People change. How should they get better and better after marriage?

There are really too many problems in people's marriage now. Even if there is no divorce, there are too many affairs, quarrels and bad feelings ... sometimes I get scared when I see too many marriage problems. I wonder, is marriage really that fragile? Will marriage really change? Many people write to say that their other half has changed. I wonder, what is the probability that both parties will remain the same in marriage? Or is it human nature to change? Is it too difficult to be "unchanged" and against human nature?

But from my observation, it is really difficult to keep each other unchanged after marriage. Many people think that everything should not change after marriage, and that marriage is a kind of "destination". What people who enter marriage should be and should not be, this is morality and responsibility. When you make a wedding vow, you shouldn't leave, and you shouldn't change your heart through birth, illness and death, right?

I think this is an ideal state. Everyone wants to achieve it. They used to think they were. Those who once said never give up thought they could do it seriously. They didn't lie to you, and no one tried to lie to you from the beginning. He really loved you at first.

Marriage is not the end of a relationship, but the beginning of another real life.

I have observed that many marriages change because, apart from the fact that the original person is not in love and remains faithful to being himself after marriage, married people "change" because people will grow and mature with age, and of course they will change after marriage, whether in the workplace or in life. The relationship between husband and wife will also change, whether for better or worse. After so many years of marriage, it is impossible to be exactly the same as when you first got married.

But this "change" is not a change of heart, but a constant change of people. Of course, people can still maintain their feelings in the process of transformation and growth, but many times they can't. Why?

Because the steps of two people are different, the direction and speed of two people are different. If the "changes" of two people are inconsistent, emotional problems will arise. For example, some people's careers are getting better and better, and their horizons are getting wider and wider, but the other party has not kept up with his footsteps and has not understood what his transformation is, so they have become more and more people in different worlds and have nothing to say. At this time, if a person knows him better, there will be a crisis in feelings.

Some people keep learning and improving their minds, but the other person is unwilling to improve himself, resulting in two people not getting along and not knowing how to appreciate each other. Some people will try their best to keep themselves in the best condition, but some people will let themselves go backwards after marriage, whether externally or internally, and those who can't keep up with each other will be more painful.

Another situation is that after having children, many people only pay attention to the "parent-child relationship" and ignore the most important "husband-wife relationship", so the relationship between the two people has changed, and they are no longer intimate and no longer spend time managing their feelings.

Don't think that the old couple and their children are born, so why should they manage their feelings? No matter how old they are, they can still feel "love" to keep their marriage happy forever, instead of just using their children to maintain their "parent-child relationship".

I have read many books saying that after having children, husband and wife should not call each other "mom and dad" or "mom and dad", because this will become a parent-child relationship. A man wants a wife, not just a mother. This will confuse your relationship with him.

Your most important person should be your other half, not your children (of course, I believe it is difficult for mothers), because when your most important thing is your children, not your husband, your husband will feel left out. When you concentrate on your children, your husband may find other concerns, which will become a hidden crisis of marriage.

When you know that the other person will "change" after marriage, you should make your own efforts to "change" better, so that the two can keep pace and "change" better together. Women should never take care of themselves, give up dressing up and pay no attention to their appearance just because they think they are married. In fact, they really care. It's comforting to say that you don't care.

When two people get along, you should treat them the same or even better after marriage. Anyway, it's not because you're married that you ruined it.

Men, too, care for women in every way before marriage, but treat their wives as maids after marriage. How to persuade my wife not to be disappointed and want to change her mind?

Married life is too beautified, which makes others mistakenly think that "they have lived a happy life since then", but in fact, married life is not that simple, not to say that there is no problem after marriage. In fact, there are more problems after marriage!

Marriage is not a guarantee, but life will change at any time after marriage, and people will change at any time. If there is no problem after marriage, I am afraid that something will happen one day, and you don't know the reason.

In this day and age, don't feel "should" or "must" when getting married. If there is no good management and maintenance of emotional relationship, so that two people have been cultivating feelings after marriage, then even without external crisis intervention, there will be emotional problems between them. Unless you can accept that you respect each other as ice, or live your own lives, if you want to maintain a happy marriage, you must continue to work hard after marriage to maintain the temperature for each other's feelings.

If you never care about each other, it is selfish and unfair to ask them to maintain their feelings for you. Feelings are not one-way, but two-way. If you want to get something in return, you must pay first.

You want to have a long-term relationship, so you shouldn't blame the other person for not loving you. You should also review why you didn't know until the other person didn't love you. Or have you been living in a state of not wanting to know or understand?

I hope your relationship can get better in marriage, so we must work together on the road of "getting better" and be indispensable.

Keeping a marriage is like having a beautiful garden. You should be diligent in maintaining and irrigating your love, weeding regularly (if you are unhappy, solve it quickly), singing to beautiful flowers and caring about the growth and changes of everything.

I didn't slack off or take it for granted. Well-irrigated gardens will naturally be beautiful and moving, and the love gained through hard work will naturally return you more love and happiness.

(Excerpted from: Wedding Dress, Wedding Photography, Taipei Wedding Photography Information Network)

References:

1. The process model of customer participation driving customer loyalty: wedding photography consumption.

2. Zhuang Weiming 200 1 "Color Photography Art: Exploration from Tradition to Digitalization", Taipei: Lion Press.

3. Jiang Zairong 1998 Black and White Photography, Taipei: Lion Press.