Traditional Culture Encyclopedia - Hotel accommodation - Dirty and funny classical Chinese

Dirty and funny classical Chinese

1. On Sunday, a friend of mine and I invited four mm to climb the mountain. On the way, all the MMs had a good impression on my friend and praised him for his good literary talent and graceful demeanor. I was unfair and said to myself, "I don't know! Dare to be normal, crazy! " With the jokes all the way, I didn't feel very tired and came to the top of the mountain. I played for a long time and went on a picnic. Start going downhill.

On the way down the mountain, my friend suddenly said to MM, "There is a gazebo in front, where you can have a rest. We can climb to the slope and pick some wild flowers and fruits for you. Trip worthwhile! " All MM's cautious praise for themselves! I don't know what this means, so I have to echo it. After MM left, she whispered to me, "Urgent! ! Want to solve! ! "Before I realized what this meant, I looked around the field. This slope is so steep that many tourists don't follow it! And there are dense trees all around! People who look up and down the slope can't see through it. I said angrily, "You have to go to the toilet! Why did you leave me? Smell it! " After all, I want to follow the crowd. The friend replied, "there is no paper, it's urgent!" ! Can you find some paper? I'm going to eat! " I said, "I don't have any paper with me, so I'll ask MM!" " Answer: "We are courageous people! It's a pity to solve it in the wild today. No face, beg for paper in MM, don't go, please help me! " Take off your pants when you're done!

Helpless, I had to look for a steep slope everywhere, hoping to find a piece of paper, but I looked for a steep slope everywhere and only found an abandoned newspaper! Unfortunately, it has been a long time, broken and weather-beaten! Cover your nose for my friend. Friends sigh! I didn't expect the paper to be so shredded that my friends could not bear it. Hearing the sound of "poof", my friends' fingers cut the waste paper and touched the filth! Friends are angry, scold them and cut their hands vigorously. I don't want my fingers to touch the trunk next to them. In an instant, blood gushed out! A friend was so miserable that he forgot that his hands were dirty. He put his finger in his mouth and wiped the blood. I feel bad when I enter the eloquence. Vomiting wildly, I didn't expect the action to be too big and the slope to be too steep. My friend fell behind it, heard a "poof" and sat on it to excrete dirt. My friend was so angry that he jumped up without lifting his pants. He is still kneeling, and the slope is too steep! Under this jump, my legs were overwhelmed and I rushed down the slope according to my own habits. In a flash, I saw my friend running on the slope, trying to lift his pants with one hand and keep his body balanced with the other to avoid the trees and stones on the slope, that is, to get out of danger. I chased after him and tried to stop him, but I was too fast to catch up.

Many MMs in the pavilion under the slope paid attention to the sound of trees knocking on the slope. I saw my friend rushing down the slope, his pants falling off his knees and streaking out of the forest. MM people looked at it, frightened to disgrace, screamed again and again, and avoided it! My friend is extremely manic! Shout at the sky! Try to keep at its pace, but it's fast! Hearing another "poof", I fell to the ground and rolled out several feet. When I washed away, I saw my friend's pants had faded to his feet. His teeth were dazzling, foaming at the mouth, covered in blood, filthy, pungent, dizzy and half awake! And all the mm stood not far away, pale and afraid to go forward! I wanted to help it, but my friend refused. I stood on my own feet with tears in my eyes, put on my pants and combed my hair, but I stumbled down the mountain, leaving me standing on the mountain with all the MM and never appearing in the city again!

Qu Yuan said, "The world is cloudy and I am alone. Everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, so I see it!" " The friend said, "The world is clear and I am alone, and everyone is awake and I am alone. This is made of paper!" "

2. What are the dirty ancient writings in history that loosened the cow's mouth and untied the ribbon knot?

Breast as white as silver, the county as muddy as snow.

Elbow and arm are better than rouge, and fragrant shoulders are better than powder.

The belly is soft and the back is smooth.

Knee and wrist half circumference, golden lotus is three inches narrow.

A love affair in the middle reveals romance.

-Wu Cheng'en The Journey to the West's description of the nature of spiders.

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Ji Xianlin's Tsinghua Campus Diary

1932. 12.5438+0 "To tell the truth, watching women play basketball ... is just watching thighs. The female students attached to the middle school have black thighs and only return at half time. "

1934.5. 17 "I have no other hope in my life. I just hope that I can have more women and reach out to women all over the world. "

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Two nights of mandarin duck quilt, pear tree pressing begonia.

-When Su Shi was 80 years old, he teased his friend Zhang Xian and married a concubine of 18 years old.

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28. A beautiful woman looks crisp, and her waist is covered with swords to kill a stupid man.

Although I didn't see my head fall off, I teach you that your bone marrow is dry.

-"Warning" by Yan ()

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"Cherry has a small mouth and a small waist" originated from Su Fan and Xiao Man, two beautiful women in Bai Juyi's works. After retiring from the position of assistant minister of punishments, Lao Bai built a big villa in Luoyang and wrote poems to show off his beautiful house: "The water chestnut embraces Shengquan, and the valley wipes the pipa." Red yarn is dancing and purple yarn is singing at will. "

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At first glance, I am free, but I also looked down and saw it.

The woman's voice trembled and her hair hung in a mess.

Slow down the eyes and cross waves into the temples, and comb them for half a month on the shoulders.

The man also stared at his eyes and stretched out his limbs …

-Bai Juyi's younger brother, Bai Xingjian's Yin and Yang of Heaven and Earth.

Zhao Luanluan, a famous prostitute in Tang Dynasty, wrote the poem "Crispy Milk".

Powder fragrant sweat in heptachlor, spring crisp cotton rain cream.

After bathing in Tan Lang, the purple grapes are cool and fragrant.

Confucius sees two children every day.

The humorous classical Chinese tells a new story. Xie Taifu is as cold as ice, telling the child the meaning of the paper.

Suddenly it began to snow, and Gong said cheerfully, "What is snow like?" ? Brother Hu said, "It's a bad idea to sprinkle salt in the air." . Brother and daughter said that if catkins were not due to the wind.

"Laugh loudly. Compare the catkins in spring to the snow in winter ... If you are a girl, you have to take a nap today. If you don't leave me, fuck you, you will have no less than two or three sentences.

Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged. What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen.

Let bygones be bygones, but today's events are hateful and make me angry. Mother is sincere, and mother is not happy.

A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. Seeing this, the second man stole the meat.

Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games.

When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister. Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. "

Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157

On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present. During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not entering the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')."

He immediately mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "means that" An "prints a public character as" Lu ",and then matches it with a horse as a donkey." Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the people in the room laughed their heads off.

-Old title Sui Houbai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and Calf Hou Bai later became an official in the Tang Dynasty and often worked with people in solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you should be punished. " Then he first made a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup."

Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room?" There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is a swallow's nest. "

They burst out laughing. On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet.

During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment. What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue.

Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox. What is this? " Everyone has been speculating, some say it's roe deer, others say it's deer, but they are all denied.

Let Hou Bai tell the answer. Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf."

-The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong. Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently.

When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had.

Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. " Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith.

Qing's son should be called Fu. "Know chapter thank humbly.

It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'.

He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" does not know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel.

In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song."

Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night. Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs.

Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him. Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her.

Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly.

He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? " The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is."

Has refused to come up with poetry. Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood.

Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times.

When I say' hand', I don't mean the first poem. "Ziyi listened, ashamed.

-The Word Game of Lao Shi's Essays on Ai Zi Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Essays on Words had just been written, so he went to the office to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips and' horses' are' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' is changed from' bird' to' nine'? Dongpo immediately replied, "The Book of Songs says,' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven'. Together with their parents, it is exactly nine. "

4. The funny ancient prose is speechless, and the bar lights are like hemp. Lonely people spill hops in the middle of the night and are still drunk. Don't be the smell of wine in their hearts. 1 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There is a clear spring in my heart (the positive solution is "only flowing water comes from the source", so we still insist on water ~ ~) 3. Why * * * cut the candle at the west window, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: The husband and wife sit in the morning (the Chinese teacher laughs when marking the paper.

After class, I fainted again! The correct solution is "late rain time". Mayfly shook the tree, and _ _ _ _ _ replied: I didn't move at all (the correct answer is "ridiculous". Quietly, wonderful, very in line with the facts. ) 5. The beauty of a gentleman as an adult, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Also: both husband and wife go home (the correct answer is "but I feel the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn") 10. Sunrise in the east and rain in the west, _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Fighting at the end of the bed, getting married in the wrong sedan chair 1658.

The positive solution is "* * * Chanjuan thousands of miles away") 13. Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse, and _ _ _ _ _ _ Students answer: Climb the turtle by the river in Dongcun (right) 14. I advise God to be energetic, _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Show your magic at the critical moment. Another student A: The mouse's son can make holes (the Chinese teacher in the whole office laughs wildly without images). 16. If it is sentimental, it will be old. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: People don't waste their youth! (The positive solution is "If the moon is long and round, I don't hate it", and Li He's "Golden and Copper Immortal Ci Han Song") 17. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, _ _ _ _ _ _ students answer: Please don't tell him (the correct answer is "a piece of ice heart is in the jade pot") 18. There will be couplets in the final exam. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: You are a fool if you don't eat. No one has died since ancient times. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Only 20 people died. The bright line at the foot of my bed, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Li Bai's sleeping sound is 2 1. The correct answer is "visible") 22. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ The classmate replied: Wife, my wife and a man's wife (the teacher later said that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha) 27. Think that year, Jin Ge iron horse, students answer _ _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "Student A: It tastes the same (the invigilator and the headmaster outside laughed). Senior one students in pairs, "Going to town to hug the mountain in the white clouds, _ _ _ _ _ _" Student A: I went to the hotel to hug the young lady to bed (his Chinese teacher almost vomited blood on the spot) 30. Two feelings. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: When they got married, it was 3 1. Qian Fan is on the side of the sunken ship. _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There are many kinds of flowers to be proud of. 32. You hate books when you use them. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There is not enough money by the end of the month. ) 35. I once tested Li Qingzhao's dream, "Do you know? Do you know that?/You know what? _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "The classmate replied: Sorry, I don't know.

The correct solution is "green manure and red thinness") 36. Once I tested a sentence from Mr. Lu Xun: "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ If you don't leave, I will always feel good when I leave. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There is another sentence, the last sentence: "Clear water produces hibiscus, (positive solution) natural carving." Some people write that mud gives birth to lotus roots; Some people are even more unique, and it says: Heroes in Gone with the Times 40. Ask how much you can worry about. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student replied: It's like a pot of Erguotou (the teacher criticized "You drank too much again ...").

5. Kneeling for Super Funny Classical Chinese Original: Your mother is so old that if I hadn't stayed to fuck you, I would have said that I closed my eyes and slept today, no less than two or three sentences. Angry and dozing, not only me, but also me. Even if I didn't lose my mind, I was wronged. What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? The numbers are obvious. Let bygones be bygones, but today's events are hateful and make me angry. Mother, I am sincere. I am not happy about my mother's death. If my grades are not in your hands, my dead teacher will at least refute you two or three sentences! I'm not the only one who dozes off. Why do you only miss me? And I'm not completely asleep, which is really wrong! What gift do you have? If you are really capable, why do more than half of the students who sleep at their desks hate you, and six out of ten students hate you? Do you teach well? Judging from the number of people sleeping, I know I won't care about what happened before, but as far as today's things are concerned, you are really hateful and make me really angry! Shit, * * *.

6. Ask for a funny classical Chinese. My classmate * * * invited three beautiful women to play in the park. Halfway through the writing, the classmate said, "shit is urgent." So I ran away. Long time no see, everyone is very suspicious: "Is it constipation?" Sent me to explore.

The ancients said: since ancient times, people have no shit, and shit has no paper. I read it today, and my classmates are really * * * people! I was very merciful and lucky. I found a piece of broken paper and handed it over.

There is a destiny in the dark, as the saying goes, "people have their own days."

It swabbed the excrement with shredded paper, with excessive force, the paper cracked, its hand touched the excrement, and it hit hard, and its hand accidentally touched the ground, and the pain was unbearable. When its mouth was pressed, the excrement entered its mouth, it was frightened, it jumped, and it accidentally tripped. ...

As the saying goes, no coincidence is a book.

When he tripped, he faced down the hill. In order to avoid the tragedy of "dogs eat shit", he sprinted forward with his feet and went straight to the bottom of the slope. ...

It is said that there is a pavilion at the bottom of the slope, and at this time three beautiful women are resting in the pavilion. ...

Everyone has heard that men and women meet by destiny. Only this gentleman is unique and has created his own "meeting thousands of miles". It can be said that it is unprecedented. I admire it!

7. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.

I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.

3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.

I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.

I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.

Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.

7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.

8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.

9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.

10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.

8. When I was in middle school, I found a spoof article linking ancient Chinese, but the website Baidu was not allowed to post it, and neither was the content. Please leave an email. Text: The gentleman said: Oh, let a man with spirit take risks in his favorite place, fuck a thousand songs and make a sound.

On the evening of 20061October 12, General Xiang Chong set off happily. Just as my fair lady has nothing to do with pleasure, she suffers from chaos and lack of sleep.

Take off your clothes and want to sleep, revealing your breasts. When a general is in his prime, he will leap forward in policy.

From the mouth, straight through the outside, not through the disease. She brushed the strings, twisted slowly, swept and plucked. On the other hand, she gradually heard the sound of water gurgling between the two peaks.

The woman was not happy either, so the general persevered and made great efforts, and her daughter surged, making a huge soup sound, ringing up and down, wailing for a long time and howling: "Alas! Ha ha! Ouch! Ha ha. How happy I am! What a pleasure! " The average shooter is no longer quiet, sitting with his hands touching the yin and sighing. The next day, the general reported to the first emperor, who called it energy.

Her daughter has less leisure in the second month and twice as busy in May. Her name ranks first in the list of musicians, winning her fickle fate.

If the guest has air holes, don't bend your fingers when you fly to gargle. The first emperor waved his whip to the east, saying, "One man can keep it, but ten thousand people can't force it!" Therefore, the first emperor and his daughter boarded the building.

His daughter gave birth to Ceng Yun, and she is still singing Flowers. The first emperor sighed, "It's not that chrysanthemums are preferred among flowers, but that this flower is even more flowerless!" " Finally, you get a chrysanthemum.

However, the daughter is full of resentment, such as admiration. The first emperor hesitated, and she was worried about advancing and retreating. Her daughter is exhausted and doesn't know the heat. She was tired and tired, and suddenly it was windy and rainy, and the spring was harmonious. Fortunately, it's even awkward.

His daughter sobbed, "It's immoral to come and not go!" Therefore, if you want to tell the first emperor, the first emperor will be defeated and flee, saying, "Jade can be seen from a distance, not ridiculous." The reason is considerable. If the husband is a lady, so is the poet.

So be patient, do whatever you want, and go it alone for hundreds of years. This so-called relaxation is moderate and invincible.