Tell 5 jokes (creative and interesting, not old-fashioned)

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables!

There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

53: One day,

There is a male deer running faster and faster.

Run to the finish line,

It becomes a high-speed stag.

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

She announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

The teacher asked Xiao Amin a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

56: An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?"

The camel said,' Stay away from death, I won't talk to anything with a penis on my face!

57: How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

58: Xiaoming: What's the temperature today?

Xiaohua: 3 degrees below zero!

Xiaoming: No wonder it's so cold.

59: A little boy came home from school and peeped out from the window. A woman lying in bed rubbed her chest and shouted, I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!

Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day,

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn! ! !

After the birds fly by, ......

I thought it was snowing, so I froze. ...

6 1: It is said that there is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things.

But he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, looking for sunglasses with dirty hands and feet. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror before I found out: Oh, I'm a panda.

62: The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death?

No one answered.

The teacher asked again: Does nobody know?

At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

64: One day, A, B and C went out to play together and wandered around the road for a long time.

Later, A said, I am so bored that I really want to play B.

Then C took a look at A and dragged B into the alley to fight.

65: Three rabbits poop.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

66: When will Taiwan Province Province be unified?

When buying instant noodles

67: One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

When Xiaoming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. He picked up the bamboo and tried to hit it.

When the owner of the dog saw Xiao Ming beating the dog, he said unhappily that beating the dog depends on the owner. Haven't you heard of it?

At this moment, Xiao Ming said: Good! I will beat your dog while watching you.

Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

70: How did the ants fall from the Himalayas die?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

80: Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller?

A: Because it goes further and further.

8 1: Once upon a time there was a horse! It ran into the sea.

So, it becomes a "hippocampus"!

Another friend of this horse fell into the river in order to find the horse that fell into the sea. Later, he became a hippo.

The third horse is white. In order to find two missing friends, it came to a city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in a row, leaving several black stripes on its body.

Turns out to be a zebra!

One day, the fourth horse went to a factory to find the companions of the first three horses and was transformed into an "iron horse".

But later, those horses could not escape the fate of being eaten, and all of them were made into "Shaqima". All the horses survived and became a world without horses. ...

Then, a group of people saw the joke and couldn't help saying, "The horse is really cold." .

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone edited it into a class, and we called it "Marseille class"!

82: Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to stay a few more days.

The person in the bank said: Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; the third day ...

Xiaoming: Do I need to return it?

Banker: No, you will become Tinker Bell.

One day, a man met God.

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, the man was idle and bored.

If you want to say death, forget it. There are nine lives anyway.

Lying on the tracks,

As a result, a train passed by,

That man is still dead.

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars.

84: A guy went to the hospital for a check-up and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I find you very cute.

85: A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter was startled and immediately rolled down from his horse, pulling the hounds and running away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him, "You scared me to death. Horses can talk!" "

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot.

Wolf, tiger and lion, who will be eliminated when playing games? wolf

Because: Momotaro (exterminating wolves)

87: One day A took a look in a mirror. People here are too familiar.

B said; Is it? Let me see (holding a mirror), me! You don't even know me?

88: Tomato A and Tomato B go shopping.

B asks A: Where are we going?

A doesn't answer.

B asked again: where are we going?

A still doesn't answer.

B asked again.

Tomato a turns to tomato b and says, aren't we tomatoes? Why are we talking?

Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat.

one day

The white cat fell into the water.

The black cat saved it.

The white cat said a word to the black cat

Q: What is this sentence?

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..

"meow"

90: A: "Do you know what I did in the Internet cafe last night?"

B: "What are you doing?"

A: "surfing the internet;

B: Hmm. . "

9 1: Two flies go to eat.

Brother asked brother: Brother, why do we eat shit every day?

The big one said, don't say such disgusting things when eating! !

92: On the grass boat

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

93: Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks and take them out.

The administrator explained, someone once fed it peaches.

As a result, the peach pit could not be pulled out, and the monkey was scared. Now, it is necessary to measure it before eating.

94: The hospital set up a 100 channel to prevent patients from escaping, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?" ,

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."

95: Xiaoming: By a stream, four boys, Dabao, Daxiong, Dazhi and Dawei, stripped off their clothes and played with water.

Suddenly someone electrocuted the fish by the stream, and all four boys were electrocuted! Guess an electrical appliance.

Kang: hmm ... I don't know ~

Xiao Ming: The answer is "TV" (electric four chickens)! Hey hey!

Lesson 96: Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have humps?

Father Camel: Because there is no water in the desert, only the hump can store water!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Father Camel: Because there is a big sandstorm in the desert, we must rely on it to stop the sandstorm before we can see it!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Father Camel: Because the desert is full of sand, we can stand firm!

Luo Xiao: Dad, one last question, what are we doing in the zoo?

97: The hen is hatching eggs, and an egg comes out of her ass.

Hen: "What are you doing?"

Egg: "Your fart stinks ..."

98: There is a man whose name is Du Ziteng.

Ask the teacher when you call the roll.

"Where is Du Ziteng?"

The classmate said, "He has a stomachache."

99: My girlfriend asked me to go to her house to watch a movie. When we arrived at her house,

She wrote the word "movie" on the wall with a pen.

The two of us sat on the toilet and watched.

100: One morning, an officer with a reputation for being strict asked Chen Bing, "Are you cold?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Not cold!"

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you shaking?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Frozen!"