Photographer's pension

Those thorns that have passed by and the scars left by them have faded and disappeared into memory. When I retire, when I feel it's over, when I start embracing retirement,

On a dead night, my disappointed brain memory poured out everything, and I saw the starting point of that road, me chasing dreams. ...

My name is Xiaoxian, a retired teacher, and I live on a pension now. I was beautiful when I was young, and I still have charm now.

My principle is: you must wear makeup when you go out and have your own standards for appearance management. My figure is neither fat nor thin, and I don't need to exercise deliberately, but I will control my appetite properly.

Not because I don't like to eat, I dare not eat more; I don't have to keep in shape, I just want to put on my old clothes;

Of course, I won't be so stingy as not to buy new clothes. It's just that I'm used to thrift.

I once said to enthusiastic people: don't persuade me, I won't marry anyone easily again. I have to raise the child first, and then I will wait until the child can live independently.

At this time, the red heart has two preparations. If you fall in love, you will live. Break up if you can't fall in love. Don't embarrass yourself in life.

Having said that, I know in my heart that it is such a difficult process from falling in love to getting married, having children and having a happy marriage, just like going through hardships and wading through mountains and rivers, whether we can reach the other shore safely is full of so many uncertainties.

Once those beautiful fairy tales made me sleep too hard in fairy tales, until reality dropped me into the pit again and again.

1982, graduated from a technical school, worked for 2 years, and found a notice on the bulletin board at the entrance of the dormitory to recruit employees.

I am so happy that I can't miss a chance to improve myself. I found the workshop director. As soon as the director heard that I was going to school, he wrote me a letter of recommendation and took me to the factory leader to sign it.

I qualified for the exam and took it a month later. At the end of August, I got the admission notice. At that time, all the masters in the workshop cheered for me.

I applied to the staff and workers university. I am both excited and novel. I walked around the campus and really felt like a college student.

To say that my wonderful life began in the summer of the following year, that is, the day before the final exam. I wanted to review my lessons on the campus stool and came to the grove.

However, the benches and stone benches in the Woods were occupied by others. Library? Oh, forget it. There is no room at all.

I wandered around in the Woods and finally found a male classmate, sitting on a bench, reading a book intently. The seat next to it was empty, and he didn't take it all.

I thought I could at least sit down and have a rest, so I went over and asked him, "Hello?"

He looked up at me, his eyes suddenly lit up, and he smiled and said, "Nobody invited you to sit down." He moved the two books on the chair to his side. I said thank you and sat at one end of the bench.

He glanced at the book in my hand and asked, are you a mechanical major? I nodded in response. He said, "Hello, come and see me. My name is Ping Liu. I study geology. "

The way he held out his hand to shake my hand, I was a little panicked and in a hurry, and the book fell to the ground. I avoided shaking hands because I had to lower my head to get the book.

After that, we started chatting. He is so talkative, as if we are acquaintances, and we have met each other for a little while.

From then on, we often meet here, and it has become our "old place". We studied together, made progress together, and unconsciously, we fell in love.

On weekends, we will go to the movies, go shopping, eat together, and occasionally go to the ballroom, but Ping Liu can't dance. When I dance on the dance floor, Ping Liu always sits there and enjoys my dance with fascination.

In winter and summer vacations, he always leaves a few days late and starts school a few days early. When we are together, there are always endless words. We often look forward to the future, and even the children's names have been named.

By the time we graduated, we were inseparable. After graduation, we must go back to work. It takes half a day's drive between Ping Liu and me.

There were no weekends at that time, only holidays. On the National Day that year, Ping Liu came to see me, and I felt very sweet.

I had no idea. Ping Liu came to say goodbye to me, but he didn't say it then. When I got back, I wrote that letter, which made me feel like rolling in the deep.

Ping Liu's father has arranged a marriage for her. We are going to get married next Spring Festival. In Ping Liu, Ping Liu's opinion is not important. He dare not even say that he has a girlfriend.

Only then did I know that passionate love could come to an abrupt end.

Not only am I sad, but I also blame myself for my ignorance and stupidity. I was blinded by his sweet words and nourishing dizziness, and I paid my sincere feelings blindly.

I should at least find out whether he can make a decision about his love. Can he guarantee that our love will have a result? Don't let me be so passive and fall into the abyss of lovelorn without warning!

My hard-earned love ended in such a hurry. At that time, my self-confidence almost dropped to zero.

After graduating from college, he returned to the workshop in the second year (86) and transferred to the middle school of the enterprise to teach junior high school physics after the Spring Festival. The change I expected has finally come true.

Facing the students, I secretly made up my mind that I must work hard to be a good teacher.

After working in middle school, I feel that my position is different, my face is brighter and my posture is higher. I feel that my self-confidence is returning, and the shadow of lovelorn begins to dissipate.

The weather is getting hot, the sun is shining, everything is reviving, the winter jasmine is in full bloom, and the roads outside the school are dressed up with winter jasmine.

Teachers, taking advantage of their lunch break, are taking photos with the roadside winter jasmine. When it was time to take a group photo, Teacher Liu randomly asked a passing gay man for help.

The gay man took a camera and started taking pictures of us. He looks skilled and sophisticated.

I was attracted by him, and his clothes were fashionable and decent: a white shirt in an open black jacket plunged into long black trousers, and a pair of polished black leather shoes with three knots shone under the wide trousers.

He still has the popular "big back" hairstyle at that time, which is very energetic. The most fascinating thing is his magnetic voice.

Teacher Zhang touched me with his arm and said, "Don't be silly. You are not attracted, are you? " She giggled. I blushed at once and closed my eyes at once.

"He is Jiang Guo, a television photographer. I want to know him. That's easy to say. " Teacher Zhang whispered to me. "Don't talk nonsense, who said I want to know him?"

"You don't want to know me, I understand, and beautiful lesbians are very proud." His voice came from behind me. I was startled. At the same time, I was shy and ran to school without looking back. The teachers' laughter came from behind.

A few days later, after school in the afternoon, Teacher Zhang and I walked out of the school gate, only to find Comrade Jiang Guo standing upright on our only road with a few flowers in his hand.

I'm nervous. I wish the flowers in his hand were for me. I can't help looking back, and there is an unmarried female teacher behind me.

"Don't look, the flowers are for you." I turned around and he was standing in front of me. "I walked first. I'm going to pick up the children. " Teacher Zhang gave me a naughty smile and walked quickly.

I was left there, and I want to stay. But I think good feelings belong to good feelings, and I need to think clearly. After all, I have been hurt emotionally, so I should be careful.

Every day after that, Comrade Jiang Guo waited for me to get off work at the school gate with a polite smile, and then sent me back to the dormitory. It took 10 minutes to meet someone, and it was very "widely announced".

Although his high-profile and enthusiastic pursuit of behavior satisfied my vanity, it also made me passive and left me no room for thinking.

Who can stand such a pursuit of offensive? We are in love. I feel happier than I have ever felt before. It can be said that Comrade Jiang Guo's love is what I need and what suits me best.

Comrade Jiang Guo, a Chinese major, graduated two years ago (1984) and was assigned to work in a TV station. Last year, he was also sent to study photography and video technology.

He also has a girlfriend in college. When he graduated, his girlfriend left him and he was forced to break up.

Comrade Jiang Guo's parents are both university teachers. He is the third child. He has two sisters. They took part in a public study abroad program and went to England.

In a blink of an eye, a year has passed, and it is another season of fragrant Elaeagnus angustifolia flowers. It's time for us to talk about marriage.

At that time, housing was allocated by units. "There are a number of houses to be built in the factory, and many young people have received marriage certificates and other houses. You talked for a year, and it's almost the same. It's time to meet both parents. " Teacher Zhang and I chattered.

"Parents nodded, and soon got a marriage certificate and other houses. Maybe they can catch up with these houses. "I nodded and said I'll discuss with him when Jiang Guo comes back.

Two days ago, Jiang Guo went home to visit relatives. At that time, single employees whose parents lived 200 kilometers away could enjoy 20 days of home leave every year.

Ginger went home to visit relatives. The day after he got home, he called me and said that he had arrived home safely. He also said that his father was in hospital and needed to be accompanied, so it was not convenient to make a phone call in the hospital.

Call again, maybe next week. I understand. Let him take good care of his father. So a week passed, two weeks passed, and I was anxiously waiting for his call, and I didn't know what was going on there.

It's time for his family leave to end and go to work. This morning, I calculated that today should be his working day. I called his office and the section chief answered the phone.

The section chief said, "Xiao Xian, don't you know? Jiang Guo has gone. " I was puzzled and asked, "Isn't he going to work today? What does he mean by leaving? "

"Why don't you know? Jiang is going abroad and has gone back to work to go through the formalities. Didn't you see him? " And then I feel like a bolt from the blue!

"He this person how so? Not explaining things to you? I also asked him, where is Xiaoxian? He said that he had dealt with it, which was outrageous and irresponsible. " Wang's voice is getting farther and farther away. ...

I opened my eyes and saw a vast expanse of whiteness, and then it gradually became clear. It turns out that I am in a hospital bed and my mother is in front of my bed. My eyes seem to be red with tears, and I am very haggard.

I'm a little confused: "What's the matter?" "You have slept for almost two days. Wake up, wake up. " Mom said with tears.

It was 1987, and I was 28 years old. I am bedridden and can't go back to work for a long time. I have only one thought, that is, I have no hope for life, and my world is gloomy.

We'll talk about it later. I received a letter from Jiang Guo: "Xiaoxian, please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye. I don't deny that I love you, but I want to change the status quo and have a better future. " "

"I want to tell you how many times, but I can't. I'm afraid your tears and my disappointment will ruin my future. I'm sorry! Don't expect you to forgive me. "

I called in sick. I didn't start going back to school until the end of the winter vacation the following year. Of course, I can't go to class. I was assigned to work in the school library.

I was heartbroken and suffered in pain for a long time. By the time I came out slowly, it had been two years. But every time I mention ginger fruit, my heart hurts.

"Primary school physical education teacher, Duan Xinquan, divorced for more than a year, and a daughter was taken away by her ex-wife. His parents' home is not local, and they need a home. "Teacher Liu of the library mentioned it several times.

"If you want to understand, go and meet Duan Xinquan and talk about it. You have to get married, "Miss Liu reminded me again. Teacher Liu's matchmaking introduced me to Duan Xinquan, who is thin and not tall.

Later, I thought he was easy to get along with and would hurt people. We got married after getting along for three months. It may be a little fast, but so what? You may delay, but time will not. I need a home. I am 30 years old.

The following year, 1990, our son was born and named Duan Xiaoyi. Our home is getting warmer and warmer, and sometimes it is sunny. Duan Xinquan is good at living and taking care of people.

I began to have a sense of happiness, but sometimes I still feel flustered and worried that I don't know which day my happiness will suddenly disappear.

I occasionally imagine, if Duan Xinquan leaves me one day, how should I deal with it? I have imagined many ways to get him to leave me, but none of them.