Original theory is dead and education is alive.

? For example, there are hundreds of manifestations of a rebellion, and the children's problems give parents the feeling that they are not playing cards according to common sense, which is unexpected. If we deal with the cases cited by the teacher or similar cases according to what the teacher has learned and said, there may be some clues. Once the child has new problems, there is no way. Here, I want to explain one thing by solving some problems that happened to children Lele: theory is dead and education is alive.

? Four days ago, I learned that the "Compulsory Course of Teenagers' Personality", a system that loves nature and is full of vitality, will start classes in Guangzhou again. I did not hesitate to report to Lele for retraining. Because I think character education is too important, knowledge is easy to learn, and character is difficult to teach. Personality is difficult to achieve the purpose of education through preaching. The only effective way is to get in touch through experience and deepen and practice it in later life.

I also said hello to the child in advance, and he didn't object. I'm still a little secretly happy that the children seem to fall in love with learning. In addition to participating as a parent this time, I am also a teaching assistant, leading several groups of families to grow together in the class.

So, I drove to Panyu one day in advance and had a good rest in the hotel. I arrived at the meeting place at 7 o'clock the next morning. According to the plan, all teaching assistants are oriented at 7: 30 and ready for class.

I can't care so much about Lele. As long as I stay at the venue, I will give him full freedom to play as he wants. At the beginning of the course, Lele suddenly said that she was bored and wanted to go out to play. Although there is a certain degree of acceptance, I am still a little lost. Isn't running so far just to learn and experience? Why did you suddenly change your mind and come here?

? My mind is spinning, thinking: what should I do? After a few seconds, I suddenly changed my mind: I came to experience, and learning is an experience. Isn't it an experience not to learn? I once deeply realized in the class of "The Secret of Awakening the Inner Genius" by hypnotist Li Shengjie that protecting the child's mind is the first. If forced control, it will inevitably lead to more intense resistance. It is better to let nature take its course, allow him to play and accept his choice.

When I made this decision, I suddenly felt so relaxed. Otherwise, I am stubborn, the teaching assistant is not doing well, and the children are unhappy. This is another scene. Educating children makes us miserable because we can't let go of our expectations for them. Sometimes we feel that our expectations are not high, but they are still high for children and can be lowered or even put down. Whether the expectation is high or not is not determined by us, but by children, who give feedback through emotional reactions. If he doesn't feel the pressure, he will naturally accept it. If he is bored, he will naturally refuse to participate. It is often puzzling and painful to look at children's hearts with adult brains.

If you love him, let him be himself and let him choose unprincipled questions. Teacher Wang Jianhua said in class that the retraining of this course is actually of little significance, because it is experiential learning, and once you have experienced it, you will know the result, and you won't feel too deeply. It's totally understandable that my son is bored. It doesn't matter. He can play outside if he wants. He would like to come in and sit down for a while.

I suddenly felt relaxed after completely letting go of my expectations. Some people may ask, aren't you doting?

? How can children do whatever they want? In some people's cognition, it may be said that it is spoiled. Because, after all, many things are subtle differences, and tiny differences are thousands of miles away. I think there is an essential difference between permission and doting, although the external practice is the same. The key lies in the internal differences: permission is a decision to respect children's inner thoughts on the basis of fully understanding and understanding their psychology; Spoiling is a blind and reckless act of love, which is based on satisfying the psychological needs of giving children first. There is love behind permission and doting, one is blind love, the other is conscious love, and there is an essential difference between them.

? Back to the above incident, when I allowed Lele to play, he was resolute. Although he didn't pay attention to the lecture, he could actually absorb energy even if he glanced at it occasionally. Just like watching a movie, we only need to pay attention to the details that we didn't notice at the first time, and the effect and purpose will be achieved.

In this way, I took a day's class, and the evening is the essence of the essence, which is an open-minded feeling, whether it is a video or an interactive experience. In the darkness of the vast sea, people look for your dear partner blindfolded. It is inevitable to stumble carefully. Shout it out so that he can find you by voice. The air is full of the call of love. Someone passed by, someone hugged and cried, and I couldn't help myself. This is the paradise of love!

Just as I was immersed in this love, I found a familiar figure coming towards me. I saw it (the teaching assistant didn't wear an eye mask), and that was Lele! He knows where I am during the day, so it is relatively easy to meet me. We hugged each other tightly and cried for fear that he would be separated again. I didn't expect my son to give me such a big surprise. Although he is playing, his heart is always here.

? When he cried, I felt his tenderness and love, and I felt his injustice, so he hugged me and cried for a long time. This is a link to heal the past pain. Under the guidance of teacher Wang Jianhua's language, parents learned to reflect and children learned to be grateful.

? It was really touching. Children always touch us too much. We think we love our children very much, but compared with their love for us, our love is too much control, with our deep fear, impure and incomplete. Children are our teachers, but how many parents pretend to be natural teachers and never lower their heads and hurt their children unconsciously?

? I think the child can take the initiative to participate in the last class tonight, which is also the result of letting him play freely at the beginning. The more you set him free, the more self-disciplined he will be. What children need is a kind of psychological nutrition, an unconditional acceptance, a feeling of being seen, heard and valued. The child's young heart hides cautious love and is full of temptation and uncertainty about the unknown. Once the environment is unsafe, hide quickly. Have we seen this love? Did we give him such an environment? Understanding is the premise of love! Parents should be cautious, full of humility and keep learning.

? I'm glad I chose permission from the beginning. When I stopped expecting, the result was unexpected. The world is so wonderful sometimes, and the world is quietly rewarding those who are calm and calm.

? The child nestled in my arms, as soft as a kitten. I know he is safe, he enjoys it, and even he is proud. I heard him whisper to me, "Dad, I don't want to go back tonight. I want to stay in a hotel and leave tomorrow. " I said, "Dad will go to work tomorrow, so he may have to get up early to catch up." He said it's okay. I know that the reason why a child makes such a decision comes from his infatuation with this feeling. Here, it is love, acceptance and relaxation. I understand him, accept him completely, and I agree with him.

? After the course, as a volunteer teaching assistant, I helped clean up the exhibition shelves and other materials. Lele is like a happy bird in happy communication with other children. Be careful to be opened, and happiness will flow in.

? Then I asked him, shall we go back to sleep or stay here? If we go back, we can stay in the same hotel. At the same price, we can stay at the Silver Holiday Hotel, which is much more luxurious than here. Dad won't be late for work. Lele said, then go home. The unexpected crispness caught me off guard. Give me great touch and inspiration: I used to allow my children, but now my children in turn allow me to take care of my work needs. Many times, it's not that children are unreasonable and unsympathetic, but that we don't respect their inner needs and the order is reversed. First of all, to meet the needs of the self, children will feel pressure and control; Meet your child's needs first, and the child will feel relaxed and loved, but it will take care of your emotions in turn.

? In this regard, taking him to Beijing to participate in the "social and speech" summer camp this summer is vividly reflected. My initial idea was to apply for annual leave during the summer vacation, which happened to take him to Beijing Summer Camp. Then I went back to my hometown to see my parents. Lele didn't want to go to the summer camp at first, but when I tempted him to visit the Great Wall and make more friends in Tsinghua University, he agreed to go. However, it shows that I will go back to Dongguan immediately after attending the summer camp, and I don't want to go back to my hometown, saying that the conditions in my hometown are poor, there are many hot mosquitoes, and the toilet is not as clean as here. I understand that it is really hard for a child who has lived in the city since childhood to return to the countryside. I respect his discomfort. So I promised him that if you don't want to go back to your hometown, you can go to the summer camp first.

? With children, when you have many small goals, don't try to do it at once. You can temporarily put down your expectations behind you and finish your first goal, such as taking him to summer camp first. After all, you want him to get more exercise through summer camp.

? Let him promise to go back to Dongguan immediately after the summer camp, so that he will not have the follow-up pressure to participate in the summer camp, otherwise all the goals in the future will not be achieved. Facts have proved that children will devote themselves wholeheartedly and get more happiness without pressure. When they finished their camp, they made a bosom friend, and they remembered it for a long time.

? The first goal has been achieved, and the second goal seems to be difficult to achieve. I didn't mention going home directly. According to the previous agreement, I will go back to Dongguan immediately after the end. Because I promised and respected his choices and ideas, he didn't object when I proposed to go back to Zhengzhou to see my friends. I asked him to put himself in his shoes and think about how much he missed his friends in the past year or two. He understood. So I can stay in Zhengzhou without going back to Dongguan immediately, which is one step closer to my goal. After all, Zhengzhou is not too far from Zhoukou. As long as there is an opportunity and time is buffered, there is still an opportunity. If not, I will respect his decision. After all, commitment is more important than anything in my eyes, especially in front of children.

? Back in Zhengzhou, I met a good friend I haven't seen for years, and Lele also established a certain friendship with his children, which is also an opportunity. When I woke up in the hotel the next day, I carefully told him about going back to my hometown, but he still resisted. What should we do?

? Hometown is our root, and we can't forget our roots in any case. This is what I want to convey to him, and his grandparents also want to see their grandchildren. I still won't give up. There's always a way. First of all, move with emotion and reason, arouse his sympathy and dispel his doubts. This is what I said. No matter how bad my hometown is, it is also the place where your father grew up. That's my father's concern, just as you care about Dongguan. If you have a father who can always accompany you, you will be happy. But your father also has a father, so he is not as happy as you. I work in other places and I can't go home once a year. I also miss my father very much. Can you understand? At this time, he gave in. I stayed in Zhengzhou. I live in my home in Tian Tian. You can take me back to Dongguan after reading it.

? At least this is the second best thing to do. He didn't ask me to take my friend back to Dongguan immediately after I met him, which was already a concession. At least I can do my filial piety. I always thought I could go further, so I tried to touch his heart again. That's what I said. Dad also mentioned many things. Dad is lonely when he goes back alone without your company. Can you stay with him? If you don't feel well, we'll be right back. It's up to you. I didn't expect him to agree!

? On the one hand, he affirmed his value and importance, on the other hand, he asked him for help and lowered his posture, and then he decided the time without worries and gave him the freedom to choose. Satisfied his psychological nutrition, doing one thing without pressure at all, even if he worked hard. When you put yourself in his shoes, he will also consider your return. Some people may say, is it that melodramatic? Whether he answers or not, he must go back to his hometown and just take it back. But if you do this. It is a great trauma to the parent-child relationship. Maybe he doesn't listen to anything you usually say, no matter how reasonable you are, because the door is closed. This is also the real reason why most children are rebellious and cannot get real respect.

? As a result, my grandparents went back to their hometown happily, and he also played with his cousin, very happy. When you are happy inside, the so-called objective conditions are not so good, so they don't exist. Finally, what I didn't expect was that he didn't want to go back to Dongguan and wanted to go back to his hometown to go to school, which really moved me. The difference in attitude and the great change make me feel incredible. As long as we think of our children and first allow and accept their ideas and demands that are contrary to our expectations, children are still happy to do what we think. First of all, meet his inner needs, and he will in turn feed back our needs, because every child is still consistent with his parents in his bones and expects his parents to be happy.

? Inserting this passage home like a movie this summer vacation is also a retrospective, which proves how powerful it is to allow children, and how important it is to deal with children's emotions first, not ours. As long as the order is adjusted, many parents can still let their children meet their expectations because there is love in it.

? The camera will be pulled back to the present. After the child took the compulsory course of parent-child experience in Guangzhou, he promised me to go back to Dongguan at night, not to live in Guangzhou, and to work tomorrow. Everything stems from my first acceptance and respect for him. Only in this way can he understand me in turn and accept suggestions. The same expectations, the same things, and even the same words have different results due to different emphases.

? So I drove all the way back to Dongguan. After a day of tossing, Lele was sleepy and fell asleep in the car on the way home. After a long journey of nearly two hours, it's almost dawn in Dongguan.

? He suddenly woke up from his confusion and became emotional: "You lied. Didn't you agree to stay in a hotel?"

"You see, it's so late, you are still so sleepy. Don't you want to go to bed early? " I will explain quickly.

"No, if we agree to stay in a hotel, we should stay in a hotel!" Lele refused to give in.

"Okay, no problem. Dad never breaks his word. He just saw that you were sleepy. " In order to keep my words in the children's hearts, I feel that even if I spend money, I have to honor my promise to my children.

However, I gave him another choice: "If you don't want to stay in a hotel, you can buy yourself toys with the money you saved." I made one last effort.

"No, just stay at the hotel." He still refuses to give in.

Ok, let me confirm again: "Have you made up your mind and won't go back on your word?"

"I thought about it." He is also very crisp.

? It seems that staying in a hotel tonight is a foregone conclusion. Seeing that I have arrived home, and I am downstairs, I always feel a little reluctant to drive out to stay in a hotel. Well, I think keeping promises is more important, and my heart is balanced.

? On the way out to find a hotel, Lele suddenly asked me, "Dad, you can't save 300 yuan in the hotel. Do you want to buy one toy or two toys?"

? What? I thought I heard wrong. He is asking me about buying toys. It turned out that he wanted to go back on his word and promised to buy toys and stay in a hotel.

"I have no restrictions. You can buy as much as you want. " I pretended I didn't know, I didn't expose it, I didn't find it.

"Then I still choose to buy toys." Sure enough, I said what I really thought.

? At this point, everyone is happy and perfect. Everything follows my design idea, from asking to live in Guangzhou to agreeing to live in Dongguan, from asking to live in a hotel to promising to save money on toys. I won't be late for work tomorrow, and staying in a hotel won't cost much. Children can also buy toys. What a happy ending! I really have such a sense of accomplishment.

? But this smug feeling only stayed in my mind for a few seconds, and I suddenly realized that my child kept asking me to keep my promise, but he broke it like this. I am cultivating a child who is not trustworthy. Suddenly I feel that things are very important and I have to make a more wise choice.

? I said to my son unhurriedly, "Zhang Hansen, my father did say such a thing and promised to buy toys with the money saved." But you made a choice, not to buy toys but to stay in a hotel. Sorry, the opportunity just now has passed, and now you have no chance to go back on your word. A lot of things are like this. Opportunities are not always waiting for you. After this village, there is no shop. Therefore, I can't promise you to buy toys. I will keep my promise and you will respect your choice. We will stay in a hotel tonight. " Lele was a little unhappy, but she was speechless. He can only eat coptis chinensis, and he can't say how bitter it is.

? So, we had a good time in a nice hotel in front of our house. Lele was very happy when she arrived at the hotel. It seems that the pursuit of comfort is human instinct. To my surprise, the facilities inside are much better than those in Guangzhou. As long as the discount is 200 yuan, it is a four-star standard. Not to comfort myself, but to bring me real feelings. When you enjoy every moment of your life with a peaceful heart, life will surprise you in return.

I'm glad that I made the choice of staying in a hotel, but I'm not satisfied with my goal and I'm not involved in education. I am thinking, what is the ultimate goal of education? Everyone's goals are different, because each parent's cognitive level is different, and the points they value are different, so the choices they make are different, and the impact on their children is bound to be different.

? I am glad that I have been walking on the road of learning and communication in family education, and I have been practicing and feeling. Knowledge is dead and education is alive. I firmly believe that learning can change your destiny, not only yourself, but also the people around you.