A high degree of sensitivity is a gift (eells Thornton)

Translator: Li

Press: Beijing United Press

I don't know if you have ever encountered such a situation. Walking, it is very uncomfortable to hear the sound of square dance speakers. Or look at each other and see each other sweep you, and you will feel that the other party looks down on you; Or as long as someone is angry, whether it is aimed at you or not, as long as you are watching, you will feel very uncomfortable, as if it is your fault that others are angry; And every time a large group of people get together, you can always push, but you can't. When I went, I began to think about how to leave early, but I was worried that my departure would disappoint others. ...

If you often encounter these situations, I believe you will often hear friends advise you: "Don't think too much!" " ""Why are you so sensitive? "Every time I hear this, you will feel guilty and blame yourself for being so sensitive. Why can't you let go and don't care so much? Thinking about it is even more uncomfortable and self-blaming. So you have found many ways to change yourself, but you can't change it all the time. You will still think too much unconsciously, or you will be sensitive. If this vicious circle continues, you will live more and more tired and miserable, and people around you may avoid you more and more, because they will think you are too blx to approach you.

Can highly sensitive people only live more and more tired, and can't live a relaxed and beautiful life?

No, even if you are highly sensitive, you can live well. Eells, the author of this book? Sander found a way to break the vicious circle of high sensitivity. She is a counselor and used to be a priest. At the same time, she is also a highly sensitive person. She used to suffer a lot from being highly sensitive, but now she doesn't think being highly sensitive is a defect. Because she found a good way to relax her highly sensitive self and make full use of her sensitive talent to perceive unique happiness. Her discovery brought good news to highly sensitive people. It can be said that this book is an antidote for highly sensitive people, specializing in "blx".

This book has been published in 18 countries and received a lot of praise. In Japan, it sold 30,000 copies in just three months. This also shows that there are many highly sensitive people. Indeed, the data shows that there are almost 6543.8+0.5 billion highly sensitive people in the world. So, if you find yourself moved, please don't be afraid, because you are not alone, the world and I love you!

Ok, let's get to know the essence of this book.

First of all, we should understand the characteristics of high sensitive person, because each of us is more or less sensitive, but many people don't know what a typical high sensitive person is like. Then let's talk about why highly sensitive people live so tired easily. Only by carefully understanding the causes of fatigue can we better find targeted methods. Finally, we will learn how to make the life of highly sensitive people easier and happier. I believe that after learning today's content, highly sensitive friends will be less anxious and more happy.

Before understanding the characteristics of Gao sensitive person, we need to know that high sensitivity is an innate temperament. Gao sensitive person has a developed nervous system and can perceive more information. In other words, highly sensitive people can easily perceive subtle things around them from a very young age, such as the sudden anxiety of their mothers, and highly sensitive children can easily perceive them.

Highly sensitive people can feel subtle changes. For example, ordinary people can feel that others have problems when their mood changes by 50%, and highly sensitive people can feel their own mood changes when their mood changes by 40% or even 20%.

Therefore, high sensitivity can't disappear completely after the acquired training, because it is based on the nervous system, just as our blood type is innate and your blood type is A, you can't change your blood type into B through the acquired training.

Since you can't change it, you must understand it. Only the more you know about it, can you know how to get along with it, how to avoid its shortcomings and give full play to its strengths.

What are the characteristics of highly sensitive people?

Why do highly sensitive people have particularly strong emotions? As mentioned above, Gao sensitive person's brain has a developed nervous system, so they can clearly perceive what is happening around them and feel the same way. Therefore, Gao sensitive person may be easily moved to tears when watching public service advertisements, and the degree of being scared when watching horror movies will be several times higher than that of ordinary people.

Then maybe you will wonder, are people with strong feelings really highly sensitive?

Not necessarily, some people with strong emotions can release their emotions well, that is, they can perceive others' emotions well and get out of them quickly. They are not influenced by other people's emotions, so they are naturally insensitive.

And highly sensitive people have strong family ties, but it is difficult to get out of other people's emotions. This can easily lead to many problems, such as being too fragile or always immersed in negative emotions. For example, after watching a tragic movie, they will fall into the painful mood brought by the movie for a long time. So people with strong feelings are not necessarily highly sensitive people, but highly sensitive people will have particularly strong feelings.

Of course, * * * strong feelings also bring benefits to highly sensitive people. As we all know, having good emotional power is the foundation of high emotional intelligence. Therefore, we will find that Gao sensitive person's natural high emotional ability can make them quite handy in taking care of others and get good comments from customers.

Such a natural * * * family advantage makes highly sensitive people suffer and taste the sweetness.

How strong is this sense of responsibility? Maybe strong enough to save the world! When you hear this, you will suddenly think of Superman. Yes, highly sensitive people are really similar to superman, so highly sensitive people can feel the anxiety and anxiety around them from a very young age, and even if they are very young, they will try their best to solve other people's troubles. When they see that their parents are unhappy, they will try to make their parents happy. When you see a friend sad, you will listen carefully and try to make your friend happy.

Maybe you will think, can such a strong sense of responsibility become the cause of family education? It is true that families can cultivate children's sense of responsibility, but the sense of responsibility of highly sensitive people has existed since childhood. Studies show that highly sensitive children are less likely to cheat others and break the rules at the age of four, even if no one is watching them.

Some people may think that being responsible and responsible is not good. Indeed, we need a responsible person in our life and work, because such a person is trustworthy, and he will feel at ease if you leave things to him.

But Gao sensitive person's problem is that there are too many people who want to do their duty, but their energy and ability are limited, which is equivalent to a superhuman sense of responsibility, but they don't have superhuman powers. Therefore, when a highly sensitive person is exhausted from taking on too much, he will be very inconsiderate of other people's feelings and will probably become difficult to get along with.

There is a sentence engraved on the temple of Apollo in Athens: Know yourself! This sentence was engraved more than two thousand years ago. The ancient Greeks believed that "only by knowing yourself can we have wisdom, be blessed and avoid disaster." Today, "knowing yourself" is still highly praised by many wise people, but only a few people are really trying to know themselves.

However, for such sensitive people as Gao, they have a strong motivation to know themselves. This natural motivation is a very valuable asset, because sensitive people can create all kinds of extraordinary works in different art schools.

At the same time, this motivation also drives highly sensitive people to like deep communication and hate shallow chat and communication. Because aimless chatting will soon consume Gao sensitive person's patience, and in-depth communication in small organizations and groups will not only consume Gao sensitive person's energy less, but also enrich their inner world.

However, Gao sensitive person should pay attention to the time when this motivation is stimulated, because in the middle of the night, in-depth communication or exploration of the inner world is likely to cause Gao sensitive person to stay up all night.

Well, let's review the three characteristics of Gao sensitive person, namely, high spirits, strong sense of responsibility, rich inner world and love to explore the spiritual world. In fact, these three qualities are only a part of high sensitive person. They also have some characteristics, such as being more cautious, more crisis-conscious, and so on. But because time is limited, I won't go into details here.

No matter what kind of trait, it will not be absolutely bad, nor will it be absolutely good. It has two aspects. As I said just now, we can see that there are some defects and some talents in the characteristics of high sensitivity, so sensitivity is actually a double-edged sword. If used well, it is a good weapon. If you don't use it well, you will hurt yourself. Therefore, I hope that highly sensitive friends can hear this and see the hidden talents in their own defects.

Make clear the three characteristics of Gao sensitive person, and then let's see what makes Gao sensitive person so easily tired.

First of all, a typical high sensitive person always sets high goals for himself. They have high expectations of themselves and like to pursue perfection. Because they can't stand the trouble or pain that their actions bring to others. So they always set high standards for themselves and pursue perfection. For example, you can't make mistakes under any circumstances, and you should always be considerate. But we all know that there is no perfect person in this world, but highly sensitive people require themselves to be a perfect person. This constant pursuit of perfection will be very tiring, just like Kuafu chasing the sun. Even if he doesn't die of thirst, he will be exhausted.

In reality, highly sensitive people always consider other people's feelings when they speak or do things, so careful management always makes them have a string in their minds, which is very tiring. This kind of fatigue is like letting your hand lift something every day and can't put it down. At this time, you will find that not only your hands are tired, but also your life is limited everywhere, and you can't do many things. Therefore, high expectations that cannot be achieved and perfection that cannot be pursued put highly sensitive people in trouble.

What is the second reason why highly sensitive people tend to live very tired? Is inferiority complex. The performance of inferiority may be that they always feel inferior, often feel insecure, always doubt whether they are good enough, and fear that others will not like them.

They are not necessarily insecure, because people with low self-esteem may also show confidence. They may work very hard and do well in a certain field, but this is actually a compensation strategy. In other words, the more highly sensitive people feel that they are not worthy of being loved, the harder they will work to do better and pursue high standards and perfection.

There are many reasons for sensitive person's low self-esteem. The first reason is that their behavior does not conform to social and cultural standards. Many highly sensitive people were often scolded by their parents when they were young. For example, a little noise makes you cry? You are so old, why do you always cry?

Indeed, highly sensitive children are difficult for parents to understand, because they don't know that highly sensitive children are like a magnifying glass, which magnifies all the information around them, such as sound, taste, expression, emotion and so on. Even a little change here may be magnified twice or more. So if you suddenly change a kind of milk powder to a highly sensitive baby, he will react immediately, may cry, and may directly refuse to drink milk.

Therefore, Gao, a sensitive person, has been a problem for his parents since he was very young, and they are likely to be scolded and blamed frequently. This time, highly sensitive people will quietly wronged themselves and please others. Plus highly sensitive people are good at finding problems on themselves and attacking themselves.

For example, if a new project doesn't go smoothly, it's easy for highly sensitive people to think whether they are doing badly, but it's hard to think that the smooth progress of a project will be affected by many factors.

Hearing this, I believe many friends will find that inferiority and high standards not only make Gao sensitive person live more and more tired, but also make Gao sensitive person fall into a vicious circle. The harder he tries to get love, please others and consider others, the more unloved and incomprehensible he feels.

Now that we have understood three characteristics of Gao sensitive person and two reasons why he is particularly tired, let's learn three ways to make Gao sensitive person live more relaxed and happy.

First of all, stop internal friction and learn to accept and love yourself.

The inner conflict of Gao sensitive person is like an internal war, which constantly consumes their inner energy. Stopping the civil war can make highly sensitive people release a lot of energy, and things will be much easier. How to stop internal friction? We need to know the reason of internal friction first. The biggest reason for the internal friction of highly sensitive people is that we don't accept ourselves, because we always feel that we are not good enough and we are different from others, so we often let ourselves live as others expect and please others.

It's like you are a cabbage, but you have to grow into a radish. You work hard and consume energy, but you still can't become a radish. You can imagine how painful you will be.

So, now, you tell yourself, just be yourself, and cabbage also has the value of cabbage. When you can accept yourself and love yourself, you will live more easily.

Accepting yourself and loving yourself sounds simple, but it's too difficult to do. Because habit is a powerful opponent, you have been used to living for others for twenty or thirty years, and it is not easy to change it at once. To change old habits, the best way is to form new habits, so that new habits are strong enough to abandon old habits.

Therefore, highly sensitive friends can learn to write to themselves from today. The content of the letter is full of love. For example, you can write: "honey, I know you work hard." Although the result is not ideal, you have done enough. I always knew you were cute. I think meeting you in this life is the greatest happiness. "

These words sound a bit like love letters, yes, this is actually writing a love letter to yourself. Let yourself feel an unconditional love in the form of a love letter. Keep writing, and slowly you can internalize the power of love. This force can promote the war of internal friction and make you live less tired.

But not being so tired is not enough. How can I be more relaxed and happy?

Don't worry, there are two other ways.

One is: learn to give up and live a correct life.

What is a breakup? This word usually means to throw away all unnecessary, inappropriate and uncomfortable things. And the departure of highly sensitive people like us is to reduce or even reject some content that makes us uncomfortable.

For example, not being a slave to mobile phones. In other words, Gao sensitive person can mute the phone properly or put it in another room. In this way, you can concentrate more on your work or study, and you don't have to be interrupted by the phone suddenly, let alone bother to answer the phone.

Highly sensitive people can make similar breakups many times in their lives. Such as controlling the intake of news information. In fact, wasting energy to understand what happens every day in the world is not good for anyone, and it is a burden for highly sensitive people.

Because the news media always like to report all kinds of contradictory negative information. Listening to such news too much, it is easy to form a wrong impression. For example, one celebrity after another cheats and divorces, which will make it easy for you not to believe in love and marriage.

In addition, highly sensitive people are born with a strong sense of * * *, so when they see disaster news and tragic pictures of others suffering, they will be very concerned and feel very sad, and many times they can only watch, which makes highly sensitive people even more uncomfortable.

Therefore, highly sensitive people can set themselves some time not to watch the news or brush their circle of friends. In this way, your sense of ease in life will increase significantly.

In addition, highly sensitive people can choose some methods to create space for themselves according to their own interests. Like mindfulness meditation. You can also do something beneficial to your health, such as swimming, running, massage, bathing and so on. These things can make sensitive people like Gao feel better and happier.

What's the last way to make life easier in high sensitive person? That is, gain the dominance of emotions and manipulate emotions. This is very important for highly sensitive people, because highly sensitive people are prone to anxiety and depression, just like some people are prone to catch a cold. This is not a natural part of sensitive person, but more of an environmental impact. If highly sensitive children don't get enough sense of security and support when they grow up, they are easily troubled by anxiety and depression.

If you happen to be a highly sensitive person and don't get enough security and support when growing up, you just suffer from anxiety and depression. Then I believe what I have to say next will be very helpful to you.

To gain the dominance of emotions and control them, you need to understand that thinking and emotions always appear together, and you can't control them directly. For example, when you are afraid, you can't control yourself and become happy. But you can influence your emotional experience to some extent with your thoughts. For example, my husband doesn't come home late and doesn't answer the phone. If you think: Is he fooling around with someone else? At this time, you will definitely be anxious to get angry; If you think that he said he would have a meeting with an American company last night, you will feel much better.

Therefore, your point of view and your cognition will have an impact on your mood. So, how can you influence your mood by changing your thinking?

When you have negative emotions, you can observe your thoughts. Then ask yourself, is this 100% correct? Will there be other possibilities? For example, if you meet a friend in the street, the other person doesn't say hello to you. If you immediately think, "Did I offend him or make him angry?" This idea is bound to make you feel unhappy. Now you immediately ask yourself, "Is this 100% correct? Will there be other possibilities? " By asking this question, I believe you will think that this friend is nearsighted and probably forgot to wear glasses today. Maybe he was in a hurry and didn't see you. After thinking like this, I believe you won't feel that you have done something wrong and you won't be so unhappy.

Maybe some highly sensitive people will say that his thoughts when he is depressed may have nothing to do with others, but with himself. For example, I always think, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this and that? " This kind of problem really makes Gao, a sensitive person, pay too much attention to his own shortcomings. Just like you always look at the acne on your face with a magnifying glass, you will think that this acne is a big problem. Actually, it would be better to change the way. For example, when you realize that you are paying attention to your own shortcomings again, you can ask yourself, "How can you change?" "How can I solve this problem?" "How can I be happier?" At this time, you will start thinking about solutions instead of obsessing about expansion.

Next time, when you fall into constant self-denial, you can stop and ask yourself, "What have I improved?" "How can I change?" This way of asking questions can make you pay attention to things that make you happy and make you a better person. So as to change one's mood and get out of the troubled mood.

Well, these are all ways to make highly sensitive people live more relaxed and happy. Let's briefly review three methods. The first is to stop internal friction and learn to accept and love yourself. You can try to write a love letter to yourself and give yourself unconditional love; Then we talked about breaking up, not being a slave to mobile phones, and controlling news intake to make ourselves more relaxed; Finally, we talked about gaining emotional dominance and controlling emotions. Remember how to control your emotions and change your thinking?

Now let's review the essence of this book.

If people often say that you think too much, blx, you will feel too sensitive and uneasy ... then this book can be said to be your antidote today ~

This book tells us three characteristics of a typical high sensitive person, namely, high emotion, strong sense of responsibility and rich inner world, and likes to explore the spiritual world.

Do you understand why highly sensitive people tend to live very tired? Because highly sensitive people have high standards, high expectations and the pursuit of perfection. Moreover, their self-esteem is still very low, and they often feel insecure. They always doubt whether they are good enough and are afraid that others will not like them.

Finally, we learned that highly sensitive people can live a more relaxed and happy life.

The first way is to stop internal friction, learn to accept yourself, love yourself and write a caring letter to yourself; Then I talked about the method of breaking up, not being a slave to mobile phones and controlling news intake; Finally, we talked about gaining emotional dominance and controlling emotions.