Happy moment humorous jokes

A collection of humorous jokes for happy moments

Those who love to laugh will never have bad luck, because laughter can fill people with positive energy and allow them to face setbacks and move forward courageously. The following jokes hope to make you laugh every day. Below are the humorous jokes I compiled for everyone. They are for reference only. You are welcome to read them.

Happy Moment Humorous Joke Chapter 1

Subduing the Demon

One day, Nezha met Sun Wukong and said to him provocatively: "Subduing the Demon to ask you Do you dare?" Sun Wukong was stunned: "Love me like you said?"

Are you two gay?

The two men are at the same table and have a good relationship. One day A was sick and B went out with him and then came back together. When entering the school gate, the gatekeeper asked kindly: "Are you gay?" The two of them were petrified on the spot, and a gust of cold wind blew... A's face was aggrieved, and he said: "Uncle, I like it It's a woman." Now it was the uncle's turn to feel aggrieved. After being petrified for three seconds, B realized that what the uncle asked was: "Who are you older than?"

Expensive things

I pissed off my wife again, so I have to apologize. It was no use, she walked around the house angrily: "Huh! I'm going to buy something expensive!" When I heard this, there was a change! Spend money to eliminate disasters! He immediately said, "Okay! I'll go shopping with you." Then we went to the small commodity market and bought a washboard.

Revenge

Sisters, the phone was stolen! ...Giggles...that angry! When she was angry, she ran to the toy store and spent 10 yuan to buy five toy mobile phones, and then bought some long mobile phone cords. She spent an afternoon shopping on the street, and all five models were stolen. Sisters, what a way to vent your anger. ! snort. Let you steal, let you steal with fear, get excited when you get it, and get angry when you see it. Suffocate you to death!

Noah’s Ark

In class, I listened to the teacher telling the story of Noah’s Ark, and how the great flood drowned all living things on the earth. Dumb asked the teacher: "Are you sure?" The teacher said: "Sure." Then asked: "Where is the fish?" The teacher: "Get out!"

Open the door

Arguing with his girlfriend, Please forgive me, but she won’t even open the door, what should I do? ——Go to the door, ring the doorbell, clear your throat, and the door will open with three words: "Yes! Hurry! Deliver!" The door suddenly opens.

Marshmallows

On the street, a child was clamoring to buy marshmallows. His mother pointed at the little candy man in his hand and said, "The Sun Wukong I just bought hasn't been eaten yet. Why are you so disobedient?" The child ignored him and continued to clamor for marshmallows. His father hurried home, bought marshmallows and stuffed them into his hands to tell him to go quickly. The child finally got the marshmallow and happily said to the little candy man: "Look, Great Sage, your somersault cloud is here!"

Mysterious fate

A: " I fell in love with her at first sight, and I knew intuitively that there must be some mysterious fate between us. "

B: "Really, have you struck up a conversation with her? "

< p>A: "Of course, I chased her very hard, and at the last moment I used my trump card and told her that my dad was a millionaire."

B: "Wow! Then you must be We have lived together happily ever since. "

A: "We have lived together, and she is now my stepmother."

A love letter

" Brother, please do me a favor." My brother was pulled into the room by his sister in confusion.

My sister blushed and said, "Brother, give this love letter to your classmate for me."

When I arrived at school the next morning, my brother gave the pink letter to his classmate. desk, my hand was held under the desk during class. The elder brother looked at his deskmate in astonishment, who blushed and whispered: "I like you too."

Traffic jam

A certain gentleman brought a pet turtle with him after get off work. Driving home, I encountered a traffic jam on the Second Ring Road. The turtle lost its temper and insisted on crawling home first, so the owner had to let it go.

I don’t know how long it took, but the man heard a knock on the door, opened the car door and saw that Turtle was sweating and said angrily: "You forgot to give me the door key."

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Let’s get some sleep

I got lost while camping and couldn’t get out after walking for a long time.

Take out your cell phone and call the police. "Hey, is it 110? We are trapped in the mountains."

"Then let's take a nap." "Hey, hey, hey, shit, I'm dead."

My real name is Tiaoyou

My surname is me, my first name is Love You, my nickname is Miss You, my nickname is Understanding You, my school name is Love You, my nickname is Miss You, my book is called Dreaming of You, and my pen name is Love You. , the nickname is Chasing You, Hey.

Hey, look at how beautiful you are, my real name is teasing you!

Collect four and it will become the sun

Zhan Zhao: Sir, there is something I don’t understand, can you make it clear?

Master Bao: But it doesn’t matter!

Zhan Zhao: Why is the moon above your head instead of the sun?

Gongsun Ce came over and said: Don’t look at the moon now, but when he gathers four of them, he will become the sun!

Cantonese Claypot Rice

"I heard that you Cantonese people eat babies?"

"Yes, haven't you heard of Claypot Rice?"

Height

I asked my girlfriend if height is important? Napoleon 165, Lenin 164, Stalin 162, Louis XIV 156, Khrushchev 166, Alexander the Great 150, Charlemagne 150, Mussolini 160, Hitler 165, Truman 163, Roh 168, Lu Xun 158, Sun Yat-sen 158, Pushkin 165, Einstein 164.

My girlfriend said: Yes, you are just about the same height as them.

Taking medicine

The intern who was new to the pharmacy asked the pharmacist: "What medicine did you take from the small box next to the counter?"

"When the handwriting on the prescription is unclear, I will take the medicine here."

There is no need to lick the rice clean every time

I know You are the most beautiful, your chubby figure is very cute, everyone knows your habit of eating meat, and your frugal personality is worthy of praise.

But there is no need to lick the rice in the bowl clean every time.

The best punishment for impulsiveness

A thief stole a watermelon and ran while singing: Run with the wind, freedom is the direction.

The old man cried while chasing me: See me crying and you don’t even look back.

When the police saw it, they chased the thief and said: I must be not good enough, so you want to escape.

After the thief was finally caught, the judge said: What more to say and how many tears to shed.

Thief: Please give me a chance.

Police: This is the best punishment for impulsiveness.

I will be liberated

"If your mother and I fall into the water at the same time, you."

"I will be liberated."

Liu Bei’s love token

Sun Shangxiang fell in love with Liu Bei at first sight, so he gave him a Ruojiya mobile phone as a love token.

Unexpectedly, it was stolen by a thief the next night. He burst into tears in front of Zhuge Liang, so Kong Ming had no choice but to give him the Apple iPhone 4 he bought for more than 6,000 yuan.

The cry of Jesus

When Jesus was planning to be crucified for execution, he shouted to his disciple John. John pushed through the crowd and climbed to the cross with great difficulty. Jesus' feet.

At this time, Jesus slowly spoke: John, look, you can see your window sill from here.

I really need you

The night is already very deep, I woke up from my sleep because I thought of you.

Why do you always leave me quietly in the middle of the night? I really need you. Hey, where did the pillow go? Happy Moment Humorous Jokes Part 2

1. A young woman reported the crime: "I put money in my bra and it was stolen by a handsome guy in a crowded subway." The policeman wondered: "How can you put money in such a sensitive place?" Didn't you realize it?" The young woman replied with a blushing face: "Who would have thought that he was trying to get money?

2. A woman said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that young temptress, I will Marry her father, a goblin, and from now on, your son will call you brother-in-law, but you have to call me mom! My husband fainted on the spot, and you will behave yourself from then on

3. My wife spent a lot of money to have plastic surgery, and she changed her shape after a few days. When she came home as a beautiful woman, she said to her confused husband: “What? Don’t you recognize me? The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home." "

4. One day I suddenly discovered that I have an aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, and a fifth aunt, but I don’t have a third aunt. So I asked my dad: Why don’t I have a third aunt? I still thought about it. : Did the third aunt die when she was young? My father said angrily: Your third aunt is your mother!

5. A girl met a gangster at night and asked fiercely: Stop! The girl didn't want to be robbed, so she said pitifully: "Go and borrow money." The gangster still asked fiercely: "Why do you want to borrow money?" p> 6. The husband found that there was often a text message from a stranger on his wife’s mobile phone, and the content of each text message was the same: “Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me.

"One night at 10:30, after Mr. A captured his cheating wife and the man who was having an affair, he yelled: Fuck, do you think I can't understand that text message?!

7. Boy versus girl Said: "I fell in love with you the first time I saw you! The girl asked strangely: "When did you first see me?" The boy quickly explained: "It's the first day of school. I saw you came to school with your family. The skirt you wore was so beautiful!" ! The girl was furious: "I didn't wear a skirt that day, and the one wearing a skirt was my mother!" ”

8. A thief broke into a bank and finally pried open the safe. He found that there was not a penny in it, but there was a few jelly. The thief was puzzled, but he couldn’t think of anything. It couldn't be in vain, so he ate the jelly. The next day, Mr. Thief bought a newspaper to see how much impact he could have by stealing from the bank. Hey~ since it made the headlines: The only sperm bank in our city was destroyed last night. Robbery!

9. The dog proposed to the bear, and the bear said: "I don't want to marry you, I want to marry the cat." The dog asked in confusion: "Why?" The bear said: "If you marry a dog, you will give birth to a bear; if you marry a cat, you will give birth to a panda!" "

10. There were three children sitting in front of the clinic - an older boy and a younger boy and a girl. The nurse asked: Children, what's wrong? The older boy: I swallowed a glass ball. The nurse asked the other one : What about you? Girl: That glass ball is mine. The nurse asked again: Where is yours?

11. Somali Pirate: "Three million dollars, one price." ! Chinese official: "Two and a half million!" Pirate: "Do you think I'm stupid?" I know you said two hundred and five is an insult! "Chinese official: "Three million is three million!" But write seven million! The pirate burst into tears and stretched out his thumb: "You are still ruthless in robbing money!" ! ! "

12. A new foreigner moved next door to a buddy. One night the foreigner knocked on the door and asked for help, saying: "My TV is broken and I can't change the channel. "The guy lowered his head and glanced at his watch, and said calmly: "TV shows across the country will be like this from 7 to 7:30 in the evening. ”

13. In the morning, my husband stayed in bed and wrapped himself in the quilt several times. I got angry and tied him in the quilt with a belt, and then went to work. When I came back in the afternoon, I saw that my husband kept the same clothes as in the morning. He looked at me with a resentful look in his eyes. He said: "It's not the key to be hungry all day. It's not the key to being too hot without air conditioning. It's not the key to go to work tomorrow to explain that I'm not at work and not answering the phone. The key is: I can't hold my urine."

14. I went to my sister’s house to have some steamed crabs. My four-year-old niece said, “Dad, you can eat it.” Little niece: "Dad, you can't be like this. You have to be kind to yourself. You are like a cow and don't eat every day. You are exhausted. There will be other uncles who spend your money, live in your house and sleep with your wife." Hit your baby! eat! Eat quickly! ! ”

15. My mother was supervising the second-grade English test. The listening question was to draw a smiling face or a crying face while listening to the dialogue. There was a little girl in the second row who had just transferred to a new school and her English was not good. The little boy on her right listened every time. When I asked a question, I would turn around and make a smiling or crying face. My mother later told me with a smile that this was obviously cheating, but I didn’t care because it felt so clean.

16. 180. After the 20-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl, his friend said: "I have really wronged my girl, you can be her grandfather." The old man was very dissatisfied: "I am even more aggrieved. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, but I still have to pretend to be a grandson!" "

17. There was once a girl who was willing to lose her life for me. She said firmly: "If you keep pestering me, I will die. ”

18. There was a kissing scene on TV, and the father asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there was another kissing scene on TV. The father asked his son to pour another glass of water. The son asked: Dad, is it? Don’t you get thirsty when you see someone kissing you?

19. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: “Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light? The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt?" "

20. Chatting in a group of British students studying abroad. Some patriotic young people were filled with indignation and said: "Let's take advantage of the riot to snatch back all the Chinese cultural relics in the British Museum and return them to the Forbidden City! So many porcelain, bronzes and so on! "People in the group responded one after another and came up with suggestions. One person said quietly: "What should I do if I snatch it back and then it is smashed by the Forbidden City?" Suddenly the group became quiet.

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