A joke in less than 20 words.

1, the wolf is coming! The pigsty is a mess! Mother pig said: "pig, you close the door, pig, you close the window, pig, don't read the text message, you are the most beautiful!" " You seduce the old wolf! "

2, tired of going to work, promoted to queue up, saying that he was drunk after eating, and his lover was not in place. He doesn't want to wake up in the morning and sleep at night. It doesn't matter to me. The most unbearable thing is to wish you happiness and charge you money.

It's my fault that I made you angry yesterday. How about giving you a chance to vent your anger on me now? Take out a hundred-dollar bill, fold it in half and then fold it in half, and then throw it at me:) What animals and plants are like chickens? Three ... two ... one ... time is up, fool, so you can't guess. The answer is trees and horses. Because digital cameras (trees and horses are like chickens)! scold

4. Work Summary in 2009 and Work Plan in 2007-Question: Delicious. Analysis reason: The wine tastes good. Sum up experience: drinking is good. Rectification measures: drink well. Direction of efforts: drink good wine.

5. Colleagues go to dinner together. One of them came late: waiter, did you see where our colleague went? Oh, they are on the second floor. "What floor is the second floor?" "On the second floor. ....

6. If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

7. Your sudden loss of love made me lose myself. I am immersed in an unforgettable moment in my life. I can't let you go. I shouted: Stop thief!

8. In the history class, when the teacher reviewed The Rule of Zhenguan, the process asked, "Water can carry a boat, but it can also overturn it." A student signed back loudly: "You can also cook porridge". The audience laughed their heads off.

9. "Driving a Mercedes-Benz and riding a fine horse is really chic; Traveling around the world with beautiful couples, Wan Li is picturesque! Tell stories in a famous car and return home dressed in gold; Parents are happy, and friends boast that they have Mercedes-Benz! "

10, one million hours, reach out and ask the sky. I don't know if my salary can go up. Is my dream far away? I want to get rich by speculating in stocks, but I'm afraid I'll lose all my money. Things are so difficult.

1 1, "ACTS: Master, I want to hear your story. Teacher: In retrospect, I punched Nanshan Nursing Home and kicked Beihai Kindergarten. I put it under one meter and stamped my feet in the morgue. Nobody dares to gasp! To you who failed in college: this is a professional course, which contains high credits and good quality. One subject is the best in the past five subjects, and it is easy to fail in one breath. It is better to fail professional subjects! "

12, my husband is reading the evening paper. After reading an article entitled "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife, "I really don't know why men leave first?" The wife said, "Someone has to stay and collect the clothes!" "

13, a turtle walked through a pile of shit, leaving only three footprints on it. Why? Because it held its nose with one hand! ! !

14, friend, are you okay? Every time I turn on my cell phone and see your name, I'm trying to resist the strong impulse to contact you immediately, but ...... alas! Throwing caution to the wind anyway, isn't it 1 cent? We are not stingy people!

15, nearsighted squatting beside a pile of cow dung, asking with his nose that it seems to be cow dung. I tried it with my hand and said it should be cow dung. Taste it with his mouth. Seriously, it was cow dung, so myopia jumped up happily. Luckily, he didn't step on it.

16, "A group of matches huddled together to keep warm. When the firecrackers saw it, they pushed over and said, hey, brother, I also ... I heard a bang before I finished. The match said, brother, don't dig out your heart to keep warm. "

17, "A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived! "

18, one night, my husband was awakened by his wife's dream talk. He asked the reason, and his wife replied, "Dear, I dreamed of a prince charming, and slowly approached me!" " Husband: Wife, sometimes the Tang Priest also rides a white horse and drags a BMW tractor. After the police found out, they reported that the speed of the two cars had exceeded 180 km. The best one is a tractor, which has been following Mercedes-Benz, turning on the turn signal and asking for overtaking.

19, mother hedgehog complained: My child's clothes often leak. Mother centipede sighed. I bought two specialty stores, but I haven't bought half the children's shoes yet.

20. I was born to be useful, but I can't understand it! One day, Wang Di woke up from a dream, got up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and understood after eating the cake (reading the third word of every sentence is a surprise). Baby, you have the face of an angel, the figure of a devil, and even the posture of farting is so beautiful. But in public, can you control the rhythm?

2 1, Lao Wang likes watching boxing. Every time he sees someone hitting his opponent in the mouth, he cheers loudly. When he saw it, he asked, are you a boxing coach? Oh, no, I am a dentist.

22. "Dad, what will happen if you put mp4 in the water?" "That's broken." "Dad, you are so smart. I didn't know until I did the experiment. How do you know? "

23. A person travels abroad. He asked for a taxi full of luggage. The driver told him that he wanted 7 yuan and his luggage was free. He said quickly, please take my baggage to the railway station.

24. Four people were playing mahjong. When the police came, they took five people away. Do you know why? ............................................ (because one of them is called Mahjong)

25. Why do you smoke? A: Aunt Yu married a daughter yesterday! Cha Yue: What does my aunt have to do with my smoking? Answer: If so, what does my smoking have to do with you?

26. You are wanted! The following are your crimes: being too kind to your friends, not loyal enough, innocent and caring, and being sentenced by this court! I will punish you for being my friend for life. No appeal = O(∩)

27. "Sausage (township head) said:" Cold air is coming, pickles are getting cold (now), and shrimp (villagers) are going to make zongzi (seeds). In order to keep the temperature of zongzi (seed), remember to pack a few more layers ~ "

28. Xiaoming pushed his bowl to Xiaojie's side: "Try my rice …" Xiaojie scooped up a spoonful and fed it into his mouth. "Did you see it?" Xiao Ming added.

29. Yesterday you went to the mountain to play and met a wild boar to eat you. At this critical moment, you shouted: Mom. Wild boar is stupefied: Baby, don't run around in the future. Look, you have lost weight these days.

30.w: Why did a girl answer the phone when I called you that day? Man: How is that possible? Woman: Really! She also told me,' The number you dialed doesn't respond, please leave a message after the beep! Say! Who the hell is she?

3 1, I really love you, and I don't want to leave you. My heart hurts you so much. If you really don't want to upset me, please hurry up ... the stock market.

32. "According to the survey, more than 99.99% of homosexuals use their thumbs to check text messages and don't change them. Just admit it. "

33. Some people say you look like an ape. I criticized him seriously. What a pity! How can you say that about others? He is a pig!

Chatting with a classmate who works in a foreign company, she said that there are many foreigners in the company. I asked her: Did you teach them to speak Chinese? She: Of course, the first sentence I taught was: I pay the bill!

35. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy round plastic bullets for toy guns and directly said to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

36. "Honey, it's time for dinner," his mother said. Xiao Ming came over and asked innocently, "Mom, I am your sweetheart, so what does your father do?" "Fatty liver" mom said.

37. Money is a sin, and everyone is fishing; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go.

38. I have always been by your side, and I have been worried about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away,

39. "I just went to weigh myself. Really, I have lost three laps, one is not thinking about your diet, one is not sleeping at night, and the other is thinking about you day and night. "

40, the cold wind suddenly rises. My hands are frozen stiff. Blush red. Look at how your trotters are frozen. Why don't you go to bed and hide in the quilt? Ah, still reading the information.

4 1 benefactor, are you Xiaomi Sha's dog? Xiao is an imbecile adopted by a mentally retarded master. When Huashan was the only one in the world, he was dubbed as "a pear flower sent by Haitang Hengshan Wisdom"?

42. Son: "Mom, which is more stupid, a fool or a fool?" Mom: "Of course it's a fool." "Why?" "Do you want to, a fool is a melon, a fool is a child, melon seeds in the melon.

43. A meteor flashed by, and an ugly girl made a wish: "I hope I can be as beautiful as Lin Chi-ling in the future". Just after the promise, the meteor flew back and said to the ugly girl, "I am so difficult!" I won't do it. "

44. Iron is embroidered outside, and gold is stolen outside. I shut you out that day. The next day, you have a note on you, which says: strange, can pigs also watch the door?

45. On the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd. The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" Confused, the man replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered.

46. Since you love each other, let love be a hand in hand with no regrets in your life. Since infatuation, let infatuation turn into a beautiful river. Since suffering, let suffering decorate all our spring, summer, autumn and winter.

47. Do you know what is the most painful thing in life? . . What! It's just that people die and money is spent. . Do you know what is the most painful thing in life? Is that people are alive and money is gone. . .

48. I am lonely without you. I'm disappointed not to see you. I am not qualified to say I love you. How much I miss you, a little too much! When I see you, I find it difficult. . South wind-Hu! You see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see my tears dripping on the keyboard.

49. When A Dai went to his girlfriend's house and saw that the living room was empty, he shouted: Where are you? Girlfriend: I'm washing dates. There's nobody at home. Come and help me! A Dai is shy and silent. Girlfriend impatient: Come on! What are you doing?

50, mature people chat, decline to chat! If you want to talk, it's seventy cents a word! Punctuation marks, half price! More than 1000 words, 20% off!

5 1, I heard that I want to find a lover and fill in my own mate selection criteria online. First, I must be beautiful. Second, I must be able to cook! Results the search results came out: beautiful rice cooker!

52. A family has three brothers. Older people are called hooligans, second are called kitchen knives, and third are called troubles. One day, the third child disappeared and the boss went to the police station. Boss, my name is Rogge. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble today.

I haven't heard from you for a long time. I've been thinking about you these two days, and my heart is in a mess. I have searched all your favorite ponds, dining rooms and sleeping lawns, but I still haven't seen you. My heart is broken ... how could I lose such a big pig?

54. Policeman: You are going to be shot. What do you want for breakfast? Criminal: Yes, I remember. I like peaches best. Policeman: You know, it's winter, and there are no peaches! Criminal; Never mind, I can wait.

55. Bear went to the puppy's house to play, and it rained heavily at night. The puppy begged the bear to stay. When the puppy made its bed, the bear disappeared. After a long time, the bear fought in front of the door like a drowned rat. Dog: Where did it go? Bear: I went home to get my pajamas.

56. Wen Wen asked his mother, "What do you mean by saying that Mr. Jiang is an ancestor?" "。 Mom said: because that's the name of the first dead. Wen Wen said: Is the grandmother's name "fresh milk"? An ugly monkey went to a matchmaking agency to find someone, and the boss said it was expensive. The ugly monkey said, then buy a cheap one. But the boss said there was, but it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it doesn't matter. So, the boss shouted at the window: "Fool, stop texting and come out on a blind date. "

57. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was furious: what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

58. Send a message to your old lover, wishing him a happy holiday. If sending once is unsuccessful, returning is unsuccessful, and sending again is unsuccessful. Take a closer look. The other party's number is a landline ...

59. I laugh doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy, and I cry doesn't necessarily mean I'm unhappy. Maybe it's the helplessness behind my smile, or maybe I cry because I was moved.

60. Xiaoming and Xiaohua went to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey!

6 1. The tortoise crossed the river with a snake on its back. The snake was very afraid and said, what if it falls, or I will wrap it around your neck. Walking to the center, a bird saw it and smiled: the turtle stinks and wears a tie.

62. There are two kinds of pigs in the world: one is to send me text messages! First, don't reply to me ... haha laughed ... I think you must commit suicide. ...

63, the wind and rain send spring home, flying snow did not see. It's holidays again, and text messages start to make trouble. If it's noisy, don't forward it again. The original blessing is wonderful. Delete mine if there are too many text messages!

64, looking for inspiration, a tattered eyes without god, three meals without limbs weakness, five tones without six gods, seven holes bleeding gossip very much, a narrow escape is very similar to you.

65. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

66. I said: You are a pig. You said: I am a pig. I've been calling you a "pig monster" ever since, and finally one day you couldn't bear it and shouted at me loudly: I'm not a pig monster!

67. Do you know that the most painful thing on the day of work is Lisa? I just got off work and haven't finished my work yet. The most painful thing is: I haven't finished my work after work. The most painful thing is: there is no job at work, and you have to live after work.

68. I've been meaning to ask you a question, but I'm afraid to ask. Especially on quiet and lonely nights, so many thoughts make me insomnia, so I want to send a text message to ask you … do you still wet the bed?

69. Times have changed! Pigs can also read mobile phone messages with their hooves! Hey, pig, stop looking. It is you! Pig head, why are you still watching? Call you a pig. You are such a pig, alas …

Do you know how I know you? I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: 3 yuan was fined for wetting the bed once; Wet the bed twice, 5 yuan; 7 yuan was fined for wetting the bed three times. You suddenly stood up and said, teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?