An article in Autumn Flowers and Fires magazine. From 2007 to 2008. The title is always quiet.

1March, 999, in the noisy airport lobby, he came over and called her warm name, a man wearing a wooden button cotton shirt.

She remembers his voice. Gentle, with a little melancholy sharpness. In the days when I called Lin, sometimes the person who shared an apartment with Lin answered the phone. Northerners. Lin's former colleagues.

Cheng said that Lin had to work overtime temporarily at night. He smiled at her. In the bright and turbid air of the hall, the girl in a pink floral skirt is tired and quiet, like a fragrant flower blooming in the shadow. Dragging heavy luggage alone to find a man who loves her.

They walked to the door. It was raining on a thin spring night, and my face was cold. When he helped her open the door of the taxi, he held out a big hand to cover her head. Warm, wait a minute. He said. When I ran back, I had a big bouquet of pure white perfume lilies in my hand. Lin asked me to buy you flowers. I think you will like lilies. He held the bouquet stained with rain beads in his arms.

When he smiles, he shows his white teeth, like some kind of wild animal. Warm and cruel. There is a row of round wooden buttons on that light brown shirt. I like warmth.

Three people eat in the evening. And his girlfriend Xiaoke.

Small but native Shanghai girl, wearing a golden black skirt and a faint purple rouge. Not very beautiful, but very charming.

After eating something hot, she went to bed early. She's so tired. Lin's quilt and pillow have her peculiar and kind breath. There is also a black and white photo of her on the wall, which he took for her and washed by hand. Warm bright dark eyes, slightly frightened and fragile expression. Broken short hair flying in the wind, smiling innocently. At that time, she was a freshman, and Lin was a junior in senior three. Pursue warmth.

Lying there, warm and confused, thinking that I am now in a strange city, a city of forests. He invited her over, and she came. It's like meeting Lin for the first time at the freshman dance, a smart and eloquent Shanghai boy. He taught her to dance. He said, put your left hand on my shoulder and your right hand on my palm. She put her hand on his.

In the middle of the night, Lin picked her up and warmed her. She wants to change a skirt. He kissed her lightly on the forehead. You finally came to me, warm. In the dark, they started. It's a little scary warm. Fear and melancholy. Even feel helpless in pain.

She wants to drink water in the kitchen. Walking through the living room without turning on the light, I suddenly heard the sound of opening the door. In came the city that sent Xiaoke home. I saw the warmth in my white cotton pajamas at the door and stood there in a little panic.

It's still raining outside. The dark and humid air is full of beautiful flowers. It's a bunch of lilies in a glass bottle. The two men looked at each other, suddenly speechless. There was only the sound of rain beating on the window in the silence.

It seems that after a long time, the city manager closed the door and quietly passed by her and went to his room.

1April, 999, she played some light music like water. The appearance of silence.

The warm life began to continue.

Lin goes to work from Pudong to Puxi in the morning and sometimes comes back very late at night. He did well in that German company. Work has become his greatest pleasure. The other is the night when I go home early occasionally. After dinner, I played games on the computer, and then suddenly I cried loudly. Warm, my baby, come and give me a kiss.

The city received a list and has been working at home with a computer. They are often alone at home, and sometimes she comes over, but she doesn't like cooking. So the main thing to do every day is to cook for the city at noon and two people at night.

The door of the room is open when the city writes the program. He likes to wear old white shirts and jeans, work barefoot and drink a lot of coffee. There is always a strong smell of blue mountain coffee beans in the room. When the weather is warm at noon, I will probe into it and ask him what he wants to eat. Gradually, there is no need to ask him. I know he likes celery and potatoes. She cooked him very clean vegetables. When eating, neither of them likes to talk. But there is a strange tacit understanding. Both of them are very quiet in their hearts.

The city feels the girl's breath in the room. Sometimes she kneels and sweeps the floor alone, and sometimes she sings softly while washing clothes. She likes to play some soft music, usually Irish dance music and folk songs. Then, after I finished my work, I sat alone on the rattan chair on the balcony reading a novel. She is the kind of girl who used to look particularly clean without ambition and desire. Just like her black and white photos. Silence does not belong to this noisy world.

Xiaoke told Cheng that Wennuan should be a traditional girl, but she was doing something avant-garde. Live together.

Cheng said that she doesn't like you. She is the kind of girl who doesn't know what she wants.

It seems that he is destined to wait for her so quietly. In the dusk of the crowd.

In the afternoon, the city went to Puxi to do business. Going out to buy food, I habitually didn't bring my key. Shut yourself out.

Call the city by mobile phone. Xi said, warm or not to come out for dinner. Don't do this. Lin has to work overtime at night anyway. They made an appointment to meet at Huaihai Road. When Wennuan rode through the tunnel, she found that she had been in Shanghai for almost a month, and Lin had never taken her out to play.

Silent spring dusk. The street is crowded with people in a hurry. I put a little lipstick on the mirror when I got off the bus. She is still wearing her own flowered cotton skirt. The soft skirt hits the bare calf, and there is a faint sense of disappointment.

The city is waiting at the gate of Parkson. From a distance in the crowd, he is the kind of person who is quiet and vaguely sharp. The warmth reminds me of when I was in college, and I liked reading Yi Shu's novels very much. There are three books written very well, such as chrysanthemum, Xibao and comic books. Yi Shu has never written a tacky romance novel. She has a lonely and thorough understanding of love and humanity. Wennuan likes the men she writes. With doomed passion and melancholy. Like Lu Xun's injury. Juansheng, she used that name. Few people have these things anymore. They gradually become animals in the commercial society. Like Lin. He gradually made the warmth feel strange.

But the city is waiting for her. Remind her of their first meeting at the airport. Familiar feeling. It seems that he is destined to wait for her so quietly. Warmth suddenly feels the tears in your eyes.

The city brings warmth, so that she can eat her favorite fruit pizza. At Pizza Hut, I warmed my head and happily ordered orange juice and salad. She looks like a neglected child. Lonely and pathetic. The city looked at her quietly. He felt the difference between girls. Xiaoke is independent and smart, and always has a clear purpose. But warmth is ambiguous and fragile. She is like a white and fragrant flower in the dark.

As before, they did not say much. Cheng only occasionally tells a short story about his hometown in the north and his childhood. Smile warmly and listen to him. They ate this meal for three hours. In the flowing music, in each other's sight and language, gently sink.

I fell asleep when I went home by taxi. Her face rested on the shoulders of the city, breathing gently. Hee reached out and held her face to prevent her from slipping. Whispered to her, warm, don't fall asleep, we will be home soon.

It was on the dark stairs of the apartment building. In the faint moonlight, I could see the eyes of the city staring at her warmly, turning around with love. She looked at his face so closely. A somewhat decadent man. His breath, his cotton shirt, his eyes.

Warm, you make my heart ache, you know. He reached out and stroked her cheek. He restrained himself.

Sometimes, I get scared. City. It's true. The girl's warm tears fell on his palm, almost in an instant, and all the deliberate and depression suddenly collapsed. He silently held her in his arms and rudely blocked her lips, trying to stop her tears. Warm, warm, my silly child.

He buried his face in her neck, feeling the suffocating passion, drowning reason and helpless desire. You are very beautiful. Warm. He whispered. Keep my hair long. You should be mine.

65438+June 0999 You know you can't take me away. You know we are not free.

Some people are destined to love each other. Warm your heart. Even she thought that knowing Lin might be just to welcome the city. Time has nothing to do with heart. I have known this city for a month. And Lin is four years.

But there is nothing they can do. I don't seem to have decided what to do. The cost is too high and I don't know how to start. Neither Lin nor Xiaoke is wrong. There is nothing wrong with them. So when Cheng told her that she had found a job and wanted to move to the dormitory, she nodded gently. She knows him. He can only do this.

Xiaoke helped the city move things together. She said to Nuannuan that our house has already paid the down payment, and we will get the key in half a year. It's better to move out of the city now and let you two live an undisturbed life.

It seems windy.

The city's last night with them. Warm up and cook in the kitchen. Lin likes to eat fish and Qin likes to eat things in the city. Every day, she cooks different flavors for two men. Lin is still addicted to computer games, writing programs in the city, putting a small radio in the kitchen, listening to FM music programs, and watching the twilight sky, large gray-purple clouds and gradually warming through the window. At this time, her heart will think of that vague night. In the dark corridor, the city is overbearing and wild, with fierce kisses and gentle pain.

He is a man she easily falls in love with.

He belongs to someone else.

Wake up at three in the morning. Lin said in a daze in the dark, you want to drink water again. He knew it was a warm habit.

Warm barefoot gently walked into the living room, she didn't turn on the light. There is a strong wind outside the window, and there is the cold and humid smell of lily in the room. This is her first day in Shanghai, and this city bought it for her. He said you might like lilies. She really likes lilies.

She opened the refrigerator and poured a glass of ice water. In the darkness, a pair of hands silently and firmly grasped her. She knows who it is. They didn't make any noise. He trembled slightly when he hugged her. He said, Warm, are we guilty? But God should forgive me. Because I love you very much. He pushed her against the wall. She felt salty tears in his kiss. She whispered, Cheng, my hair will grow out soon. You're leaving me. He said, I can take you away. We are free. She said, you know you can't take me away, and you know we're not free. You always knew.

June 1999 I know we can't seem to be together.

A very peaceful life Two people. The room suddenly became empty.

Lin warms up at home, washes clothes and reads books when she goes to work, and often plays Irish light music. Some irises and morning glory were planted on the balcony. Sometimes after watering the flowers, I am alone in the bright sunshine.

There is no more ringing keyboard tapping in the room. Without the man with a short crew cut and an old white shirt and jeans, he sat barefoot in front of the computer and worked. His quiet breathing and the rich fragrance of blue mountain coffee. When she kneels on the ground and cleans the floor, she often listens to his keyboard sound with peace of mind. Because you can see him with a probe. He called her name, warm. Mandarin with a northern accent.

I haven't been with Lin for a long time It turns out that women and men are really different. A woman's heart and body are one. Mind is absent, body is nothing but empty pottery. Lin didn't force her, he said, if you feel lonely, warm yourself up, or go out and find something to do casually, so that you can socialize. But I really don't trust you to go out. You always need to be looked after.

Warm up, are you taking care of me? With a faint smile on her face, she is a person who does not easily express her disappointment and dissatisfaction. The days with Lin are really lonely. He doesn't know what she wants. Maybe if he knew, he would be very willing to give it to her. But the problem is that he doesn't know. Maybe it will always be a question. He is not her kind. Although he loves her.

But warm thinking, she can still live with Lin. Just like this city will be with Xiaoke.

Maybe they can get married after living with Lin for half a year. Live a plain and quiet life. Even a little lonely.

In the afternoon, Wen went out alone and went to the hospital. It's already very hot. After a long bus ride, Wennuan found Ruijin Hospital according to the map. There were many people sitting in armchairs in the corridor waiting for the phone call, so I bought a pictorial to read. There is a special report in Pictorial, with many pictures of lovely babies. Here are their parents' feelings about their birth. Wennuan found a baby he likes, a curious little boy with big eyes. His mother said he was black and thin, with big eyes, like an alien. Asked why the doctor was so ugly, the doctor said he was not dressed yet. It's really a baby who looks like ET. Look at that photo warmly and affectionately. Smiling.

The test results will come out soon. Being warm is not a big accident. The doctor asked her if you wanted it. Warm said I'll go back and think about it. When she walked out of the hospital, she held the pictorial tightly in her hand. She thought it might be a boy with the same fingers and eyes as the city. At the roadside telephone booth, she called the city. She always remembers this phone number. This is the first time she has called him since they separated. Cheng was in the office, warm and silent on the phone for a long time, and then she said, Cheng, I want to see you. Can you come out?

Or in front of Parkson Store on Huaihai Road. The same twilight and crowds. Looking at the city from a distance, I wore an old white cotton shirt and jeans as usual. Because the face is thin, it looks more handsome and pointed. Warm thought, this is really a different person from Lin. Lin wears a suit and tie to work in a 30-story building every day, and he has lost his momentum. A person without spirit can make people feel lonely.

The city says, warm you. He looked down at her. His quiet eyes disappeared silently like water. The warmth can see the whirling and pain inside. But in the twilight, they just looked at each other flatly. Just like any two dating men and women in the crowd.

I'm fine. City. Today is my birthday. Look at him with a warm face and a smile. Do you want me to buy you a present? Yes

They walked into Parkson. Go to the jewelry counter and look at him playfully. You can buy me anything I like. The city said, no problem, I have a credit card. I watched it enthusiastically for a long time, then pointed to a ring and said, I want this. It is a thin and simple silver ring. 20 yuan after the discount.

City people say, warm, I want to buy something else. No, Cheng, we had a deal. All right. The city nodded helplessly. Then ask the clerk to put it in a purple silk box. When he put it in his warm hand, he said, marry me, warm. He smiled and imitated the tone of the suitor. Warm up, okay. Then, she saw the eyes of the city suddenly filled with tears.

Xiaoke, please. Warm, hear your calm voice. At a pizza place. Two people sat by the window, watching the neon and the night in the street. She wants me to go to America for an MBA. Her aunt is in California. Keep asking us to come over. But I don't like it.

I know. Warm, you are a casual person, small and different.

I don't trust you, Wen. He bowed his head. Sometimes I hope you marry Lin as soon as possible, so that I can give up, but sometimes I worry that you are unhappy. You will make me feel bad for the rest of my life. Look at him with a warm smile. If I want to go with you, do you want me? The city held her hand, warm, and many times I dreamed that we were sitting on the train together. I know I'll take you to the north. It's a long way, but you are by my side. That was my happiest moment. I even hope I don't wake up.

Is that all right, Cheng? Look at him warmly.

Yes, warm. If we stick to each other and can bear these evils and pains, we can leave Shanghai and everything. Just the two of us. Merlin city tightly holding her finger. I've always been afraid of losing you. Warm. God's punishment will not make me suffer more than this.

They are waiting for the last subway at the bright subway station.

Xi said, warm, you think about it as soon as possible and call me. I will take care of everything between Lin and Xiao Ke. If I can be with you, I am willing to bear all the sins for you.

Warm up, okay. She looked at the city and suddenly felt cold fingers and a dull pain in her heart. Hug me, Cheng. Please hug me. Hee hugged her tightly in the crowd. He pressed her head on his chest and said softly, warm, I can't stand such a parting. Let me have you for a lifetime, or we will never see each other again. His fingers stroked the hair on her back, long black hair, as smooth and soft as satin. Look at him with a warm smile. I want to stall them, Cheng. I want to tie your soul to them. A lifetime.

It was already late at night when I went home warmly. Lin fell asleep on the sofa. The suit is straight, and there are several beer cans piled on the ground.

Warm squatted down and stroked his face with his hand, and then Lin woke up. Warm, where have you been? I didn't see you at home for the first time after work. You worry me.

Lin, I have something to tell you. Looking at him warmly and calmly, her face is like a pale and gorgeous flower, with a cold luster in the dark. I can't be with you anymore. I have a child. It may not be yours. I'm going home.

Lin looked at her in amazement. Why, warm, are you kidding?

No. Warm up. I don't want us to live in the shadows. It's unfair to you. If there are no children, I want to go on like this. But it's different now. If I were still with you, I would feel guilty. But I don't want to live like this. You know that.

I won't tell you any details. I just hope you can forgive me. Because I once loved you. Because I don't love you anymore.

65438+August 0999 keeps saying goodbye.

The flight home is at 9 pm. Warm up and wait alone in the waiting hall. It's raining lightly outside.

She didn't call the city. Leaving without saying goodbye may give him and Xiaoke more peace. Even she doesn't want to think of the collapse and harm that Lin has brought to herself. She just did her best. Time will heal everything.

I feel calm and lonely at this moment. She was accompanied by her luggage when she came, and a silver ring strung around her neck with silk thread. And a little life. There won't be much time. She laid her hand gently on herself. Hi, little alien. She smiled and talked to it. Will you say goodbye to me? We have to say goodbye to so many people. Love, not love. Always say goodbye.

65438+September 0999 or we'll never see each other again.

In this familiar city, warmth starts a person's life again.

At dusk, she often goes out for a walk alone. Follow the path by the river until you reach the railroad tracks in the suburbs. There are vast fields there. Sometimes sitting on the gravel and watching the clouds floating in the distance, sometimes walking around in the lush grass, picking a purple daisy and inserting it in her hair. Long black hair, thick, has been flowing like water on the shoulders.

She felt inner peace. The past is the past. Occasionally, on sleepless nights, I will see Cheng's face. At the last side of the subway station, he opened the glass door and waved to her, then the subway roared away. There are only bright lights on the empty platform. Palely shining on a bleeding heart. She was there alone, in tears.

He said, I can't stand such a parting. Let me have you for a lifetime, or we'll never see each other again.

She can only choose to leave. Because I don't want him to suffer. She's already taken half of it. So you can bear all this.

When she was in the hospital, she finally let herself burst into tears. It's not just pain She knew that she finally gave up a part of her life related to this city. They can be strangers forever.

She began to work in a nearby kindergarten, playing the piano for children and teaching them to sing some children's songs part-time.

Life is simple and quiet. The air began to feel the coolness in the wind. She often wears a washed cotton cloth skirt, with no makeup on her face, only long hair like gorgeous satin. She seldom goes to the streets and has no social activities except classes and walks. I don't know any grown men. Except land.

Lu is Roger's father. Roger is the most naughty boy in the class. His mother divorced Lu five years ago. Lu told Nuannuan that Roger often told me that he had a teacher with the most beautiful hair. Standing in the sun, with a warm smile, white skirt and black hair gleamed faintly. They walked out of kindergarten together that day. Roger is running around in front. Warm and land walk on the gravel road together. Lu looked at the girl in amazement. She looked up at the clouds leisurely, but there was no extra language.

1999 10 is getting married, because I am old for you.

A month later, the 40-year-old man said to Nuannuan, Can you consider marrying me?

Look at him warmly. He is a very ordinary middle-aged man. She was not impressed with him. I know he is rich, but he doesn't look tacky and impetuous. I have a short crew cut and like to wear black cloth shoes. I don't like talking, but I can watch her play nursery rhymes on the piano for hours.

Warm up and say why. Lu said, I think the biggest difference between you and other girls is that your heart is dull and quiet. That's enough. I've met many women. When you are by my side, I feel calm.

He looked at the plain girl. I know you must have had an unusual experience. You can tell me nothing. I just want to give you a stable and stable life, and we each get what we need. Don't you think this is the smartest marriage?

His hand gently stroked her long silky hair. Your hair is beautiful and sad. Like your soul. But you can park here.

The night before the wedding, it began to rain coldly in Mao Mao.

Enthusiastically opened the long brown paper box, which contained the wedding dress bought from Hong Kong. Soft lace and white pearls are what I imagined before. But at that time, she thought that the person she must marry was Lin. Lu also ordered a full set of diamond jewelry. He said that the silver ring around your neck has been hanging for a long time. I'm not asking you to change it. You can take it with you.

But it's not too long, just three months. Warm-hearted thinking, why does it feel like a century ago? She stroked the small silver ring that had begun to fade. This is the only gift the city gave her. At that time, they were in the streets of Shanghai, strange cities and strangers. And doomed love.

Warm all night, insomnia, until the early morning, just fell asleep. Then at three o'clock in the morning, suddenly the bedside phone rang. While warming up, I thought I was dreaming, and I reached out and picked up the receiver in the dark. In the silent room, only the rustle of the telephone was heard. Then a man speaks Mandarin with a northern accent. Warm. He called her name.

Cheng, is that you? Warm feeling, he still can't wake up. She is really sleepy. But she recognized the voice. Only hearing it will awaken all the memories in her soul. The line is not very good, and the sound of the city is vague and intermittent. He said, Warm, I am in California. I was walking in the street when it suddenly rained heavily.

I thought I could forget you and become warm. But at this moment, I miss you very much. I think you're leaving.

There is indeed a lot of rain on the mobile phone. On the other side of the earth, it is a city that will never meet. Warm said, hee, I'm getting married. Because I'm old for you.

The city cried. Then the phone suddenly died.

Warm up and put down the phone. She looked at the dark room. She thought she was really dreaming. Will there be her phone number in the city? But when I touch my face, my hands are full of warm and moist tears.

They never seem to say goodbye formally. And every time is farewell.

1999 65438+ A fallen love in February. Finally disappeared.

At Christmas, Wennuan received a greeting card from Lin. He said he was getting married. Besides, both Cheng and Xiaoke have gone abroad.

At the end of the letter, he said, warm, I think I can live a new life and forget you.

Touch the little angel pattern protruding from the card with a warm smile. She began to get a little fat. Because of the child, Lu insisted that she should not go out to class and stay at home every day.

Roger is running around the house happily, and Lu and I are going to decorate the Christmas tree we bought. Lu said loudly in the living room, warm, don't forget to drink milk. Warm up, I know. This is her married life. Simple and safe. Will die.

When I picked up the milk cup, I opened the curtain and looked out. Strangely, it began to snow in this southern city this Christmas. It was a small white snowflake, dancing quietly in the wind. In the dark and silent night sky in winter.

Looking at the snowflakes flying all over the sky warmly, I suddenly flashed some fragments of memories. In the apartment in distant Shanghai, the living room filled with lily fragrance, the dark corridor, the fierce kiss of the city, and the face flashed by the city through the subway glass were the last time she saw him. The handsome and melancholy northern man, she still remembers his fingers, his eyes, his breath and his voice, vague and gentle, reminding her of a sinking love at the end of the century.

But my heart no longer hurts.

He finally disappeared.

Attachment: Insomnia

Anne baby

Three o'clock in the morning.

There was no sound in the darkness.

Weakening rain. Humid air,

And this world doesn't fit your dreams.

For insomniacs, nothing is comfort.

Walking around the room in pajamas.

Drink cold water.

Took three pills.

Look at your face in the mirror. Pale and withered.

Indulgence and indulgence did not bring any expectations.

You want something you still have. Like past events and commitments.

You think you're sick. Your stomach is as anxious and empty as your soul.

Despair is a shadow everywhere.

But at night, you are a flower without language.

Can't make a sound.

I can't sleep.

I don't know if it is!

But play hard ...

Hope to adopt!