Looking for a distant prayer flag

In order to heal my inner wounds, I drove alone to Gangcha, a coastal city in Tibet, and stayed in a homestay hotel for a month.

Yes, I'm packing. I don't know what to bring and what to leave. I didn't have much luggage when I came, but after living here for a month, my suitcase was bulging, but there were still many things to pack, and I didn't know how to choose.

When I hesitated, I came to the window and looked into the distance. This is the gesture that I have repeated the most times this month.

The blue sky in the distance is as pure as a baptized conscience, and the prayer flags on the mountain are fluttering in the wind and faintly visible; You can vaguely hear the horse's bell. This quiet town is close to the sky and far from the noise. I stayed here for a month, and I have a lot of scars on my body. Now I have recovered seven or eight points.

I picked up the prayer wheel on the windowsill and turned it round and round. Tashi, the owner of this homestay, said that every turn of the prayer wheel is a volume of chanting, and this piety will definitely touch the living Buddha and the believers will be blessed.

"Aunt, aunt ..."

My thoughts were interrupted by the crisp voice of a child in the yard. That's Tashi's five-year-old daughter Yang Zhen.

I opened the door and stomped down the stairs. She looked down at me and her big eyes smiled into two crescent moons. Holding a coarse porcelain bowl, she waved to me: "Come, auntie, it's afternoon. Why don't you go downstairs? "

I walked up to her and was invited to grab a handful of Ciba from her bowl and put it in my mouth. Although I was not used to it, I failed to live up to her kindness. She is my second best friend in Tibet.

"Aunt in sorting things! Baby. "

"Dad said you were leaving the day after tomorrow, is that true?" She suddenly pursed her lips, and the crescent moon between her eyebrows turned into two sparkling glass beads.

"Aunt will go back to Shanghai, but I will come to see you as soon as I have time. When you grow up, you can come to me by train or plane, and I will take you to Disneyland. "

"Is that the biggest city in China? Can we locals go? Will you get lost when you go? " Her pouting mouth relaxed slightly, and her face was lifted with a lovely smile.

"Of course, you can't leave with my aunt!" I touched her forehead.

"Aunt, I will miss you after you leave ... I have a question to ask you. Don't tell dad and grandma. " She pulled me and stood on tiptoe, trying to get close to my ear. I bent down and put my ear to her mouth.

"Aunt, you are actually my grandmother, right?" She seems to be telling me a shocking secret, in a low but firm voice.

I was stunned by the little angel's words. I don't know if I will answer. I asked her, "Why do you think I am your grandmother?"

"Because my father said that if one day he brings back a woman who is very kind to me, that is my grandmother, so you are my grandmother." She blinked.

My heart thumped. I couldn't bear to tell her that I wasn't, and I couldn't admit that I was irresponsible, so I made a careless eye: "Well, I'll tell you the day after tomorrow, okay?"

I want to prevaricate like this first, and when Tashi comes back, I will discuss with him how to answer, so that Yang Zhen can understand without hurting her young heart.

Yang Zhen's sudden words filled my heart with guilt, and I was ashamed of my original intention of loving her this month.

My love for her comes from my daughter Maruko, who is far away from Shanghai. They are the same age, with big eyes and thin and small bodies. When I see her, I will think of my daughter.

I play games with her, tell her stories, wash her hair and braid her hair. At first, it was all because I thought of her as a ball. Having such a girl around just makes up for the lack of the ball. I pin all my thoughts and guilt on Xiao Yangzhen. Poor little Yangzhen has never received maternal love, so she treats me as a grandmother from the bottom of her heart.

How pure the child's heart is. They have filters in their eyes, and everything they see is beautiful.

Yang Zhen held my neck, put her forehead against mine, and gently rubbed my face with her hand. This action is just like me, that's how I made out with her, and that's how I made out with Maruko.

Just then, Tashi came back. This handsome guy, who is 1.85 meters tall, smiled when he saw my close interaction with Yang Zhen. He half-jokingly blamed Yang Zhen: "Are you bothering your aunt Jiang again?" Touching menstruation's face with dirty hands is outrageous! "

Yang Zhen listened to his father's words and ran upstairs half ashamed and half angry.

"Your car buyers have accepted and the price has been settled. I'll take you to sign the contract tomorrow and transfer the money to you face to face. Thankfully, I finally sold it. " Tashi said to me while washing his hands on the tap.

"Thank you so much, you have been busy for me these days!"

"What's the manners? I'd love to! I don't trust you to drive back to Shanghai in this car that doesn't match your personality. The road is too dangerous. " He smiled. "You said you wanted to see the pasture at night. I'll take you after dinner tonight, but not tomorrow night. You should have a good rest and catch a plane! "

In the past month, the warm-hearted Tashi has always arranged my requirements properly. Many times, I thought we had not only met for the first time, but had known each other for many years.

He said that he devoted himself to every customer in his family and remained enthusiastic forever. But in my chewed heart, even a little kindness from others is enough to make me feel gentle.

After dinner, Tashi took me on a motorcycle and ran along the road to the pasture. The sky is full of stars, there is a soft glimmer on the horizon, and the pasture in the distance is connected with the sky, so you can't tell where the pasture is and where the sky is.

After I got on the motorcycle, the wind from Tibet came with the fragrance of highland barley, and I felt more relaxed than ever. If it weren't for Maruko in Shanghai, my job with an annual salary of 500,000 would be in Shanghai. I really want to live here like this, be a herder, or be a front desk in Tashi's homestay hotel, but I don't belong here after all.

But the people I met in this month and the scenery I saw have basically cured me. When I go back to Shanghai, if I meet those people who have hurt me again, I may be able to face it calmly and laugh it off.

The past is like smoke, so I'm not afraid to mention it again at this time. It may hurt, but it's not so heartbreaking.

I never thought that divorce would happen to me. When mistress appeared in front of me and talked about the terms, I thought I was having a nightmare.

I think I have done my best in love and marriage. I am as tough as Pu Wei, and my husband should be like a stone.

We are alumni and have been in love for six years. After graduation, we signed up for the same design institute, struggled together to become famous engineers in the industry, and bought two houses in Shanghai, which is a well-known model husband and wife file.

As for my parents-in-law, I regard them as my own parents. We get along very well. They take care of our children, I buy insurance for them, take them to physical examination regularly, and sign up for a tour group when I have time. I have always arranged their food and clothing in a decent way.

I'm not vague about having a baby. I got pregnant as planned, gave birth naturally and breastfed until I was one year old.

I thought I was good enough to deserve others, but reality gave me a slap in the face.

In fact, I have long found that he is too close to the young, beautiful and energetic girl, but he explained that she is the daughter of Party A. To get rid of Party A, her daughter must be satisfied with us.

He plays golf with Party A's daughter, plays extreme sports with her, and looks for special snacks in every street in Shanghai. We have never done these things together. We are poor at school and busy after graduation.

I thought he would be different, but why should he be different?

He can't be indifferent to a young, open and avant-garde young woman. Only when this fact was naked in front of me, my whole world collapsed, and the person I firmly believed would grow old with me had long abandoned our original vows.

I will never forget that terrible afternoon. As soon as I walked out of the gym, the girl who was eight years younger than me stood in front of me.

I just finished exercising, and Su Yan is wearing a casual sports T-shirt and flat shoes. And this girl in front of her, with delicate makeup, wearing a white dress with suspenders and sky-high sandals, has a silky long hair shining in the sun, and even women will look at her more, let alone men?

"Elder sister, I just want to tell you today that Tang Dage and I have been together for three months. I like him very much as a handsome and intelligent mature man. I don't want to part with you, but on second thought, I have to expose my love. Our post-90s generation may be different from your post-80s generation. For love, we never care about other people's eyes and secular evaluation. If we love, we will be together. "

"What makes you think Tang Zheng will marry you? He just covets your youth and beauty and regards you as the spice of life. He cares so much about his future and reputation that he can't give up everything he has worked so hard for beauty. " I tried to hold back my inner sadness and anger and pretended to be calm and said to her.

"Elder sister, you are wrong. You don't know him. He is not the ignorant boy you grew up with. He is a successful man now. He has lost interest in you for a long time. Look at you. Look at me. Of course he wants to live and sleep with me. " She smiled, her face disdainful.

"Do you know that the most basic accomplishment of women is not to destroy other people's families?"

"I don't want to cultivate, don't need to cultivate in love, don't you talk about training with him in bed? It's ridiculous that you aunts all lost, and men were not allowed to enjoy flowers at that time. "

"What a shameless thing!" I finally got angry, scolded her and gave her a slap in the face.

She touched her face, and her face remained unchanged: "Sister, it's no use being angry. You can only divorce because I am pregnant. "

I almost fainted and didn't know what to say.

"Elder sister, I have heard of your accomplishment and pride. You will get a divorce because there is no room for sand in your eyes. You won't leave a cheating man around to disgust yourself, and you won't let him walk too ugly, because you are kind. You won't let your daughter's father ruin it, will you? " She said in a confident tone of "know yourself and know yourself".

"Get out!" I turned all the pain and hate into a gnashing sentence and threw it to the woman in front of me.

A few onlookers comforted me and cursed mistress, but I feel very humble and proud at the moment, because she won and I lost badly.

She has a glib tongue, as if every sentence is the best. I was obviously injured, but I was so passive that I had no room to fight back.

I finally understand why most of the abandoned original partners curse Xiao San and tear their clothes in the street, so that they can expose all their ugliness to everyone, because Xiao San has more advantages than the original partner except "shame". This is cruel, but it is true.

I'm not pestering too much. Get drunk and file for divorce. I can't forgive him, because he is no longer worthy. I didn't embarrass him because he is my daughter's father.

Just like Xiao San said, they deceived my cultivation, my pride and my kindness.

We have no savings. We each have a house and the car is mine. In order not to let Maruko lack fatherly love and maternal love, and not to change her current growth state, we decided to raise her together. Since her father has passed away and her mother lives with her younger brother who has settled in Xiamen, it is always uneasy to ask for a nanny, so her parents-in-law will still take care of her full-time and take care of the kindergarten. When she grows up, she can choose who to live with.

A headhunter tried to dig me up to another design institute. At that time, I decided not to go, because I couldn't stand being a partner of Tang Zheng. Now I have nothing to worry about, so I decided to resign. Before going to my new post, I applied for a 40-day holiday. After handing over my old job, I went to Qinghai by car, trying to bury my sadness there, and then I went to the next new journey full of blood.

I drove all the way west, and the scenery outside the window kept retreating. Maybe I was concentrating on driving! Maybe my heart is dying! I can't feel everything around me, and I don't know whether the high-speed under the wheel belongs to Anhui, Henan or Shaanxi, as if I were a lifeless and unconscious cargo, mechanically sliding on the conveyor belt.

I don't remember walking for a few days and finally seeing Qinghai Lake. The mirror that the woman accidentally dropped on the ground that day made my eyes shine. That magic and openness dispelled some clouds in my heart, and I felt the first relief these days.

Fate is so wonderful. When I walked to Shi Naihai, the wheel pressure suddenly called the police. I stopped to look and actually had a flat tire.

At least there was a man with a husband before. I have never participated in these spare tire changes. I was suddenly at a loss in this strange place.

So I had to ask the passing cars for help. I waved my hand vigorously. After more than a dozen cars flew past my eyes coldly, a mountain off-road vehicle finally stopped.

A man in his thirties got off the bus, tall and burly, with a bronzed complexion and very handsome appearance.

I explained the situation to him, and he took out the jack from the trunk and skillfully and quickly changed the spare tire for me.

I am so grateful. He smiled and said, "Just a little effort. After all, this spare tire is not safe enough. You should drive slowly, go to the town ahead, mend the tire and change it. Pay attention to safety on the road. "

Looking at the back of his driving away, I was a little touched. I thought I just met an enthusiastic passerby, but I didn't expect my fate with him to just begin.

The next day, I arrived in Gangcha and prepared to stay here. The navigation took me to a famous hotel called "Watch". The owner of this hotel is the man who was yesterday. We looked at each other and said with one voice, "It was you!"

At that time, neither of us knew each other's names. He introduced himself first: "My name is Tashi, and I am the owner of this homestay. Welcome to stay. "

"I'm talking about Jiang Lai, a Shanghainese. I'm going to spend my holiday in Shanghai!" I conveniently registered my ID card with him.

He glanced at it: "Ah! What a coincidence, I was born in 1986, and my birthday is in 10. "

In this way, I lived in Tashi's house and met Yang Zhen. This innocent and enthusiastic father and son brought me a lot of warmth. Tashi not only runs this B&B, but also owns two yak pastures. A look at the decoration of this B&B and the mountain motorcycles and cross-country in the yard shows that he should be a local tyrant. Living with them is Yang Zhen's grandmother and a kind old lady.

This month, Tashi took me to see the beautiful scenery around Qinghai Lake in his spare time, ate all the delicious food with Qinghai characteristics, traveled by car, rode motorcycles nearby and rode horses in pastoral areas.

Tashi is good at telling stories. Every food he took me to eat, every scenery he enjoyed, had allusions. Some allusions are indeed recorded, but most of them are made up by Tashi to amuse him. He is a very interesting person, and he always feels relaxed when he is with him.

Every story Tashi tells is full of comedy. He is always happy, dancing and affectionate, but I want to laugh when I listen. After laughing, I can't remember what he said.

Seeing that I smiled, he stopped and sighed: "You laughed at such a touching story ..."

Looking at his serious appearance, I smiled again.

Of all the stories Tashi told, only one impressed me deeply and made me cry for a long time. Also let me know the real Tashi, the affectionate and responsible good man Tashi.

Tashi said that his hometown is Ganzi, Sichuan, and he joined the army at the age of 18 and served as a soldier in Hoh Xil. On a trip, they came to Gangcha, where they met Yang Zhen's grandmother Zhuo Ma. The army has military discipline. In principle, it is not allowed to fall in love with girls near the station, but love is like a storm, and no one can stop it when it comes.

He left Zhuo Ma's contact information at the risk of being punished, wrote to her after returning to Hoh Xil, and secretly called her with the dormitory phone. After he recovered, he went to Zhuoma's house to propose marriage. Zhuo Ma is the only daughter in the family. The family didn't agree with her daughter marrying Ganzi, but they couldn't give up this love, so they promised to stay in Gangcha and opened this homestay here.

Unfortunately, her gentle and virtuous wife left them forever because of the amniotic fluid when she gave birth to her daughter Yang Zhen. He buried his lover sadly and wanted to leave with his daughter, but his poor mother-in-law, the white-haired man sent the black-haired man, was left alone and took care of him all his life. He stayed again and changed from a son-in-law to a son.

Tashi has tears in his eyes. I think he misses his wife. How unfortunate it is that his wife died so young, and how lucky his wife is. Although life is short, she met such a loving man.

Even so, Tashi lived optimistically, raised her daughter, respected her mother-in-law and made her industry flourish.

Once I joked with him: "You don't drink, smoke or raise a woman. Where do you spend so much money? "

He said, "I have raised many children. I donate some money every year to rural children like Yang Zhen who were born without a mother and buy them milk powder and clothes ... "

Tashi is really a great man. I dare not stick those flattering words on him because he is thick and his words are too thin.

Everyone has his own misfortune, but life is his own. We should live a wonderful life and live a life worthy of our hearts. This is what I learned from Tashi.

On the day of leaving, Tashi's family got up early. My grandmother is cooking breakfast for me, Tashi is washing his car, and Xiao Yangzhen is holding the doll in one hand and pulling my skirt in the other. She goes wherever I go.

The car I drove when I came has been sold. It was bought by Tang Zheng, and I didn't want to see his shadow in my road and life, so I decided to abandon the car.

Tashi put my suitcase in the trunk of his car and said, I want to bring you a lot of things, but it's inconvenient on the plane. Send a message if you want anything when you get back, and I'll send it to you by express.

When the car started, Yang Zhen began to cry. When she cried, I couldn't help crying. I squatted down and picked her up and said to her, "I'm your grandmother." She works in Shanghai and will go back, but she loves you very much and will call you often. I'll come to see you as soon as I have time, okay? " Yang is so cute ... "

Yang Zhen hugged me tightly and shouted "grandma", crying even louder, and grandma also shed tears. The most unbearable thing is to leave!

Tashi said, "Yang Zhen, go back to the house with grandma and aunt Jiang ... Your grandma will be late for the plane, and she will come back!" "

Tashi's eyes are red, too

Tashi drove me to Caojiabao Airport in Xining, and we were silent all the way, not laughing as before. I don't know if I was too sad to leave, or if Yang Zhen's "grandma" made him lost in thought.

I broke the silence: "We will always be friends. This month, you dispelled the fog in my heart and let me know what to do next. "

"I don't have much culture, I don't know how to express myself, but you are also a beam of light, which gives Yang Zhen and me hope. Shanghai is far away from Qinghai, but if one day you are tired of working hard in the metropolis, there is a homestay in Qinghai called Watch. You are always welcome. "

"Well, I have a daughter in Qinghai, I will remember that!" I nodded.

"My daughter's grandmother is underground in Qinghai, and another grandmother is in Shanghai! Both are in our hearts. " He also nodded.

We shook hands at the airport and agreed to keep in touch. For a long time to come, we will be at two ends of the world, but we already have a special feeling, which is another kind of companionship and encouragement besides friendship and love.

On the plane, I saw the sky outside the window and the clouds under the sky, and felt that life was wonderful. No matter what you have encountered in the past, it will not affect your pursuit of future life. There will be people in this world who will hurt you, but there will also be people who will heal you. We are all healing others and being cured by others, so the world is still worth it.

(Image from the Internet)