Classic lines from the TV series "Mobile Phone"

Fei Mo glanced at the room card and whispered: Misunderstanding, but who believes it?

Yan Shouyi said nothing.

Fei Mo: The room was opened, but I didn’t go up. I sat in the coffee shop and talked. I kept thinking and struggling, but I was still afraid of trouble.

Yan Shouyi said nothing.

Fei Mo glanced at the back room, leaned back on the sofa, and said breathlessly: After more than twenty years, I am indeed a little tired of aesthetics!

Yan Shouyi said nothing.

Fei Mo lamented: Agricultural society is better!

Yan Shouyi didn’t understand for a moment and looked at Fei Mo.

Fei Mo: Transportation and communications were not developed at that time. I went to Beijing to take the exam and didn’t come back for a few years. When I came back, everything you said

was true! (Take out his mobile phone) Now...

Yan Shouyi still looked at Fei Mo.

Fei Mo: Close, too close, so close that people can’t breathe!

2#

Hotel lobby morning

Yan Shui walked a few steps and caught up with Fei Mo who had already stepped onto the escalator. The escalator was full of people, all greeting each other.

Fei Mo and Yan Shouyi also responded to everyone from time to time.

Fei Hei was wearing a casual jacket, and Yan Shouyi's suits and ties seemed a bit exaggerated.

Yan Shou took the opportunity to whisper to Fei Mo: He didn't let me pick it up, so it turned out that someone was delivering it. The car is not good, but the people are good.

Fei Mo’s eyes dodge behind the lenses: a graduate student from the Academy of Social Sciences, majoring in aesthetics, has some admiration for me.

Yan Shouyi: Mr. Fei has taught us again and again, trouble. You are in trouble now.

Fei Mo nodded Yan Shouyi with his fat hand: Be kind.

3#

Night on the road

Yan Shou drove the car and Shen Xue sat next to him and went home together. Yan Shouyi found that Shen Xue's mood was a bit wrong and the atmosphere in the car was a bit dull.

Yan Shouyi deliberately said nothing: The children’s clothes are really good.

Shen Xue interrupted: How many of you were eating together before I came?

Yan Shouyi: Three, President Xu is leaving first!

Shen Xue: Yan Shouyi, I can tell from the dishes on the table that you have always been two people!

Yan Shou was surprised and immediately made up his mind: the waiter took it.

Shen Xue sneered: Yan Shouyi, your lines are a bit backward. (suddenly angry) What do you mean? Why don't you call me here and demonstrate against her?

Yan Shouyi drove with his head down and sighed for a long time and said: It is indeed the two of us, but it is just to write the preface to Fei Mo

I am afraid that you will be suspicious, so I am like this explain.

Shen Xue looked at Yan Shouyi: Even she said that, President Xu will go to Xi'an tomorrow. Before I came in, you weren't sure what to do.

You were planning. You said you wanted to change your ways, but I think you are going to relapse!

Yan Shou was anxious: You analyzed things in such an organized manner, what do you want to do? I'm looking for a wife, not a mother

A spy! Being so suspicious makes me feel like a thief!

4#

At the post office in town, afternoon

Old Niu yawned and opened the big lock on the wooden box of the telephone. A group of callers began to crowd in there again. Yan Shou

Squeezed to the front, holding two cents (mao tickets from the 1960s) in his hand, and handed it to Lao Niu.

The old cow said indifferently: Where are we going to fight?

Yan Shouyi’s hoarse voice changed: “Third mine, I’ll do the third mine.”

Lao Niu: The third mine? I've been on the phone for more than a month, but the third mine has never been able to get through.

Lv Guihua leaned on the door frame of the post office and glanced inside worriedly.

Yan Shouyi: Uncle, the matter is very urgent.

Lao Niu’s big hand was shaking the phone: I want the third mine, I want the third mine!

The phone beeped for a while and then stopped.

Lao Niu: Look, you still don’t believe me when I say it can’t be opened. How many telegraph poles are needed for more than 200 miles?

Yan Shouyi begged: Master, try again.

Lao Niu glared at Yan Shouyi and shook the phone again. But surprisingly, it worked this time. The other party's

voice came from the microphone.

Other: Where, where do you want?

Lao Niu: What I want is not you, but the third mine!

Other: I am the third mine here, I am the third mine here! (Henan dialect, classic)

5#

Three pounds of cattle, three pounds of cattle

Your wife’s name is Lu Guihua

Lv Osmanthus let me ask

Have you come back recently

6#

In the car on the Beijing expressway in the morning

A forty-year-old Yan Shouyi wore a pair of sunglasses and drove a car on the highway in the outer ring of Beijing. Next to him sat

Fei Mo, the chief planner of "One Story, One Story". Fei Mo is in his forties, a university professor. He likes to put on airs and act like a mentor. He is fat

, wears wide-rimmed glasses, a camel-colored windbreaker, and a scarf around his neck. He is a pseudo-old-school intellectual. . Looking at the road scenery on both sides, Fei Mo was pointing out the country in a drawl.

Fei Mota said with a face: Every program has flaws. In this issue of "Telephone", you mentioned the inventor of the telephone as Watt

How shameful.

Yan Shouyi was surprised: Who invented it?

Feimo: Bell, does Bell know?

7#

In the car, morning

Fei Mo asked in confusion: What's wrong?

Yan Shouyi said hesitantly: The phone is at home!

Fei Mo: There is no time, the video will be recorded soon.

Yan Shou held the steering wheel with both hands and stared at the traffic ahead: Yu Wenjuan is at home today!

Fei Mo said meaningfully: Let me tell you, you have something on your mind these days! Will ghosts call?

Yan Shouyi: I can’t tell.

Fei Mo took out his mobile phone: just one notification and it was over. Faster than going home!

Yan Shouyi: It’s better to keep it with you.

Fei Mo: Trouble, how troublesome!

8#

Yu Wenjuan handed the phone to Yan Shou and said: There was a woman just now. When she heard it was me, she hung up the phone.

Yan Shouyi took the phone and called up the incoming calls to check.

Yu Wenjuan asked again: She was a little rushed.

Yan Shou walked out and said: From the publishing house, Zhang Xiaoquan’s student. A crazy girl, she always talks about things she doesn't like.

9#

The recording site of the TV station.

The recording site of the talk show "One Story, One Story". The audience was full of people. The band is playing an impromptu piece of light music.

The long arms of several aerial cameras were waving around looking for camera positions. The headlights turned on, and Yan Shouyi stood on the stage, warming up.

Yan Shouyi: Before recording the program, let me tell you in advance that it is obviously daytime now, but I will say

it will be nighttime soon, because our program premieres at night; Please don't laugh when I refer to day as night.

Everyone laughed.

As soon as Yan Shou started hosting the show, he bowed deeply, and then said with a smile on his face: Good evening, everyone, this is "One

Say One", I am Yan Shouyi. The topic we are discussing today is "How Many Years of Marriage is a Difficulty". The planning of this program

is

our new female college student here, she is not married yet.

Everyone laughed.

Yan Shouyi: Before discussing, let me first make a review to everyone and the audience in front of the TV. Last time in the "Telephone" program

I mentioned the invention of the telephone. The reporter said it was Watt, the chief planner we invited, Mr. Feimo, who is a university professor. He usually teaches at the university and occasionally comes to find faults with us. Mr. Fei is young and knowledgeable. We

respectfully call him Mr. Fei. This time Watt and I bumped into his muzzle again. He was familiar with Bell, so he said that the telephone was not invented by Watt; I just called Watt, and Watt also said that the telephone is relatively common, and if we want to invent it, let's invent steam

Machine.

It seems that I was wrong, and I would like to express my deep apologies to the vast number of TV viewers!

Yan Shouyi bowed deeply again, and everyone applauded and laughed.

10#

Director's Room

In the director's room, while Yan Shouyi was hosting the show, Fei Mo and other people working on the "One Story One" column were working Personnel

Watch Yan Shouyi's hosting through a row of monitors. When Yan Shouyi mentioned calling Watt, Fei Mo smiled.

Yan Shouyi on the monitor: How many years does it take to get married? Three years, five years? As the saying goes, the seven-year itch, I have been married for six years now and I still have no say. How many people here have been married for more than seven years?

Many arms were raised in the audience.

Yan Shouyi: It seems that the proportion of survivors is still very high...

11#

Afternoon in the classroom of the School of Drama

The female teacher closed the roster and said: There should be twenty people in our class, but there are actually eleven. Anyone who doesn’t arrive will be considered absent from class! (Then

begin to introduce yourself) My name is Shen Xue, and I am your tutor for this short-term dialogue training class. On the first day of class, nearly half of the students were absent from class, as if tutoring was unnecessary; I have watched all the programs you host, and I don’t want to comment on the content of your programs.

I want to say The thing is, your lines are not standardized. One is pronunciation and the other is articulation, both of which are the most basic aspects of speaking

. According to the requirements of our college, an actor stands on the stage without a microphone, and every word he speaks can be heard by the audience sitting in the last row...

This Someone interrupted: Are you talking about the nineteenth century?

Shen Xue left the podium and walked towards Yan Shouyi, who was looking at his mobile phone with his head down. As he walked, he said: There is also pronunciation, he is obviously from the mainland,

I must learn a Taiwanese accent... Classroom You are not allowed to bring your mobile phone on board, Yan Shouyi, did you know?

Yan Shou quickly raised his face and said with a smile: I'm sorry, I didn't hit him.

Shen Xue: I know you are all famous speakers, and I respect you, but I also hope you can respect me.

Yan Shouyi: Teacher Shen, you are really serious. Our class is just a formality to cope with the assessment in Taichung.

Shen Xue was so angry at Yan Shouyi's words that her face turned livid. At this moment, Yan Shouyi's cell phone rang.

Yan Shou lowered his head to look at the phone, then raised his head and said to Shen Xue: How about you just go through the motions.

Shen Xue grabbed Yan Shouyi's cell phone without saying a word and threw it into the trash can.

Shen Xue: This is not your TV station, this is a university! I'm upholding the school's rules!

Yan Shouyi was also a little serious and pointed out the window: Teacher Shen Xue, I think you should pick it up for me!

Shen Xue and everyone in the classroom were stunned.

Shen Xue looked at Yan Shouyi, turned around and walked out of the classroom. As he walked, he blushed and said, "I can't do this class today."

12#

The classroom was empty except for Shen Xue and Yan Shouyi.

Shen Xue cried and looked at Yan Shouyi with tearful eyes: From now on, in all my classes, you are here and I leave!

Yan Shouyi was a little embarrassed and rushed to save the situation. He said sincerely: Teacher Shen, I was wrong. I hired someone this morning

The receptionist was unhappy. He asked me to write a check. (Took out a piece of paper filled with densely written words) If you need it urgently, I will

To you first.

Shen Xue still had a sullen face.

Yan Shou came over and handed the inspection to Shen Xue with both hands: Although the mistakes were different, the attitude was regretful.

Let me coax you first.

Shen Xuepao laughed: Shameless.

13#

In the car, evening

Yan Shouyi's hand reached for the car key plugged into the power supply and started the car. At this moment, Wu Yue's face suddenly touched Yan Shouyi's back, she opened the collar of his shirt and took a bite on his arm.

Yan Shouyi was in unbearable pain and said "ouch". He shook Wu Yue's mouth away, touched his back and said: Are you a dog? Old bite

! Wu Yue's hand reached for the car key, turned off the car, and pulled out the key.

Yan Shouyi leaned on the back of the chair and said: I really have to go.

Wu Yue pushed open the car door and threw the car keys onto the road next to her.

Outside the car, evening

A lighter was lit, reflecting Yan Shouyi's face and some parts of the ground.

Yan Shouyi bent over and looked for the car keys on the ground. At this time, the mobile phone in his pocket rang. Yan Shou took out his cell phone and answered the call.

Yu Wenjuan's voice came from the phone: Are you coming back for dinner?

While continuing to search for the key in the dark, Yan Shouyi replied: I will go to the short-term training class in the afternoon, and the planning meeting will be moved to the evening.

I won’t go back.

Yu Wenjuan: Are you outside?

Yan Shou looked nonchalant: On the road, he was looking for a job with Mr. Fei.

Yu Wenjuan hung up the phone. At this time, a hand picked up the key from the ground, it was Wu Yue.

Wu Yue hugged Yan Shouyi: I won’t let you go!

Wu Yue’s hands were on Yan Shouyi’s back, holding on to the car keys.

Yan Shouyi also hugged Wu Yue, and turned off the phone behind Wu Yue's back.

The screen on the phone lit up and then turned off.

14#

Downstairs of Fei Mo's house, evening

Two dogs rushed together, and their owners pulled back desperately. But one dog still struggled to ride on the other dog's

head.

The owners of both sides finally pulled them apart. The owner of one of the dogs is Fei Mo.

Fei Mo: Blind, people are also fair.

15#

Living Room Night

Yan Shouyi’s cell phone suddenly rang, which was particularly alarming at night.

Yan Shouyi concealed the panic in his heart and took out his cell phone in his pocket, looking annoyed: It’s so late, who’s calling?

I won’t answer the call!

Yu Wenjuan said: I will pick it up for you.

Yan Shouyi's hand retracted subconsciously, and then he had to hand the phone to Yu Wenjuan.

Yu Wenjuan turned on her phone, and Fei Mo's urgent voice came out.

Fei Mo: You finally turned on your phone. Where are you? Yu Wenjuan calls my number to find you!

Fei Mo's voice also reached Yan Shouyi's ears. Yu Wenjuan said nothing, hung up the phone, and stared at Yan Shou.

Yi. Yan Shouyi knew that the matter was serious, but for a while he didn't know how to end it.

At this moment, the phone rang, and a small envelope flew into the screen. The bottom of the envelope shows that the sender is Wu Yue.

The text message opened and the content was: Don’t take off your underwear when sleeping.

16#

Yan Shouyi got divorced. After coming out of the street office, he wanted to say one more word to his wife, but he couldn't find it for a long time. Half a year later, he called Yu Wenjuan many times, but Yu Wenjuan never answered

17#

In the soft sleeper compartment on the train

Shen Xue Telling jokes to Yan Shouyi and Fei Mo in Henan dialect

Shen Xue: My son practices push-ups every day. His father asked: My son, what are you doing? The son said: I practice pectoralis major. Dad said:

Practice is in vain. No matter how hard you practice, you won’t be as good as your sister.

Yan Shouyi: We Henan people are not that stupid. In the Song Dynasty, we Henan people had to teach you how to speak. Turn on the TV and all the hosts speak Henan dialect; From the national leader Song Huizong to the prostitute Li Shishi, they all said this.

The Beijing dialect you speak now was called Huyu at that time. Do you know where the nonsense comes from?

Fei Mo lit Yan Shouyi with a fan and said to Shen Xue: Snow, he is talking nonsense. Li Shishi is from Hangzhou and speaks Wu dialect.

18#

Yan Shouyi’s cell phone rang.

Yan Shou took a look and saw Wu Yue's name displayed on the screen of his cell phone. He hesitated for a moment and then picked it up.

Wu Yue’s voice came from the mobile phone: What are you hiding from? Are you that busy? I can't eat you...

Yan Shouyi was pretending to be stupid: I'm talking...I can't hear you...please speak louder...can you hear me? I'm on the train

, going back to my hometown! Hello...

The other party hung up the phone.

Fei Mo nodded at Yan Shouyi: He really acted like one. I heard it all, but you can't.

Yan Shouyi looked at Fei Mo: Mr. Fei, you must be kind.

19#

Yan Shouyi took out a stack of money from his bag and pushed it over: Brother Brick, this is five thousand, you can take it all.

Brother Brick immediately became anxious: Who are you disgusting with? Is she your milk, not mine? Don't your father and my father share the same mother?

At this time, the mobile phone in Brother Brick’s waist rang. He pulled out the mobile phone from the holster, pulled out the antenna, glanced at Yan Shouyi,

pose and answered the phone solemnly.

Brother Brick: Damn, who is it... I don’t have time... Stop fighting, it’s a waste of money.

Then I followed the posture of city people and used the edge of the table to push back the antenna of the mobile phone. Then I put the mobile phone into the leather case and pressed the button

.

Brother Brick’s series of actions made Yan Shou a little dazed. He asked blankly: Who is it?

Brother Brick: Lu Zhixin, asked me to kill the pig. Damn it, I bought a mobile phone and he bought one too. He has no one in Beijing

!

Yan Shou smiled: There are two Shaobao dumplings on the same street. You can smell them even when you fart. You can shout them faster than dialing a number.

20#

The column "One Says One" is holding a planning meeting. Audience calls from outside can still be heard. Five or six male and female directors and Yan Shouyi were sitting around the table and on the sofa. Female director Xiao Ma is taking minutes of the meeting. Fei Mo was wearing a Chinese cotton-padded jacket and a scarf

around his neck. He was sitting on a Hunan wicker chair and commenting on the program condescendingly.

Fei Mo said word for word: I said last time that doing a program is like going to a supermarket. This time I want to say that making a program is like cooking a carrot...

At this moment, the male director Da Duan's cell phone rang. Fei Mo stopped talking when Duan turned on his phone.

Duan Duan answered the phone in a hesitant tone: Yes...ah...ok...oh...um...cough...(pause silently

)... … heard it.

Since the phone call was incomprehensible, everyone raised their ears. Duan raised his head and found that everyone was looking at him.

At this time Yan Shouyi was a little excited: it must have been beaten by a woman. (When you see a big paragraph, you have to try your best to defend it, and Yan Shou stops it with his hand.) I can translate. (Yan Shouyi imitates both male and female tones) Are you having a meeting? right. Is it inconvenient to speak? ah.

Then I tell you to listen. OK. I miss you. oh. Do you miss me? Um. You were so mean yesterday. cough. Kiss me. (

Pause) Then I’ll kiss you. Did you hear that? (At this time, everyone was cheering together) I heard it!

Everyone burst into laughter. Only Fei Mo kept a straight face and said nothing. As soon as Yan Shou realized something, he gestured for everyone to be quiet.

Then he made a gesture of invitation to Fei Mo, asking him to continue speaking.

Fei Mo: Then I’ll just talk about radish. Usually radish skin is considered useless, but...

At this time, Xiao Ma’s phone rang. Xiao Ma walked to the balcony while answering the phone. Fei Mo stopped talking again. Yan Shou

hurriedly brought Xiao Ma's record book in front of him.

Yan Shouyi: Mr. Fei, we won’t wait for her.

Fei Mo: We have to wait. I can't say it for everyone. (Make a gesture of stubbornly waiting for Pony)

Yan Shou shouted to the balcony: Pony, hurry up!

Xiao Ma hurriedly hung up the phone and walked back. Fei Mo continued.

Fei Mo: Then I won’t talk about carrots, I will talk about bears. Doing a program is like a bear breaking a stick...

At this moment, Yan Shouyi’s cell phone rang.

Yan Shouyi: Who is it? I'm not at work! (The tone becomes a little helpless) Then give the phone to the doorman. I am Yan Shou

Yi, please register her.

Duan Duan: Are you ready? Our current doorman loves to talk a lot.

Everyone laughed again. Fei Mo was really angry at this time. He put away his briefcase, put it under his arm and walked out. Yan Shouyi

stopped Fei Mo.

Yan Shou said to everyone: Turn off your cell phones during the meeting and listen carefully to what Mr. Fei said. Be serious.

Fei Mo pointed at Yan Shouyi: I think you are not serious. (Throwing the briefcase on the table and asking) What did I just say?

Yan Shouyi hurriedly flipped through the notebook with an extremely serious expression: You talked about supermarkets, radishes, and bears. (Raises his head and looks at Fei Mo in confusion) Fei Lao, what are you going to say?

Everyone wanted to laugh again, but they suppressed it.

Fei Mo: I don’t even know what I’m going to say! But I think we should do a program called "Mobile Phone"

First of all, Yan Shouyi) "I am not in the stage", the lies come out as soon as you open your mouth. The mobile phone is connected to your mouth, and the mouth is connected to your

heart. (Pointing to everyone again) How much nonsense and boring words have you said on your mobile phones. Chinese was originally concise,

Now everyone doesn’t mean what they say. How many hidden things are hidden in your mobile phone? If the trouble continues like this, sooner or later, the hand

will turn into a grenade

21#

Wu Yue carried her bag, and the two of them walked and talked.

Wu Yue: Don’t be afraid, I’m looking for you today for business. Fei Mo is going to publish a book in our company, and our president wants you to write a preface.

Yan Shouyi was a little surprised: Is it inappropriate for me to write a preface to Fei Mo? If you want to write a book, I can write the preface. For someone as illiterate as you

I won’t blush.

Wu Yue stopped: OK, I’ll write. I'm worried about having no money to spend. The title of the book is "One Says One", (said through gritted teeth

) It completely exposes your ugly face. The cover must also state "Not Suitable for Children."

Yan Shouyi Tian put his face on Wu Yue's shoulders and continued walking: I think the title of the book should be "I Dedicate My Youth to You"

22#

< p>Yan Shouyi: I think there are two types of books. If I write a book, it will relieve everyone's boredom, but works like Mr. Fei's

can guide us in understanding ourselves. of. After reading Mr. Fei's book, I realized that before human beings learned to speak, they used body language. It was very difficult to explain something clearly and required a long dance; it was even more difficult to lie to others. Even if you make gestures for a day, you may not be able to deceive people; once you can speak, it will be much easier to deceive people, just use your words...

23#

At this time the middle-aged teacher: What's going on? No wait, next one.

Xiao Su called out again: Feng Siyu

24#

Yan Shou sat up from the bed

He thought Wu Yue was Just kidding, pretending to be nonchalant: I know you bought a new mobile phone with this function, what are you doing recording it?

Wu Yue: Let’s see what you do to me.

Yan Shouyi: I can’t marry you.

Wu Yue: I’m not that naive. I found a job for your wife, you can find a job for me too.

Yan Shouyi: Don’t you have a job?

Wu Yue: Aren’t you looking for a host for “One Story, One Story”? I have signed up and I hope there are no competitors.

Yan Shouyi knew that Wu Yue was serious at this time and was stunned. Yan Shouyi: You are too...you are blackmailing!

Wu Yue: It’s an exchange. It’s been three years, you can’t let me get nothing, can you?

Yan Shouyi was shirtless and buried his head in his hands. He raised his head for a long time and said: This matter needs to be considered in the long run.

Wu Yue: Yan Shouyi, I am not negotiating with you! Let me also tell you, do you really think that our president arranged Yu Wenjuan’s job for your sake?

Yan Shou looked at Wu Yue.

Wu Yue: He took advantage of me!

Yan Shou stood there stunned.

25#

After Yan Shouyi returned to Beijing, he stopped using his mobile phone. After winter, he caught a cold and did not recover for a long time. The cold caused inflammation of the vocal cords, and my voice became hoarse like a teenager's voice change. He took a leave of absence from the TV station and spent half a year recovering from his illness at home. In half a year, several things happened.

First, Wu Yue went to work as the host of "Yi Shu Yi"; second, Fei Mo went abroad to Estonia, where he was said to teach Chinese in a language school and has not been heard from since; third, he Broke up with

Shen Xue. On New Year's Eve, they had a meal together. He said to Shen Xue: I miss Mr. Fei a little.