Understand these points, and you can get through the long-distance relationship.

Understand these points, and you can get through the long-distance relationship.

0 1. This is far from indelible love. Will he continue to love me? Will I still love him? "The answer is yes.

Come to think of it, we can even fall in love with a star and a binary figure, right?

So don't worry too much, as long as we are willing, our love is imaginative.

It depends on how much faith and willingness we have to maintain this love connection with each other.

As far as my friends are concerned, the best I have seen in different places for 8 years is finally together. Now I have two children.

I summed up seven points that I think are the most important, hoping to help friends who are in different places or will soon be in different places.

02. Enter a new running-in period.

1. Keep growing up and explore new ways to get along.

Even if we have been in love for many years before, if we suddenly become a long-distance relationship, it means that we have entered a new running-in process, and some bumps in the middle are normal.

At this time, we should not doubt our feelings in a hurry, but I need some patience and give each other enough time to explore new ways to get along.

For example, in the process of starting from different places, two people often have different requirements for contact frequency.

For example, one party will feel that it is best to report everything and try to return it as soon as possible. The other party will think that it is enough to have a fixed contact time every day.

There may be too many couples quarreling about this matter.

03.situation

At this time, we must first accept that this is a normal phenomenon in the running-in period, and then understand why the other party makes such unreasonable demands through communication.

I once took such a case:

When boys and girls are together, they get along very well, but after leaving home, girls' demand for frequent contact has soared, while boys are more resistant to reporting everything.

They began to quarrel frequently until they were on the verge of separation. Because the latter two cherish their previous feelings, I ask them to be patient and seriously understand why the other party has such a request.

Finally, the boys knew:

04. Get to know each other

My girlfriend keeps sending messages. It turns out that she needs to send a message to confirm our feelings, because her childhood memories can't control her anxiety about separation from close people.

If I don't respond positively, she will only be more anxious. I need to give her more certainty and accompany her to adapt to the process of different places.

The girl learned:

Boyfriends don't like frequent chatting, not because they don't love me. On the contrary, I feel that too frequent contact will remind him that long-distance love is a hard and sad thing, which will cause his anxiety and affect his mood and work efficiency.

So my boyfriend wants to separate two people's time from one person's work and study time. In this way, he will feel that life is more efficient and controllable.

05. Mutual understanding

After the two sides are open and honest, girls are more at ease, more stable, and boys are more willing to accommodate.

Later, I discussed with them a set of contact information that both sides felt comfortable, and agreed to adjust the plan according to the needs of two people in the future.

I once took such a case:

When boys and girls are together, they get along very well, but after leaving home, girls' demand for frequent contact has soared, while boys are more resistant to reporting everything.

They began to quarrel frequently until they were on the verge of separation. Because the latter two cherish their previous feelings, I ask them to be patient and seriously understand why the other party has such a request.

06. Self-exposure

In the process of handling this contradiction, both of them are looking at the problem with flexible and growing thinking.

Having growth thinking is a necessary ability for any long-term relationship.

Because in our life, people and environment are always changing.

We can't expect each other to get along in the same way as before. We should be able to adjust our mentality and get along with each other at any time to adapt to the new environment and challenges, and we should not be lazy.

Step 2 increase self-exposure

That is to share their information with each other. Really good intimacy often develops in the process of self-exposure.

07. Self-exposure of opinions

Self-exposure is divided into three layers:

The shallowest, such as daily life.

A very important function of love is companionship. For example, cooking together, shopping together, holding hands together, these daily lives build the most real connection between two people.

We can't hold each other's hands in different places in reality, so we need to use our imagination.

Strive to be the sweetest online cp and enjoy each other's lives through the network cable.

For example, the weather is fine today. I took a photo of Zhang Xiaohua in the park and sent it to him on the way. Play online games with him on weekends, or watch the same movie in our respective homes.

08. Follow each other's inner world

Because in a different place, we really can't experience each other's daily life together, so it is particularly necessary to share these ordinary but warm and real daily lives and let each other have a sense of participation in their own lives.

The second level of self-exposure is the attitude and viewpoint towards things.

For example, two people discuss their views on a hot event together, or watch a movie and a book together to discuss their views on the role.

Behind these discussions is our value judgment of things. We can use these methods to follow the growth and changes of each other's inner world and values.

Let each other stay in each other's spiritual world.

09. Sharing vulnerabilities

The third level of self-exposure will involve our interpersonal relationship and self-concept.

It is a relatively private sharing, such as the relationship between yourself and your friends, the contradiction with your parents, or revealing your inferiority, grievances and helplessness.

Sharing vulnerability means trust.

Of course, we should also be careful not to speak forcibly when the other party doesn't want to share it. You can take the initiative to talk about your feelings and concerns first.

People's mood is unstable. Generally speaking, when we are willing to open our hearts to each other first, the other party will be infected by you and love you, and open up a little bit in the process.

10. Focus on quality rather than time.

Many girls in long-distance relationships come to me for consultation and complain that the other party spends too little time with them. In fact, the time is in place and the feelings are very good. This is a big misunderstanding.

Some psychological studies have found that the relationship honed over time will not improve satisfaction, intimacy and trust.

The quality of each time we get along is far more important than the length of time we spend together.

Especially in long-distance relationships, there is no physical intimacy to promote feelings. If it is meaningless to keep repeating every time we communicate, it will not bring lasting fun and growth to each other, and love will easily become a chicken rib.

Therefore, long-distance love needs us to speak with our brains, not with our emotions; Don't care too much about how long we talked, but pay attention to how to improve the quality of each communication.

1 1. Plan the communication time.

3. Plan the communication time.

Then how to do it? The first is to plan the communication time.

Long-distance relationships are particularly easy to get out of sync. If the object is busy and you want to chat with him, it is easy for the other person to perfunctory you, or suddenly disappear in the middle of the chat.

As for you, you will feel angry and depressed because the other person is not focused enough on you, and the other person will feel annoyed and stressed because he can't handle his study and work well and accompany you at the same time.

This kind of low-quality perfunctory communication, the experience of both sides is very poor, and it is easy to accumulate emotions. We'd better not.

Even better, according to the schedule of two people, plan the time and working time for two people to get along.

12. Don't be perfunctory

Now that you have planned the time, don't always ask the other person's attention during working hours.

In other words, you are free to send messages, but don't ask the other person to call you back in seconds.

Then, when we get along, we must ensure that we give all our attention to each other and don't perfunctory.

Bottom line: Do what you should do and love when you should love.

The boundary between work and love is not clear, and it is easy to do nothing well. Learn to carry it clearly.

Secondly, try to make the content of communication interesting.

13. Enrich the content of communication

For example, we can try to do the same thing with each other, and then use this same thing as a connection point to exchange experiences.

By the way, look to the future: after the long-distance relationship is over, these things will be done with you again.

This is a way to close the sense of distance and increase the sense of participation, so that the other party feels that being with you is not only closely related, but also often has new experiences.

In short, cut off unnecessary perfunctory communication, explore new things, use your imagination and create high-quality communication!