I can only love you.

"I have nothing now. I can do nothing but love you. "

After writing this sentence, I subconsciously covered my notebook with my hand, for fear of being seen by Miss Huang who was sitting beside me in a daze.

An hour ago, he asked me if I would write a story between us. I answered "definitely not", nodding and thinking about the idea of this story.

Mr. Huang is my boyfriend.

Before he became a poor man with a debt of more than 200 thousand, we lived a life of neither rich nor poor. Travel after work and see the outside world; Go to the movies, go to the opera, and go to cafes. In his words, as a poor literary youth who hates the world, I tried my best to satisfy all my hopes for life.

But as you know, just like the dog blood story in film and television dramas, no heroine can escape the torture of life and live a smooth and happy life.

Although I have known what impermanence is since I was a child:

It is said that when I was born, my mother took an anxious look and found that it was another girl, so she was too lazy to look at it for the second time and gave it to someone else. Maybe I was born to fight fate. After crying for ten days at my first adoptive parents' house, the old couple sent me back with dark circles under their eyes. When I left, I just said, "This child has worked hard!"

This story was told to me by my second foster mother.

I spent a carefree time with this loving old couple. The foster mother is a kind-hearted rural old lady who likes to attribute all the sufferings and sins that have happened to her to fate, and then silently endure them. When she was young, her husband liked gambling. In order to avoid debts, she often disappears. She takes care of her elderly father-in-law alone and raises three children.

I am her fourth child.

At the age of thirteen, my brother's business went bankrupt and his life began to return to zero. My foster mother knows that she can't afford me to go to college. After numerous entreaties, I finally agreed to her and returned to my biological parents.

Junior high school, high school ... After the college entrance examination, I went to Rongcheng thousands of miles away on the Loess Plateau without hesitation.

The day I met him was one of countless desperate days in my last life. My brother called and said that my foster mother was seriously ill. My boyfriend, who has been talking for two years, can't stand my unreasonable troubles across the long rivers and mountains. He chose to break up and his work was not satisfactory. After graduating from college, I got a job as a copywriter in an advertising company, and I spent most of my time dealing with repetitive chores. After several entanglements, I resigned directly.

That afternoon, I wandered aimlessly in the street with the remaining 100 yuan after paying the rent.

I don't know which girl, like me, is so worthless, lying on a greasy table in Shaxian County, eating a bowl of noodles in the middle and then sobbs. During that time, he was successful, and the research and development project was recognized by the leaders. After getting a large bonus, he and several friends shouted that they would come to Shaxian to experience life. When he came in, he watched me swallow the remaining half bowl of noodles with tears in his eyes. He took the chopsticks away from me in disgust and said coldly, if you think there is a lack of salt in your noodles, ask the boss for it. Why do we have to use tears to increase salinity? I thought he was meddling, but I didn't expect to be with him

I looked up and stared at him with my red eyes. I retorted: You don't even know who I am. Why should you educate me? After that, I ate the remaining half bowl of noodles with a spoon.

Before I met him, I was a literary youth who was full of aversion to the world and whose pessimism spread to the bone marrow.

Before him, I didn't know any rich people, let alone what it was like to fall in love with local tyrants. He took me to a luxurious French restaurant for dinner, and I asked him if he wanted to rent an evening dress and put on makeup before going. He smiled strangely and said that my idea was not as good as a middle-aged aunt sitting at the entrance of Versace International Trade. I am shocked that the middle-aged aunt is so rich now. Then, wearing torn jeans, a suit and a tie, he finished his dinner in the different eyes of a group of waiters.

Later, we went to Beijing together. I insisted on going to Guomao to see if there was a middle-aged lady sitting at the door of Versace Guo Mao, but I never met her once. Questioning him again, he smiled strangely and said that the aunts must be tired of Versace, or that coarse clothes, big shirts and old Beijing cloth shoes can set off their temperament.

I feel that I have a strong ability to survive, but when I am with him, I often feel like a helpless fool. But every time, even if he is stupid enough to laugh and cry, he will smile strangely and talk to Kan Kan to resolve it.

He is very talkative, and he can have a good chat with an old man who doesn't know how to walk his dog when he goes out for a walk. We went out shopping, and I stared at the child's merry-go-round and said that he couldn't bear to leave after waiting for him for a while. A few minutes later, the manager asked us to sit behind a group of happy children. Looking at a group of parents with mobile phones recording videos for their children outside Troy, I said it was just the two of us, which was embarrassing. He said he was a child before he got married, and then asked me if I could do something more embarrassing. He kissed me before he realized it. The first kiss, jumping up and down on the merry-go-round, is destined to make this relationship full of twists and turns.

On the 270th day together, he took a new project and went to Ottawa to study for half a year.

That year, I was in Rongcheng, where there were only winter and summer, but no spring and autumn. He is in Ottawa, with four distinct seasons, making expensive international calls, crossing the mainland and the ocean, and making long wiring cables, telling the troubles of 7788 and joking with others.

He often calls me at twelve o'clock in the morning and solemnly says, "I just want to have a word with you." When you hang up the phone, the clock always jumps to 1 a.m.

Before going abroad, he sent a bunch of flowers seriously and wrote me a letter. I can't remember exactly what the letter said. It's probably something you should pay attention to when you have a stomachache. I saw tears and a runny nose in that letter.

In those six months, we often quarreled, the most serious one, and we didn't contact each other for more than a month. I cut the tickets, air tickets, and a lot of movie tickets and theater tickets used for traveling together into pieces; He hacked my phone, social software and all other contact information.

The deadlock ended with his early return to China and the collective apology of a group of friends.

We all thought that after spending this gloomy time in a different place, we would reach the peak of our lives and usher in a sunny life.

We plan to go back to see our foster mother in early February; Get a marriage certificate on Valentine's Day and take it back to the adoptive parents. ...

We plan to open a small tea shop after marriage, decorate it warmly and sweetly, give each kind of tea a nice name and write a touching story. There is no pop music in the store, just a story told slowly. The sound is not too loud, but it is warm and touching, just enough to give others the motivation to tell their own stories. ...

Even, even the name of the child is ready. ...

After being together, I ordered more than ten diaries of two people's photos and wrote trivial things every day. At noon that day, I lay in bed and opened my diary to write down the interesting things I saw in the community garden last night, and waited for him to come home from work and read them to him.

The phone rang suddenly, then he was silent for a while and then choked up and said, "Let's break up!" " ",and then hung up the phone. When I called again, the girl at the service desk mechanically replied," The number you dialed is power off. "

When I sobbed to take out the key, I found that he didn't know when he had taken everything from my side.

It took me a week to find out what happened: after the products developed by the company were sold to partners, there were great quality problems. As the person in charge, I need to compensate a large sum of money to make up for the loss of my partner. Too much pressure, he hurried to the hospital and thought of gambling. This gamble, regardless of all savings, still owes more than 200,000 foreign debts.

When I found him, he was curled up on a friend's sofa, smelling of alcohol and decadent.

When he saw me come in, he forced out a stiff smile and said, "The first time I saw you, I felt how a girl could cry like that, and my heart was inexplicably distressed." Later, I learned a lot about you together. Over the past 20 years, your life has been like riding a roller coaster, with waves of turmoil, but I know that you have been pretending to be strong and indifferent to face every difficulty, knowing that there are two completely different selves living in your body, one is stubborn, and you have to save face; The other you are peaceful, and you can live on an isolated island all your life. I know you deserve to be loved and live a better life. Now, I can't let you live the life I think you should live, and I can't drag you down ... "

The words behind were drowned out by my crying. I rubbed my eyes and handed him a piece of paper with my wedding vows that I had been thinking about for a long time:

I have met many people, but only you have seen me importune and make trouble without reason; Seen me crying; I have seen me wear evening dresses, draw exquisite makeup and pretend to be mature; I've seen me laugh and cry; I have seen my untidy appearance on the trip; I have seen my despair, sadness and pain.

Only you are willing to put up with my inexplicable bad temper; When I get lost, I will keep calling and look around anxiously; Probably only you understand my sudden sadness, and then sit quietly with me without talking; Only you, when I attend a certain occasion, will tell me again and again which kind of red wine tastes less obvious, but it is easy to get drunk. The tableware on the western table is arranged in an orderly way, and you can use whatever others use; Will teach me how to taste instant coffee at roadside stalls and beautifully decorated cappuccino in the store; Only you have seen my most unbearable and childish appearance. Love is so hard to find. Fortunately, we didn't give up, so we will stick to it. ...

I don't know if I will read that oath in front of a bunch of people on a sunny day. After meeting him, I often doubt myself, feeling that I am not beautiful, sloppy, pessimistic, neurotic and simply useless. But I had never known myself so well before him.

Maybe we all do. We study hard, keep trying new things, and make ourselves gregarious and likable. When we meet someone we really love, we only become ourselves after self-doubt.

I often wonder what I can give him at this rate. I haven't thought of one for a long time, so I can only borrow the sentence he told me: "I can do nothing but love you."

But love is so hard to find, how can you give up easily when you meet it!