A hilarious joke!

Q: What is the antonym of mobile phone?

A: Feet.

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Xiaoming's father has three sons. The first one is called heavy hair, the second one is called two hairs, and what's the third one?

It's called Sanmao. ..... because Xiao Ming is a woman.

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How many brothers does Aladdin have?

Three. Alajia, Alab, Alabing.

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Xiao Huamei said to his mother: Mom, I don't feel well today, and I don't want to go to school ... What does Mom say is wrong there?

Xiao Huamei said, I don't know why I always feel sour all over.

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A couple went to double suicide together, but their money was only enough to buy a bottle of pesticide, and the amount of this bottle of pesticide was only enough for one person to die, but in the end, both of them died. Why? Answer: They bought this bottle of pesticide, opened the bottle cap, and the bottle cap said: Another bottle. (hahaha ~)

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There is a Grenade. One day, after eating, it cleaned its teeth. Suddenly, it found a thorn between its teeth. It exploded with a hard pull. ...

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Q: Where do users like to turn off their phones?

Attendant: Ningbo

Q: Why?

Answer: "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off." ...

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Students from China had an accident on a foreign highway, and they fell off a cliff with their cars. When the traffic police arrived, they shouted down: Hello?

I'm fine, thank you.

Then the traffic police left and the overseas students died.

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A group of great scientists played hide-and-seek in heaven after their death. It's Einstein's turn to arrest people. He counted to 100 and opened his eyes. He saw everyone hiding, but Newton was still standing there.

Einstein walked over and said, "Newton, I got you."

Newton: "No, you didn't catch Newton."

Einstein: "You are not Newton. Who are you? "

Newton: "What do you see under my feet?"

Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a square floor tile one meter long and one meter wide, puzzled.

Newton: "This is a square meter under my feet, and I stand on it, which is Newton/square meter, so you don't catch Newton, you catch Pascal." (This is one spoonful more, hahahaha)

Hearing this, Pascal ran out with a square meter floor tile and said, "Newton is here, Newton is here."

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Use division to make sentences

Child: A train passes by, besides, besides.

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Tell you a funny story ~ ~ A chicken slipped down the hill. .......

This is an interesting story.

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There was a prince who was cursed and could only say one sentence a year, but he liked a princess very much, so you endured five years of silence. When you have saved enough, you come to the princess and say, "Please marry me!" "The princess said in surprise," what? "

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One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside.

Mother was very nervous and shouted outside the house, "Son ... what are you doing ... you are still on fire ..."

The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."

Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."

After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet.

Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out, it's on fire. Stay inside. "

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks ..."

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"I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?" "the sun." The patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see!"

On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you use carrots as fucking bait again, I'll kill you!

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One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

On the third day, the white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shouted angrily, "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The fourth day, the little white rabbit came to this shop again and asked timidly, "Boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said, "No."

The white rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to this shop and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

The next day, the little black rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss was very angry: "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said angrily, "No."

The little black rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

The boss got angry, grabbed the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth.

The fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely, "Boss, do you have carrot juice?"

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Giraffe said, "Little Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "

The rabbit looked at him blankly.

"Also, in summer, rabbits, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? "

The rabbit said slowly, "Have you ever vomited?"

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Tofu mother came to the kindergarten to pick up the children and chat with the teacher. The teacher asked:

"Mrs. Tofu, do you like hot pot?"

"I like it very much!"

"That's great! Actually ... when playing hide-and-seek in the afternoon, your child hid in the refrigerator. "

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According to legend,

There's a killer,

The heart is cold,

The sword is cold,

My hands are cold, too

therefore ...

He froze to death! ! !

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A polar bear stood alone on the ice in a daze.

Really bored, I started pulling my hair to play.

One ... two ... three ... the last one left,

He suddenly shouted ...

It's cold! ! ………………

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One day, there was a fudge walking in the street.

Walking, she suddenly said, "Oh, my legs are so soft!" "

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There is a lovely pony tied to a lovely pine tree, and the pony becomes a marathon. ....

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A butterfly broke its wing, but it flew away. Why?

………

………

Because it is very powerful.

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One day, an eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed. It wiped its nose and said angrily, it's taking a fucking photo again!

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Who is the most involved in fairy tales? A: Mermaid, because she won't cheat.

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Cars can fly. Guess a drink ...

Coffee.

Because ... (car) (flying).

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26 letters. How many letters are left after e and t are removed?

24

Wrong. Correct answer: 2 1, because ET took a UFO.

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Why can't you tell cold jokes at the seaside?

It will make the sea laugh (scream).

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Sichuanese should see a small animal before eating spicy food, and then they are not afraid of spicy food. What small animal is it?

cockroach

Because there is a lyric: "I am not afraid of spicy food when I see cockroaches ~".

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There is a pig. He walked and walked until he came to England. What has he become?

Pigs.

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A turtle walked through a pile of shit, but left only three footprints on it. Why?

There is a foot holding your nose.

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Jin Mu is a land of fire and water, whose legs are long?

Ham sausage.

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A B club owner saw a young man in the alley.

Ask him: What is one plus one?

The young man was afraid, thought for a long time and said, it's equal to two.

The boss of B club quickly took out his pistol and killed him. Leave a message when you leave: You know too much.

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Shit and urine are good brothers. One day, I was killed by a car when I took a shit crossing the road, so pee said, I really want to take a shit …

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There is a person who likes making phone calls very much. One day, he hung up.

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There is a hedgehog, rowing a rubber boat, rowing and drowning.

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Jin Yong 14 books can be connected into a poem: flying snow shoots the white deer in the sky, laughing at the book god Xia Yiyuan.

JK Rowling's seven books can also be one sentence: hahahahahahaha.

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There are two monsters, a red monster and a green monster. It takes 3 bullets to kill the red monster and 1 bullet to kill the green monster. Now that you have a pistol with only two bullets, how can you destroy two monsters?

A: First, kill the green monster with 1 bullet. The red monster turned blue with fear, and then killed it with the remaining 1 bullets.

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One day, Jesus had nothing to do, so he ran to the entrance of heaven and wandered around.

I saw an old man standing in line. He looked familiar, like his father Yue Se ~

But he was not sure, so Jesus decided to talk to him.

"Hello, old man, what's your name? 」

The old man said, "My name is Yue Se. 」

Jesus thinks, doesn't he? My father's name is also Yue Se ~

But I'm still not sure ~ ~ So Jesus asked again, "Sir, what did you do before you died?" ? 」

"I'm a carpenter." The old man replied.

Jesus was taken aback and thought what a coincidence ~ my father is also a carpenter.

Jesus continued to ask, "Excuse me, sir, has your son been crucified?" 」

The old man looked at him in surprise and said, "How do you know?"

Jesus was already in tears ~ ~ and knelt down and cried ~ ~ "Oh, Father ~ ~ Because I am your son! 」

The old man also began to shed tears, looked at Jesus and said:

.

.

.

"So it's you ... puppet ~ ~ ~"

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Two explorers met in the tropical jungle of central Africa. They talked to each other in front of the tent.

"I came here," said one. "I was born to like adventure. I'm tired of city life. Cars give off the stench of exhaust gas, and the mud on the road after melting snow is terrible. I like listening to birds sing. I like to stand where no one has been, man. How did you get here?

What about in the room? "

"I'm coming." Another person said, "It's because my son is practicing saxophone all day."

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A Scotsman went to London to visit an old friend if he wanted, but he forgot his address.

He sent a telegram to his brother: "Do you know Thomas' address? "Brother immediately back.

Telegraph: "Yes."

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A first-year medical student wants to read the Handbook of Practical Anatomy written by Kenningham. Books about head and neck were hard to buy at the moment, so he sent a telegram to his father who was a doctor.

"Send Keningham's head and neck quickly," he said.

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Wife: You care more about the game than about me and the children.

Dave: Who said that?

Wife: Don't you admit it? Let me ask you, when was our little treasure born?

Husband: On the day of the match between Liaoning team and Bayi team!

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One day, A picked a mirror and looked at it. People here are too familiar.

B said; Is it? Let me see (holding a mirror), me! You don't even know me?

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Tomato A and Tomato B go shopping.

B asks A: Where are we going?

A doesn't answer.

B asked again: where are we going?

A still doesn't answer.

B asked again.

Tomato a turns to tomato b and says, aren't we tomatoes? Why are we talking?

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A: "Do you know what I did in the Internet cafe last night?"

B: "What are you doing?"

A: "surfing the internet;

B: Hmm. . "

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Cao Chuanzhong

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

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Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out.

The administrator explained, someone once fed it peaches.

As a result, the peach pit could not be pulled out, and the monkey was scared. Now, it is necessary to measure it before eating.

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Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!" "

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert! 1"

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

Bai Yu said: My name is White.

Jade jade said, my name is jasper.

Redjade said, My name is Redjade.

Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first!

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Once upon a time, a steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt hungry, so it ate itself.