Complete works of funny jokes (3)

1, my girlfriend said to me, "My girlfriend will come soon, and I'm going out to buy food."

I said, "You go."

The girlfriend added, "You can't bully my best friend when she comes!"

Me: "Don't worry, she will never lose a piece of meat."

The girlfriend calmly said: "There is not much."

2, the husband is on a business trip, and the niece is noisy at night. I want to find my father, so I call my husband: "Hello, husband, your little lover is looking for you!" "

All I heard was that there said angrily, "What? How dare she come to my house! Be sick! "

3. I just came into the house after work, and my shoes haven't been changed, so I received a phone call from a strange woman, saying, "Your husband is in the hotel opposite your house. Which room is it? It's a woman. . . Don't ask me who I am, I'm just a person who doesn't like this kind of thing. . . "

Hanging up the phone, I immediately rushed to the hotel designated by the other party and found that there was no one at all. . .

This man is too boring to play such a prank! !

So I went home again, saw my husband already at home, and began to prepare dinner. . .

4, the weather is hot, short sleeves are suitable for reading in the library. Seeing 10 yuan on the ground, I bent down to pick it up.

Then I heard a voice: "alas, it is really a sponge pad." . . "

5. M: "How many boyfriends have you talked about?"

Woman: "One, and you?"

Man: "One."

Woman: "impossible, I only know three girls."

Man: "There is really only one."

Article 2:

1. The young man asked the Zen master, "Master, I have been stupid since I was a child. Can you tell me why? "

The master touched his beard and said, "It's all because of your mother."

"I see, master. You mean it's hereditary? "

"No," the master said with a smile, "because your mother is pregnant with your second child."

2, a long-distance bus business trip, tired and hungry after arriving. Get in the taxi and say, "Find a better fast food."

Ten minutes later, the driver said, "Brother, here we are."

Looking out, there is a barber shop with pink lights.

3, there is a patient, the doctor told him that you have hepatitis C, pay attention to your health!

Patient: No cookies!

Doctor: Yes, it's all found out!

Patient: I hid it so well that you found it?

Doctor: That's right, so I hope you pay attention to your health.

Patient: I just ate one secretly. Is my blood sugar high?

Doctor. . .

4. Go for an interview, HR: "What is your dream?"

Me: "My dream is not to go to work."

HR: "Then why are you still applying?"

Me: "to realize my dream."

HR: "You wait and I'll row."

Article 3:

1, my mother and my father quarreled and were sulking. I said, "Mom, why are you angry?"

"I shouldn't have married your father."

"Why?"

"I think he is too poor!"

"Then why did you marry him? ! "

"I didn't marry him, I can't get married!"

2. Video with my mother and ask where my brother went. While peeling melon seeds for my nephew, my nephew said, "I walked the dog again!" I bought a beer, and my baby is going to kill me. I walk my dog cheerfully after dinner every day! Taking care of children is not so active! "

I didn't think much, so I replied, "How smart my brother is. Dogs can't talk. The children will report when they get home. . . "

I didn't do well in the exam. I want to hint at my father's reaction first: "Dad, do you know what is the best effect of Huoxue Huayu powder?"

"Belt!" Dad, who knows everything, replied majestically.

Recently, the news of the college entrance examination is everywhere on TV and online.

So my niece asked me, "Aunt, why didn't you take the college entrance examination?"

I blushed, and then said with regret, "Your grandfather's family is poor. . . . ″

As a result, the door opened with a bang, and my dad yelled at me: I'm not carrying this pot! "

When my father-in-law came home, we blew cows for a long time. He asked, do you have a cigarette?

I shook my head.

He asked again: Do you have any wine?

I shook my head again.

As soon as he struck the table, he said, I wouldn't buy it without you!

I said, if your daughter hadn't taken care of all the money, you think I would be here talking to you for a long time!

He: You. . . If your mother wasn't in charge of all my money, I would come here to gossip for you. !