I just want to live seriously within my own narrow worldview.

How long has it been since you cried uncontrollably like this? In the wrong place, at the wrong time, in front of the wrong people.

Originally it was just a trivial matter, just a waste of extra money, but such a trivial matter triggered uncontrollable emotions and made me feel extremely sad.

I don’t care about the money, I just feel sorry for Lao Zhang’s hard work, and I just hate that in the past thirty years, I have only gained age, wrinkles and belly fat, but my economy, IQ, EQ, vision, and achievements have not. It doesn't grow at all.

Looking back on these years, I have been pursuing the life I want to live, but it is just an escape from busyness, competition and a job I don’t like.

At the beginning, I also made a solemn vow to work hard and strive upward to become the women I longed for. I would step on high heels, hold my head high, and shuttle through the busy flow of people in this city. I also look forward to having free time and money to go to the outside world. There are thousands of books to read and traveling thousands of miles is also on my dream list.

But the shortcomings of laziness and inability to persist have caused me to achieve nothing now. During the days when I was working, I spent my free time relaxing, binge-watching TV series and watching variety shows. I also thought about learning a skill that I could use, but as soon as I started, it ended hastily and I never picked it up again. I have been running for two years and even ran a half-marathon, and I vowed: I have no special skills, but I will be good at running. Now it seems that it is just a slap in the mouth. Fortunately, there is evidence on the clumsy writing, which reminds me to keep moving forward.

Looking through the daily life of college classmates, some show off their children, some show off their overtime work, but there is also one who has been working hard towards the life he wants since graduation. After working for a few years, she studied for an MBA. She worked hard at a foreign company and worked overtime, but she also used her leisure time to travel to distant places. Even if she didn't have a long time, she could go to a museum or watch a play. She used to have endless sleep at school, but now, she insists on getting up early every day, making her own breakfast, practicing yoga, reading every night, and refraining from late-night snacks. In her circle of friends, I saw the golden ginkgo trees everywhere in Tengchong, the magnificent Bayinbulak, and the filming location of romantic Korean dramas. In fact, a good life is never about living unscrupulously according to your own comfortable way, but about striving to pursue upwards with restraint and pursuit.

In the past two years, I have met many post-1990s medical students who are still studying for Ph.D.s. Wen can write academic papers, and Wu can accompany his tutor on the operating table as an assistant. They are all very skilled. You can teach people Japanese to earn some living expenses, you can open a photography studio, you can create and improve paintings, you can spend an afternoon and a night painting quietly, and you can also find time to learn electric guitar and practice calligraphy. They can be beautiful, fresh and cute, and they can also be ugly and funny from time to time. Some people use their vacations to go to the extremely cold places we long for and experience the glaciers and snowfields. Some people go to Japan to find their heart's desire. Some people break through the obstacles and get a full scholarship to study in the United States. They who pursue themselves bravely are truly extremely beautiful and enviable in the eyes of the world.

When chatting with my best friends, they all say that they should step out of their comfort zone, learn a skill, and work hard to start a business and make money to support their dreams. However, we are brainless and don’t even know our hobbies and how to get started. I don’t know. When learning a language, I’m afraid it will be too difficult to persevere. When I learn painting, I’m afraid it’s not easy to meditate. When starting a business, I don’t even have a good idea. The post-80s generation I belong to is not the beat generation. They just can’t find their own. generation.

We want to move forward and upward, but there is no way out. We are groping and sighing every day, but we can't even figure out a hobby. Looking at other people's entrepreneurial paths and their brains with fantastic ideas, I just can't hold back a single word.

I am almost thirty, and not being able to stand up at thirty is the biggest obstacle in my heart. I don’t want to have that uncontrollable self anymore, and I don’t want to live in such a bad way again and achieve nothing.

I searched for a long time and was confused for a long time. I asked people around me and found out that their goal was to become a rich useless person while working hard. But it’s precisely because we don’t have the conditions to be rich and useless that we are stuck all the time. Only pursue it if you don’t have it, in your own way or as a last resort.

It became clear a few days ago that I now want to be a rich man who can live as I please, and I can achieve this by doing what I like.

My favorite movie recently is "Little Forest". I like their enthusiasm and expectation for food. They live in the beautiful countryside all day long and immerse themselves in delicious food. What I want is to cherish life and be grateful for the ingredients. I like to spend every day in the kitchen washing hands and making soup for my family, creating delicious desserts, and earning my daily necessities. Every food is a gift from nature.

I also want to run with my dog ??in the park, have fun in the grassland, and paddle with the dog in the river. The yearning for the world is still unavoidable, but I understand better that this dream is based on a sufficient economic foundation. In order to leave better memories and photos, living with restraint is a must. Keep exercising, eat and sleep healthily, work hard to make money, and pay for your dreams.

I don’t care much about political affairs, I don’t care about right and wrong issues that are hot topics on the Internet, and I don’t care about celebrities’ family disputes. I just like to live seriously in my own narrow world view. It is never too late to dream of a pure life for yourself from now on, whether you are thirty or forty years old.

I also hope that you will all work hard to achieve what you want and become the version of yourself that shines in your heart.