Who can tell me a funny joke?

Examiner: What academic qualifications?

Candidate: Didn’t graduate from elementary school.

Examiner: Have you ever had a fight?

Candidate: It’s commonplace.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: It’s okay. You can knock over the vendor’s tricycle with one kick.

Examiner: Do you dare to take other people’s things?

Candidate: This is my strength, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Do you dare to hit me?

Candidate: Xiaocai, my father made me disabled.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What our urban management department needs is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question, what should I do if something goes wrong?

Candidate: Just say I am a temporary worker.

Examiner: I will go to work tonight

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided due to crowding. .

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt confused and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

Car The Master snickered!

The woman felt angry and replied: "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly: "Can you cure it?"

The whole car People are laughing!

The bus driver stopped and leaned on the steering wheel laughing!

Two things:

The bus was overcrowded and there was a woman standing at the door.

A GG squeezed in from behind the car and wanted to get out of the car. He said to the woman: "Give way and get out of the car."

The woman did not move.

GG stepped on her when he squeezed past.

The woman turned out to be very powerful. She kept scolding: "You're crazy! You're crazy!" She was so loud that the whole car was watching.

GG remained silent. When he got off the car, he couldn't bear it any longer. He turned around and said to the woman, "You're the repeater!"

There were a few funny children behind, who kept talking. Act out the scene just now,

A said: "You are crazy, you!..." B said: "You are a repeater, you..."

Everyone in the car Laughing loudly~!

Later, a little girl also wanted to get out of the car. She squeezed past and said timidly: "I~I~I want to go on, I am not crazy~!"

Everyone in the car Laughing again~!

The woman did not speak, but a word came from the side: "Are you out of battery?"

The whole car burst into laughter~!

3. Confucius said: Use bricks to shout when fighting, it will not lead to chaos! Take a photo! Never die again!

Buddha said; nonsense! My Buddha is compassionate! Don't play too much! A brick is almost dead! ! !

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt peaceful all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking anything with him? -- "

On Tuesday, I carried a broken wallet , containing 1 cent. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. --"

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet. There were 100 counterfeit bills inside. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to hide large-denomination money privately. Please go to the relevant department and hand it in. --"

Thursday , I took an envelope with a stack of expired Straits Talent Newspaper in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and looked at it. The newspaper had been replaced by the latest Straits Talent News. I took a note with me: "This is the era of consultation. Only by updating information in a timely manner can we seize opportunities and win success." ! -- "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, I still had my phone with an extra note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company. --"

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my trousers: "I hate you the most when it comes to robberies. You have no technical skills at all! Confiscate the crime tools! --"

On Sunday, I I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t squeeze in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. Here's my 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want to go, please don't tease us any more"

6. There were too many people on the bus one day. It was very hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted. Now the environment is getting worse. My friend really couldn't bear it, and he didn't know who it was, so there was nothing he could do.

Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had an idea and said loudly: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket!" Suddenly, a very fat woman held the ticket high in her hand and said loudly: "I've already bought a ticket!"

On July 7, a sculpture was completed in a new university building: a girl holding a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from students, and many people's slogans coincided with each other - studying is useless!

9. The situation of losing bicycles in school is very serious. New bicycles disappear in the blink of an eye. However, sometimes you are lucky and the lost bicycle will appear again every few days. One day, Xiao Jing, a classmate in the same dormitory, bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone she met and said, "I have installed the latest lock on this car!" The next day, Xiao Jing returned from studying at night, looking depressed. He looked like he was holding a piece of paper in his hand, which said: Don't think there are no experts here. I borrowed the car and will return it to you in a few days!

A few days later, the thief actually returned the car. Xiaojing was very happy, but she was worried that the car would be "borrowed" again. So I bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and posted a note to the thief: Let's see how you can "borrow" it! When Xiaojing went downstairs the next morning, she found five extra locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: Let's see how you keep riding!

10. There were three little tadpoles. They went to a restaurant to eat... After waiting for a while, the first dish was served... It was fried frogs..

Three little tadpoles. They all sang in unison: I don’t want to, I don’t want to, don’t want to grow up...

11, one day, Cao Cao captured Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them, each of you go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei brought out an apple. Cao Cao said that if they could put the fruit into their butts, he would let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while, but failed and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes. Cao Cao also said the same thing to him, and Guan Yu began to stuff them... When he stuffed the third grape, Guan Yu suddenly burst into laughter, and the grapes were smashed. was killed. After going down to the underworld, the King of Hell asked Guan Yu: "You are so stupid, why are you laughing? If you don't laugh, you won't die." Guan Yu sighed and said, "I don't want to either! God is jealous of the beauty! When I stuffed the third one, suddenly I saw Brother Liu walking out with a durian in his arms..."

12. Yesterday, I went to KFC to eat. The people in line behind me looked like a couple. I saw them ordering a lot of food, and then Sit next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to eat voraciously, as if she had been hungry for several days, while the boy nibbled on the French fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind.

Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, moved forward, and asked seriously: "Qingqing, can I chase you?"

The girl said directly without raising her head. : "No!"

The boy asked again: "Isn't it possible at all?"

The girl simply said: "It's not possible at all!"

The boy was stunned, looking straight at her and staying there...

At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a burger in the other. She felt that the boy was looking at her, so she stopped eating, and then He looked at the boy with pitiful eyes and whispered: "Then...can I still eat it?"

The people next to me, including me, laughed out loud. The boy was helpless and hurriedly said : "Eat, eat..."

This girl is so cute...If I don't let you chase me, I will chase her...I'll chase her with my life! ! ! !

13. I have always been restless in school. When I was a freshman, I went to self-study for the first time. I would sit in the classroom and feel depressed, and then I would go to the corridor to smoke.

Not long after I lit my cigarette, a PL girl came and asked, "We are studying in self-study now! Why did you run out?"

I said, I came out to smoke out of boredom. ,MM which class are you in? He ran out anyway.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

I was very excited and said, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed too?

She said: Well, a new student in our class ran out during self-study, and I came out to look for him.

I smile, but it seems that there is still someone who can’t sit still. Why are you looking for him? You are not his mother!

MM: There is no way, I am his class teacher!

I was confused at the time...

A minute later, I held back a sentence: Teacher, you look so young...

14 Dad works in a glass factory Workers have the habit of wearing gloves when working.

One day after the night shift, he took a taxi home. As the car passed through a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze came. Dad felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves from his pocket and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously: "Brother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, it's nothing, I'm used to it. , I have to wear gloves every time I work, so that I will not cut myself or leave traces..."

15 A middle-aged man went to a local private store on a business trip. hostel.

While dining the first night, the middle-aged man saw a few stains on the edge of the dish and was very worried.

He asked the hotel owner: "This dish doesn't look clean." The boss replied: "Don't worry, the mineral water will make it very clean."

Hearing With such an answer, the middle-aged man started eating with great peace of mind.

A week passed. The middle-aged man ate at the hotel every day and became familiar with a big dog in the hotel.

When the middle-aged man walked out of the door, the dog reluctantly caught up with him, clinging to him and refusing to let him leave.

The hotel owner saw it, walked up and patted the dog on the head, and said softly: "Let the guest go, mineral water."

16 Hunter hunting, looking at the trees There were two birds. I raised my gun and shot down one. I found that it was a hairless one. Just as I was wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: Damn it, I just coaxed her to take off her clothes and you shot her down. . . .

17 A certain hotel keeps a parrot hanging at the door. When a guest arrives, he says: "Hello, welcome!" A regular guest thought: I'll come in quickly and see how you react. One day he "sneered" and After running in, the parrot said: "His grandma's! It scared me!!!"

18 A child in the delivery room laughed loudly after being born. The delivery nurses were very strange. They gathered around and observed that the child had tight fists. Hold it, and after breaking it open, it is found to be an abortion pill. The child only says: It’s his! Want to kill me? Not that easy! !

19 At the end of the performance, the leader came on stage and took the hand of the beautiful Mongolian actress and asked her her name. The actress said excitedly: Malegebi

20 Stand higher and see farther; if the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are humble, they will be invincible! Go your own way and let someone else take a taxi. Wear someone else's shoes and let someone else find them.

21 What is depression? I was beaten three times, someone hugged me, my wallet was stolen, my wife ran away with someone, the only porridge left at home was sour after smelling it, my eyes rolled up, I went to the hospital for treatment. The car fell into a ditch!

22 Mooncake fell in love with Mantou and pursued her desperately, but Mantou refused to obey. Mooncake is sad: (Hong Kong accent) What is this for? Steamed Bun: My mother said, your stomach is full of intestines.

23 One day the hen flew up to the roof, and the owner angrily said, "Come down. If you don't come down, I will kill all the roosters here and make your life worse than death." The hen laughed and said, "Finally, You can go find ducks."

24 An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese were walking in the desert. As they walked, they saw a bottle, and after opening the cork, a man floated out. Come, the man said: "I am a god, and I can grant each of you three wishes!" The American was the first to say, "My first wish is for a lot of money." The god said: "This is simple. , fulfill you! Tell me about the second wish. "The American said: "I want a lot of money!" After the fairy fulfilled his wish, the American said his third wish: "Bring me back. "Home." The god said, "No problem." So the Americans returned to the United States with a lot of money. The fairy asked the Frenchman again. The Frenchman said, "I want a beautiful woman!" The fairy gave him the beautiful woman. The Frenchman said again: "I also want a beautiful woman!" The fairy also satisfied him and gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman finally said: "Send me back to France." After the fairy sent the Frenchman back to his country, he asked the Chinese what they wanted. The Chinese said: "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The god gave it to him. Ask him what his second wish is. The Chinese said: "Another bottle of Erguotou!" The god asked him what his third wish was. The Chinese said: "I miss the French and Americans very much. Please bring them back." The French and Americans were extremely popular, but they had no choice but to continue walking. While walking, I saw another bottle. After opening the stopper, another person appeared. The person said: "I am the younger brother of the fairy just now. My magic power is not as strong as his, so I can only grant two wishes for each of you." France Together with the Americans, they thought it would be better to let the Chinese speak first, lest they come back later. So the Chinese said: "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The god fulfilled his wish. The French and Americans urged the Chinese to express their second wish quickly. After drinking Erguotou, the Chinese said to the immortal calmly: "Okay, it's okay, you can go." An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese were exploring in the jungle. As a result, they were all captured by the cannibal tribe. But the tribal chief said: "I am in a good mood today and I will not eat you, but you will all have to suffer a hundred blows, but before you get a blow, you can have one wish come true." The Americans were the first to suffer the blow. He said: "Before I hit the board, put a cushion on my butt." After putting it on, the boards fell like raindrops. At first, 70 boards were okay, but after 70 boards, the cushion was smashed, and then the boards were bloody... After the beating... , the United States walked away touching its butt. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for 10 mattresses. After 1, 2, 3...100 beatings, the Japanese stood up, patted their butts, and said it was fine; then they boasted about their ability to imitate and recreate, and wanted to sit back and watch the Chinese show. The Chinese slowly lay down and said leisurely: "Come on, put the Japanese on my bed."... 1. The most terrifying dream when I was a child. The most terrifying dream when I was a child was to dream that I was looking for the toilet. The most terrifying thing is, The person hasn't woken up yet, and the toilet is found. . .

2. There was a question in Chinese language, which was to write a four-character phrase. The radicals of each word were the same, and each word was required not to be repeated. My first reaction was "Monster", but it's a pity that I can't write a word.

After holding it back for a long time, I wrote "Playing with Glass Balls"... Rivers, lakes, oceans, pianos, pipas, turbulent waves, IKEA, and rooms, so many words... I played with glass balls... At that time, I felt that there was no way that Peking University would want me! !

3. Kindergarten students want to go to elementary school. Because I heard that naps are not required in elementary school. I want to go to junior high school in elementary school. Because I heard that you don’t have to sit with your hands behind your back. I want to go to high school in junior high school. Because I heard that teachers in high schools don’t care about things. I wanted to go to college in high school. Because I heard that there is a lot of free time in college. College wants to work. Because I heard that I don’t have to go to class anymore to work. After working, I found that kindergarten is easier to get along with. . . 4. Yesterday I reviewed Blue’s classic All Rise. When the intro came out, my girlfriend had a look of disdain on her face: Damn it, you still listen to Phoenix Legend...

5. After Gaddafi was arrested, he yelled, He kept repeating one sentence: I am fake, I am fake. The soldier somewhat believed it and asked: Where is it really? Gaddafi said something that he would regret for the rest of his life: "Really in China." The soldier remained calm, raised his gun, pointed it at Gaddafi, and said, "There is no genuine product in China!"

6. Netizens on the Erqi Road Forum whose wisdom began to flow like gutter oil again: The docking of Shenzhou 8 and Tiangong 1 will definitely be completed smoothly, because our country has always been at the world's advanced level in rear-end collision.

7. The boss said to his wife: Eat! Go to bed! , take a nap. Say to the mistress: Eat and sleep. Say to Xiaomi: Eat and sleep. !

8. A hero is ruined by a beautiful woman; a beauty is ruined by a rich man; a handsome man is ruined by a rich woman; life is ruined by a mortgage; youth is ruined by a job; marriage is ruined by a petty man. The three have been ruined; students have been ruined by online games; online games have been ruined by violence; children have been ruined by Sanlu; adults have been ruined by Shuanghui; faith has been ruined by Brother Chun; aesthetics has been ruined by Sister Feng; Sister Feng has been ruined by Months and months are wasted; dreams are wasted by reality.

9. The final exam is not far away. I hope students will focus on surprise and cheat as a supplement: adopt the method of "teaching me to hide" and "teaching me to retreat". I'll copy the roundabout strategy! Here's a couplet for you: If you don't cheat in the exam, you'd rather be a junior than fail. Hengbiao: You must pass the exam by dying. Choose the shortest among the three long and one short. The longest; if the length is different, choose B; if the length is uneven, choose D. If the method is mainly copying, supplemented by Mongolia, and combined with Mongolia, you will definitely pass.

10. Have sex with women without spending money. , is a one-night stand. Spending three hundred yuan to have a relationship with a woman is prostitution. Spending two hundred thousand yuan to have a relationship with a woman is a lover or a nanny. Spending your life savings to have a relationship with a woman is a couple. It can be seen that the more money you spend, the more stable the relationship between men and women will be!

11. The feeling of high number is one: I still need a certificate! Two: How can I get a certificate? How can you prove it so damn well?

12. When we were young, our parents always told us that we picked it up from the trash can. Most people would just laugh and forget it. My cousin was always told by his parents that he picked it up from the trash can. , I asked my grandma and grandpa and they all said that they had picked it up, and everyone thought it was funny to tease him. Until one day, when the whole family was having dinner, he suddenly knelt down and thanked his parents in tears for letting him live a good life without begging. , the family never joked about it again

13. During the break, I saw a classmate touching his abdomen with one hand, holding his forehead with a fist with the other hand, and closing his eyes like a thinker... There was a book on the table. Mathematics book... I was curious at that time, what kind of problem was so difficult... So I took a closer look, and unexpectedly the classmate said to me: "Brother, can you borrow some toilet paper? Do you have any?" ”

14. Wife: From all aspects, I am better than you, except for one thing where I am not as good as you. Husband: In what way am I not as good as me? Wife: My spouse is not as good as yours.

15. The little goose asked the mother goose: "Why do you call daddy Huang Ama?" The mother goose said to the gosling: "Because I am your goose mother." ”

16. A young man proposed to a girl. The girl said, “However, we have only known each other for three days. Do you understand me?” The young man said hurriedly: "I understand, I understand, I have known you for a long time." ""Yeah? "Yes, I have been working in the bank for three years. I know very well how much savings your father has." ”

17. One night, I missed my boyfriend very much and my phone was turned off while I was on the phone, so I sent a text message to his roommate. Me: Is my boyfriend here? - Roommate replied: He is asleep - Me: Oh, please do me a favor. After you slap him on the left cheek and the right cheek, can you say good night for me? - After a while, my boyfriend called me. I was very curious. : One, why did you wake up? - My boyfriend: The guy in my dormitory was very obedient and slapped me twice in the face...

18. A student who met the application requirements applied for a scholarship for poor students, but it was rejected. , the reason was the arrears of tuition fees. The reason why poor students’ application for poverty allowance was rejected was poverty.

19. My friend A lost his mobile phone some time ago, so he used it first with a copycat phone that his mother had used. Big break, big ugly. One day, I was walking around carelessly, and suddenly someone came up to me timidly and asked: Do you know the man just now? He was a passerby. A: Oh, I just saw him taking your phone out and putting it back. A: ToT.

The student went to the school cafeteria to eat and found that the pork chop was not too fresh, so he went to the chef who was serving food and said: "Master, I found that this week's pork chop is not as delicious as last week's." The master said: "Nonsense, this is last week's pork chop." !”

An old lady withdrew all her savings from the savings bank and deposited them again a quarter of an hour later. The salesperson asked her puzzledly what she was doing? The old lady said angrily: I want to count how many deposits I have but aren’t allowed?

An elderly actor said to the theater manager: "Sir, I have been working here for 25 years. Can you consider improving my treatment?"

"No. Question, from now on, whenever I have a role to eat on stage, I will get on the plane and see a beautiful woman sitting in my seat. So I asked him like a gentleman: Are you a 36A? mm replied with a blushing face. : I...I am 36B... Oops: I mean my seat is 36A by the window!

I asked you to play the role of a male classmate who goes to a certain place on a business trip, and a female classmate goes to see him. When people were chatting about salary, a male classmate asked: "How much money do you have after tax?" The female classmate blushed and whispered: "Why do you pay for sleeping with your old classmate? You go to bed first, and I'll take a shower." "If you push me again, I will pretend to be dead for you!

2. There are so many people who despise me, who are you?

3. Leave it to me and you will Don’t worry, nothing can’t be wrong!

4. Don’t be nervous, I’m not a good person...

5. Don’t thank me, how can you have the nerve to say thank you? You take the money!

6. Don’t tell me to come here—I am Afanti!

7. If you ignore me, then I will become a dog. Ignore it!

8. When will the bright moon come?

9. If you can’t reach it, try stepping on it with your left foot

10 .Some people are alive, but she is already dead. Some people are alive, but they should have died long ago!

11. You said...you like me? Actually...I...actually at first! I also... well, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a lot.

12. Do you want to drink water, water, or water? It’s up to you!

13. Say what you should say, and whisper what you shouldn’t.

14. Zi once said: Don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!

15. Don’t think that just because I am handsome, I am unattainable and unattainable. In fact, I am open to all rivers.

16. The weather is good today, windy and rainy. < /p>

17. As a typical example of failure, you are so successful!

18. The three cobblers killed Zhuge Liang.

19. In this red maple It’s the golden autumn...

20. If you bother me again, I’ll tie you to a straw boat and borrow arrows!

21. The wind is rustling! Yi Shuihan, you owe me money!

22.A: Where to eat? I have no money. B: Let’s go to a restaurant, I’ll treat you to the water pipe.

23.A: It’s hard to swallow this bad breath if you don’t take revenge. B: How can I let you die?

24. If there is a road in the mountain of books, you must first clean it up, and learn in the sea. Boundless eight treasures make porridge.

25. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren.

26. How much does this shoe cost per pound? ?

27. My dog ??eyes were really blind at the time... Have fun~ I’m too nervous at work~~~ Let’s change my mind~~~~

28. People have a lot of Background, and all I have is my back~~

29. I am not a fortune teller in the square, and I can’t talk as much as you want to hear.

30. Love is like. Of two people pulling rubber bands, the one who gets hurt is always the one who refuses to let go.

31. A tailor who doesn’t want to be a cook is not a good driver.

32. If you tell me to get out, I will get out. You asked me to come back, I'm sorry, go away

33. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

34. You are such a bitch and forgetful. Ah

35. An unmarried woman lamented: Why do all mature and good men become husbands, while none of the married men are decent? Someone reminded her: Wives train good husbands by producing and selling their own goods, and no man can be self-taught.

36. Gold that does not want to deform is not good steel.

37. A male classmate who got married not long ago... often hangs out in the kitchen, so why not cut his hands...

The old man divided the inheritance before his death. He said to his eldest son: "Your wife is about to give birth to a baby, so I will leave her bankbook to you." She said to my second son: "You are going to get married soon, so I will leave you the house." Finally, I said to my younger son: "I worry about you the most. I don't have a girlfriend yet, so I will leave you my most precious inheritance.

The younger son was secretly happy, and the old man said: "There are more than 300 young girls in my QQ account friend list, and the number is ******." "

The son returned home tremblingly: "Dad, I only got 60 points in today's exam." The father was very angry: "Next time if you get a low grade in the exam, don't call me dad! "The next day my son came back: "I'm sorry, brother! "

A woman reported the crime: "I put money in my bra and it was stolen by a handsome guy in a crowded subway..." pol.ice wondered: "You didn't notice such a sensitive place? The woman blushed and replied: "Who would have thought that he was touching money?"

Every time my wife and husband quarrel, my wife will go to the toilet and stay for a long time. This happens often, and my husband will curiously ask my wife: "What are you doing in the toilet? It seems to relieve your anger?" The wife said: "Brushing the toilet!" The husband asked: "Can cleaning the toilet relieve anger?" The wife said: "I don't know, anyway, I used your toothbrush to play golf. The nun was watching and missed the first shot. The priest cursed: "TMD, the shot missed! "Hit again, the priest cursed again: "TMD, missed again!" The nun said, "God will punish you as a priest for swearing." "As soon as he finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he strike the nun to death? At this time, God's voice was heard from the sky: "TMD, I missed the target too. ! "

One day, my younger brother went to play basketball in the primary school affiliated to Normal University and heard a lower-grade girl ask a lower-grade boy on the playground: "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly: "My mother gave me 3 yuan a day, and you used two and a half yuan to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not?" ! ! ”

Jokes: As soon as the director entered the office, the office director’s wife broke in, waving a pair of women’s briefs and said to the director: “My husband actually wore women’s underwear when he came home at night. You must do it.” Take care of it." The director nodded yes repeatedly and stuffed the briefs into his pocket. When he came home at night, the director's wife found the briefs in the director's pocket while doing laundry and said to the director: "Don't make jokes like this in the future. "I've been looking for it all day."

There were three children sitting in front of the clinic - an older boy, a younger boy, and a girl. The nurse asked: Children, what's wrong with you? Old boy: I swallowed The nurse asked the other: Where is the glass ball? The nurse asked again: Where is yours?

Zhang Fei’s wedding day At night, he came to the military advisor and asked Zhuge Liang: "How do I have sex?" Zhuge Liang was a little confused after hearing this. He thought it was better to explain it too deeply for fear that Zhang Fei would not understand, or to explain it too lightly for fear of appearing uneducated. He happened to see two horses by the river. He said: "If you see the horse by the river, just do it." After saying this, Zhuge Liang asked: "How was last night?" And there were a lot of people watching...

There was a wolf baby. It was born vegetarian and did not eat meat. Its parents were very worried when they saw the wolf baby one day. Chasing a rabbit, the parents were very happy. Then the wolf baby grabbed the rabbit and said: Hand over the carrot! ...

This diver has a very high degree of difficulty. He first turned around and did a forward somersault. Half and then backflip for a month

. There was a man climbing a rock. When he was almost climbing to the top of the mountain, there was a big bad wolf holding a burning candle and trying to burn the rope. The man said In one sentence, the big bad wolf blew out the candle, and the man said: HAPPY BRITHDAY!

There used to be a hide-and-seek club, and their president has not been found until now...

A little rabbit went fishing in the pond, but he fished for a long time without catching anything....

The next day, the little rabbit went fishing in the pond again, but still didn't catch any fish after fishing for a whole day.... ..

On the third day, the little rabbit still insisted on fishing in the pond, but still got nothing...

On the fourth day, the little rabbit still went to the pond to fish. A fish jumped out of the water and roared at the little rabbit: "If you use carrots as bait again, I will beat you to death!"

.… After doing homework for a long time, I turned on the radio and heard a gentle voice. : "...If the skin color is red and the hair on the face is tender and soft, then it means you are very healthy..."

Hearing this, I couldn't help but touch my face, look in the mirror, and smile again. I look healthy. Cute.

At this time, the announcer said again: "Okay, listeners, this is the end of our "Pig Raising Knowledge Lecture"..."

8. A certain place In elementary school, two students were quarreling. A said, "You...just keep shouting, and I'll call someone and I'll find someone!" "

B said: "You...you hit me! I don't believe it..."

Then A really ran to make a phone call, and when he came back, he He said a harsh word: "You will know how to die in 30 minutes!"

At this time, B was very nervous, but there was nothing he could do. After 30 minutes, the school broadcast: "Classmate B, If you have a visitor, please come to the Academic Affairs Office. "Although I'm scared, I think I'm in the Academic Affairs Office, so I should be fine.

So he went to the Academic Affairs Office, and a teenager with blond hair walked up to him and said, "Are you Yi?" "Sorry for the wait, this is the 10 pieces of Hawaiian pizza and chicken you ordered, 5,300 yuan.

B: "I just..." Rene Liu's proposal to Jay Chou was rejected. Rene Liu asked Jay Chou why? Jay Chou said, milk tea, I like Youlemei.

.---Hello. , please call a car.

I'm at the intersection of XX, wearing a black short skirt...

---Okay, where to?

---Uh...to the knees...