The only children of our generation: dare not die, dare not be poor, dare not travel far...

A while ago, we had a night chat in the dormitory.

Qiqi said, I found that my mother was always afraid that I would commit suicide. As soon as there was news about "so-and-so committing suicide", she would immediately turn it to me and talk a lot about it. Take a look. This child is so irresponsible. He doesn't consider the feelings of his family at all. He is just a single person. If he is gone, what will his parents do?

If I don’t respond, they will ask to video chat with me: Qiqi, you can’t be like this. Mom and Dad only have you as the apple of their eye, and they will depend on you for the rest of their lives...

I know by heart what she taught me.

"Yes, yes, my mother is like this too. She is afraid that I will seek death. She tells me every time, don't be stressed, you can survive anyway, but if it doesn't work, your parents will support you for the rest of your life."

Thinking about it carefully, it seems that my mother has done the same thing. When I was in high school, she saw that I was so tired from studying. In order to relieve my stress, she always thought of ways to make me happy. How could I be in the mood to laugh? , so most of the time, I was irritated towards her. My mother always doubted me: Am I under too much pressure and am I autistic? Depressed?

People often tell me that so-and-so’s children did not go to college, but still had a good job; so-and-so’s children went to college, but did not study hard, and eventually dropped out of school.

Alas, the only children of our generation do not dare to die, do not dare to be poor, do not dare to travel far...

According to the 2016 National Plan based on the Sixth Census Data Fertility and reproductive health survey data are used as basic data to estimate the size of families with only children who have died. Since 2007, families with only children who have died have shown a rapid upward trend. It is expected that the number of parents with only children who have died will peak in 2038, and the country will reach 220 Thousands of people.

Mr. Mu Guangzong once said that one-child families are essentially risky families. As the family life cycle evolves, the various risks faced by one-child families will gradually emerge.

When risks strike, single-child families are more vulnerable than families with multiple children.

In the eyes of some people, an only child is a lucky person who is loved by thousands of people. Parents, grandparents, grandma and grandpa only have this one treasure. They hold it in their mouths for fear of melting and hold it in their hands for fear of falling. However, this kind of exclusive love is not only a wealth, but also a risk.

Young only-child families have a "positive triangle" relationship, with the father, mother, and only child each standing at one end to maintain the balance of the family. As the age of the parents increases, the only child enters middle age, and when the parents enter old age, the positive triangle structure turns into an "inverted triangle". The only child becomes the backbone of the family and begins to assume the responsibility of supporting their parents. This is the key to the family life cycle. normal state.

However, one-child families face serious risks of structural damage. Once the only child dies, the entire family structure will collapse instantly. As Yang Xiaosheng said, although in terms of mechanical principles, the geometric structure composed of three lines and three points is the most stable structure due to the mutual support of the three points, in real life, it is also the most fragile and unstable. Structure, because once one of them is lost, the stability of this structure no longer exists.

Relevant research data from the demography community shows that for every 1,000 babies born in my country, about 5.4% die before the age of 25, and 12.1% die before the age of 55. In other words, 17.5% of families There will be a risk of child death.

Being alone is an unbearable pain for every family. A 32-year-old friend said that my mother was hospitalized a while ago. Although my brother and I stayed in bed in the hospital in shifts every day, we still felt very tired every day. I am very worried when I think about my future. I only have one son. If I get sick in the future, how will he take care of me by himself? To be more pessimistic, if my child is gone, who will take care of me in the future?

The only child is afraid to die. Under the Weibo thread "Father who lost his only child is looking for his mobile phone", a netizen commented:

The older I get, the more I fear the unknown. Children who have lost their parents can grow up, but parents who have lost their children have a hard time. If one thing is missing, the whole family will fall apart.

This photo is the selected work of the 26th National Photography Art Exhibition - "Only Son".

In a hospital ward, there are two narrow beds. The father is on the left and the mother is on the right. The son is sitting in the middle, holding the bed with both hands. The three members of the family are staring at each other without verbal communication. It seems that It's so helpless and helpless.

The average age of first marriage for young people of working age in my country is 22.00 years old, and the average age of first childbearing is 23.42 years old. Since 1980, my country has implemented a nationwide "one child per couple" plan. Childbirth policy, therefore, when the first generation of only children enter the marriageable age, their parents are probably around 45 years old.

According to the unified identification standards of the United Nations, people over 65 years old in developed countries and over 60 years old in developing countries are called the elderly. With 60 years old as the starting age of the elderly population, it can be expected that the "four-year-old population" will grow around 2020. The pension conflicts among families with the "February 1st" structural family will erupt on a large scale.

There was a slogan: Thirty years ago: Family planning was good, and the government would provide for the elderly.

Twenty years ago: Family planning was good, and the government helped provide for the elderly. Ten years ago: We cannot rely on the government for our elderly care, and we need to add social security. In the one-child era, many families have to face the "inverted pyramid" pension dilemma. Young couples not only have to support both parents, but also have the task of raising 1-2 children.

Data from the Bureau of Statistics show that as of the end of 2016, my country's old-age pension ratio has reached 15%, the child dependency ratio has reached 22.9%, and the total dependency ratio has reached 37.9%. In the past five years, the total dependency ratio has increased year by year. rise.

?The sources of economic income for the elderly in their later years in my country are mainly concentrated in three pillars - support from children or relatives, the elderly's own labor income and retirement pensions. However, the labor income of the elderly is limited, and some elderly people have little or even no retirement pension. Our country's existing medical insurance and pension insurance are not perfect. Once the elderly fall ill, they still have to rely on their children.

In one program, Wu and his wife were a two-person family. The three elderly people all had incomes, but they were not high. Wu and his wife also work as temporary workers in private companies. Their monthly income is more than 4,000 yuan, which can meet their normal daily needs. But Wu's father-in-law is in poor health and is hospitalized twice a year on average, spending a lot of money on the hospital every year.

Although his father-in-law has medical insurance, it is still not enough, so Wu and his wife need to pay for his medical expenses. Wu often looks for part-time opportunities while completing his own job to earn more money to prepare for his father Necessary for medical treatment.

It is difficult to be an only child, and it is even more difficult for a family composed of two only children. In a family with multiple children, if the elderly person falls ill, the brothers and sisters can share the medical expenses together, but the only child can only go alone. Bear with it, they have to work harder to make money.

When people get older, they like to be lively and spend time with their families. Compared with families with multiple children, parents in only-child families have a stronger spiritual dependence on their children. Children are almost the only spiritual sustenance of parents. However, parents of only children have to face a longer empty nest period that will accompany them until the end of their lives.

A survey conducted by "Marriage and Family" magazine on related issues showed that 90% of parents with only children believe that "having only one child is detrimental to the parents' future life and retirement", and parents with only children are very worried After the only child left home for work or other reasons, there was no one to take care of him in his old age.

"When the child went to college, we were just two people at home, but we were still energetic and thought about returning after the child graduated. After graduation, we worried about when the child would get married. There is nothing to worry about. But after the children get married, we are left alone."

Empty-nest parents without children by their side not only have no spiritual comfort, but also live very inconveniently.

“When it snowed heavily the year before last, we didn’t dare to go out to buy groceries. He and I were a little stronger, so we tied a cloth strip on these shoes and ran out to buy groceries, and there were some As an older man, even if the weather is fine, he uses a cane. You say he can't live in a day like this, what should he do if his children are not around? "

They all say, son? Mothers who travel thousands of miles away are worried, but their children who are away from home are also always thinking about home and thinking about their parents. Many only children who work outside say: When their parents get older, they feel very special every time they see calls from their parents at abnormal times. I feel anxious, especially in the middle of the night, when I receive a call from my parents, my heart is in my throat.

Most people struggled to escape the protection of their parents when they were young, but when they grow up, they realize how luxurious it is to accompany their parents.

The only children of this generation are lucky. They have lived in the cradle of family protection since childhood and grew up in the honey pots of their parents and grandparents. But they are also unfortunate. They are forced to grow up by time and have wings. Before they were completely hardened, they had to take over the "baton" as the mainstay of the family. Their miserable life and unpredictable changes did not leave them enough time to prepare, so they came quietly...

They work harder than anyone else because they are more afraid of their parents losing themselves than losing their parents.