Sadism is like a nightmare.

I'm m m, and I was sexually assaulted by s.

Oral: Yang Yang

Author: Li _ Ying

I am a boy eager to be abused.

My masochistic tendency stems from watching movies.

In a masculine movie, every time I see an actress being treated rudely, I can't help but substitute, hoping to become an obedient role, and even have a strong sense of excitement.

At that time, I also wondered if I was a pervert. Why do I like the above behavior, and it was carried out by others?

Slowly, I also pay attention to some abusers or masochists, write my own mental journey, or just share daily stories. I just found out that we are all ordinary people. Although everyone's hobbies may be different from ordinary people, and they have more contacts, it is not surprising that their needs are different.

Occasionally, I read novels written by some friends on the platform, and I know that there is a master-slave contract, such as what slaves need to do, what clothes to wear, and even address or express delivery, so they should serve their masters (editor's note: unnecessary). After watching more, I gradually found my hobbies, what I want to play and what kind of master I want to find. These all have a rough prototype, which makes me want to move.

Later, with more and more information, I also found that the community is mixed, and it is not easy to find a suitable owner. So, I went to Taobao to buy props myself, and I was going to try it first to see how it felt.

Because my mother helps me clean my room every day, I hide my new world in a special secret corner to avoid being discovered by them.

At the end of twelve o'clock, I was sure that they were all asleep, so I secretly took out the courier from the closet. When I opened it, my hand was shaking, shy and excited, as if I were having a secret ceremony.

I just bought a set of tools, but the shop gave me a maid's dress. So when I opened it, I found many things. Then, I put on a maid's costume and began to realize my fantasy scene, spanking myself in front of the mirror; I'm afraid of waking my parents, so I only dare to pat myself gently with my hand and then drop wax on my thigh.

But whips and slaps are like an extremely tempting temptation; I looked at them and they looked at me, as if sparks were crackling on each other. So, I couldn't help but pick it up and start patting it on my body.

With the increase of beating intensity, my voice becomes louder and my breathing becomes urgent. On the one hand, I am afraid that my happy new world will be discovered, on the other hand, I am addicted to the pleasure brought by this pain and want to continue to work hard.

I felt a little tired after playing for a long time that night. But the sense of pleasure brought by excitement and stimulation is the best night I have slept for so many years.

Because I was curious for so long, I finally made clear my hobby after my personal experience-I am a boy who likes and longs to be abused.

Second, my first sadistic experience.

After self-identification, I'm going to find a girl who wants to "fight with live ammunition" online and really try to be abused once.

But because I need to be at school most of the time and I don't have much experience before, if I really establish an offline sadistic relationship, I may not be able to respond to most of their needs.

So, after being rejected many times, I slowly lost confidence and simply let go, thinking that if I meet the right one, I will try again, if not, I will continue to wait and see.

Interestingly, when I accepted the fact that I might not find it, a sister with similar interests appeared. Our age difference is not big, and we usually spend more time at school, so our spare time is also very consistent, and the topics of common interest are also very similar, and we are also very happy to communicate.

In my relationship with my sister, she is more to supervise my study. For example, if I am lazy occasionally, or if I am not good in class, she will scold me or severely slap me, and even my ass will swell up. After scolding and playing, you can study with peace of mind for a period of time.

Perhaps my relationship with my sister is inconsistent with most sadomasochism relationships; But I still feel very happy in this controlled and restrained state. But it didn't last long. In the fourth month, my sister received a notice to study abroad and needed to start going abroad. Our relationship is over here.

The last time we met, she and I were very sad; At that time, I cried downstairs for a long time, and she always comforted me and let me play with her during the holiday. For me, the time spent with each other is really the happiest memory in my life.

Later, I met the second girl, her name is Dong. Winter is very similar to my experience. Because of the change of work, she reluctantly separated from her former male M; Therefore, in our communication, we always feel that we appreciate each other more, feel sorry for each other's experience and loss.

After a period of understanding, my relationship with winter has also become familiar. She asked me if I would be her m; I was a little surprised, because I didn't expect to develop such a relationship with her. After all, we have always been friends. But on the other hand, I'm a little selfish, because I haven't been TJ for a long time, and I occasionally abuse myself at home, and my pleasure is not strong. So, finally, I agreed.

At the beginning of TJ, there is always some discomfort. She will often continue to ask me to endure after I say something safe; It wasn't until I couldn't hold on any longer and my tears and nose were already flowing out that she ordered me to stop and let me have a rest. But with TJ's more times, we gradually understand each other's needs, and the relationship is getting closer and closer, and I am more and more dependent on her.

However, the following training experience made me not know how to face it.

Third, the experience that night was like a nightmare.

That night, I put on her favorite sexy underwear, put on an eye mask, and began to do push-ups on the ground until she came out of the shower.

At first, everything was normal. She took out her whip and hit me. I feel excited, too. Sensing my reaction, she pushed me to the ground and stuffed the oral ball into my mouth. At that time, I was looking forward to the next move in winter with great joy. But what I didn't expect was that Dong took off my underwear and started pressing me.

In an instant, physical feedback and visual impact made me not know how to react for a while; And with mouth ball in his mouth, he can't move his hands or feet. Before that, Dong and I never talked about sex, and she never asked me for it. I haven't had any sexual experience myself, and I don't want to involve sexual behavior in this activity.

At that time, the only thought in my mind was rejection, and every cell was struggling and refusing. But before I could react, Dong sat directly on me again, preparing for more intimate physical contact. I can only shake my head desperately to remind Dong that I really don't want any sexual contact.

But winter turns a blind eye to my signal. So, I had to break free from the ropes on my hands and feet more violently and express my dissatisfaction through this fierce resistance. She was finally frightened by my huge reaction and wanted to continue. Later, she looked at me for a second, and finally got up to help me take off mouth ball and loosen the rope.

But even for that second, I felt that I was in hell and was extremely suffering.

After I was relieved, I went straight to the bathroom and couldn't help crying. In my imagination, sex should happen with my girlfriend. Only when everyone is ready can I do such a thing. Moreover, I feel that in xx, I am an aggressive individual, and I am controlling her, not her-this is not the way I want to be abused, nor the master-slave relationship I want.

I don't want to have sex with my master at all.

I hid in the bathroom for almost an hour, crying all the time, and then taking a shower all the time, just trying to clean my body. After coming out, winter is gone, and my pressure is finally relieved; But I don't know how to face the winter, and I just want to stop contacting her in the future.

When I got home, I wrote down today's experience, but I never dared to post it. After two weeks, I didn't feel better either, so I posted it in the group. But seeing their reply, I still feel very chilling, because they think that I am a "blessed person who doesn't know how to be blessed", and I am still not satisfied when I clearly enjoy the "reward" of the female S.

Even after the discussion that night, several female s and male m talked to me privately, which made me learn the "rules" of sadomasochism community, forget my own existence and needs, and try to make my host happy. Finally, they called me a "bad M" and no S would want me again.

Seeing the information, I wanted to argue with them, but the feeling of unfairness was aroused again, and I began to cry uncontrollably. Even if I am a masochist M, even if I am a male M, can everyone not respect the voice in my heart?

I don't want to. I really don't know.

Since then, I have deleted many group chats related to sadomasochism, and only occasionally talked with some friends who still care about me after that incident. For example, Sister S, who is studying abroad, told me not to feel guilty about "M has her own ideas" and told me that mutual understanding is very important in a sadistic relationship.

Although her enlightenment made me feel a little comforted; But it really affected me. I once cut off contact with sadistic masochists and frozen my desires in the ice.

I am a boy who likes sadomasochism. I have been in contact with the sadomasochism community for two years. As a male M, I like being tied, abused, materialized and whipped. But before the identity of M, I was a conscious person.

Funnily enough, I was sexually assaulted by a female S.

Every time I tell others, no one believes me.