Funny jokes in the circle of friends: You are ugly because of your hair style

1. I had a nightmare at night, which scared me so much that I cried. My mother rushed over and asked me: What’s wrong? I said: I dreamed that I went to get a haircut, and the barber gave me a special haircut. Who knew the ugly hairstyle had not been finished yet? When my mother heard this, she said with a look of disgust: You are ugly because of your hairstyle. I really cried after hearing this!

2. Ben San doesn’t have a boyfriend. It feels like a crime when I go home. I think of calling my mother a few days ago, Mom, I I bought my ticket home, it’s 8am on the 29th. Oh, did you come back alone? Yes, yes! Oh, I got two new quilts for you, so you should cover them with the old ones.

3. When I got home from get off work, I took some grapes home. After dinner, I said to my second-rate husband: I went to wash the dishes and you washed the grapes. When I came back from washing the dishes, I found my husband lying on the bed without washing the grapes. I shouted to him: Didn’t you hear me when I asked you to wash the grapes? The poor guy stretched out his feet and said aggrievedly: I washed them, Ni. Ma.

4. When I was sick when I was a child, my mother would always make a cup of coffee and say: All foreigners drink this. I have always been afraid of coffee, it is bitter and bitter. When I grow up, I go to Starbucks and go to the island, but I can't find the same taste as the one I drank when I was a child. Until one day, I drank isatis root

5. Wife: My dear, I want to be hugged by a princess. Husband: Forget it. Wife: No, I want it. The husband hugged his wife helplessly. Wife: How does it feel? Husband: It’s like bottled water. Wife:. . .

6. I drank the pill last night and woke up feeling sore all over. I asked my friends: Tell me, what did I do after I drank too much last night? My friend said helplessly: You drank too much last night, so you said you were Ultraman and beat the stone lion in front of the hotel for more than half of it. Hours!

7. After eating, say to your wife: Your face is as beautiful as the moon. Give her something beautiful. After having fun for a while, she asked: Why do you say my face is like the moon? Because your face is as big and round as the moon, and there are pits on it.

8. Today my second-rate wife asked: Can I catch the air? I nodded decisively, and she asked again: How? I farted silently on my hand, and then put it in her nose. In front of him, he asked: "Did you smell it?" Then,,,,, stopped talking and went to kneel on the keyboard

9. One day in class, the teacher wanted the students to use their brains, so he asked: Xiao Ming, what if What do you do if you see a big black bear in the forest one day? Xiao Ming: Then I will shoot it to death! Teacher: What if you happen to not have a gun? Xiao Ming: I will stab it to death! Teacher: What if you You happen to not have a knife with you? Xiao Ming: Oh, teacher, are you on the side of the bear or on me? Teacher:

10. A man went to the street and bought a load of rice, which weighed a lot. One end is light and difficult to pick. He scratched his head and figured out a way to put a big stone on the light side. With sweat dripping from his back, he picked the rice home, put down the burden, let out a long sigh and said: Fortunately, I have this stone today, otherwise there would be no way to pick it back!

11. A student was facing the college entrance examination and ran away. Go to the fortune teller. The fortune teller told him: Your destiny is to win three yuan in a row and then return to normal. The student was very happy after hearing this, which showed that he must study for a bachelor's degree, a master's degree, and a Ph.D.! He invited his friends over and had a big meal to celebrate. After finishing the meal and paying the bill, he scratched out three one-dollar bills on the invoice

12. My son who was doing his homework suddenly asked me: Mom, how should I make a sentence? I thought about it and said to him: This word can Make a lot of sentences, such as: You should get up early; you should do your homework quickly; you should not be picky about food; you should listen carefully in class and speak enthusiastically. I saw my son throw away the pencil in his hand and rush towards me. Shouted: I can, I can, I can. You should shut up!

13. Last night when I slept with my mother, I said: Mom, I can’t sleep, please tell me a bedtime story. My mother said: Okay, once upon a time there was a little white rabbit in the big forest. It was ugly and ate a lot. It didn’t like folding quilts or washing dishes. It spent all day long its mother’s money and still couldn’t find a partner. Okay. Oh, Mom, I suddenly feel sleepy.

14. After the New Year, it was time to go back to work. I packed my things from home and called a taxi. On the way, I encountered a traffic policeman checking the car. The driver was very nervous. I patted my chest and said to the driver: Don’t be afraid. , let me solve it. The traffic policeman came over, looked at the driver and asked me who he was. When the driver was about to speak, I said loudly: I am his wife.

The driver cried and said to the traffic police: You should take me away. . .

15. The day before the final exam, A: B, where are you going? What are you holding in your hand? B: I’m going to make copies. A: I want one too. (I don’t know the content of the copy) C: Wait, I want it too. D: Print it for me too! E: I’ll give you the money later, and I want one too. F: Add me one. G: I’ll go with you. I want to print it too! B: I’m just going to copy my ID card.

16. My sister is in Grade 3 this year and can’t write compositions. One time the teacher assigned them to write a composition. The name is: my grandfather. When my sister couldn't write, she looked for it in her composition book, but she only found one article called: My sister. She changed all the sisters in it to grandpa, so the following sentence appeared: My grandpa loves beauty very much. He wears two braids and a white dress every day

17. When I was a child, my mother drove me to pick me up from school. I opened the back door, threw my schoolbag in, and prepared to sit in the front. As soon as I closed the back door and prepared to sit in the passenger seat, my mother drove away. As a result, I had to walk back alone

18. When I went to a roadside stall to buy underwear, I asked How much does it cost? The stall owner replied: 12 yuan a piece. I felt about the quality and secretly calculated the opportunities in my mind for a long time. I said: It is so expensive. Can it be sold cheaper for 25 pieces? The stall owner blinked and finally agreed.

19. Last night, my husband rubbed his temples and said to me: Wife, my head hurts. I asked: Do you have a cold? My husband said: No, all I can think about is you. After hearing this, I felt very happy and a little touched. As a result, my husband went on to say: You used to be so thin, I could barely bear it, but now you are so big, it gives me a headache.

20. A boy took out a ring and proposed to a girl, but the girl threw the ring into the sea. She said: If you can get the ring back, it means you really love me, and I will marry you. The boy stood on the beach and had not yet entered the water. Nv Zheng was secretly glad that she had made this poor man give up completely, but not long after, the ring floated up. Funny things to say in the circle of friends, funny things to say in the circle of friends

1. Young people must not lose confidence just because of one subject of mathematics. This is not the only subject that you cannot master.

2. Wang Sicong said that when I make friends, it doesn’t matter whether they are rich or not, they are not as rich as me anyway. His self-confidence is very similar to mine. When I make friends, I don’t care whether others are poor or not. They are not as poor as me anyway.

3. Yesterday, I fought with the mosquito all night and ended up in a draw. It didn't eat enough and I didn't sleep well.

4. I went to watch "Fast and Furious 8", and halfway through I saw an announcement: The owner of the Bentley with license plate A88888, please move the car. After listening to this broadcast, I walked out of the movie theater with an impatient look on my face and walked towards the Xian Hand Room in the eyes of everyone in admiration.

5. My ex-boyfriend sent me a message asking me to attend his wedding. I calmly replied with three words: I’ll go next time.

6. Do you like animals? Of course I do. How much do you like it? How can I say it? It’s all there!

7. After thinking about it, why experts recommend eating 70% full for dinner, because the other 30% should be used for late night snacks.

8. Today's exam was taking place. I didn't know anything about chemistry, so I gestured to my classmates, so my classmates pointed at several girls in succession. So I looked at these girls carefully. Then I silently added ADCBACDB

9. Don’t always ask me what I’m doing. What else can I do besides studying?

10. I am a very unstable person. I will play with whoever has big breasts. I have no choice but to follow the crowd.

11. A friend said that the cactus he raised at home became mature and would move when watered. I went to his house to check it out! What a poor hedgehog.

12. A friend took me home. I got in the car and lit a cigarette as usual. My friend pinched my cigarette out and said: Don't smoke when you get in the car, it smells like oil smoke. I slapped him in the face. Riding an electric bike smells like cigarettes!

13. I vaguely remember that I learned to shop online to save money.

14. When I was a child, my dream was to be a hero. When I grew up, I didn’t expect that I could easily achieve it with a mobile phone, and there were so many choices.

15. Someone asked me why my skin is dark. I smiled. Whiteness covers all ugliness. You are white to cover up ugliness, but I am not ugly.

16. The unit organized a trip abroad, and the administrative girl collected employee ID card information. When she saw me, she smiled and asked me: Are you born in the year of the rat? Out of protection for this zodiac sign, I replied: Yes, but please remove the word "老". She was stunned for a moment, said ok in confusion and left. As a result, the whole company went out to play, and I was really removed from the list.

17. I met an old classmate on the street today. I didn't expect him to be so poor, so he only put one dollar into my bowl.

18. During military training, the instructor corrected a girl's military posture: raise your head and hold your chest high! Keep your chest up! Where are the breasts? Where are the breasts? You can feel how sad and angry that girl's expression is.

19. Later, my face, arms, butt, and thighs all became very good friends with fat, except for my breasts.

20. Today, I met a crazy woman. I glanced at her and was slapped twice. I am a quality person and didn’t argue with her. I just walked out of the women’s locker room and went home.

21. Some people always think that they are between awesome A and awesome C, but in fact they don’t know that they are between stupid A and stupid C.

22. The Banana Fan belongs to the Grand Master but is in the hands of Princess Iron Fan. The Bull Demon King does not know Samadhi True Fire but the Red Boy is born with it. Alas, the connotation of this is really thought-provoking!

23. I advise you all to stop playing with mobile phones and computers. Recently, I feel that my eyesight is deteriorating more and more. I can't even see money when I open my wallet.

24. When I wanted to buy a car recently, my dad took me to all the luxury car 4S stores in the city. I was very touched. Well, it’s better for my family. After leaving the store, my dad turned to me and told me: Did you see, these cars are not allowed to hit me in the future?

Related funny comments in Moments

Collection of funny comments in WeChat Moments, humorous comments in WeChat Moments

Funny comments in Moments with pictures: Teacher, you Just tell any parent you like and don't keep making funny comments in parent-teacher meetings

1. The sun sets and the heartbroken person is brushing his teeth.

2. You say you like the sea, but in fact you like waves.

3. Hearing too many sweet words can lead to diabetes.

4. The sound of sisters is as big as the sky, and we are further than love!

5. It’s okay to have acne, it’s just your cute bubbling.

6. Squatting on the roadside to watch girls, lying on the bed and playing with little girls.

7. You accompany me quietly watching the world on the roof and slowly fall asleep.

8. I do everything by myself, and you don’t need to look down on me.

9. The person you dream about in your dream should go to sleep with him when you wake up.

10. My future is not a dream, my future is a nightmare.

11. People who like to flatter people ultimately do it for riding horses.

12. Whether two people are familiar with each other depends on the level of obscenity in the chat.

13. You still have to listen to math class, just in case you understand it one day.

14. The most glorious moment of the apple was when it hit Newton on the head!

15. There is no fate between you and me, it all depends on my appearance.

16. My wallet is like an onion. I want to cry when I open it.

17. Make decisions with a pat on your head, make promises with a pat on your chest, and leave with a pat on the back.

18. Do you feel like you are jumping around when you are logging in on QQ?

19. If even the default bubbles cost money, how can we survive?

20. You in the future will definitely thank you for your hard work now.

21. Opportunity is like a virgin, rare and only once.

22. Dear young man, I wish you will be as lonely as a dog in the future.

23. You have the smell of her perfume. As soon as I smell it, I know it is not as expensive as mine.

24. Half of the country is laughing at the other half, but in fact the whole world is a fool.

25. Although I don’t know what the teacher is talking about, it seems to be very powerful.

26. People cannot take money into the grave, but money can take people into the grave.

27. When you were about to be born, the doctor took one look and asked if you should stuff it back.

28. The modern "Dream of Red Mansions" is: dividends, buying a house, and dreaming.

29. For singles, Valentine’s Day is like an aunt, it hurts every time it comes.

30. If we don’t go crazy, we will start school. If we don’t do our homework, we will be finished.

31. Why do I often have gum in my eyes? It’s because of my deep love for sleep.

32. My wife and I have not spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her.

33. When I paid the phone bill, I realized that what I said was so valuable.

34. Falling is not terrible. What is terrible is that when a person falls, he is very sober!

35. I finally found a way to stay young forever, and that is to take more photos!

36. At this age, the only thing I can afford to hold and put down is chopsticks.

37. Even 7 hours of sleep is not enough during school, but 5 hours of sleep during the holidays will make you more energetic.

38. Having no faults is a kind of assumption, thinking about faults is a kind of maturity, and correcting mistakes is a kind of virtue.

39. Every morning when I wake up, I have a cool hairstyle, either a Saiyan or Ultraman.

40. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who is full and has nothing to do.

41. I would rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

42. The head teacher saw me doing my homework after class and suddenly said, "I'll give you ten points for pretending."

43. Those who believe in fate follow fate, while those who do not believe in fate are dragged along by fate.

44. Every time I sneeze, I think you are thinking of me, even though I know I have a cold!

45. Time tells me that the age of being unreasonable has passed and it’s time to show off.

46. What is pleasure? Pleasure is when you eat fish, I eat meat, and watch others chew bones.

47. There was a match. If I didn’t wash my hair for a few days, my scalp would itch and I would be burned to death if I scratched it.

48. Be the first person to wake you up in the morning and the last person to watch you fall asleep at night.

49. As long as you are happy, don’t expose it in the sun, because if you expose it too much, sooner or later it will dry out.

50. Be a hooligan with temperament, a pervert with class, and an illiterate with knowledge!

51. Those who only know how to be strong will inevitably be broken; those who only know how to be soft will be cowards in the end.

52. You can come to me when you are in a bad mood, I will think Ways to make your mood worse.

53. When the class teacher talks nonsense, it’s like chewing Xuanmai and can’t stop at all!

54. I once thought I was a flower on the cliff, but later I realized that I was just a dregs in the sea of ??people.

55. There is no rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast; not only the ratings are low, but the salary is not high.

56. Meeting you has taken away all my luck, and I will never have the chance to get the multiple choice question right again.

57. Let’s toss a coin and make a bet. If heads, you will be my boyfriend, and if tails, I will be your girlfriend.

58. Replace my heart and give me a heart of stone. I will laugh and watch those who hurt me go to hell.

59. You say Murmansk, I am the North Atlantic warm current, you should be hugged tightly, I will support the wind.

60. Let’s take a casual trip on this spring day. I’ll take you with me and you take the money.

61. I don’t like to go to bed with just one woman many times, but I like to go to bed with many women only once. .

62. I dreamed that my partner was dead, and I cried a lot. When I woke up, I found that there was no partner at all, and I cried even more.

63. I am a cold person, and the coldness exuding from my bones made me suffer from rheumatoid arthritis.

64. Those girls who can’t unscrew bottle caps are actually just faking it. If you ask her to try opening a package, she won’t even need scissors.

65. Use one sentence to prove that you have read the four classics: Brother save me, military advisor save me, sister save me, and Wukong save me.

66. The most frustrating thing during the exam is that I vaguely remember that the teacher said this question, but I clearly remember that I didn’t listen.

67. Thank you to everyone who has accompanied me until now, especially those who plan to continue to accompany me.

68. You said that you might marry someone you don’t like in the future. It doesn’t matter. I am willing to be the person you don’t like.

69. If you think there is something wrong with me, please tell me. I won’t change it anyway, so don’t hold it in and get sick.

70. No matter how you travel through thousands of mountains and rivers, day and night, I firmly believe that you will never get out of the wilderness in my heart.

71. That time when I was on the bus, I tried to imitate the Korean heroine who leaned her head against the window and looked out the window lovingly. As a result, the road was so bad that I got a concussion.

72. Your face is so beautiful, you are such a wonderful person, I miss you so much that I feel anxious, and I love you so nervously that I don’t know how to open my mouth.

73. Today, a colleague received a message from his predecessor. The content is as follows: Dear, I have obtained my driver’s license. Be careful when crossing the road.

74. Today, the company has a dinner together, which is rare for leaders. I praised me in front of everyone and said that it was thanks to me that I was often late. Only then did we have the funds for this event.

75. Generally, when people ask me if I am busy, I will say busy. According to my experience, if you say no, the other person will most likely make you busy.

76. Love till the end of the world, seas and rocks turning to pieces, heaven and earth becoming one, these are all lies of love. I just want to hold your hand until the last second of my life!

77. Tomorrow is the last day of National Day. You will see the finale of National Day performed by the majority of students: copying seven days’ worth of homework in one day.

78. Whether we are at the unknown end of the sky or the corner of the sea, I hope that one day when I grow old and lose my teeth, you will be the one holding hands with me to watch the sunset and watch the clouds roll.

79. First love is like a lemon, sour but intriguing; passionate love is like a flame, hot but unable to extricate itself; broken love is like a scar, painful but unable to be relieved. So we must know how to take care of love!

80. Some people actually think that the new version of the RMB is ugly. No matter what he looks like, I will always love him. What I care about is not his appearance. I think this is what is called true love.

81. I remember it was a cold winter. I didn’t want to get up to go to school in the morning, so I asked my classmates in the dormitory to ask for leave and just give me a reason. The next day, the news of my heat stroke spread throughout the school! A Collection of Funny Quotes and Humor in Moments 2020 Funny Quotes in Moments

1. One day my little nephew asked me: When will I grow up? I asked him: When you watch TV and see the heroine about to be ruined, what are you thinking about? Of course I hope the hero will show up soon to save the heroine. I'm just the opposite of you. This is the difference between a kid and an adult.

2. Xiaohong wrote a word in the composition: verdant. The teacher praised Xiaohong and told other students: This word is very good and I hope the students can use it often. So Xiao Ming made up a sentence: My deskmate’s nose was green and dripping, as if it was about to fall off.

3. I went back to school in the summer and bought a big watermelon. When I got on the bus, the driver's uncle suddenly braked, and then my watermelon rolled. I chased the watermelon and yelled "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon." My best friend said she even wanted to pretend she didn’t know me.

4. I have a dream. There are only five fill-in-the-blank questions in one test paper. School____subject____class____name____student number____twenty points for each blank.

5. It only took you five minutes to get up this time. You have defeated 88% of the students in the country. There is another classmate in the dormitory who failed to get up and is restarting. All the dormitories next door have crashed.

6. The most shameless person I have ever seen is Zuo Zuo. I told him I didn’t like him, but he insisted on pestering me to do him.

7. Don’t mention the start of school to me, it will hurt your feelings.

8. What is a class teacher: He is a person who destroys your friendship and then your love, but will not let go of your family ties.

9. When you are in a bad mood, go to the supermarket, shake the Coke, pound the rice vat, break off Dove, squeeze Master Kong ~

10. These days, The toilets have become students' leisure areas.

11. The teacher always teaches us to care for trees. But teacher, I want to tell you: it seems that the trees have been made into test papers.

12. After turning off the lights in the dormitory before going to bed, imagine that there are ghosts everywhere, and rush to bed as fast as possible.

13. The school didn’t let us fall in love and even gave us couple costumes.

14. I really envy you for knowing me at such a young age.

15. When I have money, I will buy two lollipops, one for you to watch me eat, and the other for you to watch.

16. When I was a child, I often wet the quilt, and when I grew up, I often cried and wet the pillow.

17. I used a sack of money to go to college and exchanged it for a sack of books; after graduation, I used these books to exchange for money, but I couldn’t afford a sack!

18. Toss a coin , use the front side to surf the Internet, the back side to sleep, and stand up to go to class.

19. Jealousy is jealousy. Be a human being, don’t be a dog. What’s the point of slandering someone behind your back?

20. On the road of love, I always stop and go. My mother said that my legs and feet are not good.

21. Don’t care too much about your appearance, because ability is not written on your face.

22. The tuition fee for elementary school is mouth, the tuition fee for junior high school is pen, the tuition fee for high school is brain, and the tuition fee for university is flow.

23. There are a limited number of test papers each year, and together they can circle the earth 200 million times.

24. I have always wondered why the teacher asked parents, a person who has not even educated minors well, to want to educate adults?

25. You are really angry when a mosquito bites you, but what is even more annoying is that you can’t find it when it bites you!

26. The art of self-cultivation is actually the art of lying.

27. Sorry, due to server issues, the message you just sent was lost. Please resend it.

28. It is true that a pure friendship can exist between men and women, as long as one of them refuses to tell the truth and the other pretends to be stupid until the end.

29. You freeze like a ghost in the north, while I show my thighs in the south.

30. There was a bang, and the four masters and disciples of Tang Seng were startled. They looked down and saw someone bombing the mountain. The ground was covered with gravel. Tang Seng said calmly: Wukong, your mother gave birth to a second child. Fetus.

31. I never believed that seeing a shooting star can make a wish. I just want to collect dragon balls down to earth.

32. Your sentimental thighs block all my paths!

33. I will have a period right after graduation; I will have a wife a year after graduation; I will regret having a wife later; I will have a second wife later; I will regret having a second wife the most

34. I can like it every day Fall into bed like a dead pig and wake up feeling extremely satisfied.

35. The woman’s signature: Hao’e! Upgraded version: Stop! The ultimate evolved version: Hao Wei Nio Xiang ram!

36. ◇ヽ Finally knew how to eat Oreos, why did he lick them first, because then no one would snatch them away?

37. Search and search Find friends, find a boyfriend, kiss on the lips, hold hands, and have a baby tonight.

38. There are no lovers who can’t break up, only mistresses who don’t work hard

39. I was playing on the computer today and suddenly thought that school was about to start. Not paying attention anymore.

40. Don’t be obsessed with your brother, your sister-in-law will beat you up.