Late autumn weather in Shenqiu, Zhoukou

I have bad dreams at night, and there are repetitive people in my dreams. But then, I never saw you again except in my dream. These are two sentences I just saw, full of sadness.

The term is coming, and my novel has been finished. This is the longest article I have ever written, with more than 50,000 words. It is a novella. I have no intention of writing a long story. Maybe, when I have my own house and no one bothers me, I will write my story in the form of autobiography.

The weather in Shenqiu is similar to that in Zhecheng County. There is not much snow in winter, and it is very cold everywhere. Beginning of spring has passed, and the climate in Shenqiu is mostly cloudy and humid, as if there is a poetic feeling in any season. The Shaying River flows slowly in the distance, and the country cottages are just right.

After the holiday, it was rainy and sunny. I have been living in Wangzhuang Village. I cover my bed every day. I don't know what happened outside the window, but I am at ease. I have too much gratitude for the years, because the experience in Shenqiu over the years has strengthened my heart and made me lead an honest and clean life.

Since last year, when the epidemic was serious and I was worried that I couldn't come to Shenqiu, Lulu and Beibei drove to my house to pick me up. So far, I haven't been looking forward to going home. That home is strange to me. On the contrary, Shen Qiu city. I am so familiar, but very strange.

In the dream, those childhood days and memories of the village suddenly came back. Immersed in childhood dreams, I am always awakened by the ruthless real life. I have read a book by Lu Sihao before. Please wake me up before you leave! Five years later, I'm still asleep. It seems that I have never left, and I have never left.

I have experienced ups and downs and great changes, but I have always been so fearless. Friends always say, "boom! Why don't you always care about your own business? " How could I care? Everyone has family support and friends behind them. I looked up at the sky and asked myself, "What about me? Who is behind me? " Maybe, just myself! After all these years, I don't even believe in myself. What do you want me to believe?

At such an embarrassing age, preparing lessons can become the laughing stock of others. When you are old, people around you always joke about your personal problems, and I always pretend not to care. I have spent a third of my life, whether it is long or short. A wisp of smoke in the village street doesn't matter to me, but I think everything is fine.

I'd rather live in a remote village, a few tile houses and live on bread and tea. I don't want anyone to accompany me to suffer, just keep it simple. Now, I still like what I like, but I don't say it and keep it in my heart. I'm still scared, but I dare to face it.

In these years, whenever I am hurt by setbacks and feel timid and worried, I will calm down and study and write when I can. Forget the unhappiness imposed on me by the outside world. I stay alone and never embarrass anyone. No matter how much trouble I get along with others, it's not worth mentioning. In 2022, I set myself a goal of being in a better mood. Two words-optimism! Even the Buddha system! It doesn't matter!

The dust on the windowsill has accumulated a thick layer. Only dust in the world can do this, no matter the dynasty, no matter the current situation, no matter success or failure, it can be chic at any time. They are hiding in the corner, humble and far away from the noise of the world, and I also want to be just a dust in this life to avoid all the harm from the outside world.

During the holidays, I seldom speak, hardly speak, seldom go out, and I don't want to see others more and more. I always feel out of place with this society. I don't know from which moment, I put myself in a condom, just like Rykov, who is withdrawn and timid in the short story The Man in the Condom by the Russian writer Chekhov.

When I was a child, I liked to touch the dog I fed at home. I thought dogs were the only friends in the world who were kind to me. No matter how much I make noise and hit it, it will smile at me. Later, I graduated from work and traveled around the world. The dogs at home have changed from generation to generation, and they don't recognize me. Maybe I was away from home for too long, and they bit me when they saw me.

For a time, I was used to writing articles and chasing TV dramas late at night, shopping alone, visiting the campus alone and cooking and eating alone. No matter how trivial things in the world of mortals bind me. I am optimistic, sorting books, cleaning the house, washing clothes and cooking, and I don't take anything seriously.

At nine o'clock tomorrow, the minister informed me to go to school for a meeting and be the head teacher. In fact, he put me in power slowly. To tell the truth, I don't want to do anything, but how can I not bow my head under the low eaves? I need to earn money, but I know nothing about the world, so I don't have to fight with anyone, let alone anyone. No way, some things in real life always make you helpless and give in step by step.

In the past ten years, the stupid things I have done are nothing more than for a little affection and for my city. I came to Shenqiu to avoid the clutter at home. If I want to live a stable life, finding a job as a teacher is also a kind of practice, but I need to pay the price.

If you want to make money, you must be busy with your work. If you want to study, you have to make money. With money, you will have a stable life. This is a tangled body in itself, and no matter what, you can't have it both ways. I don't know how to live after thirty. However, the joys and sorrows of the world, bitterness and pain, are to be experienced, can not get rid of I can only accept it, accept it.

In the afternoon, I watched a movie "Four Seas at Home". There are ups and downs, successes and failures in the world. A Yao and Huan Ge are determined to be the opposites of their loved ones. They want to keep warm and be independent from each other, but they are never on the same channel. Things have changed, and they have to leave their homes and embark on an unknown journey.

Every night, the noise of Angang in the distance is silent, the dogs in the village stop barking, and there is a dead silence all around. In the dark, I feel that I have merged with the night. I don't know why I came. I don't know where to go. It's just that people are between heaven and earth, like dust, as light as passers-by, coming slowly and walking silently. Relax, it's just that someone is destined.

With the prosperity of the world, ups and downs and the smell of fireworks, I feel depressed and lonely. Finally, I feel calm and lonely in the night.

For me, during the holidays, I can study behind closed doors, write stories and meditate, or I can sit and do nothing. After all, the most taboo in life since ancient times is half deaf, half dumb and half confused. How can life be okay? Everything is only half right.

Starting from tomorrow, my work is really busy. Let me forget myself. Sleep well and have a good dream in this silent night. ...