Micro-lesson sharing: five dimensions+how to manage emotional explosion points

Good evening, five-dimensional family! My name is Yan, and I am a student of M26. I'm a counselor. Has been focusing on mental health counseling and training, mainly good at family counseling. Most of the visitors are about the relationship between husband and wife and parenting education.

Now the mood is a bit complicated, with expectation, happiness, anxiety and tension. Expectation and happiness thank the five dimensions for providing such a good platform for exercise and learning. Anxiety and tension are the first micro-lesson. So I am very grateful to my family for their encouragement and support. If you are quiet now and see the information in the group, please give me a little applause to encourage me. If you are still on the road or busy with other work, please leave your heart by my side, silently encourage me and give me strength. Thank you!

The topic I am sharing today is how to manage emotional "flashpoints". I will share it with you from three aspects. The first is the adverse reaction mode of emotions, the second is to explore the mystery of emotions, and the third is that my emotions are decided by myself.

1, emotional response mode

First of all, let's talk about emotional response patterns. I want to share and discuss the theory of three brains in Chen Xu's class, namely, instinctive brain, emotional brain and cerebral cortex. Instinctive brain is the oldest layer of brain, also called reptile brain. Its main function is to react quickly to ensure the safety of the body, but it sometimes makes mistakes and confuses imaginary threats with real dangers. Secondly, the emotional brain, mammals have emotional brains, which can move emotions such as love, anger and fear. Emotional brain and instinctive brain have a close history of cooperation and have developed to the point where they can cooperate closely. The third is the cerebral cortex, which is located on our forehead and is mainly responsible for the logical ability of cognitive thinking.

To make it easier for everyone to understand, let me give you an example. For example, when a hare finds a hunting dog pouncing on it, how does it usually react? Usually, students who attend classes now will be divided into three different answers. The fastest answer is: running. Such students usually react faster in daily life. The second answer is: fight. Isn't there a saying that rabbits bite when they are in a hurry? Such students are usually fat and dare to challenge authority with their lives. Then there is the third kind of students. Guess what they will say? Yes, some students must have thought of it and would say "play dead". You got it right.

Therefore, when animals are in danger, they usually have these three manifestations. This kind of reaction is what we call instinctive brain, also called crawling brain. They either run away, fight or play dead. When our reptile brain is too strong, we will react very impulsively, for example, when interviewing a murderer. ...

? And our emotional brain will cooperate well at this time. When encountering interpersonal conflicts, we will regard each other's stimulation as an imaginary danger. If the reaction is particularly fast, it will take the form of attack and quarrel with the other party, which is the most common in the relationship between husband and wife. Then the weak party will take the way of escape, which is more common especially in parent-child relationship. Children often play cat-and-cat games with us. Whether it is emotional relationship or parent-child relationship, it is common to pretend to be dead and numb. For example, a nagging wife or mother, husband and children usually adopt a numb and neglected attitude. You said yours, I didn't respond, ignoring your existence. In many cases I have counseled, the more the other person evades, the more numb he is, and the more he causes the other person's anger and accusation. We have also heard the topic of cold violence. We often hear my wife say in the consulting room that what I can't stand most is his indifference. I'd rather he quarreled with me, I'd feel more comfortable.

The function of cerebral cortex is reasonable. It can evaluate and judge the dangerous consequences caused by external stimuli through logical thinking ability, be aware of its own emotional state, and clearly feel what kind of emotion it belongs to at the moment, whether it is anger, fear or worry. After a series of processing and sequencing, it finally makes the most favorable action.

? If you can combine the three brains well, you must be a person with high emotional intelligence in your work and life. Because people with high instincts and emotional brains will exaggerate the danger and their emotions will easily get out of control. If the cerebral cortex (rational thinking) is too strong, which is what we often call a "science man", people will become extremely rational without emotion. Why are children taught by teachers, soldiers and doctors more prone to problems? Therefore, a person with high emotional intelligence, that is, an instinct (instinctive brain) that does not lose human nature, can live a free life, at the same time be able to perceive his true emotional state, make rational judgments and plan actions.

2. The mystery of emotion

At this point, it is estimated that some students will sigh and know how important consciousness is for emotional management. The three brains are so close, but so far away. If we could realize it, we wouldn't have so many tragedies in life, from life-threatening to family breakdown. So next I want to explore the mystery of emotions for everyone and deepen our understanding of the three brains. Emotions are actually very complicated, not single, and there may be many emotions at the same time, such as anger, fear, self-blame and guilt, which will all appear at the same time. But if we can only experience a single emotion, it is difficult to move towards awareness. Then let me give you another example. Let's experience it: the child is lost. ...

Let's analyze this case, which we often encounter in our lives. What was the father's mood when he found that the child could not be found? Are you worried, afraid, or even blaming yourself, but when you see your child, it immediately turns into anger. The child feels that what he receives is also his father's angry accusation and beating, and he can't feel his father's worry and love at all.

In this process, dad is basically under the control of instinctive brain and emotional brain. After learning that the child couldn't be found, he instinctively reacted and frantically looked around for the child. In the process of looking for the child, he felt scared and was very worried about the safety of the child. But he didn't use his rational brain to summarize the general situation of these emotional reactions. When he saw the child, he suddenly turned to his brain to make an attack and angry reaction, completely drowning the process of emotional perception. If dad starts the cerebral cortex when he sees the child, and he can feel his fear and worry about the child, he will hold the child in his arms and say, "Baby, you scared dad to death. Do you know how worried I am about you? It's great to find you now! " You can also express your anger when the child's emotions calm down. "Dad is very angry with your running around. I hope you should do something today ... "

? So there are different kinds of emotions. Judging from the case just now, emotions can be divided into two categories, one is surface emotions and the other is deep emotions. Surface emotions are the easiest to identify, and they are also stronger negative emotions that others can perceive, while deep emotions are generally imperceptible. The reason why others can't feel them is because we are too afraid to expose our vulnerability and hide our true emotions. Surface emotions are often socialized, such as crying and getting angry. The more children there are, the more naturally they will express their emotions. When we grow up, when we cry, especially when boys cry, adults will say: Are you a man? Is it shameful to lose it? Slowly, we dare not express our vulnerability.

Under all out-of-control emotions, there is a deep sense of helplessness and vulnerability; Under all negative emotions, there is an unmet need. When we can realize our inner helplessness and vulnerability and feel our immediate needs, the detonating line of your surface emotional explosion point will be extended and your emotional resilience will be stronger!

I am the master of my emotions.

Therefore, the way to deal with emotional violence is the combination of three brains, that is, sensibility and rationality, which can objectively and comprehensively perceive their own surface emotions and deep emotions and express them truthfully.

So finally, let's briefly summarize. Today we talked about three points. Firstly, the theory of three brains: instinctive brain, emotional brain and cerebral cortex; The second is the mystery of emotion, which is not single, but complex, mainly divided into surface emotion and deep emotion; The third way to deal with the emotional critical point is to make good use of the three brains to perceive and express their truest emotions.

Today's sharing is over. Thank you very much for your support, especially the contribution of my academic Committee and host Su! The five-dimensional concepts and tools are very easy to use and can put very complicated psychological theories into practice. I have been applying it since I came back, and the effect is really unexpected. I have the opportunity to look forward to sharing them with my family. I'm still on the way to learn and practice the five-dimensional start, and I will keep on and grow up with my family. I also wish all my family all the blessings, thank you, goodbye!