Please explain this joke, I really don’t understand it.

Hello, let me answer your question:

The judge asked the defendant: Are you sure you didn't lie?

Defendant: What do you mean?

What the judge doesn’t understand is: You told me you only have one brother, but why does your sister say she has two brothers?

A gentleman said to the mechanic: Check the tires for me

The mechanic checked for a long time and said: You have four tires.

The airport tower asked a plane that was about to land: Please reply and tell us your altitude and location. Unexpectedly, the navigator who flew the plane for the first time replied: My altitude is 5 feet 10 inches, located in the right driver's seat

Patient: I have a splitting headache

The doctor didn't know what he was thinking at the time, and said something he didn't even understand. If: Try to stick it up with glue

2. Customer: "Buy a pound of meatballs."

Salesperson: "Please pay eight taels of food stamps."

Customer: Why do you still need to pay food stamps when buying meatballs?

Salesperson: "There are eight taels of leftover steamed buns in a pound of meatballs."

There was a young man who did not want to join the army and pretended to have poor eyesight during the physical examination.

Doctor: Which way is this e facing?

Young man: What e?

Doctor: This is what’s on the eye chart!

Young man: That eye chart?

Doctor: This one is on the wall.

Young man: Which wall?

The doctor believes that this young man’s eyesight is really poor.

The young man was watching a movie in the cinema in the evening. In the darkness, he saw the doctor who had examined his eyesight today come in. He

happened to sit next to the young man. So the young man quickly said: Madam, there are so many people on this bus

ah!

Highest Instructions

A friend went to Shaoshan and wanted to visit the Chairman Mao Memorial Hall. He asked what the ticket price was. The concierge replied:

"Five yuan!"

“So expensive!!”

“Look at the statue of the Chairman.”

I saw the Chairman’s left hand behind his back, and the five fingers of his right hand spread apart, making a wave. (The chairman’s unique movements, such as waving his hat

are waving his hat back and forth...).

"Cheaper..."

...

"You may be able to pester me, okay, okay, let's go to the back."

? "later"?

The concierge walked around behind the chairman's portrait,

"How about seeing it for yourself?"

"It's done."

The chairman's left hand The thumb is bent.

Burial at sea

During the promotion of changing funeral customs, a TV station interviewed the wife of the deceased on the spot: "Are you planning to bury at sea?"

The woman shook her head repeatedly. Said: "No, he can't swim."

There are many thieves

A young man from a foreign country went on a business trip to a city in Northeast China. He asked a local man about the hotels where he could stay. How much,

The Northeastern people replied: There are many thieves, there are many thieves! The young man was frightened and backed away again and again, and left here quickly.

Buying tapes

A man went to the audio and video bookstore to buy tapes. The salesperson asked him if he wanted light music. He said: Light or heavy, I came here by car

.

Police and Criminals

A policeman was escorting a prisoner to prison, and suddenly his hat was blown off by the wind.

"Can I pick up your hat for you?" the prisoner asked flatteringly.

"Do you think I'm that stupid?" The police officer said: "You stand here, I will pick it up"...

Hit the sentence

The coach : There are two things that prevent you from becoming a good football player.

Player: What?

Coach: Your left foot and your right foot.

Curse

A beautiful woman married an ugly man. When the woman became pregnant, she looked at her husband and complained

say : If my child looks like you, you really deserve to be cursed.

Her husband replied: If my children are not like me, you are the one to be cursed.

Wife

Father: You are already old, it’s time to find a wife.

Zi: Yes, but in the vast sea of ??people, whose wife should I find?

Look at the orangutans

The father of the twin brothers Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua is a zookeeper. I took my two babies to see the orangutans today. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua wanted to watch carefully and asked their father to take them to feed the orangutans.

Xiao Ming: Wow, so many orangutans.

Xiaohua: That one is the biggest, that one is the smallest.

Xiao Ming: It seems that there is no orangutan with white hair.

Xiaohua: That one is smacking his lips at us!

Orangutan A: Come and see, everyone, I brought two new ones for food.

Orangutan B: He is white.

Mineral water

One day when old friends got together, they suddenly mentioned that there are many kinds of beverages on the market. Mr. A said: Our company is preparing to sell them

Please support me by tasting the mineral water. As soon as these words came out, everyone was in an uproar.

Note: Mr. a’s workplace: Waterworks

Birthday message

One day Chen Weng celebrated his birthday

Xiao Wang also brought it Everyone who came to the factory said a few auspicious words of congratulations to the birthday boy

Of course Xiao Wang was no exception

When He said: I wish you a long life….

I was immediately kicked out...

Do you know why?

Because Chen Weng was just ninety-nine that year...

Drivers and Violations

After drivers in Xi'an, Beijing, and Shanghai were caught by traffic police for violating regulations, It is said that the reactions vary from person to person:

Xi'an drivers generally have to argue with each other and become red-faced.

The Shanghai driver considers himself unlucky.

Beijing drivers usually beg for mercy: "Police uncle, aunt, aunt, just treat me like a fart"

Equal treatment

A People are complaining to others about their marriage: How good it was when we first got married. Every day when I come back from work, my wife and puppy come to the door to greet me. My wife brings me slippers, and the puppy barks at me. Okay now, the puppy is bringing me slippers, and my wife is barking at me.

Two little swallows flew low in the air.

A little swallow said: It’s going to rain. The first one was very suspicious: How did you know it was going to rain?

Have you not heard people say that it will rain when swallows fly low? replied the first swallow.

/p>

My nose was scratched by looking at a painting, and my eyebrows were pinched in order to lock a book box

It was even more ridiculous, my lip skin was burned by blowing a lamp

An orangutan He read the palm of another orangutan and said with a sad face: Your fate is very tragic, you will evolve into a human...

Ms. Zhang was hospitalized due to illness, and colleagues came to express condolences one after another!

Ms. Zhang: I’m so sorry. I’m asking for leave these days, so I have to trouble everyone to share my work with my colleagues!

Colleague A: Actually it’s not bad!

Mr. Wang makes tea!

Mr. Fang reads the newspaper!

Miss Lin was flirting with Manager Li!

Praise!

A gentleman said to Miss Wang: Beautiful women do not need makeup...

Miss Wang said shyly: Thank you....

Unexpectedly, this talented gentleman said again: I think you should put on some makeup!

Ms. Wang:...

Drunk

A certain gentleman cannot drink, but he likes wine. One day I went out, it was late, I drank and got drunk. He asked: "Is it the sun in the sky? Or is it the moon?"

The answer was: "This is not my home, how can I know?" Everyone laughed.

Occasionally in the hospital

There is a revelation from the inpatient department of Peking University Third Hospital:

"The patient cannot be admitted, and the hospitalization procedures cannot be completed"

The good person added a few strokes and it became:

"The patient cannot go through hospitalization procedures until he collapses"

It's quite interesting.

A certain aunt in a kindergarten, the husband and wife are deeply in love. One day, the husband came to visit his wife, and all the children, who knew they were fawning over their aunt, rushed to her and shouted: "Auntie, auntie, your father has come to pick you up." All the aunties complained.

Game Poisoning Case (1): RPG Syndrome

Do you have the following symptoms?

If you have more than half of the symptoms, then the poisoning is serious and you should pay more attention in the future.

If you persist in not changing your condition, you cannot rule out the possibility of sudden tinnitus, blue complexion, forgetfulness and other complications a few years later.

Symptom 1: Wandering Syndrome

It manifests as walking around on the map pretending to be idle even if there is a clear mission.

Symptom 2: Kleptomania

Check the table, bed, wall, etc. If it is severe, you will make this meaningless adjustment everywhere in your life

< p>Check.

Symptom 3: Gambling addiction

Gamble endlessly in the casino in the game. If you win, you will save your progress. If you lose, you will load the progress and start over.

Symptom 4: Collection addiction

Be sure to get the thing you like the most, such as the Holy Knight Armor or the Muramasa Demon Sword. This is poisoning for the charm of the treasure

.

Symptom 5: Level-refining addiction

As long as they are their companions, they must reach level 99 no matter what and show off. And never exercise in life.

Helpless

Why is there always so much housework to do? The wife complained to her husband. There is no way, you won't let me marry another one.

The husband answered.

/p>

B was very embarrassed, looked around and said to A in a low voice: "To tell you the truth, I did wear a wig."

"Really?" A He said, "I can't tell at all.

”

Vending machine!!

On a morning bus, two middle-aged office workers were having their conversation

a: Yesterday, there was a new vending machine on display at the super store near my home...

b: Have you seen it?

a: Yes! ! Put ten ten yuan coins in and a new wife will come out!

B: Wow!

A: Yes! A better machine

b: Oh! It’s that kind of machine!

A: Just put the old wife in and ten will come out. Yuan coin machine!

There is a Shanghainese who is different from other Shanghainese. He has a broad heart and weighs 200 pounds, so he is nicknamed Arafat, that is,

Allah fat.

(Absolutely true story)

In order to complete the task of voluntary blood donation, a certain state agency asked some migrant workers to do it for them. In view of national regulations and the sensitivity of blood station doctors, >

The migrant workers were specially packaged to prevent them from being discovered. The envoys were required to bathe, change clothes, brush their teeth, and trim their nails

It was forbidden to talk or play. It was so meticulous and comprehensive that the organizer felt so good about himself

However, when it came time to donate blood, the organizer couldn't laugh or cry. After the blood donation, everyone in the organization went home to tell the story

< p>Why? After bathing, changing clothes, brushing your teeth, and manicuring your nails, no one was talking or joking in the blood donation queue, but they were all squatting quietly on the long chairs.

Hello

Three people were lying together. One person felt his leg was very itchy. Suddenly, in his sleep, he tried his best to scratch and crawl on the second person's leg, but the itching did not subside. , the scratching gets better

As the blood bleeds, the second person touches the wet area with his hand, thinking that the third person has drowned, and promotes it. The third person drowns, and next door

In the restaurant, the sound of wine pressing continued. I thought I was not done drowning, so I stood till dawn cutting the grass.

Once upon a time, there were two people living on both sides of the river. They both have bad ears, but they are all very polite.

One morning, when the man from Hexi saw the man from Hedong going out with a sickle, he shouted to the other side: Hey! I said, are you going to cut the grass? ? The one on the east side of the river saw the one on the west side of the river shouting at him, and knew that he was concerned about what he was going to do, so he shouted: Oh, no, I am going to cut the grass on the west side of the river! When he saw the person on the other side shouting at him, he knew that the other person had answered him and said politely: Oh, really? I thought you were going to mow the grass! >When I was accompanying a guest, I farted accidentally. I was so ashamed that I wanted to cover it up, so I made a sound by grinding the chair with my fingers. The guest said: "It was the first sound."

Smart son

< p>One day, the father asked his eight-year-old son to send a letter. The son had already taken the letter and ran away. Only then did the father remember that there was no address or recipient's name on the envelope. After the son came back, the father asked him: "Did you throw the letter into the mailbox?" "Of course"

"Didn't you see that there was no address and recipient's name on the envelope?" "Of course I saw the envelope. "I didn't write anything on it"

"Then why didn't you take it back?" "I thought you didn't write the address and recipient because you didn't want me to know.

You took it back?" Who should I send the letter to!"

Fan's answer

Wife: You care about the football game more than you care about me and my children.

Husband: Who said that?

Wife: Still don’t admit it? Let me ask you, when was our little baby born?

Husband: The day of the match between Liaoning team and Bayi team!

Reveal the secret

On a whim, the father tested his son: "Baby, do you know what words can reveal the secret in one word?"

"Dad," the son was very happy. Quick answer: "Weather forecast!"