My photographer

2021165438+1On the night of October 28th, Lu, a famous photographer in Hangzhou, left a suicide note on Weibo and lost contact in Zhoushan, Zhejiang.

After the suicide note was issued, his friend called the police urgently. The police found a gray trench coat and a white mobile phone in the sea where he was last seen.

His body was found this morning, and it was indeed left behind.

In his suicide note, it can be said that it is a realistic version of "the short life of an unloved person."

His story is worth all parents to read and think about, how to be a qualified parent and what kind of children they want.

The footnote of tragedy begins at the age of 9.

At that time, he was still young. Because he couldn't finish his homework, his father immediately became extremely angry and fell on him with one foot.

Boys think naughty is what boys look like. If not, it is "girl", "bitch", "fake girl" and "bitch" ...

As a result, all kinds of ridicule and abuse came.

Even if you dress normally, just because you look like a girl, you will be isolated, abused, threatened, surrounded and forced to kneel by your classmates. ...

Compared with the bullying of classmates, what is more heartbreaking is the indifference of family members.

"In the face of the new environment and new groups, where should I put my anxiety? How can we integrate into a new group? Nobody cares. "

"My family always says that I don't like to talk and say hello, but no one has ever thought about why a person will become like this."

It has been said that if there is no sunshine and love, even plants will commit suicide, let alone people.

Looking back on the life of 25-year-old Lu Dawson, he experienced left-behind children in rural areas, being treated rudely, school bullying, and being neglected by his family. However, he would rather die than continue this life without love and belonging. Why is it so painful not to belong and not to love? Why do we care so much about whether others love us or not? Is it really more terrible than death to belong without love?

Psychologists' research shows that human beings have basic belonging needs, namely "affinity needs" or "relationship needs". We don't just want to be with others, we are more eager for others to like us. In other words, each of us wants to be loved and warm.

It has been reported that if we are lonely for a long time in life, this loneliness will lead to an increase in the incidence of depression, personality disorder, suicidal thoughts or suicidal behavior. Even studies have shown that the mortality rate of the elderly with the strongest loneliness is almost twice that of the elderly with the weakest loneliness.

In short, a sense of belonging has been proved to be a necessary condition for physical and mental health and happiness.

Just like in The Little Prince, the fox said to the little prince, "To me, you are just a little boy, just like thousands of other little boys. I don't need you, and you don't need me. To you, I am just a fox, no different from thousands of other foxes. But if you tame me, we will need each other. For me, you are unique in my world; I am the only one in your world. "

What is "domestication"? That is, loving each other selflessly.

This is the first step for us to build a sense of belonging.

2. affinity.

In other words, people try to be friendly, pleasant and amiable. Other things being equal, people with affinity are more valued and accepted than those without affinity.

Research shows that the primary factor that determines affinity is the similarity between you and your partner. The more similar people are to you, the more you like them. Such as looks, hobbies, personality, showing common topics (such as weather, movies, books) and so on.

(2) Generosity is a way to improve affinity. We all like people who lend a helping hand to others. In a study, people who often help their colleagues have higher social status and work efficiency than those who are not so generous. So, if you want your colleagues, teachers or classmates to like you, please lend your helping hand, and you may find that you can get what you give.

3. ability.

People with strong ability have higher relationship value. They are more likely to be invited to join someone's team, attract others and have suitors.

There is such a passage in My Dear Sweet Orange Tree:

"Portuguese boy!"

"Well ..."

"I can't live without you anymore, you know."

"Why?"

"Because you are the best person in the world. No one dares to bully me with you by my side. I feel like there is a' happy sun' in my heart. "