Humorous talk show, jokes with stomachache (two articles)

1, confession

A boy has a crush on a girl for a long time. One day in the self-study class, the boy secretly handed the girl a small note that read, "In fact, I have been paying attention to you for a long time." After a while, the girl sent another note, and the boy opened it anxiously. "Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I won't eat melon seeds again." . . . . . Boys look stupid.

2. loving father and daughter

I saw a loving father and daughter in the park. My father is about fifty years old and my daughter is in her twenties. The daughter is very clever to peel a tea egg for her father, chatting and laughing at each other. What a sweet family. But why did they kiss in French afterwards?

3. Damage friends and girlfriends

I once quarreled with my boyfriend and cried on the phone. My best friend came to comfort me. Suddenly, he stared at my eyes. A sentence pops up: "What brand of mascara do you use? You didn't cry like this. " I was so angry that I threw away my cell phone and stopped crying.

4. Xiong Haizi

Yesterday, I scolded my son for something, saying that your mother is a pig and you are a pig. But my son said to me: Dad, why are you so bad? You married a pig and gave birth to a pig! You said you were Xiong Haizi. I thought you were looking for a fight.

5. blind date

At the blind date, she and Kan Kan talked about how her ex-boyfriend drove a luxury car and lived in a mansion. She often praises how beautiful she is, and she gets nervous at the sight of her.

He looked at her: "I, I usually look and see beautiful women, and I will be too nervous to speak."

She gave a snow-white smile: "Your way of chatting up is really old-fashioned."

"But, but when you see something that doesn't look good, you will stutter."

The woman's face immediately turned into pig liver color.

Article 2:

Funny joke 1: When I was in high school, I became a flag bearer because I was tall in the national flag team. The first time I raised the national flag, I kept it in mind that throwing the national flag should be taught with strength. As a result, the flag was punctured. From then on, Jianghu people called him a "strong flag bearer".

Funny joke 2: When I was in college, I thought I would spend my college life in a dull way. One winter was particularly cold. I didn't want to get up for self-study in the morning, so I asked my roommate to make up an excuse for asking for leave. In the afternoon, the news of my heatstroke spread all over the campus.

Funny joke 3: In junior high school, the classroom door was kicked open, and a young man came in and pointed to a boy in our class and said, "Boy, come out for us!" " "The old class said very calmly, the class is in progress, and after class, you wait outside. Social youth obviously didn't expect to meet such a calm teacher, and they all froze. The old class closes at once, then locks it and continues the class. Mao, the door was kicked open, social youth came in, walked beside the boy and started fighting. The whole class was silent, and the old class closed its eyes and nodded. The girls in the class got up and retreated to both sides. The boys in the class got up and rushed to the social youth. A few minutes later, the social youth was carried out of the school and thrown to the side of the road. Since then, no one dares to bully my classmates.

Funny paragraph 4: I just went to college last year and spent the first time in an off-campus Internet cafe. I asked the beauty stationmaster, "How much is the overnight package?" Beauty Network Management: Night 800. I was shocked: "it's so expensive." Beauty stationmaster: "Sorry, I can surf the Internet for 20 nights". I seem to understand something: "it's okay, I'll give you money." The beauty stationmaster took 800 yuan and gave me a charming smile. that night ...

Funny joke 5: I just went to buy medicine and suddenly forgot the name of the medicine. The drugstore owner said that I have been buying medicine for 30 years. As long as you say two words in the medicine, I will know what medicine it is. I thought for a long time and said, I only know the last two words. The boss said, what words? I said: capsules. ...

Funny joke 6: My friend called me at night and said he was touching night snails and catching lobsters. As a result, he tricked me into going to ktv, so I wore a pair of rain boots. ...

Funny joke 7: I dreamed that I was beaten by a group of people last night, and then I woke up and fell asleep again. As a result, I dreamed that those people said to me, how dare you come back!

Funny paragraph 8: The weather began to get hot. I rummaged through the cupboard for a long time to find short sleeves, and found that they were all brand-name short sleeves! I'm afraid people will say I show off my wealth. Either China Telecom or China Mobile, or Mrs Chicken Essence and Haitian Soy Sauce. ...

Funny joke 9: I accidentally met a woman on the bus just now, and she slapped me when she got on the bus. Suddenly, countless passengers cast questioning eyes on me. Between the fingers of countless people, I shouted to that woman, "I don't care if you are pregnant with my child." Suddenly, countless people cast strange glances at the lady, and I was about to get off. This woman yelled at me behind my back: "You are an animal, I am your sister." Then, countless people cast strange eyes on me, lying in the trough. Why is it different from online jokes? I turned around and said, "What am I worse than my dad?"

Funny joke 10: I feel sick to my stomach today. I went to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor insisted on checking my stool. I went to the toilet for over an hour before I came out. It's fucking automatic. I'm so stupid. I'm standing in front of the hospital now and I'm really confused. ...

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