What is pua behavior?

PUA, the full name of Pick-up Artist, refers to a kind of mind control behavior, that is, by attacking your self-esteem, catalyzing and destroying your ability to think independently, making you feel that you have nothing to do, then taking advantage of it, making you feel dependent and being manipulated by others.

First, seven common PUA behaviors.

1, query

This is also called kerosene lamp effect, which is a very common form of emotional manipulation. The key is that the other person makes you doubt your reason, experience and thoughts through words, and believe that what the other person said is right.

Example: This is not the case. You think too much and are too sensitive. I never said it, but you always misunderstand me.

Step 2 shame

This form often appears in severe criticism or cynicism, and its content mainly lies in denying your character ability and even personality.

She is such a person that I can't figure out how her strange ideas came about.

Step 3 threaten

This existence has many forms, which may be direct or implicit. And the target of the threat is not necessarily you, but also someone or something you care about. Designed to arouse your fear or doubt, and finally make you succumb to what they have done.

For example, what parents want most is that we are fine, and you don't want them to feel sorry for us, do you?

4. Transfer of responsibilities

The focus of this behavior is to shift your attention from feelings and needs to things you didn't do, which leads to guilt and anxiety.

Ex.: I just speak louder, and you know I'm in a bad state today, and you've been holding it back.

5. Isolation/isolation

Isolation may occur gradually and discontinuously for a long time, until you find yourself out of touch with your family and friends and lose their support.

Example: You know I'm uncomfortable going out with them. I can't believe you chose them over me.

Secondly, who will be more vulnerable to PUA attacks?

1, people who constantly belittle themselves

If you habitually belittle yourself verbally, you may easily fall into the trap of being manipulated by others.

2. Whether black or white

When a person falls into a black-and-white thinking mode and looks at everything in an "extreme" or "absolute" way, he will lose the ability to understand the outside world and complex relationships.

3. People who lack opinions.

People who dare not challenge others' thoughts and behaviors, especially those who feel guilty about challenging others, will also become the "prey" of emotional controllers.

4. People with insufficient awareness of environmental safety

When criticized, I am afraid of being abandoned and eliminated, and I am afraid that I may have nowhere to live. Although there is no harm in often reflecting on your own shortcomings in criticism, if you are too sensitive to outside criticism, you may be more vulnerable to PUA attacks than ordinary people.

Third, how to get rid of PUA?

You need to have a clear sense of self, be sure to stay awake and tell yourself that "the manipulated state can be broken."

Secondly, don't let yourself be isolated, communicate with friends more, find isolated relatives and friends, and don't cut off your emotional outlet.

There is also to learn to refuse, start from small things and regain control. When the manipulator manipulates you, he is actually a manipulated person. Every time you compromise and give, it is a positive return for him. If you start to refuse, the manipulator will have a strong sense of frustration and he will expect your return, but you don't need to change the manipulator. Just choose to leave in time.

Love yourself and focus on yourself.

We can often see relevant cases triggered by PUA, which are warning us that we need to pay attention. In fact, many times we will unconsciously become PUA, deep or shallow, but it is crucial that we learn to stay awake in all kinds of intimate relationships, keep our personality independent, believe that we can live well and say "no!" Go to PUA.