Narrow sense career note 46: Friends (friendship) are in stages.

Childhood friends, innocent. Student friends not only have pure feelings, but also add a lot of things that they don't know much about. Young friends encourage each other and discuss career, family and life. Middle-aged friends provide life experience, collide with each other, inspire wisdom, and walk along the road of life. Friends between old people cherish the past and are warm to each other.

The ideal friend is from kindergarten to old age. This is ideal because everyone's life experience is different. How many people in the world can be so lucky?

Some are separated because of different life ideals, some are separated because of different working conditions, some are separated because of family reasons (the other half can't get along), some are separated because of unsynchronized growth, some are separated because they don't know how to measure (taking it for granted that I am looking for you, because the past friendship is deep, I think "friendship" is inexhaustible), some are separated because of the improvement of one party's status, and some are separated because of one party.

Friendship comes from the similarity and attraction of many points and faces. The reason why friends are divided into stages, that is, at different stages of life, your thoughts, wisdom, desire for power, outlook on money, family, rising motivation, attitude of accepting "suggestions", ability of self-reflection and self-repair, and a series of things such as the definition of friends, such as cognitive level, mastery depth, control ability, application level, demand changes, trade-offs and so on, will show different external manifestations.

For example, if your friend is behind, would you like to wait for him for a while? Your friend has been promoted and can't get along as straight as before. Are you willing to change with him? You have a lofty pattern and profound thoughts, but are you willing to take the time to listen to your friend explain his profound theory? You understood it five years ago? You have been improving yourself, from the central figure who talks a lot, from the fearless person who thinks highly of himself, to the person who is low-key, introverted and quiet today; Be the person who automatically goes to the back row when there are many people in the car (car); Be the person who arrives at the seat next to the serving port in advance at the party; When asking for your advice, you said, "Decide, I didn't say anything, but I can"; Can you still associate with friends who are still laughing loudly, showing off and sneaking around with their class mentality? Maybe you still feel this way, but the world has changed and things have changed. When the so-called climate and soil are gone, can you dock seamlessly?

Example 1:

Boss Zhao, whose assets exceed 100 million yuan, said: I have developed a little more than my friends and classmates in the past, but I have three principles: First, if they provide me with resources to match the bridge, I will double my gratitude to him (twice as much as it is generally believed) and I will visit him during the Spring Festival and the next year. I won't go after that, but he will definitely give me the first message if something good happens in the future. Second, as long as you tell me about their family's weddings and funerals, I will give gifts with them. Third, they asked me to do something, and I had to contact them with money to do it. I don't want to give me money to make them owe me, but I don't go to their general parties (although I don't go, they always mention my goodness at the parties). Because I have no time, I have to spend time with new friends at a higher level, because I need them (the help of new friends).

Example 2:

There is a unit with several colleagues aged 30-35 who work together and get very close. They not only study, work and discuss life together, but also often play bridge together in their spare time. Everyone who has big or small issues will go together and try their best to handle their own family affairs.

At one time, the five of them drove back from other places. It was raining lightly in early spring, and the driver was a single colleague. Because of the laughter all the way, the car drove faster. When passing by a darling, everyone repeatedly asked a single colleague to slow down, saying nothing and not listening to advice. On the downhill slope of "Daling", everyone unanimously advised a colleague to be dangerous and asked him to slow down. The harder I work, the less I listen. As a result, when I was hiding from a bicycle that suddenly appeared, the car fell into a ditch. Two people were seriously injured and three were slightly injured. The longest hospitalization is half a year, and the shortest hospitalization is one month. Everyone was discharged from the hospital, and the friendship with the single colleague who didn't listen to advice faded. He didn't say anything, but he was actually blaming him. When getting along with everyone, he lost his past nature because of his inner guilt, and his friend relationship gradually broke down.

Example 3:

A group of primary school students, more than a dozen people, went to high school together (not all in the same class) and went to the countryside together (because they were divided into "youth spots" according to their parents' units, they were divided into several "youth spots") and returned to work in cities one after another. Some of them went to the office, some went to the factory, some went to school, some later started their own businesses, and some later went abroad to start a company in the United States. By the time they were in their fifties, two of them had already worked in the main hall class in other places. One is in a foreign country, and the other is in a very different position, so these people have less contact with these two students in the main hall, because most people's mentality is not to "climb high" and their personality cannot be lost. Only one of them, Mr. Yu, is an assistant to the manager and often contacts these two students in the main hall. Having been in contact with him for many years, I feel that he has several characteristics in his communication with his classmates: 1. He used to be a shop assistant and can analyze people's hearts. 2. I was also a "person" before work, and I had a good relationship with these two students in the main hall. 3. Any promotion, joining the Party, promotion, transfer, marriage, tying the knot, etc. Will be notified in time and call or be present. 4. There is a set of methods to communicate with classmates and friends who are "superior". 5. Yu is also in the "officialdom" and has a psychological foundation for understanding the two students in the main hall.

For example: 1. When they get older, they have more things to do, so they don't have time to keep in touch with you often. Our other classmates are not as good as them in ideological level and realm. Many questions have lost interest in talking with us. They just don't talk, but we have to know. We should stop asking to be equal to our classmates automatically. They are classmates and leaders. They are also lonely, and there is no place to say anything. They trust us emotionally, but we are not here, so they can't tell us. Don't inform them of ordinary trifles. They have to spend a lot of energy communicating with their peers and superiors. It is not easy for them, so we have to understand. 6. We have a big event, and we really can't fix it. Let's ask them for an idea and find a way. If they can help, they will. 7. They are very busy and have many meetings. If you make a phone call every once in a while and care about it, it is shameless, that is, you don't want your own personality and you have to associate with them. I don't think so. 8. When you are with them, don't ask what you shouldn't ask and don't talk nonsense about what you shouldn't say. If you talk nonsense, they can't refute you (they are politically responsible). If I refute you, the atmosphere will be awkward, and if it is uncomfortable, it will be bad. In my personal understanding, Yu's above views are a set of psychological changes and ways to communicate with classmates and friends who are "superior". These "ways" are amazing. Because of your high status, as long as you are low-key, sincere and often communicate with classmates and friends who are not as good as you, you will be affirmed by everyone. However, it is an art to associate with classmates and friends who are "superior". Because both sides should be decent and see through many things. Of course, I don't associate at all. That's no ordinary thing.

Example 4:

There are three excellent male college students who are assigned to different units in the same city after graduation. When I first joined the work, I exchanged experiences. I told the leader of the narrative unit what I said today. I don't quite understand what this means. Please help me analyze it. If you have a girlfriend, let the other two meet at the first time and give an evaluation to see if it is ok. If there is a situation at home, ask the other two for help at the first time, find a relationship and work hard. Many Sundays after my first marriage, I often need to find two more to improve my "food". /kloc-after graduating in 0/0, two families got better and better, so I invited three families to dinner in turn (restaurant) for another ten years. At first, the story looked like three students never left. In fact, don't forget the example analysis of your active thinking. The students who are often invited are superiors. The reasons are as follows: first, if you invite me, I will go, and I will not look down on myself, which requires a broad mind; Second, it is inevitable to talk about East and West at the party. Speaking of your good conditions, I'm not jealous. I'm so happy for you. This is not just a matter of mentality. This is "philosophical"; Third, our family's thoughts, patterns, talks and manners are comparable to yours. It's not that I don't work hard, but my life experience is different. In my contact, I also contributed a high degree of wisdom and experience. The "level" and "contribution" here show that he has been working hard and pursuing; In fact, his inner world (China culture exerts itself inward and pursues "inner sage") "attained the Tao" earlier than those two students. Those two people with good economic conditions are meaningless if they only stay at the level of "sharing happiness". If the two of them can grasp the time node, considering that there are too many people invited by you, will he and his family feel uncomfortable and have pressure to invite them back? This regular dinner will not tell other people (classmates) (who will pay the bill), which will be more comfortable. If they can get into his heart, listen to his words of "enlightenment", get rid of the "glitz" inevitably brought by material conditions, and thus realize the rapid transformation between "diligence" and "peace" and "abundance" and "wisdom", then they really have "eyes" and "wisdom roots" (unfortunately, the world is full of people who rely on themselves.

Friends (friendships) are divided into stages. Communicate more when you are similar, and communicate more when you are apart. And you can't squander the past "iron friendship", because "friendship" is not inexhaustible. It requires you to adjust yourself and constantly add new content and fill new colors to "friendship".