Why don't I like shooting people?

I watched a movie in the morning, and then I stopped by the bookstore. I accidentally saw a photo album in a bookstore, which was wrapped in plastic, so I couldn't see the content, but the cover photo was attractive enough. This is a photo album called "Ordinary People in China". The cover photo is a photo of some people with a sense of the times, including two adult men and a teenage boy. Three people looked at one direction with different expressions. Carefully taste the eyes of these people, I suddenly have an impulse to cry.

I like photography, and I learned some when I was very young. Of course, nowadays, there is only aesthetic ability and some confidence, and there is no skill at all.

All along, I only like taking pictures of scenery and things. Things here include animals, but I don't like taking pictures of people, especially selfies.

before, I never thought about why I don't like taking pictures of people. Self-portraits are easier to explain. I always think I look ordinary and not photogenic. But for others, except for my friends who need my help to take pictures, I seldom take the initiative to take pictures.

until I saw this photo, I seemed to suddenly understand: I dare not face the emotions in other people's eyes, even through the lens.

I remember seeing such a character in some TV dramas: he can hear other people's thoughts. So when he is in a crowd, thousands of voices will ring in his mind at the same time. This ability didn't make him feel great, but it made him suffer. To this end, he had to hide from people and avoid "sound sources." Until one day, he met another hero. He found that I couldn't hear this man's heart. So I pushed the story behind with this person.

I can't remember what drama and who this is, but this setting impressed me deeply.

when I saw the photo, I immediately thought of this setting and suddenly understood why I was impressed by it.

I have been a very sensitive child since I was a child. This sensitivity is innate, but it will not develop if it is not strengthened the day after tomorrow. But it happened that in the course of my life, whether coincidentally or intentionally, I strengthened this ability more and more. So, I became a master of "judging people".

this ability is extremely beneficial in the workplace. My post has to deal with all kinds of people frequently, and it is almost the hub of all departments. So, over time, even for people who meet for the first time, I can suddenly feel what kind of person they are. For people who often cooperate, plus contact at work, it is even more "like the palm of your hand." Thanks to this, I can easily judge which colleagues can have further contacts and which can stop at work.

However, when this ability is put into life, it does not always bring benefits. The difference between life and work is that as long as your ability is strong enough, you can choose your job and colleagues, thus creating an "ideal" working environment for yourself. In life, many people can't choose their own existence, such as parents, brothers and sisters and children. These people who can't choose often set the tone of life.

All happy families are the same, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. I can't say that my family is "unfortunate", but at least it has obvious problems. But I am sensitive in nature, and when I encounter these problems, a "chemical reaction" takes place.

when I was young, although I could feel these "problems", I was unable to solve them. For those indifferent adults, these may be avoided by "ignoring". But as a sensitive child, these "problems" make me feel pain. So, I grew up in the process of running in with these "problems".

fortunately, I have been away from family of origin for many years. I really don't seem to feel these "problems" because they are too far away from me. Being geographically far away is the simplest, rudest and most effective way to solve the problem.

But when I returned to my hometown again, these "problems" surfaced again. At this time, I no longer feel pain about these "problems". Years of experience and growth have made me see their reasons more clearly and thoroughly, and I can handle them with ease. Problems that can't be solved are gradually learned to let go.

the problem lies in the so-called "letting go", which is actually my powerless compromise and avoidance of reality. I deliberately avoid the joys and sorrows of my loved ones, especially the negative emotions. In this way, I will not feel pain. And this kind of avoidance actually appeared in my behavior pattern very early.

Therefore, in my photo album, I can see photos of my childhood and adolescence, and then there are almost none. In my photography, "people" also gradually disappeared after a certain stage.

Castle Peak, green water, vegetation and animals, which have no emotions, have become the main targets of my camera. They make me feel safe, comfortable and stress-free.

I began to understand that sensitivity is like a "weapon" I got. This kind of weapon may have some lethality, but for me, it has also caused some harm. Must we say whose fault this "injury" is? Nobody's. Do you want to blame genetics?

this is the most magical and helpless place in life. A lot of things, once you get to the bottom of it, you will always find that no one is wrong. Must be wrong, probably really "bad luck."