunderstand you?

I can't sleep tonight because I had a cup of milk tea at 2 pm.

Last time I lost sleep, I had milk tea for dinner. It seems that milk tea can't be touched.

sleeping in bed triggered thinking again.

first, let's talk about language patterns.

In general, when we express our language, it is easy to appear: deletion, distortion and generalization.

what does this mean? Give a chestnut:

When someone encounters a setback, he will say, "I am a failure."

When he expressed it, he deleted what made him feel like a failure. So when you hear him say, "I'm a failure", you suddenly think something is wrong. If we let the other side complete, we can look at what failed more objectively.

The distortion of speech If someone says, "You have an intention to me," this distortion is called guessing, and he guesses that other people's hearts have an intention to him. We can ask: "What happened to make you feel that you have an intention?"

Generalization of speech If the wife says, "No one is nice to me." What she expresses is a holistic quantifier, which is one of the generalizations. But is she telling the truth? Not necessarily. We can ask, "Isn't it good for you for your husband to accompany you to see a doctor?"

so when we express it, it may be incomplete.

so, next, let's look at how the brain receives information.

The interesting thing is:

That is to say, when you finish talking to someone, his head may delete something from your words, distort some meanings and form a general view.

if the other person's brain deletes you

when you don't put down your own things to listen to others, and your attention is still focused on what you are thinking or how you haven't let go, then your brain deletes information that has nothing to do with your thinking. Therefore, you will miss a lot of things in other people's words and cause misunderstanding.

if the other person's brain distorts you

distortion means that when we process external information, we make this information conform to our own views and angles.

For example, if you are watching TV with your boyfriend at home, you say it's a fine day, and he says, "You just don't want to stay at home with me."

Research shows that only 2% of our understanding of things comes from the outside world, and the remaining 8% comes from our original beliefs and memories.

So,

Why do people misunderstand you?

For example, you have mentioned the problems in the company, and the boss has some opinions about you in his memory, but the boss may not be able to realize that he has opinions about you.

At the next meeting, you raised a problem in your work, just to discuss how to do it better.

But the boss didn't hear you describe the problem completely, so he thought you were "accusing", "complaining" and "emphasizing that you were wrong with him".

so, is listening important?

important! Because many times before we understand each other's intentions and purposes, we quickly draw our own conclusions.

If the other person's brain generalizes you,

The boss invited three employees respectively, and they all quit after one day's work. When you report the situation to the boss, the boss thinks in his mind that all the employees in the world are unstable.

An employee was late for three days a week. When the boss saw the attendance sheet, he thought to himself: This employee is late every day.

deletion, distortion and generalization

it's terrible.

good night!

Kid

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