Classic joke

First, having you all the way, I am willing to suffer a little. It is impossible to say that you have suffered a lot. I finally made this decision. I don't care what others say, but too many people say forget it. I'd like to go anywhere with you. If you don't have a car, forget it!

2. I went shopping with my friends and saw a lot of people lined up at the door of a tea shop. In order to have a taste, we also lined up to buy two cups. Let's go shopping and drink. When a cup was about to be swallowed, my friend suddenly said, "This noodle soup tastes terrible!" " "

Third, Tanabata is here, single friends, hurry to the supermarket and quietly put a note in each box of chocolates: "Let's break up! ; "

God, when I said, "This day can't get any worse," it was just a simple spit, not a provocation. Thank you!

A group of cannibals circled over the suburbs. Debate about going to the city to eat city people or going to the countryside to eat country people. Finally, Toulong decided to go to the countryside on the grounds that captive animals are not as delicious as free-range animals.

6. A cat fell in love with a sheep. The cat said softly to the sheep, "I like you best." Please marry me! Hey. " The sheep suddenly turned pink and said shyly, "Bah! My husband has not agreed yet! "

Seven, people in this life some things are reasonable, some things are difficult to control, some things are unsatisfactory, some things are illogical, some things are unexpected, and some things are suddenly enlightened. Does the fool realize it?

Eight, an old farmer bought seeds to sow, but he didn't get anything in autumn because the seeds were fake. The old farmer made up his mind to die and bought a bottle of pesticide to drink. Because the pesticide was fake, he didn't die. The family was glad that the man was not dead and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate. As a result, the whole family died because the wine was fake.

Nine, in this world, you are the most amazing; Beat you and don't fight back, scold you and cry; I don't pay attention to food and shelter, I don't wear clothes in winter and summer, I live in circles all day, I'm not impatient or anxious, I'm rich and I can read text messages. I like you best in the animal kingdom!

Ten, single women, the body is not very good, often catch a cold, and love to watch some bitter movies. After reading it, she sighed and wept alone, which was very depressing. Let's listen to your suggestions, strengthen physical exercise and watch comedies and jokes instead. If you are in a good mood and in good health, you will naturally not catch a cold. One night, as soon as she went to sleep, she heard a sigh coming from the living room ... "Oh, I'm so sorry recently ..." The drawer in the living room sighed.

Eleven, the little rabbit and the little turtle are in love, and the little rabbit says, I will love you forever. The tortoise said: I will miss you for a thousand years! Two hearts meet forever. Unexpectedly, the rabbit heard it and warned the rabbit grandson-"Don't be deceived! At the beginning, his father chased his mother and asked for decades of marriage. " Little Nutbrown hare didn't like it a little: "Mother Tortoise is so arrogant …" Grandpa Rabbit said: It's not arrogant, just dull. They can live for 10,000 years. "

Twelve, Xunyanglou, Song Jiang drunk anti-poetry, tied by state officials and sentenced to death. Classical fidgeted after hearing this, but Wu Yong said unhurriedly, "Don't worry, brother. I have ordered all the heroes to rescue. If there is no accident, tomorrow will be a good time, and it will rain up the mountain in time. " According to historical records, this is the earliest weather forecast in China.

Thirteen, I want to hold you in the palm of my hand and serve you attentively; I want to hold you in my arms and raise you carefully; I will try my best to take care of you: I will turn you into a cute little fat pig.

In KFC, a dinosaur sits opposite you. You sit there for a long time after eating. I thought your aesthetic standards had changed! So your legs are numb!

15. I cooked a pot of blessing nutrition soup for you. It contains no pigments and preservatives. This is all made of blessings. Shelf life: After eating, I wish you happiness and good luck forever!

16. Walking in the underground passage near the railway station, I found someone writing a big mobile phone number on the wall, which read "Looking for homosexuals in this city". There's a line of vague little words written below, "X, shit, who knows if you're a man or a woman" ...

Seventeen, the weather is hot, in order to prevent heatstroke, please drill the soil, the hair should be depilated and bald. If you don't do anything and don't want to do anything, congratulations, you have already practiced the magic of "being calm and naturally indifferent".

Eighteen, only people who can't live high will spend a lot of time caring about the privacy of others more than their own lives. What a tragic life form this is. There is no real happiness in my life. When I grow up, I will live for my parents, my lover, my work and my children. In all the "moral" excuses, all I lost was my honesty and the courage to live for myself.

Nineteen. On a moonlit night, the elephant and its mother slipped out of the zoo. Two people running happily. When they ran under the viaduct, the mother elephant suddenly stopped and hugged the elephant's head tightly. The elephant raised its neck and asked, "Mom, what's wrong with you?" Mom: "Baby, be careful to shoot the elephant head!" " "

Twenty, some classmates and I went to a friend's house to play, saying that his children were thin, small, black and round. When we teased the child, he kept scratching his face with his little hands. I whispered in my classmate's ear: this little boy is so ugly! I don't know how to describe the result. My classmate said directly to the child without thinking: Are you a rescuer who was moved by the monkey?

Woman: I am the Mona Lisa. There is no need to smile at you all the time! Man: I'm Lu. You have to have it! Woman: Are you alone and Lu? Pinyin, right?

Twenty-two, wild cats broke into the rhinoceros cage in the zoo. Hornbill saw the wild cat and knew that he was hopeless, so he closed his eyes and waited for death. But after waiting for a while, there was no attack. The hornbill opened his eyes and found the wild cat looking at him as if thinking. "What are you thinking?" Hornbill asked bravely. "I didn't expect you to have a banana on your face. I wonder if this is an appetizer or a dessert. "

Twenty-three, A Hua said to A Gou, "I kicked you in the exam today, so you have to show me." When it was time for the exam, Ahua kicked Ah Gou, who replied, "Meow ~ ~ ~ Meow ~ ~"

24. The main purpose of convening this meeting today is to announce that in the future, we should take doing practical things as the center, do not engage in popular projects, do not brag, base ourselves on society and serve the people! Ok, finally, I announce an important news: I changed my mobile phone number. Here it is. Please remember to contact me later! The meeting is over!

25. in the park Manager: Madam, dogs are not allowed to walk in the park! The shrew defended: Look clearly! The dog is running in front, and I am holding the rope behind! This is a walking corpse, understand?

26. What if the temperature is too high? Take a walk in the swimming pool. What if it's still hot after the turn? Lick ice cream. What if it's still hot after licking? Stand in front of the electric fan. What if it's still hot after standing? Take a look in the air-conditioned room. What if it's still hot after reading it? No way, it seems that there is only one trick: peace of mind is natural and cool. May you fight against the heat and summer, and have a cool summer!

27. When are the spring flowers and the autumn moon? How much do you know about Fiona Fang?

28. A judge who thinks highly of himself proudly said: Many people don't know whether the law is important or the judge is important. what do you reckon ? The shoemaker said, of course, the judge is important! The judge happily tipped him more, and then asked, can you tell me why? The shoemaker said, because the law doesn't need me to shine his shoes.

Twenty-nine, a few days ago in the countryside, my cousin made a phone call with a Bluetooth headset and looked at the old cow on the ridge. My grandmother saw it and called me quickly. Go and see your brother. He stood there and talked with the cow for half an hour, talking and laughing.

Thirty, that day, I was going to the zoo to see orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but I didn't expect you to turn your back and shout. Didn't you see I was right in front of you? You should go to the zoo.

Thirty-one, it is said that an inch of money can't buy an inch of time. Well, I'll throw caution to the wind today. I will sell you all my time in exchange for all your money. Don't refuse, I am willing, get the money ready, and I will find time to come to you this afternoon!

One day, my friends and I went to the building to do business. We got into the elevator, but our friend standing on the edge of the elevator control panel was slow to move. I asked, "Why don't you press the elevator?" The friend replied awkwardly, "The button on the 62nd floor is too high, so many people are embarrassed to jump down and press it."

Thirty-two, Wukong is sucking the ground with a magnet. Friar Sand said, Brother, what are you looking for? Wukong: Hey! I dropped my golden hoop, and it didn't take long to grow!

Thirty-three, this day I saw a little girl around me, about three years old, taking out a quick booger and chewing it in her mouth. I'm surprised: how do you eat booger? Didn't your parents tell you that it was dirty and could not be eaten? She said, I'll try. They're over there. They can't see me. I asked curiously, what is that smell? She said: salty, quite tumbling. Aunt, taste your booger!

Xiaoming always comes first in the exam, but this time he didn't. Mother asked angrily, why didn't you win the first prize this time? Xiaoming: I didn't win the first prize. You are all like this. Other people's mothers are not crazy. Let them win once!

On Valentine's Day, my wife and I went shopping. Suddenly, a child selling flowers said that my eldest brother should buy a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend. I said she was my wife, the old couple, and I didn't need it. Kid said that big brother only knows how to buy flowers for his girlfriend. He just bought so many flowers that he didn't buy them for his wife. Damn it, I don't even know this kid ...

Yesterday, I found myself fat, and I made up my mind to lose weight. The coach said that you should wear wide clothes so as not to tear the thread. If I have loose clothes, why should I lose weight? Do you think he is ill? !

37. The boss's little daughter is 4 years old this year. The boss took Lori to the office because he was on a business trip. Xiao Loli, a happy and skipping girl, is a typical "problem girl" who asks everything. A woman thought she was talking loudly, so she hugged her and gently told her not to talk so loudly. The little girl suddenly blurted out, "Then you shouted so loudly in my father's room last night." The office was quiet at once. . .

Driver: "Hey, sir, didn't you see the sign" No Smoking "?" The passenger calmly replied, "Yes, but there is an advertisement for' Please wear XX brand bra' on the side. Should I wear it, too? " So, I just ignore it. "

39. "Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. I open my mouth when I am nervous. " "Premier Zhou ..." ""... ""