Lin and Xu Zhimo (did Lin love Xu Zhimo)

For the forest, the winter of 193 1 was originally warm and quiet.

In September this year, Lin recovered from illness and went down the mountain on September 29. On the same day, she had lunch with Xu Zhimo. 1 01October1day, Xu Zhimo wrote to Lu Xiaoman and said, "Star Yin Hui went down the mountain and had lunch with her. She gained 98 pounds ... In my opinion, Yin Hui will have a baby soon. "

193 1 year1month 19, Xu zhimo died in a plane crash. Bad news fell from the sky, and mountains and rivers lost friends. Everything before was just warmth, which increased the heartache. This loss of life broke Lin's heart.

In fact, the tragic factor appeared before it happened, even in the living room decorated with deep friendship of the Lins. After Xu Zhimo went to teach at Peking University, he repeatedly urged Lu Xiaoman to leave Shanghai for Beijing: "Besides, you really deserve to come to Beijing to study painting. A Forbidden City is enough for you to ponder for several years. ..... It's a reunion. Shu Hua got a general knowledge (that is, Chen Xiying), and the emblem has also developed ... it's you and me, one south and one north. You said I was willing to leave the south, I only said you wouldn't go to the north with me. As a result, everyone is unhappy. But if we have to accommodate each other, I have been accommodating in Shanghai for many years. It is too dangerous to continue, and I have to save it. I can't force you; I wanted you to come, but you refused to come. What can I think? ..... I really don't know how to think! "

Lu Xiaoman turned a deaf ear to this and continued to live a luxurious life in Shanghai, refusing to come to Beijing together. Xu Zhimo had to travel back and forth between Beijing and Shanghai. In order to maintain Lu Xiaoman's huge expenditure, he also taught in two universities, Peking University and Beijing Women's Normal University. 300 yuan of Peking University and 280 yuan of Beijing Normal University add up to 580 yuan. At that time, the highest-ranking professor in Tsinghua Peking University spent 400 yuan a month, and the average family could support their families with 20 yuan. Xu Zhimo's income is very high. He sends it back to Shanghai every month except for 30 yuan of pocket money. Even so, he was heavily in debt and had to borrow money to advance his salary. Friends and relatives scolded Xu Zhimo for his profligacy, and he was speechless. However, "although the smoke does not go out, it is only swallowed in the opposite direction. Isn't that worse and more tangled? " 165438+1At the beginning of October, Lu Xiaoman sent telegrams more than ten times urging Xu Zhimo to return to the south. Xu Zhimo left Beijing for Shanghai again and finally set foot on the road of no return.

165438+1October19, the last day of the poet's life 10, every day is remembered by friends and friends who met for the last time for thousands of times, and every day is carefully recalled and a sad sentence is found. 165438+1October 10, Lin and Xu Zhimo attended a tea party to welcome the British woman writer Mansfield's elder sister-in-law Dr. Berry. This is their last party.

On the evening of June+10 10, 65438, Xu Zhimo went to the Lins' home after the tea party, just in time for the Lins to leave. Xu Zhimo sat by himself for a while, drank a pot of tea, and finally left a message. When Lin got home, he saw a note that said, "It is scheduled to fly at six o'clock tomorrow morning, and life and death are uncertain ..." So he was uneasy and called Xu Zhimo. "Don't worry, it's safe here. I want to use my life to witness more great deeds. How could I die? ..... "This answer to the poetic belief in life, as Xu Zhimo's last voice, became an unforgettable knot when Lin recalled Xu Zhimo. Behind Xu Zhimo, Lin repeatedly asked: "Who believes that such a person, such a person who is loyal to' life', will leave us for another world so early and forever, always silent and silent!"

On June165438+1October1day, Xu Zhimo went south to Nanjing by Zhang Xueliang's special plane, and made a special trip to yenching university to visit Bing Xin before boarding the plane. Bing Xin asked about his past, and Xu Zhimo was disheartened. He wrote, "What do you mean by the phosphorescence of skeletons?"

165438+1October 12, Xu Zhimo returned to Shanghai because of the high expenses in Lu Xiaoman, and planned to help Jiang Baili sell the house on Yuyuan Road in Shanghai to earn commission. When I got home, I saw Lu Xiaoman smoking again, and the couple had a big fight. According to Yu Dafu's words, Xu Zhimo earnestly advised Lu Xiaoman to give up opium: "Mei, I love you very much, so I advise you to give up opium. Opium is harmful to your health. Now, I see how thin you are. Really sad, my eyebrows! " Good medicine is bitter in the mouth. Hearing this, Lu Xiaoman flew into a rage and threw his pipe at Xu Zhimo's face. Xu Zhimo quickly dodged, but fortunately missed, gold-rimmed glasses fell to the ground and the glass was broken ... Xu Zhimo was depressed and left angrily. 165438+1October 14, Xu zhimo went to Liu Haisu's home to see his new works returned from overseas, had lunch in Luo Longji at noon and went to Liu Haisu in the afternoon. Since then, I have stayed for a few more days for real estate transactions. It was not until 10 that he took the early train to Nanjing to visit his friend He.

According to Xu Zhimo's original plan, he intends to return to Beiping by Zhang Xueliang's special plane. At that time, Zhang Xueliang was stationed in Beiping and served as deputy commander-in-chief of the national armed forces. Gu Weijun helped Zhang Xueliang in diplomacy and often took Zhang Xueliang's special plane. Xu Zhimo and Gu Weijun are very friendly and often take this opportunity to advance together. But before he left this time, Gu Weijun was rescheduled for something. In order to attend Lin Yu's lecture to foreign envoys in the auditorium of Peking Union Medical College on the evening of 1 19, and to save travel expenses to make a living, Xu Zhimo decided to take the China Airlines "Jinan" postal flight to Beiping for free on the morning of 19.

At 9: 30 pm on June/KOOC-0/65438+/KOOC-0/October/KOOC-0/8, Xu Zhimo came to Hugh Ho Chang's home. Soon, Yang Xingfo also came. Xu Zhimo and his wife Han are talking about life and love. At this time, everyone noticed that Xu Zhimo was wearing a short and small suit and trousers with a hole in his waist. He also turned around like a spiral, looking for a long-lost belt, which attracted laughter from all over the house.

In the joke, Han seems to have a feeling: "Support something tomorrow, Xu Zhimo!"

Xu Zhimo smiled naughtily and said, "Are you afraid of my death?"

"Xu Zhimo, seriously, always be careful. Is the driver from China or a foreigner? "

I don't know! Never mind, I always want to fly. I think the weather is fine and suitable for flying. "

Han said after a while, "Did Xiaoman say anything when you flew this time?"

"The little man said that if I died on the plane, she would be a widow of Mary." Yang Xingfo replied, "All widows are happy!"

Then everyone laughed. They talked about friends, Xu Zhimo's life and state affairs in his later years in Beiping, and it was already late at night. Yang Xingfo said goodbye to Xu Zhimo. Han wanted to say, "Xu Zhimo won't come here often in the future." When the words came to my mouth, it turned out to be "Apricot Buddha is still coming, Xu Zhimo is not coming!" When he left, Yang Xingfo was in front and Xu Zhimo was behind. He turned around and kissed Han's left cheek very gently, just like his big brother. Han Xiangmei added: "Let's hear your voice before the end of this week."

Unexpectedly, this turned out to be an eternal tactic with Xu Zhimo.

165438+1October 19, foggy. Thinking about Lin's speech, Xu Zhimo decided to go back. Before taking off, he sent a telegram from China Airlines to Lin and Liang Sicheng, asking them to send a car to meet him at Nanyuan Airport at 3 pm that day. At 8 o'clock in the morning, the plane Jinan took off from Nanjing Ming Palace Airport on time and 10 arrived in Xuzhou. Xu Zhimo sent a letter to Lu Xiaoman at the airport, saying that he had a headache and didn't want to leave again. Finally left again. 10 %2020, the plane flew north again. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon, Dangjiashan near Jinan encountered heavy fog and crashed into the mountain by mistake. "At the same time, the sky was a little dark ... suddenly, a ball of light went straight to the bet and exploded with a bang-it shattered my fantasy in the flight and added a few broken clouds to the sky." Everything fell into eternal silence.

Lin didn't expect that she couldn't get Xu Zhimo back this time anyway. The dispatched car waited until 4: 00 %2030, and there was still no result. Hearing this, Hu Shi suspected that something had changed on the way. The next day, Beiping Morning Post published the news of the air crash.

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Jingping went north to make trouble and fell in Jinan yesterday!

The plane was completely destroyed, passengers and drivers were burned to death, and rain and fog mistakenly hit the mountain.

[Jinan 19 Special Report] At 2 o'clock in the afternoon on% 20 19, China Airlines flew from Beijing to Dangjiazhuang, 30 miles south of Jinan. Due to the heavy rain and fog, I accidentally hit the top of the mountain and then went down the mountain. Our reporter went to investigate ... this is a terrible sight.

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Hu Shi saw it and cried, and concluded that Xu Zhimo had been killed. He called Lin at once. At 20: 00 on the same day12%, Xu Zhimo's death was confirmed. In the afternoon, Lin, Liang Sicheng, Chen, Sun Dayu, Qian Duansheng, Zhang Weici and Tao He all went to Hu's house. Everyone was crying and sitting silently, and Zhang Xiruo even lost his voice.

2 1, Liang Sicheng, Zhang Xiruo, Zhang Weici and Yu Gengyu, a poet of Crescent School, took the train on the Jin-Pu line to Shandong to deal with Xu Zhimo's funeral. The bus arrived in Jinan, and Shen Congwen, who arrived first by night train from Qingdao University, was waiting at the station.

Upon inquiry, Zhang Jiaao, the elder brother of Zhang Youyi, then president of China Bank, has entrusted the manager of Jinan Branch of China Bank to prepare the coffin, drag Xu Zhimo's body out of the wreckage, wash it, wrap it up, transport it back to Jinan from Dangjiazhuang, and park it in Shoufo Temple, south of Xitou Road.

Shen Congwen then arrived in Shoufo Temple with Liang Sicheng, Zhang Xiruo and Zhang Weici. In the light rain, he saw Xu Zhimo lying quietly in his coffin in this ancient temple full of jars.

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Mr. Xu Zhimo changed into the first-class shroud available in Jinan: wearing a melon skin cap, a light blue silk robe, a black gauze coat and a pair of black cloud shoes at his feet. There are no traces of pain on the body, such as when sleeping normally, it is very peaceful. The fatal injury was obviously caused by the moment the plane hit the mountain. A friend from Beijing brought a wreath with iron leaves woven into a diameter scale, such as a common pattern in ancient Greek sculpture. At first glance, it must be from Mr. Xu Zhimo's good friend Sicheng and his wife. Putting the wreath on the lid of the coffin, friends can't help but feel that the generation of poets who are usually energetic, innocent and talented are really "taboo", similar to Byron and Shelley, who only lived in the world for more than 30 years and suddenly died in an accident!

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Xu Zhimo, who was lying in the coffin, made Shen Congwen heartbroken: "Xu Zhimo was wearing clothes that were completely out of proportion to his usual hobbies. He was lying quietly in a corner of the small temple, accompanied by the miserable rain in front of the eaves. Seeing this sad and lonely scene, relatives and friends present couldn't help but burst into tears."

Later, Yu Gengyu, an old friend of Xu Zhimo, also arrived in Shoufo Temple and saw Xu Zhimo's "slightly swollen face, with some traces of redness and whiteness ... probably after being burned and washed. My eyes are not completely closed, but they are still slightly exposed, which seems to be blind to the viewer. Judging from the rectangular glass covering the face, except for some edema, it is not much different from before. " A staff member of Xu Zhimo was sent by the Bank of China to guard the coffin and went to the scene of the plane crash to clean it. He told Yu Yuyu that Xu Zhimo "broke his leg and burned his hands badly, but nothing else was too serious". When I think of the tragic situation of Xu Zhimo's death, I can't help but feel dejected by "a coffin lying in disorder, leaving no one behind" ... the bleak situation ".

At 5 pm, Xu Zhimo's son and Zhang Youyi's eighth brother Zhang arrived in Jinan. At 8: 30 in the evening, the coffin was loaded with an iron horse gang, escorted back to Shanghai by He Zhang, and parked in the funeral home. There are many mourners. Lingbian cried two people, one is Lu Xiaoman and the other is Zhang Youyi. Five years of marriage made a big mistake. Lu Xiaoman's mother lamented that Xiaoman had harmed Xu Zhimo and Xu Zhimo had harmed Xiaoman. Love is a kind of mutual tolerance and compromise, but for Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman, it becomes mutual destruction. After Xu Zhimo's death, Lu Xiaoman celebrated the banquet with blue lights, dressed in plain clothes all his life, concentrated on sorting out Xu Zhimo's manuscripts, and never went to banquet places again. Regarding the emotional entanglement with Lin, Lu Xiaoman said, "If he hadn't stopped me from meeting Lin personally, he wouldn't have died on this plane. I don't blame Lin's charm or Xu Zhimo's infatuation with her. After Xu Zhimo's death, my jealousy has long since disappeared, but with deep regret, it will exist forever. "

On February 6, 65438, Shanghai cultural circles set up a memorial service in Jing 'an Temple to commemorate Xu Zhimo. On the same day, the cultural circles in Beiping also held a memorial service. The venue was arranged by Lin and Liang Sicheng, and more than 250 people including Hu Shi, Zhou Zuoren, Yang Zhensheng, Chen Hengzhe and Ling Shuhua attended the condolences. In commemoration, Lu Xiaoman, Hu Shi, Zhou Zuoren, Yu Dafu, Liang Shiqiu, Yang Zhensheng, Chu Anping, He Jiahuai, Zhao, and others published the commemorative number of Xu Zhimo in Volume 4No. 1. In addition, the 4th issue of Poetry Magazine also has the commemorative number of Xu Zhimo, and published commemorative articles by Fang, Chen, Liang Zhen and Zhu Xiang.

On February 7th, Lin's Mourning for Xu Zhimo was published in Beijing Morning Post. Lin was deeply saddened by the second death in her life. She clapped her hands and sighed.

Time shifted to a winter night in 1933. Zhao Yuanren and his wife returned to Beiping from the United States. Liang Sicheng and Lin hosted a banquet for them at home. Most of the guests were friends of Xu Zhimo before his death. During the dinner, Lin took out a banner written by Xu Zhimo two years ago on the eve of going to Shanghai from Beiping. The text has the shape of a plane hitting a mountain, and everyone here is sighing and sighing. Zhao Yuanren sighed and said, "I haven't acted in Hai Qu Yun, which he asked me to do." Lin said, "It's all the same to me." Zhao Yuanren's wife Yang Buwei said with a smile, "Of course, this is based on your story." . Jiang Tingfu came out to stop, saying that Mrs Zhao should not say it. Lin replied softly and firmly, "It doesn't matter." Hai Qu Yun is a musical work composed by Xu Zhimo and Zhao Yuanren. The whole song is accompanied by soprano solo, chorus and piano, representing the image of a girl, a narrator "a poet" and the sea respectively. Regrettably, after the work was completed, Zhao Yuanren never played for Xu Zhimo, which became a permanent regret.

At that time, there were many rumors about Xu Zhimo and Lin, and most people in the circle of friends avoided talking about Lin, only relatively straightforward. Lin, who is also straightforward, is not angry about it. He said "it doesn't matter", which not only answered the well-meaning concerns of friends, but also answered the speculations of all good people. In the following years, she ignored the gossip all over the sky and continued her deepest thoughts about Xu Zhimo in her own way.

1June, 932, Lin re-entered Xiangshan and wrote to Hu Shi, confessing that he was hurt by the scenery. For Xu Zhimo's "sadness has almost become a fixed throat, and life is still crushed ..."1934+065438+10/9. Within a few minutes of the train's stop, Lin got off the bus and left the door independently in the dim night. Staring at the dark platform, I silently recalled many discontinuous fragments of the past, until life and death were actually blurred, and life and a series of train-like winding problems ran through the boundless space. Tears overflowed my eyelids involuntarily. After the train arrived in Shanghai, Lin and Liang Sicheng met Zhao Yuanru (), Chen Zhisheng () and. She always talks, laughs and talks. Once there was a sudden silence, Chen Zhi couldn't help asking why. Lin didn't hide her gloomy mood. She asked stiffly, "Do you think I'm from my family and always talk?"? However, Lin still has something to say after all. A quick glance at Shi Xia evoked too many memories and thoughts. 1935 On the anniversary of Xu Zhimo's death, she made "Commemorating the Fourth Anniversary of Xu Zhimo's Death" in hit the floor. At this time, the dust settled and the personnel were far away. There is no longer any difficulty in Lin's heart. He calmly talks with the dead "undead" and a bosom friend's heart jumps to the paper.

..... Although you have left the world of our activities for four years, you are no longer involved in the main force of traction change, but no one can deny that you are still standing in our hazy background, which is indirectly a kind of strength, especially in the efforts and beliefs of literary and artistic creation. Indirectly, you let the natural rhyme and color, the wind is light and the moon is white. From time to time, all people's lawless emotions continue to live among us, still intertwined with our disputes and ideals. You are not too far away from us. Your figure is always hanging here, hanging there, wandering as before, love stops when people are not paying attention, the laughter that brings courage is always so loud, and there are poems that you have warmly or deliberately recited, which still string together many people's hearts.

……

You said in the preface of Tiger Tales that "there is nothing worse than writing poems", but you didn't explain why writing poems is a tragic thing. Now I'll make a footnote, okay? ……

I admit that writing poetry is a bleak thing, struggling alone among people, but because I know very well that you have fought for your peers with pure faith and sincere attempts, defended their emotional simplicity and praised their artistic creation, and you have never pursued vanity yourself, I think you are always very happy. As you said, you were covered in blood, but you still didn't bow your head. You believe that a little spirit is still struggling there, and you want to make a sound under the heavy oppression of real life. To put it simply, my friend, your motivation in writing poetry is frank and unconscious, and your attitude in writing poetry is honest, brave and stubborn. Discuss your poem, everyone knows it first.

…… ……

Whether our work will last forever depends on whether it will live in the hearts of people we don't know, in the hearts of readers of our work, and in the hearts of strangers and lonely people who are everywhere. This kind of thing has its own rules, so we don't need to pay attention to it. As far as I know, your poems are still floating here, and your shadow is tied in those poems with different shades, and the other end is printed in the hearts of many strangers. My friend, don't underestimate this indirect existence too much. Many enthusiastic people will increase their knowledge of life for your existence. Only your closest friends and like-minded hardworking people are sad. The fact that you are not in it will always be an unfilled blank.

Lin and Xu Zhimo have the deepest acquaintance, and they both have a poetic heart. In the article, Lin started from the beginning and evaluated Xu Zhimo as a poet. With her explanation, Xu Zhimo's soul is between the lines. Her past and mutual understanding with Xu Zhimo finally turned into mutual encouragement between the living and the dead through yin and yang.

Title: Beautiful Rain: Lin and Her Times

Press: CITIC Publishing House, June 5438+2020 10.