Postpartum depression: After giving birth, I became a loser with nowhere to run.

How many late nights, my ears are full of children's breathing. In the silence of the family sleeping peacefully, the pain of being a mother is constantly amplified with the inner struggle.

When the child arrived, she felt that it was the most precious gift from God, and she was determined to give everything for that innocent smile.

Love, however, never thought that before this, she would face one hurdle after another.

When a new life is born, it usually means that a woman begins to live as a mother and surround her children. Under the evolution of traditional family structure, it seems that this has become a conventional social procedure, even though it may contain the helplessness, collapse and compromise of "mothers".

People often use "superman mother" to describe a mother's greatness, but perhaps only those who have been mothers know that they hope people can put aside this "nature" instead of praising greatness or selflessness, and see how the "mother" living in trivial and real life faces a seemingly ordinary but unknown dilemma and truly understand the pain of postpartum depression.

No one told me that it hurts so much after giving birth.

"Everything was so sudden that I didn't even realize what was wrong with me. It was not until I completely walked out of that time that I discovered that active people like me would also have depression and depression. "

Ding, who lives in Anhui, is an outgoing woman. She is decisive and capable. She has a stable job and a harmonious and warm family on weekdays. In her previous cognition, after giving birth, taking maternity leave at home, with her husband and children around, life must be leisurely and happy.

"I thought, me, my husband, my parents-in-law, four people can't handle a child? But I'm so confident that I can't stand it in a month. No one told me that there would be so many painful things after giving birth. "

The sand in the mountains gives the little devil's daughter a headache. Eupolyphaga Japanese drama "Home on the Ramp"

Ding recalled the pain and helplessness suffered by her body at that time, and the most fatal thing for her was the milk knot.

"At that time, it was possible that the milk knot was not smooth and the milk could not go out. My mood has also deteriorated. Later, mastitis was induced, which in short became a vicious circle. " "Milk bumps are very painful, very painful. Sometimes the fever is very serious, and I feel like a stone. You can't touch it, and even breathing hurts. " Ding recalled one by one and couldn't help repeating "pain". It's hard for people who have never been a mother to feel the same way.

Even so, Ding Yiyi still has to endure severe pain to feed her children, sometimes staying up all night, sleepy and hungry, and she has to cheer up for her children.

Besides breastfeeding, even rest has become a kind of torture. She is often so painful that she can't sleep at night. No matter how she tossed, she couldn't ease it. It even seems that the pain gets worse every time you breathe.

How many late nights, the child's breathing came from her ear. In the silence where everyone around her fell asleep peacefully, this pain was constantly amplified with her inner struggle.

Ding Yi was lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, and the physical pain came in waves, but she felt sober: if she wanted to end the pain, she would definitely choose to jump off the building, because that was the most enjoyable thing.

Housewife Jin Zhiying fell into postpartum depression. Eupolyphaga Korean film1Jin Zhiying born in 982

"No one will really understand you, even the person who sleeps next to you." Ding feels that whether he can get out of that period of depression depends more on adjusting the pace of life by himself.

"Once in the middle of the night, I couldn't help but feel pain, so I woke my husband up and said that I was in pain and dying, but he couldn't understand my pain, just thought I was puzzling. He said that no one would go to the hospital in the middle of the night and then fall asleep. "

At first light the next day, she went to the hospital by car alone. "After I arrived, the doctor had no choice but to prescribe some anti-inflammatory drugs for me."

Ding Yi's heart gave birth to a deep sense of helplessness. She felt that no one could help her and no one really comforted her.

Second, the guilt of being a bad mother.

What does it mean to be a new mother? I didn't seem to have seriously thought about this problem before I really gave birth to the child.

She is an only child. Like her husband, she is a child who has been loved by her parents since childhood and has been studying well. In the first few years of marriage, she and her husband had a dog, moved to Germany and traveled around Europe.

Couples around me also have children one after another, which looks innocent and lovely, so they also want to have a child to add more fun to their lives.

When I first saw the baby's "photo", I was looking forward to being a mother. Photo courtesy of respondents

However, before happiness came, I became a "mother" and felt more pain.

"I didn't expect our children to be so difficult to bring. She is so thin that she can't eat milk, and no matter how she raises it, she won't get fat; She doesn't like sleeping and crying every day. When I hardly have a rest, my ears are full of her crying. "

When the baby doesn't sleep, I can't sleep all day and all night. He stroked the child's chest mechanically every day and looked at the murals on the wall. She doesn't like this kind of life, but she still goes on day after day.

When he found that the search page of the mobile browser had changed from a strategy of eating, drinking and having fun to a parenting experience, I suddenly realized that I had become a mother, and the happy and comfortable life before was gone. She feels that the future is not far away, but there is no end in sight.

When I was pregnant. Photo courtesy of respondents

"Mom", this is I did a brand-new, but also the only identity at present. But she doesn't seem to be suitable for this role. Children always have all kinds of problems, which make her feel powerless and unable to solve them.

"At that time, the only thing I could offer my child was to hold her and drink milk to coax her to sleep, but she choked in my arms every day and couldn't sleep well ... I think it was all my fault. I can't do anything well. "

Being bad mother's guilt brought me to the brink of collapse. During that time, she cried every day, even in her dreams. Although her parents and husband look uncomfortable, they can't do anything about her depression except help take care of the children.

I did and her baby. Photo courtesy of respondents

Emotions flooded as I did, and she gradually felt tinnitus. At first, it was just a "buzzing" sound, until it became the sound of an electric drill, which made her dizzy, and the child's crying followed, scratching her eardrum.

Later, she can't help scratching her hair, and if she catches it, she will grab it. During that time, she used to love beauty and often appeared alopecia areata, even biting her fingers and scratching her skin.

This identity of novice mother is like a boulder on her body, which can't be controlled well and can't be got rid of.

I think alone from time to time and feel that I have accomplished nothing as a mother. As a child and wife, she kept quarreling with her family, as if the whole person had been denied from beginning to end.

After becoming a mother, she hated and feared such people herself.

Third, it is "average" that makes mother despair.

At the beginning of this year, Luo Jiahe got the diagnosis results of the hospital: moderate to severe depression and mild anxiety. Only then did I know that her numbness, fatigue and amnesia during this time were all due to illness.

"One day when I was taking care of my children, I suddenly felt that the background sound in my life disappeared, my world became extremely quiet and my emotions disappeared. I'm starting to have nothing to do with this world. Later, my memory also deteriorated severely, and I often can't remember what happened that day. "

Luo Jiahe's depression test results. Photo courtesy of respondents

Luo Jiahe looked at the small bed in the hall indifferently: the child's hand scratched upward, and his mouth opened and closed, revealing two small deciduous teeth. Without crying or scolding, thinking about this moment is also allowed to ignore the little monster that keeps moving ... if the child is gone, maybe everything will be fine.

"The last thing you want to hear is that you want to open your heart." She tried to ask for help, but whenever she shared her inner thoughts with people around her, all she got was a perfunctory reply and a "relax".

Anxiety continued to spread and she began to quarrel with her family. They don't think postpartum depression is a serious disease. They keep telling her: "You're not sick" and "You're just too melodramatic and weak" ... Even her mother thinks it's good to let her exercise more and let others coax her more.

Friends around me never believed it after learning it, and always advised her to be optimistic. She was silent and cried alone, and no one could understand her. She can only try to bear it alone.

Luo Jiahe's medicine for treating postpartum depression. Photo courtesy of respondents

Luo Jiahe found that people around him knew little about the disease, even though he had such a misunderstanding from the beginning. She heard that postpartum depression above the middle level can't heal itself, and it can only be relieved by professional psychological and drug treatment. Slowly, she began to take medicine and see a psychologist.

Luo Jiahe's hospital diagnosis. Photo courtesy of respondents

As her condition worsened, her symptoms began to deteriorate, including loss of desire and cognitive impairment. During that time, Luo Jiahe felt that there seemed to be a wall between the world and her, and she began to become uninterested in anything. She only feels empty-headed every day, and she doesn't know what to say when chatting with people.

In life, there is obviously only one thing, that is, taking care of the children, but she has become extremely tired, so tired that even getting up has become a particularly difficult thing. And with her "trapped body", she gradually became stiff and tired.

Suicide thoughts kept popping up in my mind, and Luo Jiahe began to hear voices. The call of "death is liberation" has been ringing in my ears. But another weak voice told her, "For the sake of the children, you can't die".

Her illness is getting worse. With the help of the doctor, her husband and family began to understand that what she said before was not nonsense, and she could take the disease more seriously than before. Luo Jiahe said that she is trying to spread the truth about postpartum depression to friends around her. "I hope everyone can better understand that this is not just a bad mood."

Sander is talking to the defendant on the alternate jury. Eupolyphaga Japanese drama "Home on the Ramp"

There is a line in the Japanese drama "Home on the Ramp", "It is the concept of' average' that makes my mother despair. It is too hard to be imprisoned in the common sense of others. "

Postpartum depression is not accidental. Even an "experienced" mother may only know the pain she has experienced. The cost of growing up from a girl to a mother has finally become a natural story with the passage of time.

However, not all mothers can get through that painful period for her. When postpartum depression comes, who can really help them

When women throw away their mother's identity and call for help as "themselves", the echo they want to hear is not "all mothers come here like this", but communication, understanding and facing * * *.