Have you reached the standard of love frequency? Three times a week or three times a month?

"My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and our sex life has always been very satisfactory, but we do it two or three times a month. Last time I read in the newspaper, an expert from China Sexology Association said the formula of love frequency. After calculation, we didn't reach the standard. We are all 33 years old. Is that abnormal? Can you tell me the normal frequency of husband and wife's sexual life? "

A letter from a reader surprised us greatly. The * * * frequency formula she mentioned was derived by foreign scholars according to the law of the influence of age on sexual ability. The calculation method is: multiply the ten digits of your age by 9, the ten digits of the product is the number of days that a * * * cycle lasts, and the one digit is the * * * frequency. According to this formula, the * * * frequency of this couple should be 3×9=27, which means that they should have sex 7 times in 20 days.

Is the media's exaggeration of the measure of "sexual happiness" so striking that a happy couple will doubt whether their sexual life is normal or happy? How many couples are worried about their frequency, but it's hard to say? Indeed, most people who go to the sexologist's consulting room have asked similar questions. "What about others? How many times a week should it be? " Implication: Are we normal?

Normality has become a tool of tyranny in our time. The mainstream culture and the voice of experts control us. When there is a huge deviation between the gender of media propaganda and the actual situation of individuals, it will cause the psychological burden of the public.

The frequency can't always be like that.

Yes, on the issue of sexual life, the concept of frequency has become more and more acute. It is actually a recent thing to urgently check whether your sexual life is normal. In the past, sexual information has always been taboo, and no one has the conditions to compare the average frequency between couples. In addition, the vaccination plan also limits the frequency. It is the family planning policy that makes us separate enjoyment from childbirth. The Internet has opened up our topic about sex, but the flood of information has blurred our feelings.

Is sex as simple as copying and pasting? It can be copied from one bedroom to another. I'm sorry, it's too complicated, too private, too personal and too emotional, and it's not destined to be managed by the military like the number of hand washing.

Sex, first of all, is a dialogue: the interaction between two people, full of surprises, may also exceed expectations. Therefore, sex is physiological, hormonal and occasionally pragmatic, but first of all, it is emotional: it will be promoted and enriched in the collision with each other. If sex is decorated with "must", then we will no longer listen to the call of desire, but take * * * as an obligation and become an order to ourselves.

* * * Lack of anxiety may also come from fear of not meeting "normal" standards. Some men need sexual ability to prove their masculinity. They will try their best to inquire about those "measurable" indicators: the size of * *, the frequency of * *, and the time of persistence. . When a partner finds out that he subconsciously doesn't really want to * * *, but wants to prove it, he will refuse this kind of * * * that is only used as a tool. However, some women are sometimes looking for evidence: * * makes them feel very attractive, very attractive.

Mr. Li, 38, has such a wife: "My work is very stressful, and my * * * will often be paralyzed by many things. If I don't often * * *, my state will be better. However, once I haven't talked to my wife for a long time, she begins to feel uneasy. She will fantasize that I don't love her anymore, and even suspect that I have another woman. . She needs sex to determine how I feel about her. Therefore, two or three times a month, I have to force myself to eliminate her anxiety. " If you think the article is good, remember to share it as soon as you like it!