A story of moderate speech.

(1) Do things with principles, and speak with discretion.

In life, incisive opinions are often popular, and generalizations are easy to be boring. Practice has proved that a correct sense of proportion can add charm to oneself and win more chances of success. Talking doesn't mean talking, and talking doesn't mean being in place. Only when the writing is in place can it play its due role and achieve the goal of "in a word, a stone stirs up a thousand waves".

First, it is good to speak in place, just right. To master the discretion of speaking, we should pay attention to some taboos in conversation: try not to talk about the health status of ourselves or others; Don't talk about controversial topics, otherwise we should avoid talking about controversial and sensitive topics, such as religion, politics, parties, etc., which will lead to wrangling or stalemate between the two sides. Learn to listen to each other's ideas. No matter what you do, you have your own unique opinions. Many times they don't understand, but it doesn't mean they can correct each other with their own reasons. Respect the expression of true love from the heart. If you learn to respect, you must learn to cherish everything you have.

No matter how good a friend is, he should be measured by what he says. Have you ever hurt an important friend because he is outspoken?

I was alienated from my friends twice because I said something wrong. At that time, I was still young and my emotional intelligence was low.

At that time, I didn't quite understand and felt wronged, because I heard an uncle say this sentence when bargaining with others that morning. I didn't know until I grew up that my uncle knew others very well and knew the reserve price, so people were waiting for him to bargain. No matter what he says, people will lower the price, and we are children, and others will cheat us if they think we have limited experience.

(3) Why do you want to speak moderately?

Being measured and smart is really smart, and it is also a kind of self-protection. Being a man, no matter what you do, the most important thing is to be a good person, not to lose your backbone, to have no conscience, to be upright and to treat others sincerely!

The writer Yang Daxia pointed out that the appropriate limit is a sense of maturity.

(4) How to speak moderately?

How to speak moderately?

First, don't pour out your negative information to others.

There is a big difference between speaking and listening. Speaking is that you actively express information to others, even if it is negative information. Listening means that you are listening to other people's information.

Don't pour out too much negative information to others. Kind of like taking out the garbage. You speak out the bad negative Balabala and express all your inner unhappiness, and you will feel relaxed. However, I didn't know that your negative emotions would affect the listener.

As an audience, he is very tired. After receiving your negative emotions, he should understand you, affirm you and give you feedback. It's tiring to think about how to enlighten you.

Second, take care of each other's feelings.

When you want to express some information to the other party, you must take care of the other party's feelings and see if the other party is interested in the information you express. When you feel that the other person is willing or interested to listen to you, you can follow this information.

On the contrary, once you find that the other person is not interested in your topic or content, you must stop the topic at an appropriate time.

Third, don't ask what you shouldn't ask.

Especially personal privacy, don't forcibly discuss and interrogate issues that others don't want to disclose.

In life, there are always some people who like to inquire about other people's gossip, their privacy and their income. This is very impolite.

Fourth, learn to guide others' emotions.

When others are expressing negative information, you should understand why the other person has such emotions. You should use your language to dispel each other's negative emotions and play a positive guiding role. Let the other person get rid of negative emotions, willingly follow your thoughts and produce a positive response.

If you speak moderately, you will achieve yourself if you achieve others.

5] Speak with your subordinates in a measured way. What is this?

Intuitively, it seems easier to talk with your subordinates than with your superiors. But it is not so easy to speak well and master the art of talking to subordinates. Mastering the skills of talking with subordinates will not only help improve the relationship with subordinates, but also establish a good boss image.

As a boss, you often have to assign work to your subordinates. If you say to your subordinates, "Hey, as a manager, you have to follow my orders." This is the attitude of the boss. The so-called "manager's order" means that you regard this employee as a person lower than you. This kind of "task language" can easily arouse the strong resentment of the staff. Over time, it will be difficult for your "orders" to be carried out smoothly.

However, if you can change this imperative language, it may make your interpersonal relationship in the company very smooth. When assigning tasks, you can go to your subordinate's desk and say, "Please do something." It turns out that you can order your subordinates' bosses, but you say "please" to your subordinates. This kind of inversion will make your subordinates full of energy and work smoothly.

Anyone likes to be regarded as an important person by others. As a boss, if you assign work to your subordinates in a "request" tone, you will raise their status invisibly. On the contrary, speaking in a commanding tone is tantamount to belittling the identity of the other party and even trampling on his dignity. "Only those who put themselves at the feet of others first will others hold you on their heads." Smart people understand this truth and think of each other first when they speak. Stupid people take pleasure in belittling others with words to show off their superiority over each other. Pay special attention to your tone of voice when you are above the other person. Mature people, the more senior they are, the more they know the truth about "humble corporal". Han Ming is the lobby manager of the hotel. He is very polite to the waiter. Thank you. Thank you. Please change it for me. The wording is polite, and the waiter feels that the high-level boss like the lobby manager respects himself so much and has a high enthusiasm for work. For myself, a kind word doesn't need much effort, but it can get a good result. Why not? Even if it is the duty of the other party to serve you, your kind words will make him trust you more.

It's also the boss's order. If you use the words of request to reverse your identity, you will eliminate the rebellious psychology of your subordinates and won't think that you are ordering him.

For subordinates, gentle words will only make them more convinced. You are their superior or supervisor, of course, you can be overbearing, but why don't you think at the same time that you have to cooperate with them so that things can go smoothly? It is necessary for all successful people to talk to their subordinates in a caring tone. "You should go to bed early!" Although this is a very common saying, it often makes subordinates more grateful to you. People have feelings, and it is an ordinary truth to repay kindness with kindness and return evil with kindness.

A lot of work could have been done well, but it was worse because of the harsh words of the boss and the panic of his subordinates. As a result, the worse the boss loses his temper, the more mistakes his subordinates make in their work, and the boss himself will suffer in the end.

So, does it mean that the boss can't criticize his subordinates? Of course not. As a boss, subordinates have mistakes, of course, we should criticize them, otherwise the boss will have no prestige. The key is that you should adopt appropriate criticism methods, instead of being furious and furious.

You said to your subordinates, "You are so stupid that you can't even do this little thing well!" " "So, you will only cause disgust in his heart, and he may give you a stumbling block on other opportunities and cause you great losses. What should you do if you say in another tone, "this is not right?" "If you don't blame him, he will naturally be willing to accept your criticism and correction. If you want to find someone who can be sincere to you, you should know that it is as important to pay attention to your attitude as to others.

Liu Qing, the business director of a company, keeps his workshop in good order, and the workers strictly abide by discipline and voluntarily serve the company. Whenever he finds someone's production progress is not good, or there is something wrong with the production process, he will call that person to the office after work and ask him kindly, "How is your family recently?" In my impression, you have always been a disciplined, enthusiastic and skilled person. I'm relieved to give you the job. I hope you can make persistent efforts. "At this point, the clerk had been flushed, he told Liu Qing what happened, and very sincerely apologize. There has never been a similar problem in the future.

Liu Qing did not directly criticize the employee's poor work, but did the opposite and praised him. Employees naturally understand the implication of Liu Qing and immediately realize their mistakes. In doing so, Liu Qing not only criticized his subordinates, but also saved their face. The boss is so considerate of his subordinates, and the subordinates naturally appreciate the boss.

In addition, don't criticize your subordinates in front of a third party. Everyone has self-esteem. It is not surprising that a person does something wrong. Don't you often make mistakes yourself? Why are you so demanding of your subordinates that you fly into a rage at the slightest mistake? If he can be created and cooperated, you don't have to control him with scolding; It's no use scolding him if he is unreasonable. It's better to send him away than to curse him. Gentle language is easy to say, but it has great effect.

It is gentle wind and continuous rain that make everything on the earth flourish, and storms will only destroy everything. If you want to be a wise boss, you must learn to be gentle with your subordinates.

[6] How to be measured when dealing with people?

1 Don't talk much

Don't force sharing

Don't ask about privacy.

Don't expose yourself easily.

Let's analyze them one by one.

1 Don't talk much

Talking is a pleasure, especially talking about negative emotions.

Talking is like taking out the garbage. Say your negative emotions once and release them, and you will feel much more relaxed.

And listening is a problem of consuming yourself.

Listening is really tiring, especially high-quality listening.

As a listener, I will always love you, understand you, affirm your emotions and give positive feedback;

I have to restrain my desire for advice, because I know what you need now is not advice, you are in an emotional moment, and you need to deal with your emotions before you can listen to advice;

I have to give up some right to speak. Even if I don't want to listen to this topic now, you keep saying that you won't give me a chance to speak, so I can only listen to you first, at least politely after you finish a paragraph.

These are the prices of listening.

You don't need to use your head to speak, just vent your temper, so speaking is a requirement.

Listening needs brains, and listening needs us to give each other goodwill, understanding and respect, so listening is a kind of pay.

The ideal relationship is: you talk for a while, I talk for a while, you listen to me, I listen to you, and everyone takes turns to master the right to speak. In this way, both sides have to pay and return, and both sides will feel more comfortable when they reach a dynamic balance.

If one of them keeps talking, talking, talking;

The other party has been listening and listening, and there is no room for speech at all;

Then such a relationship is unbalanced.

The one who has been listening must be uncomfortable. When this uncomfortable feeling reaches an unbearable level, it will lead to contradictions and quarrels, or he will gradually alienate this over-confided friend.

Therefore, to be a measured person, don't talk too much and don't talk all the time. If we really love our friends, we should take care of their feelings.

Don't make your friends too tired.

When we finish writing a long paragraph, we can pause. On the other hand, our friends will tell us and we will listen. Or, my Lord said at this party, and your Lord said at the next party. In short, it is enough to grasp a dynamic balance and let both sides have good opportunities.

Don't force sharing

I have said this sentence countless times in previous articles: loving someone is to meet the needs of the other person.

On the other hand, when the other person doesn't need something, we should learn to respect his choice and not impose what we think is right on him. This is also an expression of love.

Even if we really think this thing is good, as long as the other party doesn't need it, we shouldn't forcibly share it with the other party.

If you love your friends, you should learn to put away your desire for control, and don't forcibly share your opinions with your friends, which will really disturb others.

If you are a vegetarian, please don't force your friends and family to be vegetarian;

If you are anti-GM, please don't interfere with what your friends eat and don't eat;

If you don't trust Chinese medicine, please don't stop your friends from drinking Chinese medicine;

If you believe in a certain religion, please don't preach to your friends by force;

If you believe in pyramid selling, why not take good care of yourself?

The inherent logic of this forced sharing of views is: "I am doing it for your own good, so I will share what I think is good with you."

But before we share, have we asked others about their needs?

Since others didn't take the initiative to ask us for your advice, it means that he doesn't want to make changes at this stage.

Only pain can make people change, but persuasion cannot.

Now that he has made this choice, he will have to bear the consequences. Even if the choice he made is "wrong" and "harmful" in our opinion, he still has the right to experience the bitter fruit.

When he has had enough and doesn't want to continue suffering, then he will really consider changing.

If you really love TA, you should give it time and space at this moment and let it try, grow and judge by itself.

If we really love TA, then we should allow TA to make a choice according to its own values and allow TA to bear the consequences of this choice.

Even if this choice will bring a very painful price, it is also a life worth experiencing and experiencing. We can't deprive anyone of the right to experience all kinds of life.

So don't impose your opinions on others, and don't share them too much. If we really love our friends, we should respect their values and allow them to be responsible for their choices.

Don't ask about privacy.

Privacy is not asked, but waited.

There are always some good people in life who especially like to inquire about other people's privacy and family background. If you have money, he will try his best to cling to you; If you are poor, he will scoff and despise you. This kind of person is really annoying.

"What do your parents do?"

"Has your lover's family prepared a wedding room for you?"

"How much do you earn a month? Tell me, I am not an outsider. "

?

These problems involving privacy belong to the problem of violating the boundaries of others.

Some friends may say that we are not great people. What's the big deal about telling others about our family background? How do you know that others don't really care about you? How do you know that others must be poor, rich and curious?

Friends who have this idea, we can recall together, how do best friends know each other's background?

In fact, the privacy between good friends is not asked, but waited! It was only after our relationship was deep enough that we naturally took the initiative to talk to our friends!

On the other hand, those who are not in close contact with you, but rashly ask your privacy, make you feel embarrassed and embarrassed, even if they are not mean people who love the poor and the rich, at least they are ignorant ~!

Therefore, if you want to be a gentleman, you should pay great attention to your words and deeds, control your curiosity and gossip, and don't ask others' privacy before you become intimate with them. We don't want to be villains or jerks. We just want to be gentlemen!

Don't expose yourself easily.

Please don't expose yourself easily at the beginning of your relationship.

Self-exposure includes but is not limited to:

(1) Expose family background

(2) Expose your love history and sexual experience.

(3) Expose one's special orientation

(4) Expose one's psychological trauma

(5) Expose your weaknesses

?

Some friends may ask, "making friends means talking about everything, or sharing secrets." If you say so, isn't there nothing to talk about between friends? "

For friends who have this idea, I want to say that it is of course possible for friends to exchange secrets, but pay attention to the timing and rhythm.

At the beginning of communication, when the two sides lack understanding of each other, don't make progress too fast or too suddenly. This is not only to protect each other, but also to protect themselves.

Why do you say that?

In the early days of friendship, we actually need some time to test each other. Let's talk about some safety topics first, and test whether our values are similar, whether the emotional intelligence level is equivalent, whether the interaction mode is comfortable and so on.

If the result of the test is that both sides are willing to have further in-depth communication, then we can slowly push the depth of the topic forward and expose ourselves bit by bit until the two sides become deep close friends who talk about everything.

And if you skip this probation period, you will directly expose yourself and cause some hidden dangers:

First of all, premature self-disclosure will make you depressed.

In the case of the other party is not ready, rashly exposed, there is a taste of putting pressure on the other party:

"I have told you my important secret, so you should also tell me yours, otherwise you just don't treat me as a friend."

But the rhythm of the other party may reach the level of self-exposure, so he may choose not to expose himself. At this time, you will be disappointed, hurt, and have a sense of disgust that "I have been so sincere to you, but you still have reservations about me."

But in fact, the problem is not each other, but you. It's that you don't respect each other's rhythm, that you want to speed up the progress of two people, and that you have unreasonable expectations of each other.

So you are the last person to feel depressed.

In order to protect our emotions from being easily hurt, we should carefully choose the time to expose ourselves.

Second, premature self-disclosure risks revealing privacy.

When you don't know a person well, it's best not to expose your weaknesses and wounds to him easily.

Because your's relationship is still very shallow, you don't know what the relationship between your will eventually develop into.

In case the other party is on the opposite side of your zero-sum game, and the other party is an unscrupulous person, then he is likely to betray your privacy and embellish you with rumors.

It is precisely because of this kind of risk that we should be more cautious, be careful of our words and deeds, and don't easily let people see our weakest point. Learn to set a high bar for your friends. Our secret is precious. If you want to know my secret, you have to go through me first!

Third, premature self-exposure in front of the opposite sex is easy to cause misunderstanding.

In the establishment of love relationship, "self-exposure" is an important link in the relationship between two people;

"I won't say these words to others easily, but I am willing to say them to you"-this means that in my eyes, you are different;

"I am willing to show you my wound"-this means that in my eyes, you are a person worthy of my deep trust;

"I am willing to tell you all my experiences without reservation"-this shows my loyalty to you, and I am willing to give you all my cards.

In real life, many lovers establish a sign of each other's hearts, and they also start by exposing themselves to each other.

The "self-exposure" between the opposite sex is about equal to "I have a good impression on you". Although this is not an iron law, it is more or less a tacit understanding between adult men and women.

Therefore, when dealing with friends of the opposite sex, you should pay more attention to the sense of proportion and rhythm, and don't easily expose yourself to someone you don't intend to develop a relationship with.

Because your self-exposure will make the other person misunderstand that you are interested in him.

Walking in the Gua Tian, we don't tie our shoes; Standing under the plum tree, we don't take off our hats.

We want to be a measured gentleman, so we don't do things that are easy to cause misunderstanding.

Finally, let's review the main points:

1 Don't talk too much-respect each other's feelings.

Don't share too much-respect each other's values.

Don't ask about privacy-respect each other's privacy.

Don't expose yourself easily-respect each other's rhythm.

After reading this article, some readers may say, "Are you tired after chatting all day and thinking so much?"

For readers who have this idea, I want to say:

It is the basic accomplishment of a gentleman to consider the feelings of the other party before speaking;

Not to mention violating each other's boundaries, this is the basic emotional intelligence of an adult.

Everything has a price. If you want to be recognized and loved by others, you must learn to respect others' feelings, that is, you must make more constraints on yourself, that is, you must be more considerate than others, so of course you will be tired!

This "tiredness" is the emotional cost we pay for our own impression management.

So we should learn to screen friends and make friends who know how to respect us and are willing to think for us.

In the face of such a friend, even if we are "tired" when talking, he will remember our kindness and he will return our same respect. As I have always said, respecting other people's feelings is low-key and deep love.

May everyone be nourished by love.

What is the main point of this book?

The art of speaking, grasping the principle of discretion and occasion.