Sanmao｜6 years of engagement, 6 years of love, all turned into nothing in one day

01 The twists and turns of love

We have already talked about Sanmao’s overall outlook on life and previous experiences.

Now let’s take a look at the classical tragic philosophy about her being born toward death. What kind of magical flowers bloomed one after another in love?

The first thing everyone thinks of is the story about her and Jose, but before that, Sanmao's emotional experience was complicated and tortuous, which cannot be written in today's scripts.

Now let’s take a look at Sanmao’s first love, which was when he was in college.

She met an elementary school teacher who had been a soldier and had published two books. He was considered a great talent at the time - "Liang Guangming"

At that time, Liang Guangming was at Sanmao Institute. The school he went to was a few years older than Sanmao, and he was Sanmao's senior.

San Mao fell in love with this senior at that time, and followed him like a follower every day. When Senior Liang went to order noodles, she would also order the same bowl of noodles.

At first Liang Guangming thought that the elementary school girl was just a fanatical fan, but suddenly one day Sanmao appeared on the playground in the sunshine, wrote a string of phone numbers in his hand, turned around and ran away.

At that time, Senior Liang was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to react. Sanmao had already run home and waited for the call. Sure enough, the call came, and the two began a magical love. .

But I could guess the beginning, but not the end. At the beginning of the relationship, Sanmao’s parents were very happy, because wouldn’t it be great to divert their daughter’s attention?

But who would have thought that Sanmao would soon start forcing her to get married, demanding that the other party marry her immediately. However, they were still in college at this time, and it was too early to discuss marriage before graduation.

Therefore, this incident caused the two to have a big quarrel in the playground. Sanmao ran home and asked his parents to apply for a passport to study in Spain. If he did not get a passport, he would commit suicide.

Actually, Sanmao just wanted to test Liang Guangming. If the other party agreed to her, he would definitely tear up his passport and choose to get married.

But if this is true, it is destined that there will be no Sanmao later. In the end, Liang Guangming did not agree.

With the roar of the plane in 1967, Sanmao's youthful years ended and she began a new life - traveling across thousands of rivers and mountains.

02 The price a perfectionist needs to pay

From here, we can see that although Sanmao is a perfectionist and pursues perfection and extremeness, he has a precious A place that no one else has.

"Choose and bear the price"

She is willing to really pay the price for her choice.

This is also the reason why so many literary and artistic young people like Sanmao today, but they did not become Sanmao in the end.

Because we just want to be that Sanmao who has traveled thousands of miles and seen all kinds of things in the world, but we just don’t want to be that Sanmao who is truly willing to bear the price.

This is the real gap.

We now see that Spain is a developed capitalist country, where you can not only watch bullfights, but also the Spanish Primera Division.

But that time was 1967, which corresponds to the period of the Cultural Revolution in our mainland, and it was also the climax of the Cold War.

At that time, Spain was neither a NATO country nor a Warsaw Pact country, and it belonged to neither the capitalist camp nor the socialist camp.

It is equivalent to a single remaining fascist regime.

At that time, Taiwan was ruled by the Chiang family and his son. If Taiwanese compatriots studied abroad, they would basically choose to go to the United States or the United Kingdom. No one would choose to go to Spain.

Many people had even heard of Spain at that time.

Just like when our students go to study in Brazil or Mexico now, although they are developed, there is still something weird about them.

So when Sanmao chose to go to Spain, she was really blackmailing her boyfriend. Once the blackmail failed, she would choose to bear the price.

But the price was quite heavy, because after Sanmao went to Spain, he had almost no relatives and only one old friend of his father──Xu Yaoming.

Other than that, there is no one to rely on.

In the first few months before Sanmao arrived in Spain, he did nothing and spent most of his time on improving his Spanish.

At that time, Xu Yaobai arranged for Sanmao to go to a particularly good university called the University of Madrid.

In such a good school, studying Spanish corresponding to philosophy majors is more demanding.

If you study science and engineering, the language requirements are not high. You can know a few basic calculations and master some basic professional terms. This set of language can be used all over the world.

Philosophy is different. You can imagine the huge and complex vocabulary to master.

But Sanmao is so awesome. He really relied on his own efforts and did not fail the class or have any problems. Instead, he learned with ease.

03 Traveling through thousands of rivers and mountains

Next, Sanmao wanted to travel, but he had no money. At first, he could only play around Madrid, sit in a cafe and take a look. Street scenes, watching operas at the opera house, or going to an old church and listening to the old man playing the organ...

Later, in order to save money, I even gave up my dormitory and moved out by myself, drinking boiled water every day. Eating bread, sometimes carpooling with friends to stay in a small hotel.

She even went without eating or drinking for a day in order to save money for traveling. Once she really wanted to improve her life, but she didn’t want to tell her family and make things difficult for her family, so she found a department store to be a model. .

This was a part-time job that Sanmao later found in Germany. The other party wanted an Oriental model to sell Oriental perfume.

Sanmao had to memorize a long list and answer every question asked by customers. He worked in the department store for 10 days, more than ten hours a day, and his feet became swollen.

Spain was considered backward at the time, and its consumption level was not high. But Germany was different, and the pressure of life also increased.

Sanmao's monthly living expenses at that time were only 100 US dollars, and he paid 65 in rent, and relied on the remaining 35 to support his daily life.

During this period, Sanmao worked many jobs, including tour guide, model, and librarian, and tried every means to make money traveling in Europe.

She went to many places, including Rome, Amsterdam, Poland, the Czech Republic, and Denmark... She traveled through most of Europe in those few years.

Sanmao’s appearance and dressing style, child-like voice and rare oriental beauty made him very popular among boys studying in Spain and Europe at that time, including a rich second-generation Japanese doctor of chemistry.

It is said that the other party’s family owns the largest Japanese restaurant in Madrid. He especially likes Sanmao, but Sanmao rejected him.

Because Sanmao can't tolerate any dissatisfaction in her love, she doesn't want to marry into a rich family, because she can't be a canary because of her personality.

Next, Sanmao met a German boyfriend named Jorgen, and the two of them met to study at the Goethe Institute in Berlin. This was the time when Sanmao was working as a model in a department store.

This Jorgen is a relatively rigorous German, meticulous in everything, and belongs to a small wealthy family. The family plans to train him to become a diplomat in the future.

Because as a diplomat, my wife must behave a certain way in the future, this has become a canary for Sanmao.

Sanmao would not choose this kind of life, and the two finally let it go.

Then in 1971, Sanmao went to the United States alone and continued to live a wandering life in the United States. He lived in a small apartment and was taken care of by his brother's friend, a doctor of chemistry.

Later, under the care of Principal Zhang Jijun, Sanmao returned to Taiwan Cultural University as a teacher in the philosophy department. During this process, it turned out that the doctor of chemistry was still calling and wanted to be together, but Sanmao Never agreed.

On the contrary, during this period, there was a painter named Deng Bochuan who wanted to marry Sanmao. One day he knelt in front of Sanmao, holding a ring in one hand and flowers in the other.

Sanmao felt that he had met true love, so he agreed to her, but something dramatic happened. A woman came to the door.

She said that she was Deng Bochuan's wife, but after the incident was revealed, Deng Bochuan actually asked Sanmao's family for breakup fees. Therefore, she was a complete scumbag.

After this nightmare, Sanmao’s father took Sanmao to play tennis in order to relax her. The tennis ball missed the target and was picked up by a foreigner in his 40s for her.

This is a German teacher, and the two traveled around Taiwan together. A year later, the German teacher proposed to Sanmao, and Sanmao once again believed in love and agreed.

When choosing an auspicious day, no one expected that he suddenly suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and collapsed, with blood dripping from his mouth, mouth and ears.

The other party died in Sanmao's arms and on the way to the hospital.

This incident was a huge blow to Sanmao. After he couldn't bear it anymore, he took a lot of sleeping pills and prepared to commit suicide. He didn't even want to talk to anyone for a long time...

So, these stories look like scripts to us. Even if they were written into scripts, no one would believe them.

Because this is too exaggerated, but in fact it is true!

04 The final destination of love

Those who are familiar with Sanmao should also know that. Next is Jose. Just like some things are destined to be done well, these people in front of them are all Paving the way for "José".

When Sanmao was studying in Spain, he often visited Uncle Xu’s house. One day, Sanmao saw a handsome boy from his neighbor passing by.

After that, Sanmao often went to Uncle Xu’s house, and the two got to know each other over time.

The direct transliteration of Spanish is ─ Jose.

San Mao initially called it He Xi, but the boy couldn't write it, so he changed it to "José". He was 8 years younger than San Mao, and José was only in high school at that time. .

But the two fell in love at first sight, playing baseball and snowball fights, and went shopping at flea markets together when they had no money.

One day Jose said to Sanmao in the strong wind: My biggest wish in life is to have a small apartment with a wife like you living in it. I will make money to support you. Give me another 6 years. I will spend 4 years studying in college and serve in the military for another two years. We will get married after I finish my military service. Do you think that’s okay?

At that time, Sanmao was much older than him and felt that there would be no results, so he rejected Jose. In the past six years, Sanmao had experienced various changes in life, vicissitudes of life, and was lying in bed after swallowing sleeping pills.

Suddenly one day I received a letter from Jose.

Six years have passed, and there are still two years of military service to finish. Can you wait for me?

At this time, she suddenly remembered her six-year appointment, and her hope in life was rekindled, so she wrote a long letter to Jose in English, deciding not to wait and going to Spain to look for him again. own love.

That was in 1973, three years after Sanmao returned to Taiwan, he packed up his bags again, chose poetry and distance, and came to Spain.

This story is so romantic that it now sounds like a romantic love script. The treacherous thread 6 years ago spread thousands of miles, and finally came true 6 years later.

Sanmao returned to Spain and found a part-time job, writing articles for a magazine. It was a fixed income, and he was waiting for José while working.

One day Sanmao went to a nearby city to play. When he came back, a roommate told him that a boy had made more than a dozen phone calls. He was worried that something had happened, so he went to his friend's house.

After entering the room, she was suddenly blindfolded. A boy hugged her from behind and spun her around the room. This was Jose coming back.

13-year-old San Mao once predicted that she would marry a Spanish husband. Now, this sentence has been confirmed by herself.

Facts have proved that Jose is indeed a good husband. Not only did he fulfill his promise and bring Sanmao home, he also ran out to find a place to open a gallery on his own, hoping to make money. support a family.

One day Jose asked Sanmao: What are your plans for next year?

At that time, Sanmao was carrying bread for the sparrows in the square, so he casually said: I want to live in the desert for a while.

The two hit it off immediately and started a spontaneous trip.

José really went to Western Sahara to look for a place to live. Western Sahara was a Spanish colony at the time. The Spaniards did not need to apply for a passport if they wanted to go, so it was more convenient.

Hexi and Sanmao planned to get married in the desert. At this time, Sanmao's parents came in with a sum of money, saying it was dowry money. However, in order to fulfill his promise, Hexi did not let Sanmao spend a cent. .

And I found a job there, and when the arrangements were made, Sanmao followed.

They rented a three-bedroom house there, with only a large mattress and a table.

Sanmao himself said: We have no house, no car, no bed frame, no wardrobe, no gas, no furniture, no water and electricity, no food, no clothes, not even a bride. and a trousseau flower.

There was no dress for their wedding, and no relatives came to congratulate them. There was only a gift given to him by Jose, which was a complete camel skull.

It was a skull that Jose found after walking in the desert for a long time. It was the only unique wedding gift in the world.

In order to find this skull, Jose sunbathed himself into a completely different shape. His hands were rough, his skin was red and his lips were chapped.

Then the two settled down in Sahara, in addition to renovating their rough houses and adding various skylights.

Sanmao also fulfilled her childhood dream of becoming a waste picker. All the treasures she picked up outside were transformed into furniture by Hexi, and the tires picked up from the trash can were transformed into furniture. The sofa, the empty water bottle picked up, inserted into the thorns in the desert...

When José’s first month’s salary was paid, he found a colleague to cover the shift and used the extra half month. Went to rent a car and went deep into the desert for our honeymoon.

But when they returned, they found that their home had been robbed by their neighbors, and even the tent nails had been dug out.

Because their place was relatively backward, men at that time practiced polygamy, including the remnants of slavery.

There are only male doctors in the hospital, so women don’t go to the hospital when they are sick. Sanmao teaches them words, medicine, and mathematics.

The job Hexi looked for was a very hard job. I was working in a nearby mine. I was a diver responsible for the mining work. Apart from the danger, the biggest problem was that I had to work overtime at night and the distance was long. , can only come back once a week.

So Sanmao had no TV, newspapers, magazines, or even a radio at home. What would Sanmao do if he was alone at home?

She started writing again, and her first article was called "Hotel in the Desert" and was submitted to the supplement of the United Daily News. The supplement of the United Daily News was Qiong Yao's husband, Ping Xintao

< p> A few months later, Ping Xintao sent Sanmao a letter saying he had accepted the article.

This brought Sanmao Jose to the spotlight. From then on, people who didn’t know it became very interested in these two strange people living in the Sahara Desert. They sent various messages from all over the world. food clothes.

Some time later, Hexi took Sanmao to Andalusia for more than 20 days. The two planned to write a book about everything they saw.

This is the origin of "The Story of Shahara" and "The Crying Camel".

The two people made a decision during the process and planned to take a collection and photos. They tried their best to find a tripod and a telephoto lens, and Jose acted as the photographer to take pictures together.

The famous song "Olive Tree" was also composed during this trip to Andalusia.

Later, the Spanish Sahara became increasingly unsafe. At that time, the Spanish government wanted to abandon this colony. Then this colony was later divided between Morocco and Mauritania. Sanmao and The two people in Hexi moved to the Canary Islands and continued to live their wandering lives.

In the spring of 1976, "The Story of the Sahara" was published. This year, I was 33 years old.

Sanmao’s lifelong pursuit is to only regard this foreign country as his hometown and always be a stranger. In this way, he has experienced many things that his peers have never experienced.

We can imagine that after the publication of these two books, they became a huge success, and wandering instantly became a standard slogan for literary and artistic youths.

04 Six years of love turned into nothing in one day

Sanmao and Jose lived in the Gali Islands for three years.

Sanmao’s life is really like a script, with twists and turns happening again and again.

For a while, Jose gave Sanmao a watch, feeling it was unlucky. Later, when he met a witch and pulled off a piece of their hair, Sanmao had a premonition that something was wrong.

At that time, the two elders of the Chen family wanted to travel to Europe, and Sanmao went to Europe to accompany them.

During this period, Jose died accidentally while diving.

On the night of 6 years, 6 years of love turned into nothing.

Sanmao has not had a drop of water these days and nights, and has been thinking silently in his heart: Wait for me

In fact, he just wanted to commit suicide, and everyone tried to persuade him to no avail. In the end, Qiong Yao herself came on the scene to turn the situation around.

Although Qiong Yao is 5 years older than San Mao, she became famous earlier. When San Mao suffered from depression when she was young, apart from skating at home, she spent a lot of time waiting for Qiong Yao's magazine to be serialized.

What we have now - deep love and misty rain - at that time was called - misty rain.

Qiong Yao and his wife have been helping Sanmao. This time they personally chatted with Sanmao for 7 hours and made Sanmao swear that he would never commit suicide before leaving.

After that, Sanmao published many books, such as "How Many Flowers Fall in Dreams" to commemorate the time when her father and husband left.

Another time, I accepted a newspaper invitation from the United Nations, took a sum of money to travel to Latin America, and wrote a set of travel notes along the way. This is "Traveling Through Thousands of Rivers and Mountains"

A lot in a blink of an eye Years passed, and in 1990, Hong Kong director Yan Hao wanted to adapt "The Crying Camel" into a movie.

Sanmao did not agree, and Yan Hao did not give up. He invited Brigitte Lin and Qin Han to accompany him for a big meal. After Sanmao went out, he was hit by a car and lay in the hospital. He finally figured it out.

However, he did not decide to change Crying Camel, but wrote a script himself.

This is the famous "Red Dust"

This drama was a hit and all the participants won awards except Sanmao.

Sanmao ended his life with stockings in the toilet that day.

That was January 4, 1991, when I was 30 years old and 48 years old.

Regarding Sanmao’s suicide, many people have analyzed various reasons. Some people say it was because of various scandals, and some even said that the person Hexi did not exist at all and was conceived.

Some people also say that it is the world of mortals, but in the end no prize was awarded.

Sanmao is a perfectionist and cannot bear such failure.

Others said that it was a 6-year agreement, 6 years of married life, which added up to 12 years, so in the end they chose to live for 12 years after Jose died, and chose to leave the world when the time came.

But we have already talked about San Mao’s classical aesthetic philosophy and the philosophy of life towards death.

Sanmao can't find anything more perfect to do at the moment. After Jose's death, life is too boring. The person he loves has gone, and there are no more things to do in this life. After finishing it, I want to travel and travel around the world.

I have written all my rich stories.

Sanmao has experienced more than a person can in three lifetimes.

After everything was completed, only the last puzzle that Sanmao still cared about remained unsolved, which was how to face death.

Therefore, Sanmao chose to end his life.

"Choose and bear the price"

If you dare to bear this price, you will be worthy of such a life. In the art genre, there is a piece called aestheticism, and its representative figure is the famous Oscar Wilde.

What aestheticism pursues is ultimate perfection. The pursuit of perfection is its own meaning and does not require any interpretation.

Even if a moth flies into a flame, we must pursue the supreme beauty.

Sanmao used his own life to explain what a life of aestheticism can be like.

Such a life is worthy of our commemoration, because we ordinary people simply cannot do it. If we can do it, we will not be ordinary people.

(I recommend everyone to listen to Sanmao’s recording during his lifetime, it is very clear and sweet)

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