What are the seven principles for dealing with interpersonal relationships?

Psychologists tell us: imagine others as angels, and you won't meet the devil.

Marxist philosophy holds that the development of simple things or complex things always follows certain objective laws and is not influenced by our personal will. As an equally complicated social phenomenon, the existence and development of interpersonal relationships are restricted by objective laws. And this law is the basic principle to follow in dealing with interpersonal relationships.

equality

Everyone is born free and equal, and no one has the right to be superior to others. Therefore, when interacting with others, we must ask ourselves to respect others' self-esteem and feelings, not to interfere in others' private lives, and to achieve emotional equality, value equality and status equality. Only by treating people as friends on an equal footing can we seek ways to know and understand each other, and you can truly understand others. If you think you are superior, just like a person standing at the top of the mountain looking at the people at the foot of the mountain, there is only smallness and contempt, so you can't be honest with each other at all, and naturally there is no "mutual benefit".

bear

This truth requires us to be "adults don't remember villains, prime ministers can punt in their stomachs", be broad-minded, don't care about friends' small faults, tolerate others' shortcomings, and be impatient and patient.

In daily life, we often use "never show weakness" to describe a brave person, but those who never show weakness everywhere can get temporary benefits, and sometimes it is difficult to become the ultimate winner.

Some people, on the other hand, are patient, not bravado, not aggressive, have a calm and tolerant mood, can get rid of selfish distractions, and do things persistently without interference from outsiders. Even if they are hit, they will not despair, because they are calm, so they can take it in stride. This kind of person can't run fast, but he can stick to the finish line.

Those who try to be brave are not necessarily strong, and those who show weakness are not necessarily weak. Everyone can demonstrate, but few people can show weakness. It can better reflect a person's intelligence and courage. Being weak does not mean that you are a weak person, nor does it mean that you bow your head and give up. Less pride, more pride, and always keep a low profile for yourself. This is the demeanor of a gentleman.

Tolerating others doesn't mean being what others say, but we should stick to our own principle of right and wrong. In the face of big right and wrong, we must never tolerate or give in. In other words, what we call tolerance is to organically combine principle with flexibility to better achieve our lofty goals.

The principle of tolerance also requires us to be humble, to be reasonable and to make people; Be clear about big things, be confused about small things, be strict with yourself and be lenient with others.

Choose kindness

This principle means that when establishing and developing our own interpersonal network, we should not act blindly without purpose, but should be targeted and selective, that is, "choose good and follow it, choose evil and abandon it" and "choose the lesser of two evils; When the two benefits are in power, the right should be taken. "

Psychologists tell us: imagine others as angels, and you won't meet the devil.

Psychologists have done an ingenious experiment: the experimenter asked two groups of participants to call the same woman, and the first group said that the other group was a cold, dull and boring woman; For the second group, the other person is a warm, lively, cheerful and interesting woman.

It turns out that the conversation between the second group and the lady is very speculative, and the conversation time is obviously longer than that of the first group, while it is difficult for the first group to have a smooth conversation with the lady. Why is this? The reason is simple, that is, they accept different hints. Treat others as demons, of course you will meet demons; Treat others as angels and you won't meet the devil.

By kindness and interests, we mean legitimate interests, or people or interpersonal relationships that are beneficial to society, others and themselves. When we establish and develop interpersonal networks for our own interests, the first thing to consider is whether the mutual needs between ourselves and our associates are malicious at the expense of others' rights and interests. If the benefits of society and others are far greater than our own gains, you must consider giving up.

Understand; Understanding

In the street in winter, there is a blind beggar begging. There is a sign around his neck that says "Blindness since childhood".

When he asked a poet, the poet said he was poor and gave him something else, so he rewrote a sentence on the beggar's sign. Since then, beggars have suddenly received sympathy and charity from many people.

Later, the beggar met the poet again and asked strangely, "What did you write for me?"

The poet smiled and read the words written on the sign: "Spring has come, but I can't see it."

Decorate your shortcomings with wisdom and you will get advantages. Want to get help from others? Then please get others' understanding and sympathy for you and touch others' hearts first.

We always say long live understanding. Because understanding can make both sides of communication put themselves in their shoes to think about the problem. If you see the other person's difficulties clearly, you will understand why the other person will make unexpected moves. Only when people understand each other can there be spiritual dialogue and mutual sympathy, care and friendship.

"People know each other, you know each other; Knowing each other, you are intimate. " Therefore, everyone in the network should try to understand and understand the ideals, personalities, ways of thinking and behavior habits of people around them, so as to further understand each other's rights and obligations. Only by mutual understanding, mutual tolerance, no haggling over every ounce and no nitpicking can we properly handle problems in daily exchanges and conflicts between the two sides and even inspire deeper friendship.

Adjust the balance

This principle is to pay attention to coordinating and balancing all kinds of interpersonal relationships and let them go their own way, without conflict or interference. Because our personal energy and time are limited, it is impossible for anyone to spend all his energy on coordinating interpersonal relationships, and the fundamental purpose of establishing and developing interpersonal relationships is to meet their own needs, not to create troubles and troubles for themselves, so interpersonal relationships can neither be too much nor insufficient. If you are entangled in interpersonal relationships, you must put too much energy into communication and affect your performance; If not, the critical moment will be isolated, or the information will be blocked, thus reducing the opportunities for self-exertion. So when dealing with interpersonal relationships, we must always coordinate and balance the relationship between personal needs and our time and energy.

At the end of the 20th century, a forest fire broke out in an American state, affecting tens of thousands of acres of forest. Afterwards, people found that the culprit was the dead branches and leaves in the forest. So, the state government cleaned up the dead trees and grass leaves in the forest to prevent hidden dangers.

In the following two years, there was no major fire. However, a large-scale outbreak of pests caused by Picea crassifolia. Experts from the United States Department of Agriculture investigated this phenomenon. It turns out that the main cause of insect pests is that human beings have unconsciously cleared the dead trees and grass leaves in the forest.

Biologists have found that the number of pests in the forest is inversely proportional to the number of birds and ants there. After many trees die, holes will be formed after a period of time, so that birds and ants can settle down and enjoy themselves. Their existence effectively inhibits the reproduction of pests. When people remove these dead trees to prevent fires, they also destroy the homes where these birds and ants live.

What exists is reasonable. Nature always uses an invisible hand to skillfully adjust and balance the relationship between various creatures. What human beings should do is to respect the laws of nature and live in peace with nature. In life, people should also live in peace and coordinate relations in all aspects.

active

The positive principle means that in interpersonal activities, the attitude should be enthusiastic and the behavior should be positive. Be enthusiastic about old friends, take the initiative to new friends, and especially don't judge a book by its cover. As the saying goes, "You can't judge a person by his appearance, and the sea is immeasurable." If you treat people with colored glasses, it will arouse people's disgust and think that you have no connotation. No one likes to deal with people who are superficial and ignorant. However, appropriate enthusiasm and positive behavior can not only enhance mutual friendship, but also resolve unnecessary misunderstandings and draw closer to each other.

A hunter lost his way in the mountains for several days, tired, hungry and cold, and came across a hut. He had long heard that his master was an eccentric hermit who was hostile to any intruder. But forced by hunger, the hunter entered the restricted area.

At this time, the hunter can have the following choices: first, force the hermit to submit with a gun and rob him of his food; The second is to compete with hermits. Whoever kills who is a tragedy.

But the hunter took a smarter approach: he knocked on the door gently, and when the hermit opened the door, the hunter greeted him first and handed the gun butt to the hermit. The hermit was very surprised, but he took the gun.

"Can you change something to eat with a gun? Because I'm really hungry. " Because the weapon is in his hand, the hermit feels very safe, and the hunter's respect for him makes him very happy.

"Come on in!" He invited the hunter in and cooked for him. After dinner, the hermit returned the gun to the hunter and led him out of the forest.

Be proactive not only in behavior and attitude, but also in words. There is a saying that "enthusiasm is like fire, which can heat stones". Enthusiasm, compared with other compulsive violence and ruthlessness, is easier to enter other people's hearts and change their minds. Interpersonal relationship without enthusiasm is indifferent, and it will not play any role in the development of your relationship.

A friend said that his relatives' aunts never wear shoes that fit, and often walk around in huge shoes. If the younger generation asks her, she will say, "All shoes are the same price, why not buy a big one?"

Some people who have heard this story always laugh their heads off. In fact, we will see many such people in our lives. Writers who have no thoughts only write heavy and bitter works; Painters without content only draw super-huge paintings; Businessmen who often go out have big homes.

Many people are constantly pursuing greatness, which is actually driven by inner greed, just like buying oversized shoes and forgetting their own feet.

Enough is enough, too much is too late. Therefore, all our actions in interpersonal communication should be moderate and appropriate, in line with our own identity and status, that is, just right. This is the most important principle in interpersonal communication.

The principle of moderation also requires us to use interpersonal relationships to do things for ourselves, not reluctantly, not frequently, not using friends as tools, and letting each other do things for ourselves every once in a while. Because the other person may rely on his own relationship or spend a lot of time and energy to help you deal with things, if you always beg him, it will delay his precious time and bring him trouble. Therefore, we should also pay attention to moderation when using relationships.

Seven Successful Interpersonal Skills We introduce seven principles and seven skills here. It is a panacea that can help you improve your ability to establish, use and maintain interpersonal relationships.

In fact, in addition to following the seven principles of dealing with interpersonal relationships, we also need to master the skills of communicating with others. Similarly, we also summarized seven skills to promote interpersonal relationships, hoping to help you. Because skill is a shortcut for us to make the most suitable friends and establish good interpersonal relationships in the shortest time.

Pay attention to image

Personal appearance is an important factor to highlight the image. If the image is not good, it will definitely reduce the taste in the other person's heart, and even the other person will disdain to associate with people like you, let alone develop relationships. So you should pay attention to your image at ordinary times. Why are handsome men and beautiful women the focus wherever you go? This is because they have a good image. Although not everyone of us has a natural good face, we can wrap ourselves in neat and decent clothes. And a good personal image can often increase your chances of winning.

Praise others appropriately.

Miss Zhang and Miss Wang, both in the same company, have been at odds. One day, Miss Zhang couldn't bear it, and said to another colleague, Mr. Li, "Go and tell Miss Wang that I really can't stand her, and let her change her bad temper, otherwise no one will take care of her."

Mr. Li said, "Good! I will take care of this. " Later, Teacher Zhang met Miss Wang, who was really nice and polite. Compared with before, she is completely different. Miss Zhang thanked Mr. Li and asked curiously, "How do you say it is so magical?"

Mr. Li said with a smile, "I told Miss Wang that many people praised you, especially Miss Zhang, saying that you are gentle, kind, good-natured and more popular! That's all. "

It is more effective to treat people you don't like in another way. Giving people sincere praise reflects respect, expectation and trust, which helps to enhance mutual understanding and friendship and win others' good feelings for you. It is a good way to coordinate interpersonal relationships.

It is human nature to be willing to be praised and to listen to good words. So everyone is willing to listen to good words. In fact, many people have been promoted by competing to speak well of their leaders, and also gained good popularity by speaking well of their colleagues. Even for people who have just met, a heartfelt compliment will have unexpected effects. Sometimes, good words can also resolve the crisis. Although you can't be stingy with praise, you can't say good things for the sake of saying good things, otherwise it will be too much and counterproductive.

Learning humor

A couple with glasses greeted the waiter angrily in the restaurant. The man pointed to a fly floating in the fresh soup and asked coldly, "Excuse me, what is this thing doing in my soup?"

The waiter felt sorry for himself first, and then had a brainwave and replied respectfully, "I'm sorry, sir, it seems to be swimming."

"Doesn't it know that swimming is forbidden here?" The man also asked humorously.

"I'm sorry, let this fellow foolishly, is our lax management. Shall I change a bowl of soup for you? "

The couple were angered by the waiter's humor and took the initiative to adopt an understanding attitude.

To achieve the same goal, humor seems to be closer and more friendly. Humor is a kind of intelligent eloquence, dealing with things with humorous attitudes and methods.

Humor is a science, an art and the highest level of human wisdom. A humorous person is often more popular than those who are dull and boring. Although this is ridiculed as grandstanding by people who don't know humor, it is undeniable that their humor has brought joy to everyone and brought us closer.

Humor, not everyone will, but if you don't have this talent, you should cultivate and strengthen it through usual accumulation and extensive cultivation of hobbies. Only with this ability, when dealing with different types of people, can we find common topics of interest as soon as possible and narrow the distance between us in the shortest time.

Open the door.

There is a strong lock hanging on the iron gate, and an iron bar has taken great efforts, but it still can't be pried open. The key came, and its thin body got into the keyhole. With a slight turn, the big lock opened with a bang. Tiexin asked strangely, "Why can't I open it with such great effort, but you open it easily?"

The key said, "Because I know his heart best."

Everyone's heart is like a locked door, no matter how thick the iron bar is, it can't be pried open. Only by caring can we turn ourselves into a delicate key, enter other people's hearts and understand others.

Successful communication requires reading other people's thoughts. Because everyone has a heart lock in their heart, no external force can open it. As long as you open your heart and show your sincerity, let others easily enter your heart and become your friends, and at the same time you can easily open each other's hearts.

Only by changing your heart can you make sincere friends.

However, some people think that people have ulterior motives, so in order to avoid being hurt, we should "say only three words in front of people, not all from the heart."

Can you really protect yourself like this? Not necessarily! Because knowing each other is your heart. If we are always evasive and secretive when dealing with people, how can we close the distance between us and let the other person have a good impression on you? How can you make the other person feel that you really want to make friends with him? Our most enviable friendship is never abandoning our friends. In fact, if you want to have this kind of friendship, you must be a person who is not afraid of injury, because "I can't bear to part with my children and let go of the wolf"! Only by giving sincerity can we receive each other's sincerity. If everyone has this idea and can communicate honestly, they will not be hurt, but will make good friends.

Accommodate different viewpoints.

Sticking to your own point of view does not have to be based on suppressing the other side's point of view. Being able to seek common ground while reserving differences is the basis for establishing cooperative relations.

The same thing, because we have different ways of thinking, different positions and different angles of thinking, may have completely opposite views and come to completely different conclusions. For example, if you make a planning book, you think it is very good, but some people think that your planning needs to be improved. If you crustily skin of head and insist on your opinion at this time, then in the eyes of the other party, you are a hopeless and stubborn person, who refuses to change his mistakes and repents, which is not good for your relations.

However, if you think from another angle and put yourself in the other person's shoes, you may come to another better conclusion. Therefore, we advocate: adhere to but not stick to principles. If you are opinionated, but not opinionated, you can make appropriate concessions and give each other and yourself one more way and one more step, so that you can not only know people, but also win their respect and admiration.

Be good at controlling your emotions. One weekend afternoon, Xiao Li came to the office and was about to sit down when the light went out. Xiao Li jumped up and ran to the boiler room downstairs. The administrator is whistling and adding coal as if nothing had happened. Xiao Wang scolded for six or seven minutes. Finally, he couldn't find any swearing words, so he had to slow down.

At this time, the administrator stood up straight, turned his head and smiled. He said in a calm and self-controlled voice, "Ah, are you a little excited tonight?"

Obviously, Xiao Li was defeated in this battle. Xiao Li is so depressed that even the administrator hates her teeth. But it's no use. After returning to the office, he reflected on it and felt that the only way was to apologize to that person.

Xiao Li went back to the boiler. It was the administrator's turn to be surprised: "What can I do for you?"

Xiao Li said, "I came to apologize to you. I shouldn't scold you anyway. "

This obviously worked, and the administrator was embarrassed: "Don't apologize to me, I didn't hear it just now. Besides, I am just venting my personal anger and have no ill feelings for you. "

This made Xiao Li very moved, and the two stood and talked for more than an hour.

Since then, the two have actually become good friends. Xiao Li also made up his mind that no matter what happens in the future, he will never lose his self-control again.

Once a person loses self-control, it is easy to be defeated by others. You can't control others unless you control yourself first. Self-control is not only a virtue of human beings, but also a helping hand in the process of achieving great things, because only with excellent self-control can we better adapt to reality.

Zeng Guofan once said: Only those who are good at self-control can control others. However, in our daily life and work, there are countless difficulties, setbacks, troubles and misunderstandings, which will inevitably get out of control and vent. However, if you lose control of your emotions and affect others, or even affect others' goodwill towards yourself, it will be a bit of a loss. If you pay attention to learn to control your emotions, especially if you can't get emotional and lose your temper because of some small interpersonal frictions and contradictions, it will not only affect your work, but also make others misunderstand your personality and quality and think that such people are troublesome, thus affecting your coordination and communication.

Therefore, we advise those who have "temper" to learn to be good at controlling their emotions.

Listen and answer.

In a remote and closed town, only two radio stations can be heard: the first radio station specializes in celebrity news, entertainment programs, or pop song charts, and the listening rate is quite high; The second radio station is a meteorological professional radio station, and its audience is only a small number of people.

One night, the weather station issued an emergency warning: a powerful "tornado" would hit the town at midnight, and the radio station called on the villagers to evacuate immediately. This small group of listeners immediately organized, some went to the mayor, some went to the streets to beat gongs and drums, and some called the first radio station to ask for tornado news for help.

The mayor said, "There has never been a tornado in this town. The news of the tornado was misreported or fabricated by the Meteorological Observatory in order to improve the listening rate. " People who beat gongs and drums are considered crazy.

Radio 1 refused to interrupt this "life and death" news on the grounds that celebrities were being interviewed at the scene.

As a result, the town was razed to the ground by a tornado, so that no one knew that this land used to be a town.

When the meteorological station issued the weather forecast, the mayor and the people in the town didn't listen and respond, and it was too late to regret it.

The same is true of dealing with people. If you only care about yourself and ignore the words and deeds of others, you will also encounter "Waterloo".

When talking with people, it is not only the least courtesy, but also an important signal that you respect them. However, many people do not. When others are right, they like not to talk. If others don't agree with their views, they will interrupt, eager to confess or prove their correctness.

Actually, the reason is not high. Sometimes we speak not to argue who is right or wrong, but to deepen our understanding or clarify each other's thoughts. So there is no need to argue with each other in a hurry. Many times, we listen to each other's reasons quietly, and it is easier to achieve the purpose of effective communication.

In addition, we should also pay attention to giving back to each other appropriately. We can't let the other person talk for a long time, and you just look noncommittal, so that the other person can't guess what you are thinking. When someone smiles at you, you give him a smile. If others do well, don't be stingy with your own praise, give them a sincere compliment; Even if the other party has shortcomings, we should first find his advantages and criticize his shortcomings. So that the other person won't resent you.

Appropriate feedback can further deepen communication and enhance the relationship between the two.

We all want to achieve the best quality with the fastest speed, but not everyone can do it. Because it takes wisdom and skill to have such an effect. The seven principles and seven skills introduced here are a panacea that can help you improve your ability to establish, utilize and maintain interpersonal relationships. I hope you study hard to get the results we expect.