Are there any funny jokes?

1 One day, Confucius came to Laozi and said, "I have something to discuss with your old gentleman: I am from Shandong and you are from Shanxi. But unexpectedly, a South Korean envoy came yesterday and insisted that I send you a letter saying that we are Koreans and would give us Korean nationality. Do you think we should? "

Lao Tzu was also extremely surprised and asked, "What is the reason why they regard us as Koreans?"

Confucius said: "His reason is that our nicknames are very close to those of Koreans: your name is Lao Zi, my name is Confucius, and they are called Bangzi."

Taiwanese businessmen doing business in the mainland,

Because all the family members are in Taiwan Province province,

Therefore, I like to go to a brothel every night.

One day, he was unfortunately caught by the police.

The Taiwanese certificate is stamped with the word "prostitute".

He was very unhappy,

So I spent some money through connections,

We should get rid of this indecent noun.

A week later,

A friend told him that it was finished.

He thought, as long as the mainland has money, what is impossible?

After receiving the Taiwanese certificate, he opened it excitedly.

There are three Chinese characters written on it:

Non-prostitute

Later, he tried to pass more powerful people.

Non-prostitute

Take out three words,

Because he thinks these three words are still indecent,

Therefore, this account must solve this matter.

Because he will go back to Taiwan Province province next month. ....

His friends assured him again and again,

I'm sure it's no problem,

It's just that politeness is absolutely indispensable.

Another week has passed,

A friend came to him and told him that it was really done this time!

He quickly took the Taiwanese certificate and took a look.

It says:

African fire worm

Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold. ...

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night ... A sniffled,

B-C's whole face is the crystallization of a.

Let us know next time ...

Half an hour later,

A: Attention. ...

Hearing this, B and C quickly got into the quilt.

And make sure there is no contact with the outside world. ...

As a result, a fart.

I once talked with several classmates.

Go to the high school teacher's house to see him,

An old man, and when he left,

We left some fruit for our teacher.

But the teacher held the monitor's computer bag tightly and said:

"Look, come and see what I brought. ...

Just leave it at the door. "

5. Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?"

"See, stop here?"

"No, kill her! ! ! "

One day, my classmates went for a stroll in Zhongguancun.

A vendor leaned in and asked:

"Do you want a hard disk? Cheap "

The classmate took a look and said, "How hard is it?"

A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning.

I guess it's because the dormitory was separated in an instant when I called in the morning.

As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. .

Eight nights, a person fell asleep in the dormitory for four.

After chasing girls for the first time 1, there are still three people discussing how to express their love.

The discussion was lively,

The sleeping man woke up:

Don't say anything, let's go to sleep. .....

9 just started school,

There is a new English teacher,

He asked us to answer all questions in English in the future.

Then he began to call the roll: 65438 +0.

He shouted.

Our class has arrived at 1,

Shout: Here we are! The teacher said:

Please use English! (Please answer in English)

My classmate scratched his head,

Suppressed along while answered a sentence:

Lead ~ ~ ~ (pronounce the second sound)

10 Dialogue between students admitted to a university in Beijing and alumni;

Are you from Yunnan?

"yes"

"Wow ... it's so far ..."

..........

"Is Yunnan liberated?"

"No, we all carry guns in class."

"You can speak Chinese ~!"

I learned it on the train when I first came.

"Do you live in a cave?"

"No, we live in a tree."

"Is Yunnan in Kunming?"

"Well, Yunnan is the capital of Kunming."

"Where are your many pigtails?"

"In order to go to college, I had to cut it off!"

"Do you still eat raw meat?"

"Our boss invented wood to make a fire, and we ate barbecue."

"Are you from Yunnan?"

"yes."

"That's great. Next time I travel to Lhasa, I will stay at your home. "

"helliphellip is fine, but my home is a little far from Lhasa."

"Then how do you come to school?"

"Riding a donkey to Beijing by plane."

"Must be a long time to get there?

"Get used to it, just leave half a year in advance!"

“helliphelliphelliphelliphelliphellip！

Why not ride a horse?

"In Yunnan, riding is done by the poor, and we have already tested it.

They all ride camels and donkeys.

Then there is no college entrance examination in Yunnan, and the exams are all archery competitions.

Put a sign one kilometer away,

Write "Tsinghua" and put "Peking University" next to it, and then a person will have three chances.

My first shot in Tsinghua and my second shot in Peking University failed. Finally, for safety reasons,

Take the nearest sign, which is this school.

1 1 my roommate in secondary school,

Once we had a drink together before our holiday,

Then I got drunk,

Go up the stairs on the third floor and see water in the corridor.

Suddenly stopped helping his two brothers,

Said 1:

"I want to swim to our dormitory."

And then jump forward,

Jump into the hallway and breaststroke,

People around you fell down! ! !

After swimming for four or five meters, I was finally pulled up.

12 After lights out,

The boys' dormitory collectively shouted "Hoo! Call! " ,

As a result, I really called five minutes later;

Then,

Boys' dormitory collective shouting

"Lights out later! Turn off the lights later! "

Then 1 1: 50 really turn off the lights;

Finally,

The boys' dormitory collectively shouted "Woman! Woman! ……"

13 British "Daily Telegraph" reported on the 4th,

A South Wales man saw a "bright, still" UFO.

So I called "999" and reported my findings to the police urgently.

The British police announced this call record on the 4 th.

The content is as follows:

Policeman: "We are the South Wales Police. What's your emergency? "

Man: "Actually, it's not that urgent. I just want to tell you,

There is a bright and still object at the other end of the mountain. "

P: "ok."

Min: "If you have a few minutes to spare, maybe you can come and see what this is?

It stayed there for at least half an hour and is still there. "

It stayed there for half an hour. All right. Is it on the mountain or in the sky? "

Man: "In the sky."

P: "I'll send someone over to find out."

Citizen: "OK."

The telephone records include the telephone conversation with the headquarters after the police arrived at the scene.

Headquarters: "(code name) Alpha Zulu 20,

Has anyone seen that object in the sky? "

Police present:

"yes.

This is the moon.

Over. "

Everyone is talking about what they saw on the train.

A brother said that he used to take a soft sleeper by train.

As a result, after a while, the conductor came over and told him to change trains.

He asked the conductor what happened.

The conductor told him that a government official would come by this bus.

This car is crowded with people.

Everyone was outraged and cursed the government for corruption.

A brother speaks amazingly:

"These bastards,

Don't even miss the train,

Not only do you have a mistress,

And a fucking train! "

15 A man walks into a sex shop.

Then he said in a super shy, trembling voice:

Please … please … ask … you.

... yes ... yes ... no ... yes. ...

Sell … press … friction … equipment …?

Shop assistant: Yes!

Man: That … that … all kinds of …

Black, black ... black. ...

Cocoa powder ... with ...

Spin ... spin ... get better. ...

Shop assistant: Yes, why?

M: So? ...

therefore ...

Please ... excuse me.

Do ... do ...

How ... What ... What? ...

let go ...

Turn it ... it ... leaves ... off?

16 One class in Senior Three talks about arrangement and combination, and do problems in groups.

The teacher called Lei: "How many people are there in your group?"

Ray: "Twelve."

Teacher: "well, then you do the math."

Twelve people lined up,

You can't stand in the front row and back row,

How many arrangements are there? "

Ray countersunk calculation:

"Ah, there are twelve people,

I can't sit in the front row ... yes ... I can't sit in the back row ... "

After a while,

Finally confused and wrong.

The teacher was so angry that Lei stood still.

He called Bo again: "How many people are there in your group?" .

Wave fear,

For a long time,

Answer: "Three ..."

The police caught a lobster thief at the seaside.

Prepare to be fined according to law …

Man: "What did you say? What law have I broken? These two lobsters are my pets. I took them out for a walk! 」

Policeman: "I am too lazy to listen to your nonsense!" " 」

Man: "Really, my Lord! They like swimming in the sea. As soon as I whistle, they will swim back! 」

Policeman: "I want to see this ~"

So the man threw two lobsters in his hand into the waves …

Policeman: "well, I'll see how you can get your pet lobster back." 」

Man: "Ah? Lobster? What lobster? 」

18 A man had to catch a boat, so he headed for the dock as soon as possible.

When he drove to the dock, he saw that the boat had left the shore.

As soon as he locked the car door, he jumped on the boat at a speed of 100 meters. The whole action was done in one go without any pause.

His behavior frightened the whole ship. The captain said strangely, sir ... the ship hasn't landed yet ....