Alcohol jokes

A group of college students were drinking heavily in a hotel room. The hotel receptionist came over and said, "Don't yell

yell! The old gentleman next door said he can't read."

"Go tell him," said a college student. : "He should be ashamed, I can read at the age of five!?"

Drunk

A drunk got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, came back and hurriedly shook his wife: " "Hey, wake up, our house is haunted!"

My wife knew that he was drunk last night, so she said, "Stop being so crazy again."

The drunk man said: "It's true! Look, as soon as I opened the door, the light automatically turned on. As soon as I closed the door, the light went out. Isn't there a ghost?"

The wife was so angry that she pointed at his nose and yelled: "You peed in the refrigerator again!"

Drunk man

One day there was a A drunk man who smelled like a barrel got on a bus. He sat next to a priest. The drunkard's shirt was dirty, his face was covered with bright red lip marks from a woman, and he had an empty wine bottle in his pocket. He took out his newspaper and read it. After a while ,

He asked the priest: "Father, what is the cause of arthritis?"

"Sir, it is because of wasting life, fooling around with prostitutes, drinking and not having sex." Caused by self-respect. So said the priest.

"Oh, I'm so damned" the drunk man muttered and continued reading the newspaper.

The priest thought for a moment, apologized to the drunkard and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so direct. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?"

"It's not me, priest. I just saw in the paper that the Pope had arthritis. 』

Texas Hotel

One day a tourist walked into a Texas hotel and ordered a glass of whiskey. The bartender actually gave him a large glass of wine.

"What is this?" the tourist asked.

"What's wrong, that's the drink you ordered. Don't you know everything is big in Texas?"

At that time, a pangolin happened to run past the door of the hotel.

"What is that?" the tourist asked again.

‘Oh, that’s a Texas cockroach. 』

After drinking the yellow soup, the tourist felt dizzy and bloated. He asked where the bathroom was. The bartender told him to go downstairs and turn right, but the tourist turned left and fell into the hotel swimming pool.

The bartender heard the sound of water and ran out to find out. As soon as he put his head through the door, he heard the tourist shouting "Don't flush the toilet!"

Can't make up his mind

While I was waiting for the subway, my attention was attracted by two young people who were talking intently. One was wearing a torn heavy metal T-shirt, with curly black hair, two skulls tattooed on his left calf, and an earring on his lower lip.

The other one has blond hair with a ponytail, six earrings, and a snake tattooed on his left arm. "Well, I went out with Cathy last night," said the first. "How's it going, Dude?" his friend asked, taking a can of beer from his pocket.

"Scary!" he replied, "She is really a crazy baby!"

"Then you are determined to find her again?"

"No way, man," he replied, suddenly reeling. "She smokes." Room number

One day, a drunk man was wandering under a building. He couldn't really remember his room number. The patrolman found him suspicious. So he stepped forward to question him. The drunk man was extremely nervous. He repeatedly argued that he had lived here for a long time.

To confirm his statement. Take out the key. Just walk to any door and it will open. curious coincidence. The door opened. So the drunk man said proudly to the patrolman. You see, I was right. The woman on the bed is my wife. The man next to her is herself.

What year

A man went to the hospital for treatment because he felt unwell.

Doctor: For your health, I have to let you choose.

Man: Huh?

Doctor: Women and wine, which one are you willing to give up?

Man: Doctor, first you have to see if I am a tiger

While his wife was out of the house, a certain man invited his friends to his home for a chat.

"Aren't you afraid of being scolded by your wife when you drink at home?"

"It's okay, I'm a tiger in front of my wife."

As soon as I finished speaking, I suddenly remembered to open the door. The man immediately whispered: "Hide the wine quickly, Wu Song is back." Look at her beer

A staid old woman tasted beer for the first time in her life. After taking a sip, she raised her head in confusion and muttered in a low voice: "It tastes exactly like the medicine my husband has been drinking for 20 years."

What year are we from?

How to drink alcohol

The husband raised his glass and said, "This glass of wine wishes my parents-in-law good health." He drank it in one gulp. He raised another glass and said to his wife: "Cheers to your health!" He raised his neck and drank again. His wife asked him: "What do you wish for yourself?" He said: "Am I so selfish that I only drink for myself?"

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