Seeing is the beginning of healing.

Consciousness is the beginning of change and a lifelong course. I remember/kloc-the first workshop I attended after I got my counselor's certificate in June/February was the personal growth of Satya in Berman. After the five-day course, I remembered a word called "awareness", but I didn't know it at that time.

First of all, please look at such a set of pictures. I wonder what you think and feel after reading it?

This photo was taken by a photographer on a street in new york for 9 years, from 8: 30 am to 9: 30 am. When he was sorting out the photos, he was surprised to find that many people's expressions, actions and demeanor were so similar. Many of us, like them, have maintained a pattern for 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years or even longer. Like this perceived word, we are covered under our own bell jar.

What is perception? In layman's terms, I consciously and clearly know what I am doing, thinking, thinking and its origin. Furthermore, after birth, due to family education and environment, school education and environment, social environment, and people's own animal instincts, such as survival predation instinct and reproductive instinct, people will form a relatively fixed world outlook, outlook on life, values, relatively stable thinking mode, way of doing things, emotional mode, relatively stable body language and various habits. Especially when we were young, these patterns entered our subconscious mind and unconsciously influenced and controlled us. Under normal circumstances, we often didn't realize it, but when specific situations and things and various interpersonal and social interactions, these patterns would all play a role and run spontaneously. In other words, it is called human mechanization, which is essentially the same as the mechanization of the material world. Various physical, chemical, biological and geological principles vividly describe this mechanization, which can also be called a recurring pattern. Because I can't perceive these mechanical patterns and their roots, I can only be led by various fates. I have no autonomy at all, so I can only go with the flow. This is the so-called sleep state. And awareness is to get rid of this mechanical nature and not be dragged down by various karma in the past. This means that, first of all, we must realize what is dragged away by the outside world.

Then why do you realize it? Just now we mentioned the subconscious, so we have to talk about Freud's iceberg theory, the originator of psychology. Iceberg theory holds that our psychological structure is divided into subconscious, pre-consciousness and consciousness. Consciousness is what we know, such as what you are doing now, what color clothes you wear, how old you are this year, and so on. It sounds like we know a lot, but it accounts for about 3%, just a small corner of the ice floating on the water. Pre-consciousness is that I vaguely know, I seem to know, but I'm not sure. The huge part below the iceberg is the subconscious. Many people don't understand why I am this way or that way. I know a lot of things, but I can't do it, just like the queen said in the biography of Zhen Huan, "I can't do it!" " I can see through many things, but I can't.

What is hidden in the subconscious?

The first layer: Unreleased emotions (shallow soft soil)

I'm emotional, but I'm weighed down by something. For example, the teacher criticized you, wronged you, and wanted to cry, but dad said he wanted to cry, especially boys, and would say you were a man, so don't cry. So, that emotion was suppressed. This substance is pressed into soft shallow soil. Therefore, we say not to suppress children's emotions.

Second floor: What I didn't have a chance to say (mud and stones), no apology, no love, no questions.

You want to talk to some people psychologically, but there may be too many people at that time, or you may have a feeling of being speechless, and your heart is very uncomfortable. Just say let it go for a while, and it's not too late to talk about it then. As a result, I never saw it again, and it gradually faded away.

The third layer: ideal self and realistic self (in the hard mud with ant holes and earthworms)

The ideal self is very beautiful, very white, very cute and cute, but in reality, I am very black and fat and not cute at all, so I dare not admit this fact. I was angry with myself, and I forgot about it when I was angry, so I felt very uncomfortable, but I couldn't say what it was.

The fourth layer: the causes and solutions of interpersonal obstacles (sand under the soil)

Because some things are hard to accept, for example, he is a person you hate, but in reality he is your father, and you are very uncomfortable. You know how to solve it, but you don't want to solve it, so you put it down.

The fifth layer: unfulfilled wishes (deep) (mud under the sand)

I want to realize a wish, for example, I especially want to sign up for a piano class, but I can't sign up because I have no money, but I slowly forget it. Forgotten by the consciousness, in fact, the subconscious still remembers it, but if the consciousness can't remember it, it will feel very uncomfortable.

It is pushed into the subconscious. The subconscious mind is like a treasure house. There are not many things in use now. A lot of new knowledge enters every day. Those old knowledge, which the brain thinks you are still useful, will help you put it into the subconscious.

The sixth floor: deep loneliness (bedrock)

It's hard, you don't know where it is, just like someone left you, you will find it hard to accept, very lonely, very lonely. No one understands, no one comforts and no one loves.

Then through the practice of self-cognition, I can find out the real intention behind my emotions, my feelings, my opinions, my expectations and my desires bit by bit, and make real changes in my behavior and attitude, so as to return to my original goal instead of getting lost in the event itself.

There are many ways to practice, Satya's iceberg diary, which I used before. Through Satya's iceberg, I saw more of myself. When something stimulates us to have a certain emotion, we can look at it through the Satya iceberg. The incident itself was neither good nor bad, nor did it arouse our emotions. The reason why we feel this way is because I gave it meaning, and the memory of similar experiences in the body was awakened. So when we feel emotional in the face of external stimuli, we can look at how I feel now, what I think about this matter, and what I expect from others, the environment and myself. What do I really want? Finally found out who I am. When we often practice Satya's iceberg diary, I can see myself and each other more and more in the relationship and understand the reasons behind our reactions. When I see it, I can express it in other ways.

Six-second EQ TFA card, which is a set of tools, simple and easy to operate. We can think of an event, find out the corresponding cards of emotions, thoughts and behaviors in the event, and then see what kind of pattern I have, that is, every time ... happens, I will have such thoughts ... to improve my emotions and behaviors ... When I see it, I think if I change any one of my emotions, thoughts and behaviors, will the other two change accordingly? Of course! So, we try to change cards, find new patterns, and practice in practice. After learning EQ for six seconds, I combined TFA and Satya Iceberg to exercise my EQ muscles.

There is also the OH card, which is very easy to use, fast and magical. When you unlock the card, you can see through the subconscious and see your repressed emotions and words that you haven't had time to say. For example, do a daily painting with a children's portrait card. By describing the picture you see, what you said, what attracts you on the picture, how you feel after seeing the picture, etc., you can perceive the reasons behind it and see your subconscious. And its secondary card can also help find a solution. Of course, the OH card itself is a university.

Finally, I would like to introduce you to the five-dimensional conflict consciousness diary, which is also a tool that I personally like very much at present. I think it's a sublimated version of Satya iceberg.

I believe that everyone will encounter contradictions in life and work, such as accusing subordinates of cursing with blood all over their heads, or getting angry when they are angry with superiors, but they have to swallow their anger because of their duties, or they are warm-hearted and good-tempered in front of friends, but they are easy to get angry and lose their temper in front of their families. These situations should be everywhere! Then let's think back, when a conflict occurs, how do we deal with it? Blame? Forbearance? Please. Be reasonable? Change the subject? Or laugh it off? Maybe our coping styles are different, so let's take a look at what we pay attention to when facing conflicts. Is it the superficial behavior or the motive behind it? Is it the emotional feelings of both parties or the result you want? We say that different concerns will naturally lead to different results. It can be proved that just as everyone's behavior has its positive motivation, it also hides emotions, feelings, opinions, expectations and desires. This is Satya's iceberg theory. In the past, in the process of conflict, we usually liked to find right and wrong. Actually, we prefer to find the wrong one. Your fault is still mine, so we use more blame and self-reflection. But blaming others often can't solve the problem, but will worsen the relationship between the two sides. Then some people will say that self-reflection is always a better way. Find reasons from yourself and make self-criticism. But the disadvantage of this method is that all I see in the process are my own shortcomings, and there is no difference between good and bad, which makes me lose confidence. So this is not a good method. The best way is self-awareness, don't blame others, and don't criticize yourself. Five-dimensional conflict consciousness diary is an internal process. Why there are contradictions? Because we both have many excellent points and do well in some aspects. I hope the other side can do the same. We all have high demands and pursuits, and the expectations of others are the same. At this time, if the other party can't do it, there will be contradictions. When there is conflict or discomfort, we can keep a diary of conflict consciousness at the same time.

Why do I say that the five-dimensional conflict consciousness diary is a sublimation version of Satya's iceberg diary? Because through the previous iceberg diary, I can see myself and why the other person is like this, because there are such views, expectations and desires behind it. I saw it, I accepted it, and then my mood may calm down, but I don't have a better action plan. The five-dimensional diary of conflict consciousness helps us to see that this is actually because of the Excellence in each of us. When we see our sense of superiority, our first feeling is good, so our energy will be improved and we will not stay in unsatisfied expectations. When I see my Excellence, I want to do something. I don't want to have a bad influence because I am excellent. What I want to do is to create something that can bring positive energy to others.

The five-dimensional conflict consciousness diary has the following seven steps:

1. objectively describe the conflict, with whom, what happened specifically, and which store had a conflict. Write only objective facts, without analyzing the reasons.

2. What do I expect the other party to look like in this conflict? I hope he will do something.

I have 10 reasons to expect this.

4. Find the 10 excellence in me from the above reasons.

5. Look at what most people are like in reality. Can I expect most people to do it? What about the other side of the conflict?

6. Because I already know and appreciate my own Excellence, I also know that the other side of the conflict also has his Excellence, but it is different from mine, and I accept it. In the reality check, I found that my expectations are designed according to my Excellence, but the other party is not necessarily or difficult to achieve. If I want my expectation to come true, the best way is how I can influence him with my Excellence.

7. My action plan.

The purpose of conflict consciousness diary is to perceive one's own Excellence or advantages, not to help others, but to discover one's own Excellence. Conflicts are all because they are excellent, that is, they ask others by their own standards, so there will be conflicts. Discover your Excellence by paying attention to your diary, and then decide what to do with Excellence as a gift, so that people, teams and companies around you can benefit from your Excellence, instead of letting your Excellence make you face conflicts and punish yourself and others.

These are the seven steps of the conflict consciousness diary. So far, I have written more than a dozen conflict consciousness diaries, and I will share one with you, hoping to help you understand it better.

Fact: My daughter took the Chinese unit exam the next day. She said that she didn't do well in the first unit, so she should review it this time. But when she got home, she took her mobile phone to read comics, eat food and go shopping. In short, she was drifting with the flow and didn't review carefully. My expectation: I expect her to review consciously and do well in the exam. Reason: keep your word; Be planned; People need to be responsible for themselves; You realize that I'm not so worried; Be sensible when you grow up; I have more time and energy for my brother and myself. Can't play mobile phone addiction; Waste time; The competition is fierce. Excellent: trustworthy, planned, responsible, conscious, sensible, caring for others, self-motivated, relaxed, self-controlled and diligent. Reality check: My daughter is quite capable in her study and life. She is hardworking, enterprising, sensible and conscious. After all, it is a little difficult for her to control herself and take care of others. But before the exam, she was a little anxious and wanted to relax. So I decided to give her a gift: relax. I decided to talk to her before the exam, help her analyze, slow down and listen to her, accompany her patiently and help her grow better. I'm going to buy her some sets of paper comic books and read them myself. I thought so and did so, and then our communication was smooth, and she was very moved, thinking that this mother still understood her.

In fact, it is not the most important thing who bows first in the conflict, but the most important thing is to solve the problem, and consciousness is the premise of solving the problem. We can ask ourselves all the events in our lives over and over again until the inner answers emerge. We can use every rising event as a mirror to review ourselves and examine ourselves, from which we can gain insight and wisdom. When everything can make you aware of your problems, then you can gain insight into deep wisdom. With this wisdom, many problems can be solved naturally. This is the real purpose of self-awareness method.

Su Dongpo played a joke on monk Hui Chong. Su Dongpo said, "I think you look like cow shit." Hui Chong said, "I think you look like a Tathagata." Su Dongpo doesn't understand, how can this monk return good for evil? Ask his sister Su Xiaomei. Su Xiaomei said: "You have cow dung in your heart, and people are like cow dung;" The heart is like a Buddha, and people are like a Buddha. " Dongpo realized something.

Everything outside is a projection of your heart, what you see is yourself, and I am the root of everything. Improve your cognition, get used to self-cognition, and life will get better and better!