Meet the needs of others for sympathy.

Meet the needs of others for sympathy.

If you have such a punch line, you can stop quarreling, eliminate resentment, create a good impression and make people pay attention to you. Do you want to know what kind of punch line this is? Yes, there is a saying: "I don't blame you at all for your feelings." If I were you, I would feel the same way. " Such a simple sentence can soften the most cunning and stubborn person in the world. But when you say these words, you must be sincere. If you are the other person, you certainly hope so. Take the bandit leader Kabang as an example. If you inherit the same body, temperament and thoughts as Kabang, you are in his environment and have his experience, then you will become the same person as him, because those are the reasons that make him a bandit. The only reason you are not a rattlesnake is that your parents are not rattlesnakes. You don't kiss cows or treat snakes as gods. The only reason is that you were not born into an Indian family on the bank of Brahhuboda. There are few places where you can take credit for being like you. That person who lacks reason and wisdom and is stubborn and unreasonable will become like him. In fact, there is not much mistake in itself. Moreover, we should express regret, pity and sympathy for such people. Just like John. As Cole said, when he saw a rickety drunk in the street, he often said, "If it weren't for God's grace, I would have gone his way." Maybe three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow are eager for sympathy! If you sympathize with them, they will like you at once. On one occasion, I talked about Louisa, the author of Little Women, on the radio. Ms. Mayall Cote. Naturally, I'm sure she grew up in Concord, Massachusetts, where she wrote immortal masterpieces. But I let it slip. I said that I had visited her in Concord, New Hampshire, her hometown. If I only said it once, I might be forgiven, but unfortunately, I said it twice in a row. Then, I was surrounded by many letters and telegrams, and the audience questioned and accused me one after another, some of them were almost insulting, like a group of wild bees, around my irresistible head. One of them was an old lady who grew up in Concord, Massachusetts, and then lived in Philadelphia. She vented her anger on me. When I read her letter, I said to myself, "Thank God, it's a good thing I didn't marry such a woman." I intend to answer her letter. Although I said the wrong geography knowledge, she doesn't even know any etiquette knowledge, which belongs to the problem of daily etiquette. Of course, this is my rudest and harshest criticism of her. Finally, I will roll up my sleeves and tell her how bad my impression of her is. However, I didn't do that. I tried to restrain myself, restrain myself. I know only a fool who is carried away would do that.

I want to abandon this stupid idea, so I decided to turn her hatred into friendliness. I said to myself, "If I were her, I might feel the same way." Therefore, I will definitely sympathize with her point of view. Later, I went to Philadelphia and called the old lady. The conversation at that time was probably like this: "A lady, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it!" Her gentle and elegant voice came from the phone and asked, "Who are you? I'm sorry, I can't hear the sound, okay? I said, "I am a stranger to you. My name is Dale. Carnegie. A few weeks ago, when you listened to my radio talk about New Hampshire, you pointed out my unforgivable mistake, that is, I made a mistake about the places where the authors of Little Women, Ms. Louisa, May and alcott, grew up. That's a mistake that only stupid people make. I'm here to apologize for this. I thank you for taking the time to write and correct my mistakes. " She said on the phone, "I'm sorry, Mr. Carnegie. I was rude to you in my letter. Please forgive me. " I insisted, "No, no, I should apologize, not you. "Even primary school students won't make mistakes like me. I corrected it on the radio a week after it happened! Now I personally apologize to you. " She said, "I grew up in Concord, Massachusetts. For 200 years, my family has been very prestigious in that area, and I am proud of my hometown. When I heard you say that Louisa, May and Ms. alcott are from New Hampshire, I felt very sad. But that letter made me feel sorry and uneasy. " I said to the phone, "I can definitely tell you that your sadness is not as good as mine110." My mistake didn't hurt this place, but it hurt myself. People of your prestige and status seldom bother to write to radio announcers. If you find my speech wrong in the future, I hope you can write to me again. "She said on the phone:" You are willing to accept criticism, which makes people want to be close to you and like you. I believe you are a very good and enlightened person, and I want to know more about you. "Judging from the above telephone content, when I expressed sympathy and apology for her point of view, I also got her sympathy and apology. I am satisfied that I can control my excited temper, and I am satisfied that I have exchanged my friendliness for the insult of the other party. Because it makes her like me, which makes me have more fun. Almost all important people in the White House are troubled by such problems in interpersonal relationships. President Taft is no exception. He concluded from experience that sympathy is a panacea to eliminate ill feelings. In one of his books, Service Ethics, Taft regarded sympathy as a panacea to eliminate ill feelings. An interesting example proves how he calmed down a disappointed and stubborn mother. President Taft said: a woman living in Washington, whose husband is quite influential and prestigious in political circles; She has been pestering me for almost two months for asking me to set a place for her son. At the same time, she also asked several senators from the House of Representatives to accompany her to my place to fill a position for her son. First of all, but it embarrassed me. The talents needed for that position must have technical qualifications. Moreover, the minister had recommended one person at that time, and finally, I appointed another person. Then, I received a letter from that lady, reprimanding me for forgetting the kindness and ingratitude given by others, because my refusal made her an unhappy wife. What she means is that I can do it easily, but I won't do it. She also told me how much she and her state representative paid attention to an important administrative law case of mine and worked very hard to win votes for me, but I didn't know how to repay them. If it is you, when you receive such a letter, the first thing you must do is to use harsh words to deal with a rude and reckless person. Then, maybe you will start to "criticize". However, if you were a smart person, you would put this sharply worded letter in a drawer and lock it up. In a couple of days, take this letter out and have a look. Anyway, a letter like this will not be affected if it is sent a few days late. But when you take this letter out two days later, you won't have such a strong idea to put it in the mailbox. That's how I left. After that, I wrote another letter and tried my best to tell her in the most polite language that I know how to be a mother. If such a thing happens to me, I may be as disappointed as her. But I told her frankly that the appointment of such a position was not based on my personal likes and dislikes, but on finding a suitable technical talent, which was also responsible for my work and position, so I accepted the recommendation of that minister. I expressed the hope that her son would continue to work hard in his original job so as to achieve the same achievements as his father in the future. This letter calmed her anger, and she sent me a short message to apologize for her last rude letter. But the person recommended by the minister can't come to work for a short time. A few days later, I received another letter signed by her husband, but the handwriting on the letter was exactly the same as the first two. This letter tells me that his wife is mentally weak because of her outrageous behavior, and now she is bedridden and has a serious stomach trouble. In order to restore his wife's health, he asked me if I could change the name of the designated person to his son's name to restore her health. I wrote him a letter, which was for her husband. First of all, I hope my wife's health will get better. And I deeply sympathize with what happened to him, but it is impossible to withdraw the appointed person. A few days later, the man officially took over. The day after I received this letter, I gave a concert at the White House. It was this couple who first paid tribute to Mrs Taft and me, although this lady was ill not long ago. Jane. Mangum is the head of an elevator maintenance company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and is responsible for maintaining the walking elevators of all local high-end hotels. It takes at least 8 hours for each maintenance. However, a hotel manager doesn't want to inconvenience the guests. He didn't agree that the elevator should be closed for such a long time and only accepted a two-hour pause. It is difficult to ensure safety in this way, and there are not necessarily maintenance workers who are convenient for the hotel. In this case, Mr. Mangum specially arranged the most skilled workers in the company to take charge of the hotel work, and then called the hotel manager. He didn't argue with the other party directly, but asked the other party to guarantee eight hours. Instead, he said euphemistically, "I know that your hotel has a large flow of people, so I want to shorten the elevator maintenance time to the shortest."

I fully understand your concern, and I will try my best to help. But in this way, it is likely to leave security risks. The next time there is something wrong with the elevator, it will not be closed for 8 hours. I know you don't want guests to be without elevators for a few days. "The hotel manager has to admit that 8 hours of maintenance is better than stopping for several days in a row. Mr. Mangum was considerate of the hotel manager's consideration for the guests and successfully gained the understanding of the hotel manager. Joyce Norris, a piano teacher in Missouri, talked about her little friction with adolescent girls. Her student Babette likes to grow long nails, which is not a good habit for piano players. Norris said: 20 1 "If she wants to learn the piano well, her nails will definitely become an obstacle. In the communication before the first class, I didn't mention anything about nails. I don't want to stop her from learning the piano. I know she spends a lot of time on her nails. Beautiful nails make her proud.

After the first class, I found a suitable time and said to her,' Babette, your hands are beautiful and your nails are beautiful. You are very talented at the piano. If you want to play the piano well, you might as well cut your nails a little shorter, so that playing the piano will become smoother. "Go back and think about it, will you?" After listening to my words, she looked like a defiant adopted son. I praised her mother's nails again and mentioned this question by the way. Her mother seems reluctant, too. It can be seen that nails are really important to Babette.

The next week, when Babette came back to class, I was surprised to find that her nails were cut short. I praised her sacrifice and thanked her mother for her help in private. Unexpectedly, her mother said,' It's not my credit, it's her own decision, and it's the first time she has accepted someone's advice to cut her nails. ""Did Norris threaten Babette? Did you tell Babette not to come to class without a manicure? Not at all. She praised Babette's beautiful nails, and she knew that a manicure meant sacrifice for her. She hinted: "I understand your dilemma. I know this is a very difficult decision for you, but it is worthwhile for your music development." Saul Hugh Luo Can is said to be the first concert manager in the United States. For more than 20 years, he has been cooperating with some artists, such as Charlie Yabin, Duncan and Pencroft. He told me that in order to deal with musicians with special personalities, he learned a valuable lesson: he must sympathize with them and thoroughly sympathize with their ridiculous and eccentric temper. Saul. Hugh Rowe has been the agent of Charlie Yabin, the world bass king, for three years. In the meantime, what bothers Saul and Hugh Rowe the most is that Charlie Yabin is a problem himself and behaves like a spoiled child. Use Saul. Hugh said in a unique tone, "He is terrible in every way." For example, if there is a concert in the evening, Charlie Yabin will call him at noon that day and tell him, "Saul," as he called him. Hugh's name: "I feel very uncomfortable and my voice is hoarse." I can't sing on stage tonight. " Saul. Did Hugh argue with him after listening to him? No, only a fool would do that, Saul. Hugh would never do that! He always remembers that he is the agent of a famous artist and must not make such an impulsive treatment. Therefore, he will immediately rush to the hotel where Charlie Yabin stayed, looking very sympathetic and worried, and saying, "My poor friend, what bad luck!" Of course, in this case, you can't sing any more. I'll inform you immediately to cancel tonight's program. Although you lost two or three thousand dollars in income, it is nothing compared with your reputation. "When Charlie Yabin hears Saul and Hugh say this, he will say with emotion," Saul, why don't you come back later? I'll see how my situation is at 5 pm! "At 5 o'clock, Saul and Hugh went to Charlie Yabin's hotel again and insisted on canceling the program for Charlie Yabin, but Charlie Yabin said," Come to me later, maybe I will be better then! "At 7: 30, the bass singer finally agreed to go on stage. His only condition is that Saul and Hugh will go on stage to report to the audience that Charlie Yabin has a bad cold and a bad voice. Saul. Pretend to agree to the recess, because he knows that only in this way will Charlie Yabin sing on stage. In his famous book Educational Psychology, Dr. Gates wrote: Human beings generally pursue sympathy, and children will eagerly show his injured place. Some even deliberately cut themselves in order to gain sympathy from adults. Similarly, adults should also show their injuries and tell their accidents and diseases, especially the detailed process after the operation. All people are willing to put themselves in a real or imaginary unfortunate space to "feel sorry for themselves". In fact, this is the habit of ordinary people.

So, if you want to get support from others, please practice like this:

Principle 9:

Sympathize with each other's thoughts and desires.