To be a person with high EQ, first manage the positive emotion

What will you do in the face of what you are afraid of?

The child cried and didn't want to go into the water. His mother scolded him: "Be a man, you must dare to try!" " You haven't tried, what are you afraid of! Get down. "

Look at him. He's too slow. If he talks or doesn't listen, his mother pushes him down.

Of course, this mother loves her children. She just wants to exercise her children's courage and give them the courage to overcome difficulties and face challenges.

Mother's attitude towards children is our philosophy of life.

When we face things we hate, fear or are dissatisfied with, we force ourselves to face them and "face our fears".

But Barbara frederickson, a psychologist, said that the reason why we can face challenges bravely and become stronger and stronger is that we mobilize positive emotions, not eliminate anxiety.

In this paper, we learn how to adjust emotions together, especially the "emotional file method" mentioned at the end of the article. But first of all, we should re-recognize the influence of two emotions on our lives.

We are born with no resistance to negative emotions.

It can even be said that negative emotions are an important reason for human survival so far.

In ancient times, when people saw the rushing river in front of them when hunting, the emotion of "fear" would make people flinch. Nowadays, people will feel a little disgusted when they see dusty roadside food stalls without washing their hands, and they dare not pay the bill.

But what is the role of "positive emotions"?

I don't think so. Perhaps in our memory, after "positive emotions", it is trouble. For example, the child was so happy that he grinned and jumped up and down, and the next second he knocked over the vase at home and fell and broke his head.

Therefore, even a reward will bring a little "blow"-first give you a medal, and then knock it, saying that you still have some shortcomings, so you should continue to work hard.

We know that anger will lead to the impulse to fight back, and fear will lead to the action of avoiding. Therefore, people often use "provocation" to stimulate a person's progress and use punishment to restrict a person's behavior.

Scientists say that this is a "specific behavioral tendency" caused by "negative emotions".

But!

Barbara said that positive emotions cannot be explained by the "specific behavior" logic of negative emotions. We should treat the role of positive emotions with the theory of expansion and construction-this is also Barbara's important contribution to psychology.

After reading the description of positive emotional power, I understand it like this:

Positive psychologists have found that positive emotions can enhance the activity of thinking and improve psychological resilience. Moreover, influenced by positive emotions, the surrounding environment and interpersonal relationships will quietly change, indirectly building resources.

It should be pointed out that:

Positive emotions are fragile. It is easy to be overwhelmed by a little unpleasant things, so it takes more energy to cultivate positive emotions than to deal with negative ones.

Brush short videos and drink milk tea. Physical pleasure is closer to negative emotions and tempts you to indulge. Because it limits your eyes to your immediate desires, meets your immediate needs and gets immediate returns. Didn't expand your thinking cognition.

In other words,

"Negative emotions" bring negative thinking and solve immediate problems;

"Positive emotions" bring positive thinking and solve long-term problems.

Why do you say that?

Because many people, like me, often ignore the power of "positive emotions" and even think it is harmful.

Especially when you get good grades or high spirits, someone will always tell you: don't be too happy, just keep working hard!

"Joy" and "pride" are positive emotions, but people always regard them as "arrogance" and throw cold water on them from time to time. But I don't know, what dispels is the motivation to move forward and the power to face difficulties!

Barbara said that positive emotions of human beings, similar to phototaxis of plants, are necessary for growth.

The book gives an example of "9. 1 1" in the United States.

At that time, the United States was attacked on a large scale with serious consequences. The World Trade Center and five adjacent buildings, the Pentagon for National Defense, were all destroyed by airplanes. Three thousand people were killed, and the survivors and people living nearby were psychologically traumatized.

Some people are afraid of another attack in the future, some people are afraid of flying, and some people are very afraid when they sit at the Michigan Stadium-there can accommodate 1 1000000 fans, and dozens of planes are flying around with banners on the day of the game.

Barbara's team found more than 100 college students who had experienced "9. 1 1" and asked them about the pressure they had experienced, the frequency of feeling several positive and negative emotions, and their personal psychological advantages, such as optimism, tranquility and life satisfaction.

The research team found that some people became stronger.

These people, in the early stage of "9. 1 1", showed less depression than others. Now, they are more optimistic, quieter and more fulfilling than the previous "9. 1 1". The difference between them and others is that they have more positive emotions. It is these positive emotions that make them get out of the vicious circle of "depression", "depression" and "panic" and return to the sunny side of life.

If such an event is too far away from us, let's look at the story of this middle-aged woman.

Sister Na, who is in her thirties, is facing the dilemma of most middle-aged people-the pressure of career and family.

She works as a technical analyst in a company, specializing in problems that the service desk can't solve, and often crashes to the point of hitting the wall. What's more frightening is that her mother has been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and the doctor is not sure whether the tumor will get worse.

The heavy pressure made her get married 15 years, and she has never been pregnant with a second child. Depression, anxiety, even loneliness, life is boring.

Later, Sister Na participated in Barbara's research project and learned how to mobilize positive emotions and deal with negative emotions. A miracle happened. A year after the end of the project, Na Jie said:

The changes in Sister Na's daily life show that there are ways to manage positive emotions.

So, how to do it specifically? Is it necessary to eliminate negative emotions?

Of course not.

As mentioned above, appropriate negative emotions help to protect us from harm and are an important response mechanism for our survival. What we mainly do is to reduce inappropriate and inexplicable negative emotions.

Strategy 1: We can reduce negative emotions in three ways:

1. refute negative thinking and break the rumination of thinking.

When negative emotions invade the brain, we often fall into two major misunderstandings when thinking about problems:

For example, if your partner doesn't reply to the message in time, negative emotions may change our thinking direction:

2. Remove negative mines and implant positive elements.

Negative emotions are usually not caused by unfortunate events, but more likely because we think of them in the worst way, which psychology calls "negative interpretation style"

We should change it and consider the problem from a positive perspective.

It can be understood as "my other half doesn't return messages when he goes to socialize" or "he doesn't value me" or "he is fighting for our future life"

You can stamp "the child doesn't want to go into the water" as "he is timid and has no courage", or you can think that "he prefers other challenges".

As mentioned earlier, negative emotions limit our thinking, while positive emotions broaden our horizons.

3. Adjust the intake of media information

If we watch too much negative information (videos, articles, etc.). ), it will also change our thinking and be more susceptible to negative emotions. Therefore, we need to adjust our reading preferences.

Strategy 2: We mobilize positive interest from these three aspects.

1. Be grateful for life and give back to society.

Find ordinary blessings and write a gratitude diary every day (such as five things you love).

Doing a good deed every day or volunteering regularly every week is also good for us to keep a positive mood.

2. Keep good interaction and don't over-explain.

I have met a kind of people who especially like to explain the kindness of others.

For example, she will say, "Why is ta willing to help you? I hope you can help ta in the future? People are selfish and have a purpose. " Or: "Be careful, ta gave you this gift, and I don't know what to do."

Any kind action falls into the theoretical trap of "the inferiority of human nature"

Why do you have to explain? Interpersonal relationship is a process of mutual benefit and assistance.

I thought it was metaphysics and chicken soup before, but later I learned that it was also part of psychology.

Immersed in planting flowers, I carefully observed the scene that water drops slipped from leaves and fell into the soil, and suddenly I felt a sense of healing. Perhaps it is because of the "quiet" mood.

Daily meditation is an important way to help us calm down, get peace and feel happy.

Now, I also practice for ten minutes every day.

Third, we can also build a portfolio with positive emotions.

Give 10 positive emotions and file them separately. Including: joy, gratitude, tranquility, interest, hope, pride, fun, encouragement, admiration and love.

Put things that arouse positive emotions together with souvenirs (photos, letters, famous sayings, songs, videos, etc.). ) and make a photo album/manual. Take it out when necessary, remember it carefully and mobilize positive emotions.

The ultimate goal of this is to adjust the positive rate of life (that is, positive emotions: negative emotions) to higher than 3: 1.

Barbara reminds us:

What emotional management methods have you tried?

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