Short humorous story

No one writes ink

A son from a rich family went to take an exam. His father took the exam beforehand and his score was very good. He thought he would be admitted, but unexpectedly

There is no son’s name on it. My father rushed to the county magistrate for comment. The county magistrate brought the roll to check, and saw a faint layer of gray fog on it, but no words could be seen.

As soon as his father came home, he scolded: "How come your exam paper is written in such a way that no one can read it clearly?"

The son cried: "No one in the exam room will polish it for me." Ink, I have to write with a pen dipped in water on an inkstone."

Old lady chanting Buddha's name

There was an old lady holding a few beads in her hand while chanting Amitabha, Amitabha. , while shouting: "Er Han, Er Han,

There are too many ants on the pot. I hate it to death. Get a fire and burn them to death for me." Then he read: "Amitabha, Amitabha

Buddha." Then he shouted: "Er Han, Er Han, help me remove the ashes from the bottom of the pot. Don't use your own dustpan, because If you want to burn it, just ask your neighbor to borrow a dustpan. Remember, remember. Amitabha, Amitabha"

A monk will never be a guest. When the master saw that he was a monk, he asked: "Master, do you drink?"

The monk smiled and said: "Drink a little wine, but I never eat vegetarian food."

Except Confused

A man complained to the county government: "You will lose your hoe tomorrow. Please investigate."

The county official asked: "You slave! You will lose your hoe tomorrow." "Why didn't you come to report the crime yesterday?"

After hearing this, the clerk next to him couldn't help but laugh. The county magistrate immediately concluded the case and said: "You must be the one who stole the hoe! What did you steal it for?"

The clerk replied: "I want to get rid of that fool."

The old man is sad

There was an old man who was rich and wealthy, with a family full of descendants. On his 100th birthday, the house was crowded with birthday guests, but the old man was very unhappy.

Everyone asked him: "You are so lucky, why are you worried?"

The old man replied: "I am not worried about anything, I am just worried about my 200th birthday. There are hundreds and thousands of people coming to congratulate you.

How can I remember them all? ”

Seeking advantage

A person holding his son in his arms? While playing outside, a neighbor jokingly said: "Father and son are of the same blood. Just look at your son and you will know that his face is exactly the same as mine."

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The person holding the child said: "Yes, you and the child were born from the same woman. How can your faces be different?"

Heart-broken

Two villains had malignant sores on their backs and asked a doctor to treat them. The doctor looked at one, then the second, and pretended to be horrified and said: "His heart is worse and can be cured, but your heart is so bad that it has become rotten. Call me How can I be cured well? ”

The sparrow treats

One day, the sparrow treated the birds to wine. It said to the kingfisher: "You are wearing such bright and bright clothes, so naturally please sit on the table."

It also said to the eagle: "Although you are bigger, you are wearing You are wearing dark and ugly clothes, so I have to sit down at the bottom of the table."

The eagle replied: "Why are you such a snobbish slave?"

Sparrow! He replied: "Who in the world doesn't know that I, the sparrow, have a small heart and shallow eye sockets."

Animals bully the poor

A man asked a beggar: "Dogs?" Why do they bite you when they see you?"

The beggar replied: "If I have good clothes and hats, the beasts will respect me."

The emperor. Clothes

A beggar came back from the capital and boasted that he had seen the emperor.

Others asked him: "What clothes does the emperor wear?"

Answer: "Wearing a hat carved from white jade and a robe made of gold."

Ask: "Yes. How can I bow to someone wearing a gold robe?"

The beggar spat at him and said, "Haha, you really don't understand the world! Who do you bow to after becoming an emperor?"

Afraid of drowning in wine

Guests come into the store to buy wine and drink. After drinking a glass, they say the word "dun" and keep talking. Someone else asked: "I think you drank too much.

Are you afraid of having diarrhea, so you went to squat in a hair pit to show your respects?"

The man pointed at the wine glass and said: "No. I just want to have a pier so that I can climb up and not drown in this thin water."

Signboard Drawing Knife

The hotel owner hired someone to write the store sign, then. After the person finished writing, he drew a knife on it.

The boss asked in surprise: "What does drawing a knife mean?"

The boss replied: "I want to use this knife to kill the moisture in the wine!"

Treading on a flat gourd

A hotel has a rule: any guest who comes to buy wine and drink wine will be tied to a wooden post as punishment if he says the wine is sour.

One day, a Taoist priest came into the shop carrying a big gourd. When he saw the man tied to the wooden pillar, he asked what was the reason. The boss replied:

"He said nonsense that my wine was sour, so I punished him."

The Taoist priest said: "Please give me a glass and let me have a taste." The shopkeeper served the wine, and the Taoist priest only After taking a bite, he ran away in a hurry.

The boss was very happy because he didn't say the wine was sour, and hurriedly greeted him: "You forgot the gourd."

The Taoist priest said as he ran away: "I don't want it, I don't want it anymore, you Keep it and flatten it as a sign of jealousy."

A banner

A family in Huizhou has been fighting with others for years, and they are full of resentment and boredom. On New Year's Eve, the father and son discussed

"We must say some auspicious words for the New Year next year, so as to bring good luck in the coming year and avoid lawsuits."

The sons said : "Dad, tell me first."

The father said: "This year is good."

The eldest son then said: "There is little bad luck."

The younger son They also said: "No lawsuits."

They asked someone to write a banner with three sentences and 11 words, posted it in the nave, and asked family members to recite it aloud at all times, so as to make people more comfortable.

Auspicious.

Early in the morning on the first day of the new year, my son-in-law came to pay New Year greetings. When he walked to the hall and looked up at the banner, he read aloud: "This year is very unlucky. I will not be allowed to file a lawsuit."

The father and son stamped their feet anxiously and said repeatedly: "Unlucky, unlucky!"

Scolding those who fart

A group of friends were sitting together, and suddenly someone farted. I don't know who it was. Who, everyone doubted someone and gathered to blame him. In fact, the man didn't fart, he didn't argue, he just laughed.

Everyone asked: "What's so funny?"

The reply was: "The one who laughed at the fart also followed everyone and scolded me."

"Pay it off every year" ”

A man borrowed 6 taels of silver from someone and agreed that the interest would be 5 cents for one or two months. At the end of the year, the interest would be 3 taels and 6 cents. One year has passed, and the borrower asked the creditor to pay back 4 yuan in exchange for an IOU of 10 taels, and the creditor agreed.

At the end of the second year, based on the calculation of 10 taels, the interest should be 6 taels. Since the person could not pay back, he requested to find another 4 taels in exchange for an IOU of 20 taels

, the creditor agreed again.

At the end of the third year, the total of 20 taels with interest and principal and interest was 32 taels. He could not pay it back, so he asked for 8 taels in exchange for another one

An IOU of 40 taels. The creditor hesitated, and the borrower said angrily: "You are so heartless! The principal and interest I borrowed from you are not clearly counted for any year. I have already found all the change. How can you pay it back?" Aren't you happy?"

Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell

There is a fishmonger who picks out yellow croaker and walks vigorously. A rich man liked his strong feet and hired him to lift them.

Unexpectedly, he was carrying the sedan chair very slowly. The rich man asked him strangely why. The bearer replied: "Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell, so he has to go fast. What are you afraid of?" >What?"

Strange instructions before execution

A prisoner will be executed according to law. When the guards tied him up, he unbuttoned his shirt, slapped his chest with his hands, and asked him what he meant.

He said, "I'm afraid I caught a cold. This is not for fun."

The officer escorted him halfway and suddenly heard the crow of a crow. He knocked his teeth three times and chanted the sutra seven times, and asked him what it meant. He

said: "The crow crows, which means there will be a quarrel. Knocking his teeth and chanting sutras is to avoid fighting with others."

Finally, when he was about to be executed, he begged the executioner: "Please wipe the knife edge clean with a piece of rough paper. ,

If the razor is not clean, I will get sores when I shave my head; if the decapitation knife is not clean, when will I get better from sores? ”

One? Drunken Monkey

Someone bought a monkey, dressed it in clothes and hats, and taught it the etiquette of kneeling and worshiping, which was very decent. One day, the host hosted a banquet for guests and asked the monkey to perform a bow and salute. Everyone thought it was very cute. A guest gave it wine, and it got so drunk that it took off its clothes and hat and rolled all over the floor. Everyone laughed and said: "This monkey looks like a human being when he doesn't drink wine, but when he drinks wine, he doesn't look like a human being anymore."

Learn to be good before death

A criminal who was about to be punished heard that there was a fool somewhere, so he invited him to give him 100 taels of silver and said: "I will give you all this money to buy good clothes." Buying good food will make a lot of money for your wife and family. In a while, the government will send officers to check on you. Please take my place and let them tie you up. They will let you go home in a few days. "

The fool saw the table full of lights and quickly agreed to take the money back. An elder in the neighborhood knew about it and hurriedly came to persuade him: "Return the silver to him quickly. What's the use of ten thousand gold if you lose your life?"

The fool said: "With the money returned, it would be foolish for me to continue living those difficult days." The old man sighed and left. A fool will spend his money, and the whole family will be very happy.

Not long after, official documents arrived calling the fool by name. The police officers took him to the execution ground and beheaded him. The fool then cried: "I regret that I listened to others' advice to this day! But I also learned well today. This is the only time I will suffer a loss!"

Black teeth and white teeth

There were two prostitutes, one had black teeth and the other had white teeth; one tried every means to hide her black teeth, and the other tried every way to show off her white teeth.

Someone asked the prostitute with black teeth what her last name was. The prostitute pursed her lips tightly, puffed out her cheeks, and whispered in her throat: "Gu." She replied: "15."

Finally, when asked what her skills were, she replied in her throat: "I know how to play the drum."

Others asked White Teeth what the prostitute's last name was. , the prostitute opened her mouth and replied: "Qin."

Asked how old she was, she opened her mouth again and replied: "17." Asked what she could do, she answered Opening his mouth wide, exposing all his white teeth, he said: "I know how to play the piano."

Boasting about his son

The father walked with his son. An acquaintance of the father met his son and asked, "Who is this?" He is my direct son-in-law, but he is my son."

Give me a red face

I drank half a cup before going to a friend's house alone. Drunk, face red. When I went to a friend's house for a banquet, I felt that the wine tasted very light. The more I drank, the more tasteless it became. Even the wine I drank had made me wake up, and my face turned red.

After the banquet, he said to the host: "Your wine

is very good, but please return my red face!"

I want to be my son

An old man is described as haggard and weak, but as long as he is said to be old, he will be annoyed, and if he is praised for his youth, he will not be able to enjoy it.

After one person found out, he deliberately took advantage of him and said: "Although your beard and hair are white, your face is delicate and delicate. Not only can it be compared to a child, but also the skin of my newborn baby." Just as fresh and tender."

The old man said happily: "If my face can be so fresh and tender, I would like to be your son."

From fast to slow

Teacher. He was very angry that the master did not invite him to a meal. When the student came to the school to study, he quickly taught a poem with anger: "Spring Outing

Fangcaodi."

The student held it in his mouth Tears forced me to read along. However, he understood the teacher's intention and said:

"Father"

The teacher asked: "What does father do?"

The student replied: "Buying meat. ”

The teacher slowed down the teaching of the poem slightly: “Appreciating the green lotus pond in summer.” The students still couldn’t follow, and the teacher asked again: “What does your father buy meat for?”

Answer: "Sir, please."

The teacher's anger gradually subsided, and he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow flower wine in autumn."

He asked again: "When will you invite me?"

Answer: "Today."

The teacher was overjoyed and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "Winter chanting a poem about white snow. ”

Open a skylight

There is a person who likes to take advantage of relatives and friends to do errands. He often takes the lead in asking everyone to pool money to host a banquet, but he should pay a share

I often hide it and refuse to pay it, and also use the extra wine money to line my own pocket. The king of hell hated him for having such a dark conscience. Catch him to the underworld and put him in a dark prison to suffer.

But as soon as the man entered the cell door, he shouted: "This room is so dark. There are several people here now. Please collect money to open a skylight.

It is also very bright. "Bright." (The proverb is "opening the skylight" for advocates of embezzlement and corruption who gather everyone's money.)

At the wedding banquet

There was a crazy son who often liked to say depressing words.

One day, his brother-in-law’s family was getting married, and his father took him to a banquet with him. Just as his son was about to speak, his father said: “Marriage in his family is a happy event, so don’t say depressing words. ."

My son said, "I don't mind your instructions, I understand: 'Getting married is not a funeral.'"

A man goes out for the New Year. One day, I encountered a bird dropping feces on my hat. I thought it was unlucky and wanted to sacrifice to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so I owed a pig's head to the butcher on credit and used it as a sacrifice.

Soon after, the butcher saw him and said: "The pig head owes money for many days, it should be paid."

The man replied: "It owes money for many days." , but I have an analogy: If this pig doesn’t have a head, will you come to me to ask for money for the pig’s head?”

The butcher said: “How can there be a pig without a head?” "

The man said: "Since this doesn't make sense, I have one more thing to say: If I paid back the money last year and you ran out of it, wouldn't there be no money left?

The butcher said: "You are even more ridiculous. If you had paid me back last year and used it, you would have saved me other money."

The debtor lowered his head and thought for a moment. He would say: "This doesn't make sense. Let me make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings are sprinkled on your head, you will definitely use a pig's head to sacrifice to the gods to ward off disasters. Where can you get any money for a pig's head? ? ”

Wind and Rain

A teacher likes to drink and often drinks like crazy. Once, he accidentally came up with a word for "rain" and asked the students to answer it, and the students said "wind".

He added three more words: "Inspiring flowers to rain."

The student said to him: "The drunkenness (crazy).

"

Five more words were added: "It rains in the garden. "

The student said to him: "We often drink alcohol and go crazy at the banquet."

The teacher said: "That's right, but you shouldn't talk about my husband's shortcomings. .

The student said: "If I don't change my ways, I will be my teacher's teacher." "

Fart article

A scholar is very good at talking and is used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hates him and said: "Scholars should read with peace of mind behind closed doors

Shu, why do you need to go to the Yamen to enter and exit? I think the article you wrote must be ridiculous, I will give you a test when I come up with a question. "While he was talking, he was thinking about a topic, and suddenly he farted, so he asked him to compose an essay on the fart.

The scholar immediately respectfully presented the text: "The teacher raised his golden butt high. , fart loudly, as sweet as the sound of silk and bamboo, and as fragrant as the smell of musk orchid. It is a great honor for Xiaosheng to stand in the limelight.

The county magistrate laughed and said: "This scholar can't write serious articles, but he can do excellent fart articles." There is a excrement pit for 10,000 people on the east street of this county. He was made to stand by the cesspool and smell the scent of musk orchids every day, so that he would not disturb anything when he had nothing to do. ”

Inexhaustible

A man borrowed something from the temple for the night and said, “I have things that will be inexhaustible for generations to give to your temple.” "The monk happily let him stay and was very polite to him.

The next morning, the monk asked what it was. The man pointed to a tattered curtain in front of the Bodhisattva. Said: "Hey, if you dismantle these things and make small sticks for lanterns, how can they be used for generations to come?" "

The mother of salted eggs

It was the first time for A and B to eat salted duck eggs.

A said in surprise: "The eggs I have eaten in the past are all bland. , why is this egg so salty?

B said: "Fortunately you asked me about this. Let me tell you, this egg was laid by a salted duck." "

Wooden wedges stop hunger

A certain rich man was stingy and always gave his servant only half a full meal. One day when he was going on a long journey, the servant asked: "What if I get hungry on the way?"

The rich man found a rope and a wooden wedge and said, "Don't say you are hungry on the road, otherwise you will be laughed at." If you are hungry, I

have my own way. Just say: "I'm hungry" and I will make you not hungry. "

After walking for a long time, the servant was very hungry and hurriedly followed the rich man's instructions. The rich man quickly took out the rope and tightened the servant's belly

The servant could not go far. He shouted again, and the rich man took out a wooden wedge and stuffed it into the rope, found a brick, and knocked hard on the wedge, saying, "It's so tight, so I won't be hungry anymore!"

After being unable to walk a few steps, the servant shouted more urgently. The rich man became furious, untied the rope, and the wooden wedge fell to the ground.

Said: "You Hungry slave, go and find someone else, I have this good guy, I don’t have to worry about no one using it. "

My family has a rough moon

Someone often speaks in a rough manner.

One day, he entertained guests and while he was drinking, the moon rose. The guest said happily: "The moon is so beautiful tonight!

The man quickly raised his hands and said, "Don't dare!" Don't dare! This is just a rough moon in my family. "

Being an official and a robber

A few people were drinking and writing poems. Each of them had to use a poem to describe a person with the same nature as a robber. One said: "The leader

The skylight opens when you collect money (the person who takes the lead in collecting money).

One person said: "Defrauding people and harming others is a bad scholar." "

Another person said: "Four sedan chairs came shouting.

Everyone started shouting: "This is a government official. How can he look like a robber?"

The man replied: "Look, among the people sitting in the sedan chair carried by four people now, 9 out of 10 are more powerful than robbers!" "

Xiucai Trial

A fool said: "I wish I had 100 acres of land."

The neighbor said: "If you have 100 acres of land, I will raise 10,000 ducks and eat all the rice in your field." "

The two quarreled and went to the government office together to review the case. When they passed the academy, they saw the high red wall and the gate tower, thinking it was the government office

so they pulled them in."

A scholar came out. They thought he was an official, so they rushed to talk about their own reasons. The scholar smiled and said: "One of you goes to buy the land first

The other goes first. Raise ducks, wait until I become an official, and then I will try this case! "

Forgot the Dragon Boat Festival

Dragon Boat Festival, the husband did not receive the gift and asked the student why. The student asked his father and came back and said: "My father forgot." "

The husband said: "I will fight you with the first couplet. If you don't do it, I will fight. "The first couplet he published is: "The Han Dynasty has three heroes: Zhang Liang, Han Xinwei

Chi Gong. "

The student couldn't answer the second couplet and was afraid of being beaten, so he cried to his father. The father said: "The pair is wrong. Duke Yuchi is from the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty.

"

The student reported to the teacher. The teacher smiled and said: "Your father remembers things thousands of years ago very clearly. Why did he forget it yesterday during the Dragon Boat Festival?

”

Confusing Execution

During the Southern Song Dynasty, there was a monk in Suzhou who was drinking and causing chaos in the market. The state official ordered him to be arrested and sent a exeviation officer to escort him to a remote place

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Fang went to punish him. The transportation was inconvenient and he was resentful, so the sticks kept coming and the monk complained endlessly.

A few days later, the monk felt like running away while staying in an inn. Jie Chai said some kind words and then took out the broken silver and invited him to drink. The greedy Jie Chai immediately took off his shackles and drank happily. After a while, the monk was drunk into a pile of mud.

He found a razor, shaved Jie Chai's head, put criminal clothes on Jie Chai, put shackles on him, and then escaped through the window.

The next day, when I woke up from drinking, I didn't see the monk, and I became anxious. But when I looked at the prison clothes on my body and the shackles on my collar, I looked at my head in the mirror and saw that it was bare, and I turned to worry. He was overjoyed and said to himself: "Haha, I wouldn't even dare to run away! "But

After thinking for a while, he was stunned again: "Hey! The monk is here, where have I been? ”

The surgery was over

A soldier was hit by an arrow in his arm and was in constant pain, so he asked a famous surgical doctor to treat him.

The doctor removed the wound that was exposed outside his arm. After cutting off the arrow barrel, he asked for money and left, saying, "Who doesn't know how to cut off the arrow barrel?" But the arrow

is still in the flesh, why do you want to leave?

The doctor shook his head and said: "I have finished the surgery. The arrow in the flesh is a matter of internal medicine!" "

Where is the coolness?

It was hot in the middle of the summer. Several officials were discussing official matters. During the chat, they talked about the hot weather and where was the best place to enjoy the coolness. Alone

said: "There is a garden with a water pavilion that is very cool. "

One person said: "There is a temple and it is very cold in the main hall. "

A commoner shouted from the side: "It's the coolest place in the Yamen court!

The officials were surprised and asked: "Why?"

The people laughed and said, "It's a place with no sun. Why isn't it cool?" "

Rotten plate

Once upon a time there was a magistrate, when he took office, he swore to God: "If I want money with my left hand, I will rot my left hand; if I want money with my right hand

Money will ruin your right hand. "

Soon, someone offered him a lot of money as a bribe. He wanted to accept it, but was afraid of violating his oath. After thinking about it, he came up with a solution: ask someone to take it. He took out an empty plate and asked the briber to put the silver in it, and then he took it in.

The official comforted himself and said: "I swore that the punishment was money, but what I received today is silver. My master." I didn't take any action. If it was rotten, it would only rot the plate, which has nothing to do with me.

"

"Integrity Officials" wrote a couplet

A newly appointed county official, in order to show his integrity, posted a couplet on the door: "If you accept Muye's money, you will be destroyed by heaven and earth; if you

Listen to what the government officials say, men are thieves and women are prostitutes! "The people saw it and thought he was an upright official, and were very happy.

Soon, the county official became corrupt. In order not to conflict with the couplet, all bribes had to be done openly during the day; money

The person concerned must deliver it in person, and the government servants are not allowed to handle it.

Understand the truth

The son did not like to study, so his father locked him in the study and ordered: "Read the book carefully with your eyes and think about the book again and again, and you will understand the truth from the book! "

Three days later, his father asked him if he had understood any truth from the book.

The son said seriously: "You are absolutely right! I studied according to your teachings for three days and gained a lot. I understand:

The book turned out to be printed! "

A square snake

Someone saw a snake and exaggerated: "It is 10 feet wide and 100 feet long." ”

Of course others didn’t believe it. He then subtracted 20 feet from the snake’s length. Others still didn’t believe it, so he subtracted 30 feet,

40 feet from the snake’s length, and the result was It reached 10 feet.

Someone said: "According to you, 10 feet long and 10 feet wide, this snake -"

The man shouted awkwardly: "Oh. , became a square snake! "

Don't take medicine if you have it

There was a doctor who was very ill. Before he died, he shouted on his bed: "If there is a good doctor who can cure my disease, I will be able to cure it." If he takes the elixir of life, he will live hundreds of years! "

Chifengqiyan

There was a landowner who was very mean to his servants. He neither gave them food nor wages. The servants were all angry.

Once, a friend said to him: "I will give you a servant without food or wages.

The landlord asked: "What will he eat if he doesn't eat?" "

The friend replied: "He learned a way of eating Fengqi cigarettes and didn't eat anything else all day long.

The landlord shook his head and said, "I don't want it." "

The friend asked: "Why? "

The landowner replied: "I hire a man and I want his excrement to fertilize the fields. The servant you recommended only smokes cigarettes and does not excrement. What kind of fertile land should I get? ! ”

Laughing at drinking and going crazy

There was a man who liked to drink and would go crazy no matter how much he drank. His wife was very angry.

Once, he asked his wife for a drink again The wife poured the ramie-soaked water into a jug and gave it to him to drink. After drinking for a while, he swayed again and started to curse: "You will become drunk and crazy after eating sesame-soaked water?

He laughed and said, "No wonder I can't get crazy no matter how much I move today!" "

A louse

Many people were drinking together. One person felt itchy, so he scratched it and suddenly touched a louse. He was afraid that others would laugh at him

Since he was dirty, he threw the louse on the ground and pretended to be dignified and said: "I still thought it was a louse. "

A guest picked up the louse, looked at it carefully, and said to everyone: "Hey, I didn't think it was a louse." "

Coarse clothes and soft clothes

The rich man and his guests were talking in the hall, and a servant came to serve tea. He had no clothes on his body, and only used two thin tiles to cover his lower body from front to back

It was covered with a straw rope in the middle. The rich man then scolded: "How do you behave when there are guests here?" Wearing such thick clothes! Go change quickly

and put on some light and soft clothes! "

After a while, the servant took off the tiles, replaced them with lotus leaves, and came to the hall again.

The guest said: "The expenses in the house are too extravagant!"

The rich man asked: "Where is the luxury?"

The guest replied: "You servant , I have both rough clothes and soft clothes, isn’t it luxurious?”

The rich man said, “When this servant comes to my house, I want him to go back to his own house for dinner. I only care about his clothes.” How can we keep him if he wears one suit and another? ”

Wood Carved Food

The rich man invited guests to dinner, and the table was filled with dishes. Fruity points. However, they are all carved from wood, and their surfaces are painted with colorful colors.

The guest said: "Although these foods look good, they can't solve hunger."

The rich man said: "As long as they look good, you will be full after eating them."

Busy in chanting sutras

In a riverside temple, a monk was chanting sutras. Suddenly he heard a bell ringing in the corner of the temple, and he called out repeatedly: "Apprentice, apprentice, the bell

rang very loudly, and the wind It must be very big, and there must be a boat capsized in the river. I am chanting and praying, and I don’t have time to go out. Please help me to salvage something from the river bank. If someone is drowned in the water, don’t save it. . ”

Special “Firecrackers”

On the first day of the Lunar New Year, every house fires off three firecrackers when they open the door to celebrate the Spring Festival. Everyone is most taboo about not going off the firecrackers. One person said:

"Every time my family celebrates the New Year, I always tap the table three times with a ruler. It doesn't cost money, and I don't have to worry about causing a fire, and it's three times

' "Firecrackers', all of them burst, there is no 'dumb explosion'"

Limited lifespan

An old man celebrated his 100th birthday, and a certain person said: "Wish you a happy birthday!" You live to be 120 years old."

The old man was very angry and accused: "I don't rely on you to support me, why should I limit my life span?

Year?”

It changed instantly

A rich man farted accidentally while sitting in the living room, and there happened to be two guests next to him. One guest hurriedly said:

"Your fart is noisy, but it doesn't smell at all."

Another one also said: "Not only does it not stink, it also has a strange smell. Fragrant."

The rich man immediately said with a frown: "I heard that if farts don't stink, then it must be that the internal organs are damaged and death is coming. Am I going to die?

Am I going to die? "

A guest hurriedly raised his hand in the air and sniffed several times with his nose:

"The smell is coming."

Another person. He wrinkled his nose, sniffed it several times, then covered his nose with his hand and said:

"Oh, the smell here is even worse."

Standing in his thirties

The teacher gave a question about "standing at thirty" and asked two students to explain the topic.

One student wrote: "Two fifteen-year-olds, although they have chairs and benches, they dare not sit on them."

Another student wrote: "They are half the age of sixty. It’s just that you have to stand on two legs.”

Two clay statues

There are two clay statues in a temple: the Taoist founder Laojun is on the left, and the Buddhist founder Sakyamuni is on the left. right side. As a rule, left has a higher status than

right.

One day, a monk came in and saw it. He was very dissatisfied and said: "My Buddha's power is boundless, how can I be inferior to Laojun?

So he moved the Buddha statue to The left side of the statue of Laojun.

A Taoist priest saw it and said angrily: "Our Taoist ancestors are extremely noble, how can we succumb to Buddhism and put it on the right side?

As he said, he put the statue of Lao Jun again. Move to the left of the Buddha statue.

The two kept moving each other back and forth, and even broke the two statues.

Identify the character "鱼"

Someone asked how to write the character "鱼", and someone else wrote him the character "鱼" (the traditional Chinese character for "鱼").

He looked at the word

horizontally and vertically, and finally shook his head: "This word has two horns on its head and four legs at its feet. Where can it be like a fish swimming in the water?

The horns and legs?"

The writer said: "This is indeed the word "fish". If you say it is not, what is it?"

He shook his head in a serious manner. Said: "Look, I see, it has horns and legs, it must be an animal that walks on land. What word it is depends on the size of your writing: if you write it big, it must be an ox; if you write it big, it must be an ox; If it’s neither big nor small, it’s a deer; if it’s small, it’s a sheep

”

The name is glorious

There is an old lady Wang who is rich. And easy to talk nonsense. She made a coffin for herself and wanted to inscribe something on it, so she rewarded the Taoist priest with a lot of money and asked him to come up with a glorious name so that she would have a good reputation after her death. The Taoist priest thought about it and finally wrote this

Sample title: "The Grand Master of the Hanlin Academy, the Imperial College, offered sacrifices to the coffin of Granny Wang next door."