Rene Liu's prose Happy Birthday

I'm not sure how much I can feel, but I know that every year, there are three days that have changed for me forever. Xiaomi's birthday, Xiao Nan's birthday, my own birthday.

It was my birthday, and I was hit by a typhoon of magnitude 7. The wind and rain outside are really big and scary. At this time, in addition to worrying about disasters, I also imagine the feelings of lonely men and women who live alone like me.

Just then, the phone rang. It was Xiaomi. Lonely asked: "What are you doing?"

I said, "No! Stay! "

Xiaomi is my good friend for many years, and I don't often contact her, or as soon as she appears, something will definitely happen. Of course, she can also describe me like this.

I asked her, "What now?"

She said, "No ..."

After a short silence, she said slowly, "It's been 36 hours, and he hasn't sent an email yet." I was confused at first, but then I remembered that Xiaomi's birthday was the day before yesterday. She has an ex-boyfriend, Xiao Nan, who has been dating for more than ten years. Even though they have broken up for a long time, they don't contact each other at ordinary times, but they greet each other on their birthdays every year.

That year, Xiaomi was seventeen years old.

Xiaomi is a bit of an understatement, but I know she is badly hurt. She is the kind of person who gets hurt the more she keeps a low profile.

But if she cares about Xiao Nan, it's her birthday. Whenever the birthday is approaching, Xiaomi begins to fall into a kind of anxiety, which is an atmosphere that is both excited and doomed to injury. Is it because you are old? Or is it because the marriageable age is over? But this is every single woman's problem, so why bother Xiaomi?

The above is just my guess, because I know Xiaomi doesn't like to hear people say "Happy Birthday", and even friends like her and I won't cut ourselves off on her birthday. But Xiaomi is not happy that people don't even mention her birthday, as if her arrival has no importance in this world. Yes, who wants the feeling that all mankind can't remember their birthdays?

For this difficult problem of the war between heaven and man, the way she handled it was to turn off her mobile phone on her birthday, unplug her home phone and not surf the Internet. Is it overkill? It should be said that hiding your head in the sand is Xiaomi's specialty.

Xiao Nan is Xiaomi's first love. That year, Xiaomi was seventeen years old. Being lovelorn at seventeen seems as simple as falling in love. The client thinks his story is heroic, but so does the audience.

They remained good friends for ten years after they broke up. Even when Xiaomi went to Europe to study music, Xiao Nandu encouraged her. He said that their way of getting along had reached a dead end, and Xiaomi was too dependent on him. If Xiaomi doesn't leave for a while, her life will be over. That year, he was admitted to Jiaotong University, and Xiaomi was just a tutor.

So Xiaomi really left.

Her life must be different.

promise

Later, no matter how the people around them changed, they kept a wonderful partnership. When Xiaomi went abroad, Xiao Nan even often went to chat with Xiaomi's father, saying that no matter how many girlfriends he changed, he would wait for Xiaomi, and he would not give up unless Xiaomi got married.

This statement sounds funny, but it is very touching. Hearing this, Xiaomi was still complacent, although he said he would not marry Xiao Nan after his death.

Peony once went to Vienna to find Xiaomi, and they stayed together for three days. On the fourth day, the peony disappeared, leaving a note, "I bought a train ticket for Europe in Taiwan Province Province, and I want to make good use of it ..."

After Xiaomi returned to China, he taught children in the percussion classroom. Even if there was no shortage of affairs at that time, Xiao Nan would appear as long as Xiaomi made a phone call. Xiaomi's dependence on him is not life, but more spirit. Whenever Xiaomi's feelings are frustrated, her work is not smooth and she lacks confidence in herself, she needs Xiaonan's "commitment" as her shot in the arm.

Over the years, they have also worked hard together. After all, there are endless sparks between two people who are warm to each other. But in the first week of reunion, both of them became speechless and the pressure was suffocating, so there was no contact for another three weeks!

Xiaomi told me that the night they agreed to break up, they went to dinner, and the two of them went back to the same days as before, with endless words and sweet words.

Xiaomi often says that Xiao Nan knows her very well, or because they are very similar and can't stand being bored with another creature for too long, so the distance between them is always just right. Just right, "nothing has happened now, but it may happen forever."

freedom

One day, Xiao Nan called Xiaomi and asked her to have dinner together. Xiaomi said he would go to work late and doesn't want to go out now. So he bought a sandwich and went to her house. I hurried out after eating Xiaomi. He sent her to the wedding dress shop at the Xinyi intersection of Anhe Road (now Lin Chi-ling's poster is hung). He suddenly asked Xiaomi, "If you get married, what kind of wedding photos will you take?"

Xiaomi raised his face and said coldly, "I hate wedding photos most." If you are married, don't take pictures. What trouble! "

"I agree, trouble is a waste of money." Xiaomi believes Xiao Nan is implying something, although Xiaomi still thinks he won't marry him.

Two days later, Xiaomi went to see The Runaway Bride and went out of the cinema to listen to a message on his mobile phone. It's Xiao Nan. "I'm getting married. You don't know the bride. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure until the last second. I'm really sorry. I told her everything, and she didn't believe that we were just friends, so I must officially tell you that we are just friends, and the person I love is her, and she is with me now ... "

Is there anything funnier in this world?

He can marry anyone he likes, which is his freedom, but is it necessary for him to hide it all the time? Not sure until the last second? Then he'll never be sure! How they plan to take wedding photos is their family's business. Is it necessary to tell me? Is this the behavior of "friends"? And, most unforgivably, is it necessary to call her and humiliate me? "Don't base your happiness on the pain of others", isn't this a civic morality that all primary school students know?

Xiaomi said on her mobile phone that she didn't cry. She said that she was fine and finally relieved that she was not responsible for Xiao Nan's happiness, so she drove her black jeep around Taipei three times. She said she thought it was funny. It is ridiculous for her to believe his promise in the past thirteen years. I say we finish this lap and go home.

When Xiaonan got married later, we don't know, at least this group of friends who guarded Xiaomi to death don't know, except from the day the news was exposed, no one heard the news of Xiaonan from Xiaomi's mouth.

The story is not over yet.

The only way of life ...

Xiaomi just told me today.

In fact, every birthday in recent years, she will receive his email.

Just one sentence-

Happy birthday.

She keeps every letter.

Every six months, when Xiaonan is on his birthday, Xiaomi will give him the same letter.

I laughed at her for being so calm and calculating. Xiaomi said, "I haven't even asked him about getting married ... It hurts to write one more word ..."

So every year's birthday wish is the only way to know that he is still alive, or that he still cares about himself. This year's birthday has passed, 36 hours have passed. Xiaomi hasn't heard from Xiaonan, and she began to panic. I want her to write directly to ask. "How is that possible ... if he forgets, forget it!" When he said this, Xiaomi's voice seemed to contain a mouthful of water.

A few days later, I received a text message from Xiaomi.

"I didn't receive his blessing until 11: 56 this evening.

The original text is as follows: There is one thing that I

Care about every day, but only once a year. Sorry for the delay. I miss something every day and can only say it once a year. Sorry I'm late. )

A few days later, I happened to meet my junior high school classmate on the road. He has just come back from Shanghai. When chatting, I asked Xiao Nan curiously. My classmate told me, don't you know he has left?

"Where have you been?"

The classmate said, "Heaven."

Then a short conversation can be imagined, "Not funny", "Did you see me smile? He has been gone for almost a year. "

I felt dizzy, and then I thought of Xiaomi. Why don't we know such a big thing, and Xiaomi doesn't know it? Because after we said we were getting married. I almost refused to hear any news about him. But what about the email the other day?

I dug up the address book that had been useless for a long time and got up the courage to call Xiaonan's house. I don't know if this number is still available.

Three days have changed.

A young woman picked up the phone and said it was Peony's sister. I showed my identity, greeted her a few words, and finally couldn't help asking her, if Xiao Nan is long gone, why is there an email? She cried and said to me carefully, "please don't pursue this matter again." Xiao Nan asked me to help him do this before he left. He asked me to send him an email every year. It slipped my mind. It took me almost a week to remember. " Sister Xiao Nan asked me to keep a secret, but how can such a thing be kept secret forever?

But I can't tell Xiaomi, and it won't be me. I asked Sister Xiaonan more questions. The cause is a brain tumor. When did you find it? That was four years ago. Later, we all sought alternative treatment in the mainland. Four years ago? Isn't that the year Xiao Nan left a message for Xiaomi to get married?

"What about Xiao Nan's wife?"

"What wife? Xiao Nan is not married! Our family knows that he has been waiting for Xiaomi! "

Next, I was silent on the phone for thirty seconds.

I was thinking, what's going on? Or, I have guessed what happened, but I am thinking, how is this possible? Is this all arranged by Xiao Nan? What? Pretend to get married in lightning, disappear from now on, and greet your birthday once a year until … until when? He wants Xiaomi to give up on him and then let Xiaomi know that he will remember her forever. Is this love? Is there such love in this world? Isn't this the plot in popular novels? But it is far more real and rich in details than the novel. Xiaonan and Xiaomi are vivid in my mind. Their joys and sorrows are not performances, but breathing in the long river of time.

I stood on end. At that moment, I hung up the phone and walked to the street corner to look at the bustling crowd on the road. I need to stare at strangers and slowly return to reality. I will go back to reality first, and then let myself go into Xiaonan's world bit by bit, to feel his feelings and to knit what he weaves.

I'm not sure how much I can feel, but I know that every year, there are three days that have changed forever for me, Xiaomi's birthday, Xiaonan's birthday and my own birthday.

Excerpt from: Rene Liu's Excerpts from Chinese and Foreign Books, 04, 2006.