People with high emotional intelligence know how to "turn a corner" to talk to others. Let's share three chatting skills

When chatting with others, "conflict" is inevitable. How to handle these conversation conflicts is often a reflection of a person's emotional intelligence.

And when we encounter others who are making trouble unreasonably, using direct abuse and accusation may make the situation worse.

In order to ease the other party's emotions, sometimes using some pleasant words, a gentle and euphemistic tone, and an approachable attitude will be more effective in persuading the other party.

In other words, how do you express your opinions in a tactful way and at the same time make the other party understand what you mean? This is the so-called "high emotional intelligence chat skills".

After all, when dealing with others, we cannot speak in a straightforward manner all the time. After all, it is easy to offend others. "True temper" does not mean that you have to speak directly and straightforwardly, but that you are willing to use your original thoughts and attitudes to interact with others.

You can still express whatever opinions you want to express, but your way of expression needs to be "modified" in some way. This "modification" is a euphemism.

For example, there is this story:

There was an alcoholic father who liked to drink and got drunk at every turn, so he often missed important events because of his drunkenness. His wife tried to persuade him many times, but he couldn't listen.

One day, his son said to him: "Dad, I give you a compass!"

The father said: "Son, you keep it for fun, I don't need it. "

The child said: "But don't you always get lost when you go home after drinking? You used to lead me when I got lost when I went home, but now you have this compass. I can take you home!"

The child in the story, whether intentionally or unintentionally, tactfully criticized his father for "drinking is not good" in a very sincere and childlike way. I think if this father is a good father, he must be touched in his heart.

Therefore, only by learning such a tactful way of speaking can you be called a person with high emotional intelligence.

Euphemism is originally a rhetorical technique, also known as euphemism, concealment, quyu, etc.

When used in language communication, the so-called "speaking euphemistically" refers to saying things that are inconvenient or unnecessary to say directly in a tactful and implicit way, so as to achieve the effect of inspiring others to wake up to the truth.

Many times, due to factors such as the social situation, the speaker's identity, and even the other person's psychological state, we are unable to speak some communication words directly.

At this time, using a roundabout and euphemistic way to express can not only fit the current context, but also express your own meaning.

Euphemism is actually a "buffering method" for speaking. If you know how to speak in this way according to different situations, your "language quotient" will not be much worse.

But how to "modify" our words so that the expression can be called "euphemistic"?

Euphemistic words have two obvious characteristics:

1. Use euphemisms to modify sentences;

2. Use hints;

This is also a move to adjust the language.

To use euphemistic expressions, you must "consciously" mobilize your language thinking and adjust the language according to the current context. Here is a step:

Before you speak, you must first clarify the purpose of your speech. Whether it is to persuade, criticize, expose, encourage or laugh at the other party, these can be expressed tactfully.

After you have the purpose of speaking, you can use language that the other party can understand and understand according to the acceptance level of the recipient, and use modified expressions until the other party wakes up to the exact meaning of your language.

After having this basic concept, the next step is how to operate it.

The so-called "euphemism", as the name suggests, is to use certain wording to replace the original unpleasant or vulgar things with more appropriate, elegant and neutral expressions.

In "Semantics", the famous British linguist Chaferry N. Leech made the following analysis of euphemistic communication from the perspective of human emotional association:

Emotion Association is a particularly important word in its meaning, and is by no means limited to race and country. In personal life, things like death, disease, crime, and punishment inevitably create unpleasant associations. It is for these taboo topics that euphemism, the "disinfectant" in language, will inevitably have an impact.

It can be said that euphemism is to "soften" the words that you originally want to express, thereby making it easier for the words to enter the ears of others.

So how can we convert our original words into "euphemisms"? There are three methods:

Different words have different emotional colors; even when describing the same thing, there are words of different intensities for us to use.

When you talk about a certain thing, in order to make the words easier to be accepted by the audience, you can appropriately weaken the excitement of the words and reduce the intensity of the words.

For example, there is a little foreign humor:

A woman hurried into a store and said to the salesperson: "Five minutes ago, I asked my youngest son to buy a pound of jam. , Go back and weigh it, the weight is not enough, how to explain this?"

The salesperson politely replied: "Madam, maybe if you weigh your son, you will know the answer."

The salesperson did not directly explain that the woman's son had eaten the jam, but asked her to go back and weigh her son. It doesn't matter whether you actually say it or not, but this sentence is an implicit way to hint at this woman.

The key point of this method is not to directly establish conflict, but to use a "considerate" and "kind" attitude to express your feelings tactfully.

This requires the speaker to control his or her emotions, but also to know how to choose appropriate words and use words to give people a peaceful feeling, making it easier for the listener to accept.

When you can control your emotions, respect the other person's feelings, and be considerate of the other person's situation, it will become another way of speaking, rather than words decorated with hypocrisy. This is the difference between euphemism and lies.

Let’s look at another example.

When a tour guide from a travel agency took members of the tour group on a tour, there were several photography enthusiasts among the guests, who took endless pictures everywhere they went. The tour guide was not good at setting rigid time schedules for guests, so she said:

"Dear members, China is a vast country and there are many beautiful places. There is no need to spend all your time in the same place. . Walk more and visit other scenic spots, maybe you will find more beautiful scenery worth taking pictures!"

This tour guide said to some guests, "Let's take more pictures! "This is what I said. She did not use strong urging words and directly said "Stop filming, rush for time", but used a lower level of language to package her meaning.

After hearing what the tour guide said, everyone knew what to do.

In our daily lives, it is easy for us to encounter situations where others want something from us, but we are unwilling to meet their request but find it inconvenient to refuse it directly. At this time, polite refusal is often the best way to do so. Suitable.

For example, an acquaintance of Xiaoli’s sells a women’s fur coat to her. Xiaoli has no need to buy a coat, but due to human feelings, it is difficult to refuse directly, which makes people feel that she does not want to patronize her. In this case, Xiaoli said in a polite way:

"Thank you for your concern! To be honest, I also want to buy a fur coat, but my husband happened to be on a business trip a few days ago, so I agreed I want to buy a fur coat for me. If he really buys it for me, I won’t buy it again!”

Regardless of whether Xiaoli’s husband really does this, she is like this. The rejection made both parties step down. As long as you can seize the opportunity and make up a reasonable reason based on the current situation, you can tactfully refuse the other party.

Of course, you still need to give a little bit of your "acting skills" when applying it. Speaking in a serious tone will give people a real and credible feeling.

In order to enhance the semantic meaning or other purposes, the words are more subtle and tortuous. To a certain extent, this method is to use foil to "show out" the true inner words, so that the other party can understand the meaning.

For example, the familiar Warring States figure "Su Qin" has such a story.

During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the lobbyist Su Qin traveled around the countries and advocated resistance to Qin. He was promoted as the leader of the "United Vertical Alliance to Resist Qin" and wore the seal of the Six Kingdoms.

Some people were jealous of Su Qin's talents, so they slandered him in front of King Yan, saying that he had ulterior motives. King Yan believed the slander and alienated Su Qin. After Su Qin found out about this, he felt sorry for himself, so he defended himself to King Yan in a tactful way.

He said: "I have offended the king with my loyalty."

King Yan was surprised and asked why.

Su Qin said: "The king didn't know that my neighbor's wife was having an affair. She was afraid that her husband would find out, so she poisoned the wine. His little wife was ordered to offer wine, not only for fear of poisoning her husband, but also for fear of what he would do if he found out. After driving away the mistress, I pretended to accidentally break the wine glass, but I was beaten severely. I was in the same situation as the neighbor's little wife. I originally wanted to retrieve the ten cities for the Yan Kingdom, but because of my loyalty, I offended the king and aroused suspicion. ”

The King of Yan was moved by Su Qin’s euphemistic and sincere words, and trusted him again and entrusted him with important tasks.

Su Qin uses analogy to compare herself to the neighbor's little wife, implying that good intentions may not be rewarded well, instead of directly complaining and calling out injustice.

The expression of Quyu can not only enhance the semantic meaning and gain the trust of the other party, but can also be used to express sarcasm and ridicule. For example, there is this story:

British writers Bernard Shaw and Chase Lundon often had conflicts due to their different religious views and positions.

One day, Chase Lenton met Bernard Shaw on the road, and he sarcastically said to the scrawny Bernard Shaw: "You are really a disgrace to the British. When I saw your bones, I thought the British There's a famine going on!"

George Bernard Shaw looked at the fat Chess Lenton and replied calmly: "It doesn't matter, as long as foreigners see you, they will know the reason for the famine among the British people. ."

Bernard Shaw did not directly scold Chess Lenton, but took a roundabout way, imitating the other party's logical structure, and satirizing the other party in turn.

Since this answer was logically made according to the other party's logic, the other party was of course speechless.

It can be said that the key to using Quyu is not to state the original intention directly, but to tactfully highlight or imply it, so that the other party can understand the true meaning of the words.

This method often "stops at the point", but "the words are exhaustive and the meaning is endless." There are usually several ways of singing:

1. Analogy, using similar things to teach the other party to understand, like gold will shine, do you think you are gold?

2. Irony, use the opposite statement to awaken the other person's understanding. If this is a good movie, I will not be willing to watch it the whole time, and I will sleep with my eyes closed throughout the whole movie.

3. Exaggeration, exaggerating the characteristics of things to remind the other party, for example, I seldom eat salt on weekdays, and these dishes you cook can make up for it for me in one go!

4. Metaphor, change the body to other metaphors to remind the other party. If your trousers are not zipped up, it can be said that your "middle door is wide open."

Master these ways of singing and you will be able to express yourself freely at any time.

Taboo is taboo, decoration is beauty. The so-called taboo is to use beautiful words to replace taboo words.

For example, the word "death" has many "beautiful" words, such as "pass away", "pass away", "pass away", "pass away", "sleep", "die" Wait, you can even use expressions such as "stopped breathing" and "heart stopped beating".

In daily communication, according to the occasion and the person you are talking to, you can produce good communication effects by appropriately using some decorative words to replace those words with straightforward meanings and strong colors.

For example, a friend went shopping with his wife. The friend’s wife had short legs, but she bought a pair of jeans.

When trying them on in front of the mirror, my friend’s wife complained that the pants didn’t look good and asked to change to another pair of jeans. This friend did not directly tell his wife, "Your legs are short and are not suitable for wearing jeans." Instead, he said euphemistically: "So many clothing styles are designed for people of various body types. One style will definitely not fit everyone’s body shape. Some people may look better in jeans if they have long legs, but I think you would look better in slightly wider pants.”

This friend doesn’t know. He said it was because his wife had "short legs and doesn't look good in jeans." Instead, he said that everyone has their own characteristics, and different people will look better when they dress according to their own characteristics.

In his words, he never mentioned his wife's shortcomings and avoided saying words that would make her sad. This is the speaking skill of high emotional intelligence.

Regarding concealment, there is another story:

The license number of the taxi Xiao Wang drove was "16444", so others tried to persuade him: "Your vehicle license plate The number is 16444. It sounds like 'die on the road'. It's too unlucky. Let's try to take pictures differently."

But Xiao Wang was enjoying himself and retorted: "This number is very auspicious. It sounds like "多拉发发发", and you can make a fortune by attracting more customers, isn't it good? ”

From the perspective of natural numbers, this license plate is naturally not good, but from the perspective of musical notation, it is not good. The angle becomes an auspicious number.

This shows that knowing how to use concealment to speak is a positive thing for both people and oneself.

In daily communication, knowing how to politely reject other people's requests and implicitly express inner dissatisfaction and opinions is often a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

As long as you use euphemism appropriately when speaking, you can have the effect of "moistening things silently", making your opinions easier to be accepted by others, thereby avoiding conflicts.

This kind of conversational skills with high emotional intelligence will naturally make you a popular person in communication and a social winner.