Ironic joke

The most important thing in life is to be happy. The source of happiness often comes from life, and life is full of endless joy. For example, a joke may be your pastime after dinner. I specially arranged a satirical joke for everyone, and everyone was very happy.

A sarcastic joke (1)

1. The little match girl lit the last match. The fire gradually flashed, and a pattern loomed on the wall: tear it down!

2. Which is more important, wisdom or money? Wisdom, of course! -but wisdom that doesn't make money is not good wisdom.

Society is a ship, and everyone should be prepared to fall into the water.

Urban people want to eat more vegetables, while rural people want to eat more meat. City people go to the countryside for leisure, and rural people go to the city for leisure. City people spend money to sweat, while rural people sweat to earn money.

Lack of social experience means that we can't cheat others yet.

6. An optimistic person's attitude towards things should be: enjoy the worries of the world first, and enjoy the joy of the world later.

There are two reasons for being stolen. Either you look rich or you look sloppy.

8. The black line and the white line got married and gave birth to a zebra crossing; The underworld marries Bai Dao and gives birth to Infernal Affairs.

9. Huazhi said: Don't call me a thief in the future. Didn't you see that I was full of ink?

10. People who look down on themselves when they have no money generally look down on others when they have money.

Ironic joke (2)

1. A salesman endlessly introduced all his products to a housewife, and then asked, "What do you think you lack?"

The housewife replied unhappily, "Lack of money."

2. A playwright sent his plays to the theater to be examined by relevant personnel. The editor said, "Sorry, we don't allow swearing in the theater."

"There is not a dirty word in my script!" The playwright retorted.

"There is nothing in the script, but if you put it on the stage, you will hear a lot in the theater."

When a person gets lost, he will ask others. The man didn't answer, like a mute. He just gestured with his hand and made a gesture of asking for money, indicating that he had already given him money and was willing to lead the way.

The lost man understood the meaning of the mute and gave him some money. The mute began to speak and pointed out the way.

The lost man listened and asked, "Why did you play dumb when you had no money just now?"

The man replied, "I usually talk when I see money!" " "

In winter, there are many people waiting for the bus. When the bus came, someone shouted, "Can the people in the car squeeze in?" ? Talking about humanitarianism, we have been waiting for 20 minutes, and we are freezing to death! "

When he squeezed into the car door, he immediately shouted: "Driver, close the door quickly, don't crowd behind, and talk about humanitarianism. Don't pay for squeezing people to death! "

Ironic joke (3)

1, a boss bought a new car, but he was worried about the driver he hired, afraid that the driver would replace the parts of the new car with old ones and make a profit from it. He can't drive himself, so he has to ask the driver every move.

Once he went out by car, the car slowed down and got up soon.

"What's the matter?" The boss asked the driver.

"Nothing, sir, I just changed gears."

The boss turned to his friend next to him and whispered, "Look, he didn't even let me change gears. I must give him up. "

2. A young man is driving. He held the steering wheel in one hand and the girl in the other. The traffic police found it on the road, and the traffic police shouted: "Hey! Use both hands! "

The young man turned around and said, "You think I'm stupid because the car turned over like that!" " "

On that day, senior one's sister went to school early. Soon, there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and saw that it was my sister. Then he asked, "Why didn't you bring your key?"

"yes."

"Then why did you knock?"

"The key is in the bag!"

"Oh, what about the schoolbag?"

"I forgot to bring it."

Ironic joke (4)

1, quiet office, the leader suddenly farted. I saw the opportunity to perform. In order not to embarrass the leader, I stood up voluntarily: "I'm sorry, I let the leader go." I ate too many soybeans in the morning. "

The leader smiled: "You don't have to go to work tomorrow. You said you had nothing to install. There are only two of us in this office. "

2. Q: How to prevent the flu? Expert: Always open the window for ventilation.

Q: How to deal with smog weather? Expert: Just close the window.

Q: How to prevent thieves from breaking into houses? Expert: Anti-theft net is installed outside the window.

Q: What should I pay attention to in family fire safety? Expert: Never install an anti-theft net on the window.

Q: Do you always enjoy the cool by the window? Expert: Don't sit in front of the window for a long time.

Q: What if I feel sleepy after sitting indoors for a long time? Expert: Open the window and overlook the relief.

3. An investment bank rookie asked, "What is an investment bank?"

The elder took some rotten fruits and asked him, "How are you going to sell these fruits?"

The rookie thought for a long time and said, "I want to get rid of it at a discount according to the market price."

The elder shook his head, picked up the fruit knife, peeled and cut the rotten fruit into pieces, and made a beautiful fruit platter: "Sell it dozens of times at the market price."

After Sai Weng's death, his mare ran away from home, met a stallion on the grassland and married it.

One day, the stallion asked, "Honey, what do you think of me?"

The mare said, "You treat me as well as my previous master, providing me with food and riding me from time to time!" " "

Hearing this, the stallion was furious and kicked the mare: "Fuck, how dare you satirize my thing as small as a human!" " "

Ironic joke (5)

1, an old man and a young man are chatting, and the old man says, "Let me tell you a story".

The boy said, "Yes, yes! I like listening to stories. " .

Then, the old man began to tell a story: one day, Pluto said to the little devil, "I have a task for you to take a walk on earth." Give me a list and record all the people who have played tricks. "

A week later, the boy came back from the world, exhausted and collapsed in front of Yan: "impossible, this is an impossible task."

Rebecca: You can't use your head.

One day later, the child came back from the earth. All smiles: "well, this is a list of all the people in the world who don't play tricks."

Hades: "OK, now you send a letter to all the people here."

At this point, the old man fell silent.

The boy was puzzled: "Go on, what was written in the letter?"

The old man said, "It seems that you haven't received the letter either."

2. City Man: "What do you buy?"

Farmer: "I want to buy a cow."

City people: "It is better to buy a car."

Farmer: "It is better to be a cow."

City man: "If you ride an ox, people will laugh at you!" " "

Farmer: "if you milk a car, it will be more interesting!" " "

A man heard that feeding cod liver oil is good for the health of dogs, and he decided to give it a try. So he put his dog's head between his legs every day, broke its mouth hard and poured cod liver oil into it. Every time the dog struggles.

One day, when the man was feeding the dog, the dog finally broke away from its owner and spit out cod liver oil.

But what surprised the man even more was that the dog turned around and licked it greedily after spitting cod liver oil on the ground.

An airplane broke down in the air, and the captain asked the passengers and crew to fasten their seat belts and prepare for forced landing.

A few minutes later, the captain asked the stewardess by radio if everyone was wearing a seat belt.

"They were all tied up, but another lawyer was handing out his business card."

5, chatting one day, Lao Li said: Recently, the fuel consumption is relatively stable, and the average fuel consumption in urban areas is 8.

Xiao Zhang said with some envy: My average fuel consumption is still close to 10!

Lao Wang is usually cautious and taciturn. Seeing that everyone was chatting happily, he also joined in the fun and said, I have bought a car for four months and added gas twice.

Everyone gave a thumbs-up and asked Lao Wang to teach him fuel-saving tips.

Lao Wang raised his glasses and said slowly, in fact, there is no secret, that is, crowding the bus when it is not urgent and taking a taxi when it is urgent!

Lao Li: What kind of oil do you add?

Lao Wang said gloomily, I will refuel if someone borrows the car.

6. Grandpa died, and his family and neighbors burned incense at the cemetery.

As long as three is enough, an uncle will put the rest in someone else's grave.

Everyone is confused. Uncle said: "Do a good job in neighborhood relations!"

7. When a robbery gang came back from committing a crime, one of them excitedly said to the boss, "I have dug a golden arhat. Look, boss, it's pure gold. "

The boss's face lit up. After holding it for a long time, his face became gloomy. Then he said, "Honestly, did you hide those seventeen golden arhats?"

8. Go to my father's in-laws for the New Year. There are four wives and sisters, she is the youngest, and all three brothers-in-law are here.

When I caught up with Bao jiaozi, my father-in-law asked me if I wanted to pack jiaozi. Of course I said yes.

The father-in-law smiled and said, "It happened that the four of us were playing poker. Go and accompany them to pack jiaozi. "

9. A: "This gentleman! A charity nursing home will be built in the local area. I hope everyone can respond to the donation. Make contributions! "

B: "OK, but I don't have any cash on me. I'll sign a check for you! "

A: "Well, sir, I'm sorry, you didn't sign it."

B: "I never leave my name when I do good deeds!" "

Ironic joke (6)

1, the unit wants to allocate rooms, and the wife urges Xiao Wang to invite the director to dinner to contact feelings. Not to mention the scene, his wife nudged him, and the director likes to write in his spare time.

At the dinner table, Xiao Wang said, "The director is a literary lover. I have read many of your masterpieces! "

The director is modest and complacent.

Xiao Wang watched the play and went on while the iron was hot. He looked at the dark and fat director and blurted out, "What a judge by appearances!"

The new doorman always dozes off in broad daylight. On this day, the boss met him. The boss said, "Go home and sleep if you can, and don't come tomorrow."

The doorman said at once, "Boss, in fact, I always doze off because of my original job. Just adjust it for a few days. "

Boss: "What was your original occupation?"

Uncle said helplessly, "I, I, I have had a meeting with people in the unit before!" " "

3. One day, while the company was having a boring meeting, colleague Xiao Wang's cell phone suddenly rang, and a strange voice came from the other end of the phone: "Is it Paradise Company?"

Xiao Wang said, "No."

"Where is this?"

Xiao Wang Dao: "This is a slaughterhouse!" " "

One day, the director's wife said to the director, "You'd better quit smoking quickly!"

The director said, "I know you are doing me good, but I can't quit!" " "

My wife said, "If you quit smoking, we will receive more than just cigarettes. There are too many fake cigarettes now, and the cigarettes placed in the opposite store can't be sold at all. "

Ironic joke (7)

1, bees and snakes make friends. The bee said, "I want to go to the river with you."

The snake said, "Yes. You must lie on my back. "

The bee landed on the snake's back and reached the river.

The snake swam for a while and felt very weak. It sank for a while and floated for a while. The bee suspected that the snake was hurting itself and stung the snake. The snake endured the painful scolding: "People say that my mouth is poisonous, and your stomach is even more poisonous!" "

When the hungry cat meets the hungry tiger, the tiger asks the cat, "There are many mice now. You, the cat's good brother, always feed on mice. Why are you so hungry? " Are there no mice in the world? "

The hungry cat sighed, "there are quite a few mice, but recently a group of mice are good at speculating and making profits." One by one, they all got into the magnificent place, and the guards were extremely tight. How dare I eat him? "

At the same time, he asked, "What about you? Brother Hu, you always eat people. Why are you so hungry? "

The hungry tiger sighed: "Alas, fewer and fewer people feel like people now!" " "

A big tree gave birth to many caterpillars, and the young leaves made them grow quickly.

Insects speak freely: "After becoming a butterfly, we will dance and sing for the tree and make due contributions to its rise!" " "They ate and chewed and ate up the tree.

Finally become a butterfly! The butterfly fluttered its beautiful wings and flew around the tree several times, saying, "This tree is too backward for our development!" " "

Said, and flew away. ...

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