Traditional Culture Encyclopedia - Photography major - How to learn to be a "kind" father

How to learn to be a "kind" father

Tian Liang said, "In the past, we only had one runway, and this road only had one runway. You can only go this way. You have no way out. If we continue, there may be a way out. Now I have expanded to 65,438+00 lanes, which is as wide as Tiananmen Square. If it is made into a runway, there are 20 runways in which she can choose freely. "

Reporter _ Chun-Li Photography _ Shao Xin

Before taking part in the program "Where is Dad?", Tian Liang's understanding of the role of father came from his father, "like a wall", as described by Tian Liang.

Tian Liang's father is a car driver, and he is not very talkative. For young Tian Liang, having a driver's father is something to be proud of. In charge of the driving of a car, a sudden brake can make the whole car restless, and the silent father is like the king in this independent carriage. Tian Liang helps sell tickets and show videos in the car. "I feel that you are under one person and above ten thousand people." .

This is the typical structure of traditional families in China. A father needs to mold his authority through a sense of distance. Tian Liang recalled that even if he did something inappropriate when he was a child, his father would not directly point it out, but let his mother convey it. If the father goes out directly, the power is self-evident.

For the simplest example, Tian Liang didn't like eating very much when he was a child. Tian Liang's mother might nag about it ten or twenty times, but for Tian Liang, all these nags were forgotten. But if dad is on the table, he doesn't talk and looks at Tian Liang, "I'll have a good meal soon." Tian Liang said that a father is like a "leader".

It is not difficult to imagine that although Tian Liang is not as reticent as his father, Tian Liang will unconsciously reflect his father's majesty and lofty image in his future relationship with his daughter. In fact, busy work never left Tian Liang enough time to think about how to be a father. In terms of personality, Tian Liang is not a person who is good at expressing himself, and even many things, his personality, "unwilling to show himself to others."

When Cindy was born, Tian Liang was not with his wife Ye Yixi. At that time, Tian Liang won the championship in Sydney Olympic Games in 2004. In 2005, it was demoted to the provincial team by the State Sports General Administration and signed a contract with the Emperor. It is not an exaggeration to call it a "smash hit". Worried that giving birth to a child would attract media attention, his wife Ye Yixi chose to give birth to Cindy in other places and said to Tian Liang "with great certainty": "Don't come when the child is born, and then come back." It was not until the fourth day after Cindy was born that Tian Liang met his daughter for the first time.

Tian Liang met his daughter for the first time in the morning. He was waiting to meet her at the temporary residence where her daughter was born. He woke up early and couldn't sleep any more. A person anxiously stayed in the living room, looking forward to seeing his daughter for the first time. All morning, he had nothing to do, either calling his wife Ye Yixi repeatedly and asking where they were, or thinking, "What will happen to my daughter?"

"Just two hours is like ten thousand years." Finally, the doorbell rang, and Tian Liang rushed to the door, opened it and stared at his wife and daughter.

At that time, Tian Liang was still reserved in expressing his feelings, unlike now, he was willing to hug, kiss and express his feelings publicly. He just held his daughter and kept watching. Cindy is only as big as a small gift box in his hand. His body is not fully unfolded, his hair is sparse, and his skin shows the unique red color of newborn babies. The first thing he spit out was: "The child is too young!"

Only responsible for providing solutions.

At home, Tian Liang is not the person responsible for taking care of and solving all kinds of problems created by his daughter. For example, if his daughter cries, he will tell his grandmother or mother that "the child's attention needs to be diverted quickly", and then he will try breastfeeding or give her a hug to see the scenery outside, but it is not Tian Liang who will carry it out. He is only responsible for providing solutions and acting as a "think tank".

Tian Liang didn't realize that he needed to make a change until he participated in the program "Where is Dad Going?". "I used to get along with my children after work. I didn't deliberately leave time for my child to communicate with her. I didn't think about many things, and I didn't think about her thoughts from her point of view. "

During this trip, Tian Liang, who has been busy with her work and neglected to think about her fatherhood, suddenly began to seriously think about how to better communicate with her daughter. He reflected: "I used to be too casual with children and didn't put education and communication in a very important position."

But Tian Liang suffered a setback at the beginning of his journey. When Cindy and Tian Liang arrive in Lingshui Village in the first episode of Where is Dad Going, they experience the confiscated toys. After seeing the unsatisfactory living place, their daughter suddenly cried, leaving Tian Liang helpless and almost collapsed.

This is an accident that Tian Liang has never experienced. According to past experience, the general daughter cries, which is divided into two situations. The first one is that she didn't wake up in the morning and was angry. When she woke up, she naturally stopped crying. Secondly, if there is a problem, Tian Liang will solve it in time and her daughter will stop crying. But this time, the problem of my daughter crying can't be solved-my daughter doesn't want to stay in the countryside, but the program has to be recorded.

That time Cindy cried from morning till afternoon. "I didn't know she would cry for so long, but I thought she would stop. I thought I wouldn't cry if I told her we were only going home to experience another way of life. "

Tian Liang tried to distract her daughter. "For example, when she saw strawberries wanting to eat strawberries, she was attracted by strawberries and stopped crying." The effect is very short-lived. As long as her daughter is idle and wants to live in the countryside for two days, "she can't do it."

Tian Liang gave up the idea of recording the program because her daughter lost control of her emotions. He thought, "Is this good or bad for her? Why did she do it when she was so unhappy? " Tian Liang wants to take her daughter back. "We will discuss not recording it."

In the afternoon, Cindy was assigned to go out with several other children to find food. To everyone's surprise, Cindy, tired of her father wriggling around with tears in her eyes at noon, became sensible and clever when she was with children of the same age and took the initiative to help others. When the director told Tian Liang excitedly, "Your daughter has completely changed since she left you", Tian Liang was dubious: "Are you comforting me? Are you afraid that my daughter and I won't record if I can't hold on? "

Later, Tian Liang began to pay attention to her daughter's state when getting along with her peers. He saw many characteristics that his daughter had not shown before, such as kindness, indifference and consideration for others. He realized that his daughter had many thoughts in her heart. "Many things about her really taught me a lesson."

How to express a sense of responsibility for your daughter?

The experience of Where is Dad Going has changed a core proposition of the relationship between Tian Liang and his daughter-how should a father express his sense of responsibility for his daughter?

In Tian Liang's concept of nature, the father works outside the home, trying to make money and sheltering his wife and children from the wind and rain. Fathers don't need to participate in trivial matters related to children, such as feeding, dressing and putting her to bed. His role is more of a tall and reliable image.

"In the past, my father may be like this. It's an image, a little aloof touch, a father with a sense of distance. My father is not very talkative and uncompromising. After I participated in that program, I found that such a father was my father, not Cindy's father. " Tian Liang said.

Tian Liang reconsidered the way of communicating with children and made changes in life, details, language and time.

First of all, we must learn to put ourselves in other's shoes. He tried to change his condescending tone when talking to his daughter and listened carefully to her express her views on something. He used to like to look at children's behavior from the standpoint of adults and felt that his ideas must be right. "But in fact, she is not necessarily wrong. Maybe if you think something is wrong, the child will do it because of the child's nature. "

So when Cindy, whose motor cells are extremely active, runs back and forth in front of him again, Tian Liang won't feel anything wrong. As long as it is within the safety limits, he will let his daughter run around.

This change was directly reflected in the reality show "Where's Dad?", which won the audience's love for Tian Liang.

When recording the program in Shapotou, the director asked several fathers and children to play skateboarding and sand skiing together, and asked them to sit on skateboards and slide down from the high sand dunes to see which group skated faster.

Tian Liang, an athlete, instinctively felt the possible danger in the competition. He is a little worried about his daughter's safety. He can only repeatedly emphasize the essentials of action to his daughter: "First, basically lie on your back and hit your father;" Second, don't put your hands on your chest. You must straighten it and put it on your father's lap. You must never bend your hands and touch the sand. "

After the game, Cindy saw Sean's son slide down the highest mountain alone every day and wanted to try it herself. Tian Lianggang began to let her play on the low hills. The slide was short, and it didn't take long for Cindy to find it boring. She suddenly climbed to the top of the highest sand dune and shouted to Tian Liang, "Dad, is it okay to be so high?" Is it okay? "

Tian Liang's first reaction was to refuse: "No, it's too dangerous." This reaction is completely normal. The slope my daughter is going to slide down is high and steep. Once the taxiing time is prolonged, it is easy to have an accident. In fact, the skateboard provided by the program group is just a simple combination of wood and wire, without any protective equipment.

But after her daughter begged Tian Liang again and again, her father agreed to her adventure. Cindy followed his daughter quietly while she was skating. He runs as fast as she skates. In order to prevent the skateboard from falling over as much as possible, Tian Liang released his hand and ran down from the side until he thought it was safe.

This is a kind of relationship that Tian Liang hopes to keep with his daughter-"being a good father".

"What is a kind father?"

"Kindness means being with Cindy. Cindy really thinks that Dad is very important and Dad loves me very much." Tian Liang said that the 18 day trip gave him enough time to think about how to be a good father, which he had basically never thought of before.

She doesn't want to go the same way as me.

Tian Liang didn't expect this program to bring this important change to the relationship between father and daughter at first. When the Hunan Satellite TV program group first found Tian Liang, he refused the program group on the grounds of "unwilling to let his children be on the show".

Until he saw Jiang Wen taking his two sons to Tibet on the Internet, no one else could follow him, not even his mother. Jiang Wen took them to make zippers and trained their two sons into real men. "In a hard place like Tibet, the sun is very strong, there is no delicious food, and there is no comfortable house." This incident touched Tian Liang's deep desire to take her daughter to the countryside to learn about the real world.

When Hunan Satellite TV found Tian Liang again in the second round, Tian Liang thought that jumping out of the program should be a very good six-time solo flight, which could be considered. Then he chatted with his daughter: "Would you like to travel with your father alone?" After 18 days of solitude, Tian Liang became what he called a "kind father".

A year after "Where's Dad?" was broadcast, Tian Liang sat in the studio, looked at his daughter who was playing and said, "Now I'm afraid I spoil her a little too much." "I don't want to be good friends with my children. The dignity that a father should have is still needed. "

When my daughter is old enough to change her teeth, family rules forbid eating sugar, but as long as Tian Liang intercedes with him and coquetry, she will come to her senses. "I said no sugar, and she would say, Dad, I'll eat one instead of one. Then I will have a good meal and eat half today. " Tian Liang said that because of her daughter's intercession, she would often compromise on many issues of principle.

Now, he began to change his tone again. He told his daughter something without consulting. He changed the language used by friends such as "I suggest you" and "I think this is better" into "must" and "must".

20 1 1 Cindy has a brother who is three years younger than her. How to handle the relationship with his son, Tian Liang is still groping. He said: "to deal with a more naughty son, he will be more severe and have a bigger temper;" Daughters sometimes really need care. "

Tian Liang will try to avoid getting angry with her daughter in public, because she can clearly feel the injustice in her daughter's heart, "she will be very sad"; When two brothers and sisters play together and do something wrong, Tian Liang will drag them together and criticize them, which is particularly "fair".

Daughter's mind is much more delicate than he thought, Cindy will see everything in the eye, just don't say it, "what do you think she doesn't understand, she actually understands, you ask her who is Fan? She will tell you that she is the one who likes her. She knows that she is different from other children and has many fans. But she doesn't miss it. "

He worked harder in his career, acting in movies, publishing books and endorsing. He has completely lost the instinctive resistance of athletes when he first entered the entertainment circle. After being interviewed by us, he changed into an expensive suit and rushed to another press conference.

Tian Liang hopes to provide her daughter with as many resources as possible, such as taking her to the United States for a holiday on New Year's Day and sending her to an international school for expensive education. International schools teach in English, and Tian Liang hired an English teacher for her daughter.

"Of course I hope she walks on the road and doesn't go into the ditch. It's just that I am constantly expanding this road for her, filling all the ditches for her, and I will give her as much width as possible. We used to have only one runway, and this road has only one runway. You can only go this way. You have no way out. If we continue, there may be a way out. Now I have expanded to 65,438+00 lanes, which is as wide as Tiananmen Square. If it is made into a runway, there are 20 runways in which she can choose freely. "

Tian Liang may not want her daughter to repeat her lonely journey to win the Olympic Games. For a long time, Tian Liang thought that other people's childhood was the same as his own: he and his teammates would get up at 5 o'clock every morning, then dive, practice and practice again and again until the lights were turned off at night 10.

It was not until he became famous that Tian Liang discovered that he had no childhood. "I don't have a circle of classmates. The concepts of teammates and classmates are too far apart. Every time you grow up, you will have fewer teammates. When you get to the top, you will be lonely. " Tian Liang said in an interview after becoming a world champion.

In Tian Liang's world, there was once only one choice, and that was diving. This unique choice brought him shining honor, but also great setbacks. But obviously, he wants his daughter to see more than the single competitive world in which he once lived. "I had no choice before, and I didn't know there was anything else. Now I've driven so many roads for her. I will observe. If she chooses the road she likes, I will encourage her and help her run along this road. "

Does this package include professional sports? Tian Liang noncommittally said, "Professional sports is not something that ordinary people can walk. It needs enough perseverance, the spirit of not giving up and strong endurance. There is no winning general in sports, winning or losing is normal, so you have to bear these failures. If she understands that this (reason) will continue, of course I will support her. "

Tian Liang once took his daughter diving. The three-meter platform jump was taught by his former coach. Even if it's just a "play" mentality, Tian Liang thinks that her daughter is really a piece of material, but "she doesn't particularly like it at present". Maybe I'm a diving champion and she doesn't want to go the same way as me. "