Funny tricks to trick your friends 2017(2)

Classic jokes about acquaintances cheating acquaintances

1. I just chatted with a young man who came to our hospital for treatment. I asked: How old is the young man this year? He said 23, and I said: Look. Wearing image 26. ?I asked: ?Does anyone have a partner? He said no. Then he said? Me neither. ?At that time, when I saw the strange look in the young man's eyes, I just wanted to say, I was just chatting, I had no other intentions, and I wasn't gay.

2. Afanti’s big rooster crows very early every morning, which always ruins Afanti’s sweet dreams. This morning, Afanjie got up in anger, grabbed the big rooster, and used scissors to cut off the tail and comb of the big rooster. Then, he looked at the big bald-tailed rooster and said: "It looks like a hen now. It won't crow anymore!"

3. My colleagues like to watch Running Man, starting from the first season. I was not disappointed, so I asked her what she liked, and she said she mainly wanted to see the baby’s facial transformation. I said I didn’t go for an appraisal and said it wasn’t plastic surgery? Not plastic surgery? She just changed her head?

4. Tang Monk was hungry and said: "Wukong, I'm hungry, why don't you go and make some vegetarian food!" Wukong came back soon, only holding a few cucumbers in his hand. Tang Seng: Where are we? Wukong: There are cucumber fields for hundreds of miles, and I don’t know where it is! Tang Seng: Help me up, I must be in the land of girls!?

5 , I went downstairs for lunch at noon, and met a beautiful woman in the elevator who was also waiting for the elevator. She was extremely sexy and charming, so I took a few more glances. When the elevator came, the beauty entered the elevator. Although it was upwards, I followed her in just to see the beauty a few more times. What I never expected was that the beauty took another step forward. I was stunned when the elevator closed, and the beauty's silver bell-like laughter came from outside the door.

6. My sister took a nap with the air conditioner on. Not long after she fell asleep, she woke up from the heat. She found that she was covered with a quilt and her whole body was covered in sweat. The little niece looked at her innocently from the side, and the mother started laughing. My niece said confidently, my aunt said, my aunt is so cold that she is sweating all over her body. She asked me to cover you with a quilt. ? Oh my God! This naughty kid did it on purpose, he must have done it on purpose!

7. The original poster was born in 1992 and has been single since he experienced a failed relationship. My mother told me: If you don’t bring a girl back during the Spring Festival next year, don’t come back either. ?I said: ?What if I find one, but she takes me home? My father is standing aside: ?If someone wants you, it doesn't matter if you don't come back. ?Me:

8. A boy saw a beautiful girl in a bar and wanted to strike up a conversation but didn't dare. He had an idea and wrote a note and handed it to the girl: "If you like me, please smile; if you don't like me, please do a backflip." ?The girl looked at the note, smiled, stood up, slapped the table and did a backflip?

9. There is a woman in the personnel department of her boyfriend's company who has been in charge of personnel management for many years, and her reputation spread far and wide. Finally, one day she was transferred to another department, but there were still many people asking her for trouble in the personnel department. That day she became really impatient and shouted loudly: I am no longer in the human resources department!!!

10. A young man who had just retired from the army was kidnapped by two robbers late at night. The robbers yelled at him and asked him to hand over his money. After all, the young man was still young and had just retired from the army. He shouted: "Bah!" and immediately hit three sets of military-style punches. , and then was stabbed more than 30 times.

11. The second-hand colleague sitting next to me keeps three Eastern salamanders. These amphibians will eat the shed skin after they shed their skin. One afternoon, there happened to be an Oriental salamander that was shedding its skin. The two of us gathered around the fish tank and watched it shed its skin. A second-rate colleague said quietly: "It's hungry, so it's peeling off its skin to eat!"

12. Once when I was walking halfway, I suddenly felt the need to urinate, so I ran into the field to relieve myself. The grass was half a man deep. When I came out, I always felt a pricking sensation on my buttocks. Because my colleagues were shouting in a hurry, I couldn't go back and open my pants to look. I thought it was a weed, so I just ignored it. When I got home, I unbuttoned my pants and saw a bloody grasshopper lying flat on my butt.

13. When I was in high school, my family had a dog, and my mother treated it like a child. One time, my classmates came to play at home, and my mother held the dog and opened the door. After opening the door, in order to show her enthusiasm, my mother shook the dog's paw and said: "Call me brother." ?I don’t know why my classmate got crazy and shouted: ?Brother!?

14. ?Hand over your most valuable thing!? Faced with the threat of the robber, the boyfriend said nothing , pushed me out. For a moment I didn't know whether I should be moved or angry.

15. After moving bricks all day during the day, I was as tired as a dog. I finally crawled home and fell asleep. In my fucking dream, I moved bricks all night again, and I couldn’t get up in the morning at all.

16. My husband used to like to put his hands on my breasts and squeeze and rub them while watching TV and sleeping. After I became pregnant, I started to touch my slowly growing belly.

17. In geography class today, the teacher asked us, do you know what a wind power tower looks like? My second-rate deskmate said in our local dialect: It looks like you. I burst out laughing.

18. Let’s talk about a co-worker. Several people were stacking Arhats on top of each other. When the stack reached its climax, the person at the bottom felt pain in his back and couldn’t stand it anymore. He shouted, “My waist, my waist, my waist!” ?, but the person at the top heard, I want, I want, I want. On the other hand, Yamaidi's movements became even bigger.

19. I haven’t lost my integrity for a long time. I remember a colleague said to me when I entered the factory: You Cantonese people are dirty and you have to shower every day. We who are not dirty only shower once a week. I I am speechless!

20. My best friend is a patient in the same ward, which is both funny and sad. He had just finished chemotherapy and kept vomiting, so the doctor prescribed him antiemetics. Then the diarrhea changed, and the doctor prescribed antidiarrheal medicine. Then I had insomnia, and the doctor prescribed sleeping pills. Then I got a headache, and the doctor reluctantly told me not to take any medicine.

21. Today in the cafeteria, I met a junior student who wanted to swipe his card for his junior sister, but she refused. I immediately took back her meal card, broke it, and left silently, hiding my merit and fame. Come on, junior! Seniors can only help you so far!

22. A 25-year-old beautiful girl married a 60-year-old man. On the night of the wedding, the old man held out three fingers to the girl. The girl said: Wow, there are three times tonight? The old man said: Which finger do you choose?

23. One of Einstein’s girlfriends called him. Finally, she asked Einstein to write down her phone number so that she could call her later. ?My phone number is very long and hard to remember. ?Speak, I listen. ?Einstein did not pick up a pen. ?24361. ?What's so hard to remember? Einstein said, ?Two dozen and nineteen squared, I remember it. ?

24. My sister-in-law is a nurse and works in a pharmacy. Once, an acquaintance of the boss came over and asked: Do you have that kind of medicine? The pharmacy owner gave me a box of sex pills. The next day, a customer came over and asked: Why do you feel so hot all over your body and flushed in the face after taking your medicine for treating prostatitis?

25. A friend was sitting on the side of the road waiting for the bus. When the bus came, he found that his legs were numb and he limped on. On the bus, a young girl insisted on giving up her seat. My introverted brother was embarrassed to be in front of so many people arguing, so he sat down. After a while, I arrived at the station and found that my legs were healed, but the little girl who had been given the seat was still there. I can’t live with my face, so my buddy limped off again?

26. The girl’s father: I’ve raised her for 20 years, why should I marry her to you!? The young man: You I have only raised her for 20 years. I will support her for 40 years and you for 30 years. Why don’t you marry her to me?!?

27. Boyfriend and girlfriend quarrel, girlfriend and boyfriend Said: "I will admit that I was wrong first, and then you will say that I am right, okay?" My boyfriend agreed. My girlfriend said: "I was wrong." ?My boyfriend said: ?You are so right!?

28. Yesterday afternoon, I was riding a scooter on the road recklessly. I was stopped by the traffic police at an intersection and asked me to show my driver's license. Driving license, this is the rhythm of detaining the car. When I took out my ID and handed it to the police, I could clearly see his slightly disappointed expression.

29. I came here to visit Foshan a few days ago. My friend drank some wine but I didn’t drink, so he asked me to drive. Because the road was unfamiliar, I kept asking him whether to turn left or right. I don’t know if he was annoyed by asking him. He didn’t say much, so I thought I would just go straight without saying anything. After two more red and green waiting periods, I quickly asked where I am now! He said that when I hear the next voice, please go straight. Alas, I have my own navigation system.

30. A woman checked into a hotel room. After a while, the phone rang and she picked up the phone. A man's voice: Beauty, do you need service? Madam is ready to hang up. The man hurriedly said: If it doesn’t last an hour, you’ll be refunded 200 yuan. The lady thought to herself, I don’t believe it yet, come on. The man came and finished his work in ten minutes, then gave 200 yuan and left. The lady stared and thought for a long time. Heart-warming jokes for boyfriends

1. The phone was stolen. Decisively, I sent a text message on my friend’s mobile phone: Brother, I’m going back to my hometown to stay for a few days, and I won’t send you the 30,000 yuan. There’s no rush. I’ll put it in the mailbox of my new apartment. Address : XX apartment, mailbox No. Then the man who stole the mobile phone was captured alive!

2. My husband worked as a cashier. One day I drove them to work in the countryside. The guys who stole the mobile phone were basically old men and old ladies. I asked out of boredom. One sentence: Auntie, you follow the trend and also play online! The old lady replied: No, I just pretended that my grandson would stay at home and play. At that time, I didn't know what it felt like.

3. The child was scolded by his parents as a stupid bird because of his poor grades. The child was unconvinced and said that there are three types of stupid birds in the world, one is the one that flies first, and the other is too tired to fly. The parent asked: What about the third kind? The child said: This kind is the most annoying. If you can't fly, you will lay an egg in the nest and ask the next generation to fly hard.

4. Not long after I had just learned a few words when I was a child, my mother took He Faxiao shopping. Faxiao saw a shop selling roasted seeds and nuts in Shanghai, and said loudly to her mother: Mom, look, Shanghai sluts~ It was so cute when I was little, but it was a pain for the parents who were confused at the time!

5. Making money is like a sporadic drizzle, but spending money is like a heavy snow. There are so many things in front of you, but your pockets are empty.

He gritted his teeth, stamped his feet, clutched his wallet and ran away. I wish my friends success in their careers, abundant financial resources, countless money, and my hands cramping from counting the money.

6. There was a sudden power outage in the morning. My mother asked me to go to the property management company to see if my appliance card was in arrears. I lay in bed, took out my mobile phone, and turned on Wi-Fi. The list was empty. . ?Mom, it’s stopped in the community. ?Turn over and continue sleeping.

7. Before going to bed, I spend two minutes satisfying my wife with my hands, and I spend another minute and a half on her belly. Before coming down, she asked me if we were in harmony. I think so.

8. I woke up at noon and felt a little thirsty, so I opened the lid of the water glass and took a few sips. Suddenly I saw a dead fly at the bottom of the water glass. I felt bad all over and the lid was screwed on. Why is it dead inside? Take a closer look and touch it with your hands. It turned out that it was already dead at the bottom of the bottle, and the water glass just happened to hold it down.

9. Today, an unmarried colleague joked about another married colleague, saying that he has no status at home, cleaning, doing housework, and taking care of the children. I thought to myself, which married man does not have a history of blood and tears in his heart? !It is even more difficult for young men nowadays. It is very likely that as soon as they escape from the dragon pool of being forced to marry, they dive into the tiger's den of their wife!

10. School has just started, and there are weeds outside the classroom. The old class asked us We went to pull weeds. We obediently went to pull weeds. When we got outside, we were talking and playing while we were pulling weeds. At this time, we saw the old class and we quickly pulled the weeds desperately. The old class slowly came over to supervise the work and pulled the weeds at the same time. He was smoking while watching us work. At this time, I only heard the old classmate saying: "My buttocks are really high and I haven't worked hard at all." ?

11. I just heard from a colleague in the evening that the balcony on the second floor of her hometown house has no guardrails. The family dog ??is walking on the second floor. When it sees a bird, it happily runs over to catch it. The bird flew away in fright! It instantly forgot that it was just a dog and flew away, successfully breaking the bone.

12. It was cold and I got up late. I bought a cup of porridge and hurriedly got on the bus. After a while, a girl came up and sat behind me. I took a sip of the porridge, and she took a sip of snot. Then she took another sip of porridge and she took another sip. A mouthful of snot, girl, can I have breakfast and stop dubbing?

13. I brought an old towel from home that I hadn’t used for more than half a year and went to the company to wipe my desk. When I was scrubbing at the toilet sink, half the basin of water turned yellow.

14. A woman discussed with her husband: I want to put a statue of a music master on the piano. Who among Mozart, Beethoven and Liszt is the most suitable? The husband replied: Of course it is. Beethoven. ?She asked happily: ?Why? Husband: ?Because he is deaf. ?

15. A young man was caught pulling a few long hairs of a girl in a shopping mall and the police were called. The police asked why you did this? The young man said: Recently, several friends from my hometown are coming to play with me. , I got some long hair and put it on the bed. When my friends saw it, it seemed that I was doing well.

16. A girl’s signature: I have been a Qitian Dasureng for more than 20 years, but I have never met a master. Maybe I am really not the material for sperm extraction! I replied: Since I already have the golden hoop, Do you still need a master?

17. There is a group of tadpoles who have been holding back for a long time and want to become adults as soon as possible. One day, there was a sudden movement outside. The tadpoles ran out crazily. At this moment, the old tadpole running at the front shouted loudly, "Brothers, run back quickly. We have been fooled. This bitch is masturbating to himself." .

18. I had a waist X-ray for bone hyperplasia. The nurse MM came over and asked me to stand next to the machine. There were only two of us in the room at that time. MM whispered: Take off your pants! I was shocked. Thank you for wearing boxer briefs today, otherwise the pile of hair would scare you to death.

19. My cousin liked a girl from the school next door. After a month of observation, he finally scratched the girl on an electric bike, and then sent her to school again and again in the name of the perpetrator! In the end, he actually I went to live in someone else's house on the pretext of taking care of their daily life!

20. I remember when I was a child, there was a kind of wall in the village made of mud. My friends kicked it with their feet, and it was crumbling. That's it. I watched too much Tietou Kung at that time, so I just hit it with my head. As a result, the wall fell down, the person fell down, and the person woke up in the hospital! >>> More exciting things on the next page? Funny Girlfriend’s routine jokes?